Would you forgive your partner for cheating on you?

@mimpi1911 (25454)
India
September 29, 2007 2:23am CST
Would you forgive and forget if you found out that your partner/ BF/ GF was having another relationship simultaneously? It might not be that strong as the one between you two but was definitely a serious one. He/she asks for forgiveness and is repentent from within. Would you forgive, forget and move on or would you forgive and be in the relationship? PS: Both love each other truly.
13 people like this
81 responses
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
29 Sep 07
by nature i would not. But i would sit with him and listen to what is his reasons for developing another relationship besides the one with me. I would definetly tell him that what he done, caused me to finish this relationship and that i can not trust him anymore. I do belief that when a person goes to the easy way instead of talking and trying to solve the problems, he will do it again.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
29 Sep 07
Yes Liran, once the trust is gone its very difficult to rebuild it. And when the trust and understanding is missing , alone love cannot revive things, can it?
2 people like this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
29 Sep 07
you know what, i think i will forgive him. when i think of it again, i can see that he has problems that he can not deal with and that is sad. I would not want to waste a whole lot of energy on it. I will forgive him, for not being able to find another honorable solution and giving down to his weakness. I would forgive and go on with my life. One thing is for sure he lost me.
2 people like this
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
29 Sep 07
Liran, The last post of you isreally touching and I think I might as well do that. But surely he has to lost me forever. Thanks dear.
2 people like this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
29 Sep 07
Pfft. No! No, no and NO! Oh she maybe sorry but she's not sorry for cheating. She's sorry because I caught her and her boy toy! Plus in one case she chose the boy toy as "the perfect guy". Clowns. Forgive? No. Forget? Hell no. Oh if she really loved me she wouldn't have cheated. But of course if a guy cheats he's a scumbag and she should never take him back, and never does. But if a girl cheats, its not her fault, its the guy's fault. Or, oh she's sorry, the sap should stay in the relationship. NO! What kind of twilight zone, backwards setup is that!? I'm not taking it, and no guy should have to either!
2 people like this
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
29 Sep 07
Cool down man! I can understand it's really difficult to keep our cool but I agree with you there completely. It's a big fat NO for me as well.. smiles for you.
2 people like this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
29 Sep 07
I don't want to cool down on this issue. Not only have I been through some stuff, many people close to me have been through garbage. And on the flipside I see others who think everything is a-okay perfect with relationships, dating, marriage. Well its not. This issue gets me fired up, and thats how I am on it. If you think I'm bad you should see others on this subject, far deeper with these convictions than I am.
2 people like this
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
29 Sep 07
Hi dear, You are not bad, you are a very emotional person like me. In the beggining I had an outburst like this and now with time I am more hurt from within. No amount of exuberance would make me happy. I am a sad, tattered, eternally destroyed soul. Dear, the ache will never go. It's so easy to do stuffs like that at the cost of our emotions. Honesty, trust, love, care have lost it's values. I am hurt. Pls, donot take this otherwise. I know how it feels and I am with you. smiles...
2 people like this
@aowaow (1517)
• Indonesia
29 Sep 07
"nobody's perfect" By forgiving it's tend to be the success in relationship even in a marriage life. Forgiveness is hard to build for sometimes, even harder if you are the person who had mis-proof blamed by others (You didn't do the blame stuff). I will stay in the relationship. I will forgive every thing I can until the last of the relationship. Even the worst. Yes, easy to said but hard to apply. But I had been there. In return, I found our partner is paying more respect to us and more love she can give to us. The more you can forgive her, the more she will give. But it's not the same, if the girl has no intention in love with you. It will only remark as a common friendship rather than love relationship itself.
2 people like this
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
29 Sep 07
Your response has left me spellbound. when most are 50 years away from forgiving, you are telling me to forgive!It's surprising but what followed next kind of opened my mind. The more you forgive the more she will give - that's what you said, right? Indeed it is. If the two love each other, due to momemtary aberration the love should not been ruled out. It's always lovely to forgive and carry on in a newer way. Thanks for enriching this discussion.
