childhood hearing problems
complying with school requests
hearing loss in children
hearing test
testing childrens hearing
Help me help a little girl who needs a test but her mother refuses. Advice!!
By wotfpatty
@wotfpatty (2065)
United States
October 3, 2007 5:03am CST
I have a close friend who has a daughter that is six years old. When her daughter was in preschool, the teacher mentioned that she thought that the daughter may have a hearing problem. My friend dismissed it as her daughter just having selective hearing.
In kindergarten, they sent a paper home saying that her daughter failed the hearing test which they give in school and that my friend should take her daughter to an ear doctor for more extensive tests. My friend was angry about this because she thought the school was overreacting and she thinks her daughter hears what she wants to hear and has no issues. She can speak well but she does totally ignore people at times.
Now the little girl is in first grade and again the school mentioned a possible hearing issue. I am very concerned because my father went deaf at age 23. The school told his mother he was having troubles but she ignored them. Now I am going deaf like he did although I managed to get to 43 with hearing intact and I am grateful but the day is coming.
Anyway, my friend keeps blowing off this hearing test. She has insurance. A hearing test doesn't hurt and is just so important! Sometimes you don't know a person can't hear things until it really interferes with their lives. I am worried that my friend will continue to blow off this test and her daughter will end up paying for it.
I don't know what else to do but to keep asking if she made the appointment and remind her that my dad may have had hearing for many more years if he got help right away and that I was taken immediately to the ear doctor as a child as precaution and I believe that, in part, saved my hearing for years longer.
She just doesn't want to face the fact that there may be an issue. I have heard of schools calling Child and Family Services on parents who don't comply with the school. Maybe her daughter does have selective hearing (I hope so) but isn't it worth finding out?
Can anyone think of what I can do or say to encourage my friend to have her daughter seen by an ear doctor and to get a hearing test? It's driving me crazy!
6 people like this
13 responses
@aowaow (1516)
• Indonesia
3 Oct 07
Anyway, I think I can be help you just a bit. Because when I face this kind person "stubborn" (sorry), it needs more sweat for me, to think how to convince them, to open for somebody else opinion/idea.
You might telling your friend,
Usually people who had problem with their hearings, it might cause an indirect usage on their voice, briefly lately don't talk too much. It might because they can't hear what you said, probably they will become "lazy or no-point-at-all" to use their voice. I had 2 friends who had the same just like your father had. They had this problem after they were adult, and later they are rare using their voices. Now mostly they use hand or body language to talk to us. But past times, they are normal kids and can talk/hear correctly.
I'm just thinking we need to be very persuasive, to convince both of them, since it's not an easy task. --or you might find somebody else who they are really trusted for, and willing to follow that person's thought to go for the test. And what we really need is a right timing to ask them to go for the tests, since they had marked this as a great insult to them, so that's why they did not want to admit it and didn't want to go for the tests which might can help them to catch the 50% of cured.
Well, good luck, dear.
2 people like this
@wotfpatty (2065)
• United States
3 Oct 07
Thank you for your great response. I will talk to my friend seriously when she isn't distracted and explain the hardships my Dad went through and what I am feeling as well. It's just a test. All may be just fine but you have to catch things early and stay on top of issues. It always hurts to think your child may have a problem but avoiding it won't make it go away.
1 person likes this
@Se7enth (170)
• United States
3 Oct 07
If anyone knows how serious it is for this test to be done, it's you. You have to do more than ask or hint about it though. Sit her down, let her know how you feel about it, and tell her what it's like and everything that you have gone through. The buzzing, The loss of tone and higher pitches. Be straight forward about all the problems that your father had and the way he reacted to it all. Be open about what's on your mind and how you do not want her daughter to go through all of this simply because she didn't get another test.
I know that it feels like you are overbearing or stepping over the bounds of a parent raising her child, but it's a very important issue you are dealing with. The only way some people listen is when all the fact are staring them in the face.
Good Luck.
me
1 person likes this
@wotfpatty (2065)
• United States
3 Oct 07
Some people just don't want to face the fact that their child may have less than perfect hearing or vision or whatever. I am going to talk to her straight up about this although I have been pretty straight up all along.
It's driving me crazy that the poor little girl may be missing out on certain things and stressing when a simple test would tell the tale.
