Did i make the right choice?

@hahzen63 (157)
Philippines
September 30, 2007 6:29am CST
okay. so here goes. i really do not have anyone to tell this to, so before my head explodes from the headache its currently bearing allow me to share my thoughts, including what has been bothering me for quite some time. I'm no b#tc*, am not a user either, which is why I decided to just quit altogether before i got in too deep and hurt some serious feelings. Here's the story. I met someone. For the last two months, we have been hanging out, but I do not want to get involved in a commitment and so does he. He's a single dad but at around my age still. I mean, I thought it was clear at first that I just wanted it to be like that. The no strings attached friendship type only. I love being that way. I have too much on my mind to bother with a guy right now. But it turns out that he does not want to keep his word. He told me he loves me and that he wants to go to the next level. I am not afraid of relationships, but I am not just ready for another one. I told him, I'd rather be just friends. But no, he ain't considering it. He started getting physical awhile ago and called me names when I refused to yield to what he wants to do. I just could not stand being called something am not. I could not stand being forced into something I don't want either. He told me to stop being all theatrical and weird. I told him to shut up and get out of my room. Now, he's sending all sorts of apologies. I told him I wanted a friend and not a lover. He laughed, told me who am I kidding. I told him I did not want to go into a friendship wherein someone wants more, I don't want to find myself in a sticky situation later on wherein I could not find the nerve to get out. So there and there, I told him, I want to end our friendship. No one gets away calling me names. And no one could force me to do something I do not want to do. Am confused right now. I really don't know if I did the right thing. But with all my priorities, there is just no room for a relationship, I've made that clear from the start. Did I make the right choice?
4 people like this
15 responses
@vega83 (6346)
• Bahrain
30 Sep 07
Yeah, girl, you definitely made the right choice, you don't need to feel guilty or second guess yourself. The moment you said, that he got all physical and starting calling you names, that was it, it's easy to decide that you shouldn't be with someone like that, especially since you didn't wanna be in a relationship in the first place. If he can't understand that and if he resorts to calling you names, then he doesn't deserve you at all. Don't worry, you made the right decision for yourself, now all you have to do is be strong and not melt with all the apologies he is giving you, cuz it sounds to me that this guy might resort to abuse in future and you definitely don't want that to happen, now do you?
• Philippines
30 Sep 07
Absolutely agree. Getting physical so early in your relationship? That's a huge red flag. Hell, you weren't even in a relationship yet! And you seem hell bent on not being in a committed relationship, so of course you did the right thing by standing your ground.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
1 Oct 07
ya ok!
1 person likes this
@hahzen63 (157)
• Philippines
1 Oct 07
am in a new place right now and am on my own. I am glad to have heard comments from you guys...it really eases the load on my head and the confusion I am feeling. I know I have to be strong, probably the next time around I'd filter the people I get acquainted to well before getting all too close. It really sucks big time when you feel you've trusted someone and he blows it. thanks for the advice,.
2 people like this
@hailie17 (448)
30 Sep 07
I think you have made the right choice. No real friend would abuse you because you told them the truth. It sounds to me like he wants more than a friendship and he won't just settle for a platonic relationship. Well done for being strong, you don't need friends like that.
1 person likes this
@hahzen63 (157)
• Philippines
1 Oct 07
"No real friend would abuse you because you told them the truth", well said there hailie...and thanks for the advice. you guys have made me feel a whole lot better right now. thanks.
• United States
30 Sep 07
Yes dear you did make the right choice. You were clear with him when you too starting being friends and he fell in love. That's not an uncommon thing but you don't have those feelings for him in return. All you would be doing by being friends is torturing him and setting yourself up for another argument like this in the future. I know it sucks losing a good friend like that but it had to happen because neither of you would be able to be happy now. It would always be on your mind how he feels about you and vice versa. I'm sorry hun.
@hahzen63 (157)
• Philippines
1 Oct 07
my thanks to everyone on mylot who has sympathized and agreed on my decision. Am glad I made the right choice. And yes, I will stick by it. Thanks for the advice! tc
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Oct 07
You are most welcome :) Anytime you need me I'm here.
