The final resting place for my twin nephews

@Katlady2 (9925)
United States
September 30, 2007 9:21pm CST
As some of you know, my sister in law suffered the loss of her twin sons last week. They didn't even get to enjoy a moment on this earth. Instead, they were stillborn due to what I believe to be the fault of the medical staff at the hospital where this all happened. Anyway, my sister in law, her fiance, and my mother in law went to the local cemetery to speak to one of the managers there about burying the twins in the same plot as their uncle, who had died at the age of three, about 37 years ago. The manager said that since the grave is filled with cement (a "block" of sorts), and the one coffin in it is so small, there should be room to place the twins coffins next to it, and there wouldn't be any worry about violating health codes or anything like that. But if they don't fit, there is another plot a couple of spaces down that they can be placed in. At any rate, they will be buried in the same area as the rest of the family. The graveside memorial service will be on Thursday at 2pm. I think it's going to be a very rough, painful day for everyone. But I also think that it will be the beginning of the healing for all of us. Thank you all for all of your love, kindness and support through all of this. I love you all very very much. I wouldn't be able to make it through things like this if it wasn't for all of you. HUGS!
15 people like this
21 responses
• United States
1 Oct 07
I just wanted to say that it takes time to overcome such tragedies and obstacles... i am truley deeply sorry for your loss... My condelences to all you.. Keep your chin up...
6 people like this
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
1 Oct 07
Thank you so much hon. I'm doing my best, as is my family. I appreciate your kindness.
5 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
1 Oct 07
I've had you and your sister in law and fiance on my mind all this time and am at a loss to what to really say other than I'm so sorry. For some reason it wasn't meant to be for these blessed babies to be here with you all. God wanted them to come back with him and he called them home. I'm truely sorry for all of you! Consider yourself and everyone else ((((HUGGED!!))))
5 people like this
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
1 Oct 07
Thank you for the hugs hon. I'm thinking that God took them because he didn't want them to suffer because of the carelessness of the staff....but that's just my opinion. At any rate, they are safe and sound now. Thanks again hon.
5 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
1 Oct 07
You may be right and that's a good way to think of it. Yes they are safe and sound now. Bless their hearts.
5 people like this
• United States
1 Oct 07
Oh, I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish I knew what else to say. I hope that things work out and your sister in law can get through this. God bless you and your family. (hugs) Shannon
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
1 Oct 07
Hi hon. It's getting a little easier. It's just going to take lots of time and prayer. Hugs to you too hon.
3 people like this
@matlgal (1687)
• United States
1 Oct 07
Awww sweetie that must be so hard for you to get through this! They say everything happens for a reasons but it's times like this that surely test your faith and the reasons!. I offer my sincere condolences and I will pray that each day it gets a little easier for you and your loved ones. hang tough girl and be the strength your family needs. Love ya ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) J
5 people like this
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
1 Oct 07
Thanks for the hugs hon. Need them badly tonight. I think that once we all get past the memorial service, it will get easier. Love ya too hon.
4 people like this
@AmbiePam (45713)
• United States
1 Oct 07
I can't imagine how hard this is for everyone, especially the parents of the two little boys. There can't be anything really comforting anyone can say, can there? Knowing there can be other babies, in no way takes the place of the pain for losing these two. I just hope that them being buried near the family, brings a kind of peace to them. Knowing that symbolically, they are in good hands.
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
1 Oct 07
I think that's why they are placing them near family. For the comfort and peace. Thanks so much hon.
5 people like this
@alamode (3073)
• United States
1 Oct 07
My heart will be with you on Thursday... its a hard but necessary thing, and it feels like yesterday when I did this for my Pop and for my brother. Its nice that they are trying to get them all together, usually the cemetary's are pushing for a new sale in times of grief. I won't get started on that... I'm thinking about you and your family all the time, and sending my hopes that you will all be able to recover and be well.
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
1 Oct 07
I have to say that one thing about this particular cemetery is that it is very family oriented, and in this town, everyone knows everyone else, and we all go out of our way to help each other. I think that the manager trying to keep the family in one spot is his way of helping. I'm very grateful to them for that. Thanks so much my friend.
