What do you know about Foster Care and Foster Homes?

@Aurone (4758)
United States
October 1, 2007 5:57pm CST
I hope that you will not think me insensitive by starting this discussion. I just finished the book "Flight" by Sherman Alexie and the Foster Care system features prominently in the story of the book. I am leading a discussion group on Friday about the book and since I have no experience or real knowledge per se about Foster Care I wanted to hear what my friends at mylot know. What have you heard about the system? If you have been in it or provided foster care, tell me your stories about your experience. I am just trying to learn about the foster care system. Thank you in advance.
3 people like this
6 responses
• United States
2 Oct 07
I don't believe it is a good or necessary service. I have been involved with it my husband gave my daughter to them when i asked him to put her with a babysitter I had just gotten out of the hospital and he told them lies and i never got her back. he did it to hurt me. i think it is another name for baby brokers and family wreckers.
1 person likes this
@Aurone (4758)
• United States
2 Oct 07
Sorry that you lost your daughter. I do, however, think it is a necessary service for children who lose their parents and have no other relatives to take care of them or for children who are really being abused. I do think though, that the system needs to be reformed. It doesn't sound like a terribly good system at the moment.
• United States
2 Oct 07
I have some friends who have done foster care for 20 years and they are wonderful with the children and have even adopted quite a few older children over the years. I know that laws differ from county to county and my husband and I have been looking into doing foster care hoping to adopt. In the county we live in now, they do have a policy of giving the parents a set amount of time to better themselves before placing the child back with them. My friends almost always have the kids for a year, unless they can't keep that child in their home because of the problems the child has. I am not really sure yet how it all works, we are actually looking into the foster to adopt program. Sorry I couldn't be anymore help, but there are quite a few websites that give out info that you could probably use. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@Aurone (4758)
• United States
2 Oct 07
Thanks for the info. Good Luck.
@susieq223 (3742)
• United States
2 Oct 07
As a counselor I have worked with kids (and adults) who have been in the system and I have several friends that are foster parents. I think the program varies quite a bit from state to state. I live in Florida and the system here has had a lot of problems. I don't think it is an ideal system anywhere, but works as a stop-gap or band aid approach. There are, of course both good and bad foster parents. Some are just in it for the money. Even though they are screened and monitored pretty carefully, such families do not and can not provide the attention and loving care that kids need. They many get their survival needs met, but that's all. On the other hand, one of my friends fosters special needs kids (handicapped) and they are very loving. She and her husband have had one boy who is completely bedridden for 14 years (since he was 3) and you should see them interact with him. They are wonderful. But the regulations and paperwork and inspections they have to deal with continually is awful. The public hears more about the problems than the successes, though. Like any program, it works about as well as the people involved let it.
1 person likes this
@Aurone (4758)
• United States
2 Oct 07
Good to know there are some good ones out there.
• United States
1 Oct 07
I once worked with a woman who had foster children. I am not saying that everyone is like this, but she basically was in it for the money. She flat out admitted that it wasn't much, but covered what bills she needed it to. I know you have to show financial stability and all, but when you are a waitress at IHOP making 2.13/hr (in texas thats how it works for servers) then the little bit foster care brings in covers your pyacheck and so she used that to justify quitting her job and sitting at home all the time and also going out to the local bars and such. PLus, they seemed to bounce new kids in and out all of the time, always moving them from foster home to foster home. They way it is run is just pitiful to me, and though we have looked into it, mostly since it can at times lead to adoption and we would love to be able to adopt a child or two, we just don't think we could handle the bouncing in and out of children from one place to the next, it doesn't sit well in our hearts to be a part of that.
1 person likes this
@Aurone (4758)
• United States
1 Oct 07
I can understand that. Thanks for the information.
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
1 Oct 07
Although I have never participated in the foster care system, Aurone, I do know of several people who have done so. I know for a fact that sometimes the system is terribly abused by people who are only in it for financial gain. I have witnessed children who are entrusted to the care of cruel and insensitive people. I'm sure there must be some good stories out there, but I honestly don't know of any. I believe that the screening for these prospective "parents" is not nearly as tough as it should be.
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
2 Oct 07
In Canada, we have strict rules as to who can be a foster parent or not, but they are not as strict as adoptive parents. I had a friend who took in foster kids, and she was rather sad when they had to go. She eventually adopted one of them whose parents obviously had abandoned the baby, but the policy was rather that the foster parents do not adopt their foster children and that the children do not remain long enough for them to have any attachment with them. The money was not great. There was also unofficial foster care which was in my case, when a friend of my dad's took me in for a while until my father was able to establish himself after my mother passed away. And I did stay with that family when I left home and was looking for work, but that was not real foster care although others referred to the lady as my foster mother. I know that some families really get attached to their foster kids, even if it is for such a short while. I guess they are the type who are natural bonders. Too bad there is not more of them.