@vicki2876 (5640)
• Canada
1 Oct 07
You totally made the right choice. If a person loved you would they call you names. If a person loved you would they force themselves on you. If a person loved you would they get mad that your not ready. He doesn't love you, he just wants to get physical. You told the truth when you met him and it isn't your fault he is trying to break the rules. Get out while you can. You have only been together for a couple months, no kids, money, house, etc connected that would make you trapped into it. You got a big red flag, run!
@hahzen63 (157)
• Philippines
1 Oct 07
Am just lucky I saw that big red flag early on ms. vicky. and am lucky to have people who understand as well. Thanks.
• India
30 Sep 07
possibly the best thing possible has been done by you. he really was/is your friend. a friend is one who knows how to give without expevting any thing in return
@hahzen63 (157)
• Philippines
1 Oct 07
thanks for the advice. tc.
@vinzen (1022)
• India
30 Sep 07
Yes, i think you have made the right choice as you have done what your heart told you to do. And i think no one can force us to do things or enter into relationships that we are not comfortable in or with and its upto you entirely to decide as no one but you are facing the person and those circumstances too. You are the right person to judge facing the other person too and if being physical and wanting a relationships is all that is on his miond, then its never going to change no matter how much he may apologise too and incase you want no relationship etc, nothing more than a friendship then its the right thing you have done to break up and if you have not broken up, do so and move away, be free and feel free too. Am sure within no time both of you will realise that you were both not made for each others requirements and you willsurely find many others who would willingly be ready to remain as friends alone.
@hahzen63 (157)
• Philippines
1 Oct 07
thanks. i guess we really are not meant even to be just friends.
• Philippines
30 Sep 07
obviously,you're not attracted to that guy because you dint have a hard time ditching him.but it's good because he sounds dangerous enough to me.i guess you are too sweet a friend that's why the guy fell for you.just take care next time because not all guys are easy to get rid off just like my husband=)
@hahzen63 (157)
• Philippines
1 Oct 07
you got rid of your husband?
@lols189 (4797)
19 Oct 07
yes i agree that you have made the right choice as if your not interested in a relationship now then why bother entering into one. i hope everything goes well for you
• Australia
2 Oct 07
you made the best response, im a man and believe me he would have gotten worse and more physical. good on you for having the courage and the judgement to call it off.
@weehihi (132)
• Philippines
1 Oct 07
yes dear, you've made the right choice...even if you loved him, it's not right to be abused..even if he says he loves you, nver get into that trap..if he does, then why is he abusing you..he should understand you and what you're feeling about the relationship..what you really did is right to the core..way to go...
@clocks123 (1228)
• United States
1 Oct 07
yes, i believe you made the right choice you told him how you felt he didn't go for it that way. i think you may feel hurt because you wanted him as a friend and no longer are, but i want to assure you i believe you made the right choice don't let anyone pressure you or make you do something you don't want to do no matter what. i applaud you
@cherry2 (43)
• United States
1 Oct 07
Get out and stay out. You made the right decision. This guy is possessive and may have a track record also.
• United States
30 Sep 07
You totally made the right choice. I am proud that you did that, most girls these days would stick around to watch the relationship turn to abuse....... I am glad you that you told him its over now you just have to stick with that decision.
30 Sep 07
sounds to me that not onldy did you make the right choice, you made the only choice. You made it clear from the start, you put him straight when he expected more. You don't want a man in your life right now and certainly not one who hurls abuse at you cos it's not going his way!! looks like you got out just in time, what if you'd fallen for him before you saw this petty spiteful streak in him.
@diillu (5128)
30 Sep 07
You did make the right choice and beside that you have always been clear about your feeling from the first. And you have even told him. So, there's no point that he forces you and tells you to do things that you don't want to. So, I think you have done the right thing. When boys don't want a relationship and no commitment it's ok for them but if girls doesn't want then it is problem for them. I think you have made the right choice.