4 people like this
@alamode (3073)
• United States
1 Oct 07
Thats wonderful. I was concerned about any more strain in an already overwhelming situation. You're doing a great job of keeping it together, my friend!
3 people like this
@3lilangels (4639)
• United States
1 Oct 07
well my friend thanks again for keeping us posted,it is good that they will be buried by family,but its gonna take a long time to recover from this but like i said before i will continue praying for you and your family and just keep your head up high and take one day at a time is all you can do,but with gods strength and all the love of family everyone will be ok,my prayers will be with you and all.pattie
4 people like this
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
2 Oct 07
Thank you Pattie. You're right...it's going to take a long time. But it's easier, not only for me but for my sis as well, with all of the love and caring that we're both receiving. Big hugs to you hon.
2 people like this
1 Oct 07
My thoughts are with you at this time hun, and I hope that you will all find the healing you need.
4 people like this
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
2 Oct 07
Thank you so much my friend. I appreciate it.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Oct 07
Thanks for keeping us posted. I'm not sure that I responded to your original thread conerning this sad event. So I to offer my condolencence to your family. Did your SIL & her fiance name the babies
4 people like this
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
1 Oct 07
Thank you so much hon. Yes, the twins did have names. The larger of the boys was Hayden William, and the smaller one was Spencer Allan. The names were all from different family members. I thought it was so neat that they were named that way.
3 people like this
@theprogamer (10543)
• United States
1 Oct 07
I hereby call a moment of silence for 2pm. Please take a moment to think of Katlady, her family and the lost nephews. If you wish, please think of Katlady and other people in need of your thoughts and prayers. Thank you. I can think of nothing else to say, but I will continue to support you Kat and whoever else needs it.
4 people like this
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
1 Oct 07
Awwwww....thanks Pro. You brought a tear to my eye. But don't worry....it's a good tear. You're a very good friend hon, and I thank you for that.
3 people like this
@pyewacket (43962)
• United States
1 Oct 07
Thank you Katlady for keeping us posted --I guess there is at least some comfort to know that those little souls will be buried with the rest of the family, and yes, it will be a rough time for all of you next Thursday, but you're right, a time of healing will come eventually but it does take time. My thoughts and prayers still go out to your sister-in-law her fiance, the family and of course you. (((hugs)))
4 people like this
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
1 Oct 07
Thanks my dear friend.
3 people like this
@moxalot (100)
• United States
1 Oct 07
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister-in-laws twins... Best Wishes
3 people like this
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
2 Oct 07
Thank you so much moxalot. I appreciate it.
2 people like this
@2btrueinu (705)
• Philippines
2 Oct 07
Sweetie I know how hard is it for you right now. Let the time heal it for all of you speacially to the parents. It's very hard to accept but you have to let it go for all of you to face what is instore for you they are angels now for sure and very happy.... to be with our creator
2 people like this
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
2 Oct 07
Thank you so much hon. I'm positive that the boys are very happy where they are at now. Hugs!
@skydancer (1716)
• United States
2 Oct 07
Even though we've never spoken, I just wanted to offer my condolences. I am so very sorry, and sympathize as I have a brother who was lost through the same way (stillbirth). In spite of this experience, my parents still remain the closest, happiest, most loving couple I know, so there IS hope for you and your family that farther than you can see at this moment, there is comfort and faith. Until then, may your love for your twin nephews make you stronger, and may God bless you and comfort you during this difficult time.
2 people like this
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
2 Oct 07
Thank you so much skydancer. Your words are a big comfort to me, and hopefully they will give my sis and her fiance hope as well. God Bless you too my friend.