You must have gotten into a flame war or something. Look at your star rating. What's up with that? I will plus you.
1 person likes this
@wotfpatty (2065)
• United States
3 Oct 07
I don't get it! It will rise. It really doesn't matter anyway. Doesn't affect earnings. I actually don't know why it is even there.
BTW: My green man has an X through him again. I think I killed MSN!
1 person likes this
@wotfpatty (2065)
• United States
3 Oct 07
I have read here and there that a school will get authorities involved if a parent neglects to follow their advice related to possible issues. I am not sure this school would do that but that would devastate her. I will make a point of reminding her that it could happen. I just don't understand why she is avoiding this. Thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
4 Oct 07
Ok, the hearing tests maybe covered by insurance, but what about the hearing aids...My cost me about $2K, maybe she realizes if she has the test and the child needs a hearing aid, that she can not afford it.
Yes,the child should go for the hearing test, since this will make a difference in school and mom should realize that the child may have selective hearing but not by choice. I can hear a whisper, but not a normal spoken voice, I can hear the dripping of water in a sink but can not hear a car coming up behind me. I can hear a bird singing but can not locate the phone when it rings.
She may not full understand how a hearing loss can work, maybe you can show her things like this that people have written, so she can better understand.
1 person likes this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
3 Oct 07
This is a big issue that your friend needs not to ignore...I would just tell her, I've heard of schools calling protective child services when a parent has not complied with what they have requested...I would explain to my friend that they are not trying to tell you what to do or make light of what you think it may be...It very well could be a typical small child only hearing what she wants to hear...But why take the chance? Don't you think that it's worth checking out incase there is something that can be done now? If I was in your situation I would take my daughter straight away no questions asked...Maybe even ask her what is she scared of maybe she has her own issues of why she keeps putting this off? Good luck hun
1 person likes this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
6 Oct 07
I hope it works hun...I agree with you that it is selfish to put it off due to her own feelings of being able to handle the situation...I do hope she sees that with doing it she will have support and beable to handle it...that is what parents DO you are so right goodluck.
@wotfpatty (2065)
• United States
3 Oct 07
She is worried that her daughter may actually have a problem and that she won't be able to handle it. That, to me, is just somewhat selfish. My son had a terrible, life threatening seizure disorder when he was 4 and I thought I would never be able to handle it but I did. Parents DO. They find the strength.
I will see if our talk tomorrow helps any. We are going to lunch.
@Buggheart (445)
• United States
3 Oct 07
Wow, that's a bad situation. Could be a lot worse, but pretty bad and sticky.
I agree with Se7enth with regard to take the hinting deeper. Rather than just asking about whether she made the appointment sit her down and explain why you are so concerned.
Ask her how she would feel if the school does call C&F Services with regard to this issue and if her ignoring her child's health becomes known by other parents. The potential embarassment of that might push her over the edge.
Ask her how she would feel if she was wrong all along and that her child DOES have an issue. It would be a lot worse to ignore the issue than to take a few hours to have the test done. I think explaining your dad's hearing issues is a good idea, but perhaps using an older man as an example just isn't hitting home for her. She needs to understand that her kid probably does have selective hearing to some extent (don't all kids?) but that it will likely affect her lifelong development and she could develop speech problems and difficulty in her schoolwork in later years.
I know, easier said than done. It's hard to confront our friends on issues that we feel strongly about, especially when they are being especially stubborn about it.
Is there a husband in the picture that you could go thru? Maybe appealing to him would work.
Good luck and please let us know what happens. :)
1 person likes this
@wotfpatty (2065)
• United States
3 Oct 07
Great advice. I did tell her that the school could call the authorities and that I, as a kid, had hearing tests constantly and it was no big deal. Her problem is, she doesn't want to face that her child may have an issue that she can't control. I totally understand that because my son had a severe seizure disorder at age 4 and it nearly killed him. I couldn't control it at all. But what can you do? You deal.
There is a husband in the picture but he thinks the school is crazy and they are "picking on" his daughter. Sheesh.