1 person likes this
• Argentina
8 Dec 07
I don't think you should or shouldn't forgive. It's entirely up to you. I can't. I could never trust again, and that hurts a lot, and in the end, you break up. So, if you're to forgive, find the strenght in your heart to do so. Not just the fear of loosing him, or starting over, or the fact that you love him and you can't imagine not being with him, because that alone won't work. =)
@talisman (1308)
• United States
29 Sep 07
I don't think I would ever forgive him and I definately wouldn't stay with him. My husband knows this and it goes both ways. If I were to cheat on him, he'd be gone, if he were to cheat on me, I'd be gone. However, neither of us have to worry about that ever happening. My husband and I are very honest with eachother and talk things out. Problems are always dealt with and we trust each with anything and everything. We also both truly love eachother. People that truly love eachother don't cheat on eachother. Cheating shows that you DON'T love the person you are with. So, if you're relating this to a personal situation you're in, the person who cheated does not love whoever they cheated on or with for that matter.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
29 Sep 07
True. Nothing like cheating on your love, rather I would call it no love at all. How can one do it when he/she is in true love! Everything is okay until you get caught and trust me, you never know what happens when. You gotta have a very strong personal integrity to be a transparent person. Thanks.
2 people like this
@wonderful1 (2076)
• China
29 Sep 07
i can't forgive him if he have another relationship simultaneously. love is pure. if i love someone, then i just want to stay with him forever. and i will think of him every second. how can i stay with a guy and think another one. so i can't forgive him. i will say goodbye to him, and lose connection with him forever.
2 people like this
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
29 Sep 07
Yes, I agree. Lying, cheating, infidelity can never be forgiven. Loving him/her is some other matter and one can be loved even when not being together. Thanks wonderful.
2 people like this
@williamjisir (22903)
• China
30 Sep 07
I don't know what I will think about it if I had such a partner who betrayed me. Anyway I don't think that we will have this kind of harsh thing happen between my partner and me. We are true to each other. hehe.
1 person likes this
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
3 Oct 07
God forbid, this happens to you. This will never happen to you william, taken the kind of human you and your wife are. I get that both of you are totally committed, so no chance. PS: How's your lovely wife and children?
1 person likes this
• China
3 Oct 07
My wife and my son are both fine. Thanks very much. The same to your family, friend.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
3 Oct 07
Thanks william.
• India
29 Sep 07
sUCH A DECISION WOULD DEPEND ON MY PARTNER'S ATTITUDE.ITS LIKE IF SHE HAS MADE A MISTAKE AND DICLOSES TO ME OPENLY WHAT HAS HAPPENED , I WOULD ACCEPT HER AND CONTINUE THE RELATIONSHIP STRONGER THAN EVER, BUT INCASE IF I FIND IT OUT AND SHE STILLE DNIES THE THING (IF ITS TRUE) THEN I WOULD ABORT THE RELATION THEN AND THERE BECAUSE I DONT THINK ITS WORTH LIVING WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESNT UNDERSTAND YOU
1 person likes this
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
29 Sep 07
Thanks Varun. I feel, once the trust is gone it's very difficult to carry on with the realtionship. But you are the best judge and only you can decide on the authenticity of your love.
1 person likes this
• Argentina
8 Dec 07
One night stand is a mistake, and you choose how to deal with it. A parallell relationship is not a mistake, is a total lack of respect for the person who loves you, and if you love him/her as well, you just don't do that. If things are not going well, then talk about it, or split and go find someone else. But cheating is not an option. =)
@cocoyip (86)
• China
8 Dec 07
forgive.move on.it should like this.
1 person likes this
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
11 Dec 07
I agree cocoyip.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Dec 07
no, i wouldn't forgive or forget. cheating is horrible when it's just a one night stand type of deal but if you're in another relationship all together as well as in a relationship with me, it's over. there's definitely no chance that i'd stay with him. no matter what he said or did it would be over for good.
1 person likes this
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
7 Dec 07
I agree totally. Once a cheater,always a cheater. Thanks.