1 person likes this
@Dee351972 (743)
4 Oct 07
thanks for the update. I am gald they will be near family. When we buried my daugher we made she she was right next to my mother. THis in a way helps me, i will tell mom please take care of my keri for me. Every little thing helps. Tell them that it dont really get easier as it just get to be your life. If you know what i mean. YOU just have to live with it and take things day by day. Again i am here foryou and them,for i beenthere. It helps to have people know what u are going through
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
4 Oct 07
Thank you so much Dee. I think it's going to take them a long time to work through their pain. But they have a very strong relationship, and I think my sis and her fiance will pull through. Big hugs to you hon.
1 person likes this
5 Oct 07
yes it will take time. they will never get over it. Just to learn to deal with it. Most importan thing is for both of them to stick togher. In this sad time it can either break a couple up or bring them closer togher. My husband and i got closer and talk though our feelings togher. But we hae a friend that lost 2 babies years apart with differnt husbands and both of them failed. So justtell them to keep talking with eachother and holding eachother. Those to are the olny ones that now excatly what the other is going through. But they still both may deal with it differntly. Me i like to talkabout what happend and stuff and my husband not so much.
1 person likes this
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
7 Oct 07
They seem to have a very strong bond, and to me it looks like they communicate really well too. And my niece told me that the fiance is the best thing that ever happened to her mom. So I'm hoping that all of those factors remain in play and it keeps their relationship strong through all of this.
1 person likes this
• India
6 Oct 07
my deepest concolences to you and your family, especially the parents. No one else but the parents really feel the loss of children. I have recently lost my 5 month baby to brain cancer. I know how it is and i just cant stop thining about her. I miss her and love her a lot. Please be brave and accept the fact and there is nothing we can do over God's will. I know its too difficult and the why me question is there. Please take care and we are all here to pray for you. Take care.
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
7 Oct 07
Oh hon, I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, the why me questions are there for my sis, and the it's not fair statement is heard quite a bit right now. And it's really not fair, all things considered in the situation. But they are managing to pull through it. Thank you so much hon.
1 person likes this
9 Oct 07
Ragini155, i am sorry for your loss also. I lost a daughter myself. I belive we parents need to stick togher.Hang in there
• Australia
11 Oct 07
Hi, I only read about yours and your families loss this morning,(been too caught up in my own grief),but I was horrified at what you wrote. Being a nurse myself I feel an investigation is definitly warrented.Hospitals get away with too much and need to be taken to task. My thoughts are with you on thursday along with everyone elses. I know though thay as they have you as a family member you will help make the day as easy as possible for your family because thgat's the type of person you are. LOTS OF HUGS
1 person likes this
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
11 Oct 07
This hospital seems to be getting away with more than most. I hope something can be done to straighten that out, but I'm not holding my breath. Thank you so much hon. Your kindness and friendship is very much appreciated.
@SamNLady (18)
• United States
6 Oct 07
I am so very sorry for the loss of your nephews.
1 person likes this
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
7 Oct 07
Thank you so much hon.
@weemam (13389)
3 Oct 07
I am so sorry I have been late in catching up pal , I am not here very often , I will keep you all in my prayers sweetheart xxx
1 person likes this
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
4 Oct 07
No need to apologize hon. You have your own things to deal with. Thank you so much my dear friend.
@MsTickle (24966)
• Australia
3 Oct 07
I feel like a close family friend having followed this since your sister-in-law was first sent home from hospital. I'm sitting here in tears, thinking how those babies never felt their Mum and dad's arms around them, never got to laugh or smile and feel the love of the family. Who's to say they could have been saved, it was wrong of the staff not to look into her case further. Here in Australia a woman last week miscarried in the toilet at the hospital waiting to be seen in Emergency. She had been there over an hour...in pain. Others have come forward with similar stories. Seems our governments need a wake up call to look at our health situations seriously. As for the staff....what happened to vocations? I hope that after Thursday, you'll be able to put all this behind you. Blessed be. xxx
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
4 Oct 07
Thank you hon. I'm just amazed at how many people have told me over the last week how the same thing happened to either them or someone they knew. I just don't understand how people that are trained to take care of patients allow these kinds of things to happen. I think carelessness has become a big problem in the health care industry, and it needs to change. Anyway, thank you again hon. You are an awesome friend.