I am going to lunch (well, lunch for me, almost dinner for everyone else since I am a late kind of person) with her tomorrow and I think I will be able to talk sense into her. She keeps saying yes she will call, she'll get to it, but doesn't. Maybe I will bring the name and number of a few ear doctors/audiologists and see how it goes. It could be as simple as wax in the ears!
She is such a good mom, I can't imagine why she would let this slide for so long. *sigh*
1 person likes this
@Buggheart (445)
• United States
3 Oct 07
"But what can you do? You deal."
Exactly! It does no good to stick one's head in the sand instead of facing the unpleasant issue. It won't make it go away. Good luck with your lunch tomorrow.
@vivasuzi (4127)
• United States
4 Oct 07
Wow. Poor kid! I don't think it is selective hearing if she failed multiple tests and had multiple people stating she has a problem. I don't know if there is much you can do though. I have some friends who I give advice to based on things I know for fact, yet they still won't take the advice no matter how often I mention it.
Maybe if you keep asking her if she set it up yet you can keep it in her mind. Only other thing you might do is give her some referrals or doctors to go to. Or perhaps there is an unofficial test you can have her try that might convince her to take the kid to a doctor.
Some people just don't like doctors. I have friends who would skip out on the doctor even when they were really ill or really hurt badly. They ended up being stuck in the hospital for their illness b/c they didn't just get it checked out right off the bat. I don't know what to say about those ppl. I'm the opposite as I want to be healed as fast as possible.
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
3 Oct 07
If she does not listen to you, and I am sure telling what you are going through or what your father went through will do no difference. Either she has to do it herself or wait until her daughter is totally deaf and then she will probably blame everyone else for NOT warning her. You still have to keep trying and be more insistence. Tell her if she does not, and her daughter goes deaf it will be HER fault and if her daughter has selective hearing, then the doctor will give her advice on how to get the daughter to not choose what to listen to.
I would tell the school about the situation and have them phone Child and Family Service. She may listen to an authority figure rather than to a close friend no matter if the girl is pretending or is seriously loosing her hearing.
1 person likes this
@buliangxianren (425)
• China
4 Oct 07
it is important to face the fact. we can't face it depend what we think. be straight . don't be tense about as usual. everyond can have a problem about their body. just to admit it and resolve it as possible as you can.
@pismeof (855)
• United States
4 Oct 07
I would talk to the husband or grandparents or anyone else you may know that is related to this poor child.What is this person's problem?
Doesn't she realise what the lack of hearing will do to hinder this childs education?!
@marylouu69 (297)
• United States
4 Oct 07
I am surprised that the school is letting her go on having the hearing test here our schools will turn the parent in for not following up on a referal that has been requested for 2 years in a row. Tell her that you will go with her to have it done and maybe that will help she may just be afraid and doesn't want to hear that her daughter has a hearing problem.
@clamarco808 (312)
• United States
3 Oct 07
Is your friend afraid of something? I ask because I went through the same thing with my sister & her daughter. I ended up taking my niece for testing & then for evaluations with a state psychologist at the school when they found out that it wasn't her hearing, she had problems with short term memory processing. My sister later admitted that she didn't want to be there for the testing because she was afraid that they would look down on her for being a "bad mother" for not catching onto my niece's behavior earlier on. The school placed my niece in one special education class and now she is doing fine. I would talk to your friend & tell her that her daughter needs some testing from a doctor before it is too late for the girl. This is in the best interest of her daughter and I highly doubt that she wants to deal with CPS. Yes, schools do call CPS because of something like this that interferes with a child's well being. My sister-in-law works for the judicial system and has told us that it does happen. Explain to your friend that it's not worth the trauma to her child if CPS steps in. I wish that little girl the best and pray that her mother will come to her senses very soon.
@chym1101 (169)
• China
4 Oct 07
hello, wotfpatty. You are so kind. Why does not your friend want to take her daughter to have a hearing test? Maybe she is afraid that this test can affect the child's mentality badly, namely, even there is no problem with her hearing she will believe that something is wrong with her ears? This is just what I think. If this is so, you can persude your friend not to tell the little girl what test is to do. And you can cheat her it is just a funny game. As the girl is only 6 years old, she cann't know this well.
You can tell your friend that taking precautions is usualy not harmful, morever the school has presented this problem several times. So it is better to go to a doctor.
Best wishes to the little girl!