1 person likes this
29 Sep 07
I'd like to think that If my partner cheated on me, i'b be able to walk away. Not always that easy though, my last partner cheated on me and i tried to forgive and forget, but i couldn't. everytime he went out i'd worry that it would happen again, after all if he didn't mean for it happen last time who's to say it wouldn't again. It took 4 years for me to say thats it i can't do this, but we have children together, not to be taken lightly.
1 person likes this
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
1 Oct 07
Hi Twilight, I know how difficult it is to overcome the fear of losing him/her after deciding to carry on with the realtionship. and moving on is not easy either, especially wen you had loved him so truly. You must be a brave woman to deal with it. The children are the worst sufferer. I wish you luck and may God give you all happiness you want in life. smiles...
1 person likes this
@ashtraay (46)
• Pakistan
29 Sep 07
If you feeeel that he/she is really ashamed of his other relation ship, you should forgive him....Because forgivness is a bette solution than any other for both of you
1 person likes this
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
29 Sep 07
Hello friend, You have a real big heart, I really appreciate. I wish , we all could be like that. Thanks.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Sep 07
I never been in this kind of situation. It depends on the severity of my love to him. If i truly loved him and i don't want to lose him, i will forgive him and gave him a chance, but if not, i will still forgive him but i will not let him come into my life again.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
29 Sep 07
That's quite understandable, grecy. I wish, no one goes through this ever. smiles..
1 person likes this
@hillock (749)
• Qatar
15 Nov 07
ill tell u story..my ex bf was having a relationship with his ex gf. and the girl got pregnant..i didnt know it until the baby was 8 mos old. when i found out i broke up with him. though we both know that we still love each other. we couldnt be together anymore. its like im ruining their chance of being a complete family! i really did forgive him eventually. And i did try to forget about him ang his unfaithfulness..im so happy to say that i did[actually it took me 3 yrs.hehehe] but now he was just a history. it depends on every situation... but i believe that everybody deserves a second chance[or for some instances more than twice.hehehe!]
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
19 Nov 07
Hi hillock, you are so brave and understanding. Its very difficult to let go and also to forgive the infidelity. Moving n the right choice and i think you done it with dignity. It did hurt I know but I am glad that you overcame it all. There's a silver lining behind every cloud. Smiles...
@hillock (749)
• Qatar
20 Nov 07
thank you very much. though being brave and understanding were so hard for me to do but thank God i did it with grace! LOL! And im so happy that i did what i should do. And forgiveness?!?! it takes some time. in God's will!
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
20 Nov 07
hillock, ppl like you have always inspired and you continue to make me think that world is not that bad after all! Thanks. Rated +
@shadowing (309)
• Malaysia
3 Oct 07
Hi mimpi. To me, I will never forgive, NEVER. Since she cheated for the first time, it's nothing surprise for her to cheat for second or third time. Don't risk the feeling into this kind of relationship, it's not worth.
@aowaow (1517)
• Indonesia
4 Oct 07
What if now you are the one who cheating, after a very long relationship. And she did just like what you said. No mercy at all. How your feeling about this?
• Malaysia
4 Oct 07
Hi. Well, first of all I don't think I will cheat on my lover. Haha. Sorry, I realyl don't know how to answer for this. I..never try before.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
8 Oct 07
Ynaks for response.
@balasri (26553)
• India
29 Sep 07
As I am a very normal human being I won't continue the relationship.It is very unlikely of me.I just can't stand the breach of trust.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
1 Oct 07
I really appreciate your thoughts, Balasri. Thanks.
@balasri (26553)
• India
1 Oct 07
Thanks for the appreciation and the good discussion too.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
1 Oct 07
Thank you bala.
@I_LUV_U (2519)
• India
12 Oct 07
That means, she herself did'nt realize her mistake and feeling repentent. It is more like, she's feeling ashamed of herself after being caught and hence asking for forgiveness and also seems to be repenting. It can even be a pretence to cheat furthermore. Its not very sanely to simply forgive, forget and live with someone who is *caught* cheating on. I would first like to know the reason behind this cheating. Whether - it is because she found something seriously wrong with my character, attitude, etc - OR - just because she found someone more attractive than me. If it's the former, eventhough i consider my character to be gentle and very good, i will do a self-analysis once and check how true her words are. To my astonishment - if her explanation was a gospel truth - i will sincerely apologise and forgive all her mistakes. If it's because of the latter reason, i will wish her all the best for her future and move on. P.S; I did'nt understand what your postscript means, "Both" as in, me and her??
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
17 Oct 07
Hi, Is there any justification for cheating the one you are in love with? I don't hink so, a cheating is a cheating and that's it. No amount of explanation can lessen it, isn't IT?
@I_LUV_U (2519)
• India
3 Nov 07
Agreed. What i was trying to say was, if both were guilty and have regretted their mistake truly, then they can forgive each other and start a new clean life together. Logically, it is'nt so much of a mental torture for a guilty person to stay with his/her guilty partner as it is when s/he is staying with an honest partner. But, if someone's cheating on his/her innocent spouse who is in no way responsible for this illicit affair, then yes, it is better for them to seperate. About the justification part, yes, i agree that cheating cannot be justified whatsoever. Infact, even in my above response also, i have'nt really said anywhere that cheating is justified. It was more of an emphasis on whether to live together or not.
@Philxav (733)
• Malaysia
9 Oct 07
well if ever this happen.. and my partner really ask for forgiveness and willing to repent and start it all over again.. i will buy her flowers and treat her.. i'll forgive her.. this is what i will do. We humans makes mistakes. Its ok for me.. if she made this mistakes and she realize its wrong and ask me for forgiveness.. i will forgive her and accept her.. i see nothing wrong here.. and i will do it because i love her so much...
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
12 Oct 07
Phixav, you are a forgiving, sweet kind - I really envy your GF.
@Philxav (733)
• Malaysia
17 Oct 07
Hye mimpi.. comon.. dont have to be like that.. we still can be friends if you like it. We human.. we do mistakes.. Ask for forgiveness sincerely.. and with GOD's help you'll get what you asked for. God Bless You Dear
@Margajoe (4720)
• Germany
6 Oct 07
You Love each other truly? Well that is your answer. I did something stupid recently. Did not have an affair, did not sleep with anyone. Just drank a couple of biers and ended up not knowing how I got home. Later i heard I had been crying and sitting on a guys lap! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Oh my God, that is impossible. But, yes we all make mistakes. I have not drank since. When you have problems and drink you have an even bigger problem. Problems can swim! But my man was very tolerant. He understood. He is now spending more time with me. And we are talking more and more. Doing more things together. He proved to me that he really does love me. And that has made our relationship even stronger. We overcome, we donĀ“t run away. So my friend, you both love each other. Talk and things can only get better. Good Luck.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
10 Oct 07
That was quite inspirational, Margajoe. I really appreciate your man and you as well. But then, it was momentary aberration and not planned. Yes, we all should overcome this in our own ways. Good luck!
@Margajoe (4720)
• Germany
12 Oct 07
Thank-you. Good Luck to you.
@maribea (2366)
• Italy
3 Oct 07
my dear friend, I don't think that you can be in two relationships at the same time and honestly say that you love both women or men ..when you love someone, you cannot think about anybody else..there is simply no space in your mind, no time, no desire, no need..your love is your sun and your night and it is enough..you are satisfied by him or her..So I don't think I could forget the fact that he lied to me all the time and that he ruined what we created that was a miracle...the miracle of nourishing love in a world where love has no place or no power..
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
6 Oct 07
That's wonderfully put, maribea. Your words are just so apt that i am groping for words now. I really appreciate and you can be sure that I do feel the same. smiles...
1 person likes this
@maribea (2366)
• Italy
6 Oct 07
i love writing to you mimpi and I thank you for making me express my feelings
• United States
1 Oct 07
No, I couldn't. Cheating, lying, infidelity and all those are reprehensible and completely unforgivable. End of story.
@aowaow (1517)
• Indonesia
4 Oct 07
wow. seems you are in big trauma of this.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
4 Oct 07
Hi gloomcookie, I really appreciate your thoughts. Have no words after what you have written prior to this post. Thanks.