Feeling useless

United States
October 3, 2007 10:56am CST
I have been on disability for migraines since June of this year. I will stay on disability for at least another few months. My fiancee and my brother are very supportive and are helping me get through this difficult time. The problem is that I feel completely useless. I know that I am depressed and I am in treatment for that, but I feel like I should be doing more. Sometimes I neglect my regular chores around the house because of migraines or depression. It is obvious to me that when I do this, my fiancee and brother are not happy. Has anyone else had these feelings about being on disability? I want to go back to work, but I physically can't do that. How can I gain new (positive) perspective on this issue?
7 people like this
17 responses
@reinydawn (11651)
• United States
4 Oct 07
I'm sure you do feel useless, but you have to remember that you are not well and need to rest. What kind of work do you do? Are you thinking of returning to that when you're disability is over? I would like to talk to you about what my husband and I do from home - it's great because you work around your own schedule! It was just a thought, and if you were contributing, it might help with your outlook a little more and aid in your health too... If you're interested, check out my profile and go to my website. Feel free to fill out the Get More Info tab and I'll get back to you right away. Have a good day!!!
• United States
5 Oct 07
Thanks for your comment. I will be returning to my regular line of work (social work) when I am feeling well enough to do so. I am interested in hearing more about your work that you do at home. =)
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11651)
• United States
5 Oct 07
Oh wow, that's a great area to work in!! Do you work with children or everyone? My son wanted to be a social worker in the school system, but he changes his mind every day... I have requested to be added to your friends list so we can talk a bit more about what it is I do from home and how you might be able to feel a little more useful while you are out on leave. I would post my website for you to check out, but as you know it's against the rules here. I'll PM it to you once we're on each other's lists. Take care!!
• United States
4 Oct 07
Don't feel like that remember every thing happens for a reason and maybe the headaches are to slow ya down so nothing else will happen to ya it is okay to skip the chores they will still be there when ya feel like doing them I have very bad sinses headache and i know almost about how ya feel just take this time to resr your body and keep the faith things will work out will be praying fo ya God bless
• United States
5 Oct 07
You might be right about this happening to slow me down. I have been working full-time and going to school full-time for years. Thank you for the new perspective on a negative subject! =)
• United States
5 Oct 07
A preach once preached a sermun and he said if God wants ya to quit ya will so maybe this is God's way of telling ya god Bless and take care
@missybal (4492)
• United States
4 Oct 07
I can't believe you got disability for migraines... I have really bad fibromyalgia where I get bad muscle spazems and a rare form of mono that I have for life that lowers my immune system so I get sick so easily I can't keep a job and I can't get disability. I think you should think about all the people not getting that financial help with their disabilities and the fact you do have it to help you not fall behind on your bills due to your disability. My husband has to pull most of the weight in this household. I have a couple of work at home things going but I don't make as much as I could if I could go back to one of my old jobs. Also you have a very supportive fiancee and brother. You have tons of positive perspectives on this issue. And I see you joined mylot for something to do to make a little pocket change. Count your blessings... I'm sure you have a lot.
• United States
5 Oct 07
I'm hoping that you meant this in some sort of positive way, but the way I read it seems negative. =(
@missybal (4492)
• United States
9 Oct 07
Sorry about that, now that I re-read what I wrote it did come out wrong. What I meant is you're very lucky, to have some income and supportive loved ones and you really should focus on that and I believe it will be enough to get you through this. I'm glad you were able to get that kind of help because so many can not and have to go it alone. Some days I feel so sad about my health and what it stops me from doing, before I got sick my nick name was mighty mouse. I just think about my family and my wonderful husband who would do anything for me and who doesn't make me feel bad for the things I can't do. Don't let yourself get that way. I can tell you are doing a lot if you care enough to want to do all you can. And at the same time your loved ones would like for you to get better and you shouldn't strain yourself. I wish you all the luck in the world.
@lecanis (16739)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
3 Oct 07
I'm having pretty much the same problem! I've been off work since mid-June because of vertigo and hearing loss issues. It was originally diagnosed as Meniere's disease, but now they think it's a neurological problem. But since it's not something people can "see", other than me being wobbly and falling down and not hearing them, even my husband doesn't really understand that I'm sick sometimes. I have to try to watch my young son all the time, even in my condition, and often I have to make my husband get out of bed to do it (he works nights, thus sleeps during the day) because I can't. It's frustrating feeling so useless. I'm not really sure how to gain a positive perspective, since I'm still working on that myself. I just try to remind myself that I am getting treatment, and doing everything I can do to get better, and that's my "job" right now.
• United States
5 Oct 07
I totally relate to the invisible disease issue. I think most of my family (outside of my home) do not understand my health problems at all. I hope your husband is as understanding as my fiancee.
1 person likes this
@kitty1234 (1476)
• United States
3 Oct 07
I also was disabled for over a year and I felt useless but it is all in the mind! No one judges us harder tha we judge ourselves. I was depressed and unhappy about the situation but it does get better. The key is to do whatever you can, when you can. I longed to go back to work and felt as if I were a burden to my family and friends, of course this far from reality. Just give yourself time and before you know it you will feel better about your situation!
• United States
5 Oct 07
I think you are right that we judge ourselves harder than anyone else. I will try to keep that in mind =)
@lhubert (63)
• United States
3 Oct 07
I wonder if your brother and fiancee are really unhappy with you or are you feeling guilty? I have been disabled for about a year. My family is really great but I went through the same thing. It was just me feeling guilty and not them being unhappy. What I do is when I am feeling good I do extra things. Like cook great meals, do extra house work, and then that makes me feel better! Keep your head up there are better days ahead. Make sure you let the guys know how much you love them! Good luck!
• United States
5 Oct 07
I think you are right about it being my own guilt rather than my brother and fiancee really being unhappy, although sometimes they tell me they are frustrated. I accept their feelings and listen to what they have to say. Then, I explain how I'm feeling and they understand why the laundry is still in the washer or whatever. I smiled when I read your comment about doing extra things when you feel good. I do that too =) It works great for boosting morale in our home. Thanks for your comment.
@besthope44 (12145)
• India
12 Oct 10
Well depression is common in this busy world..though its bitter fact. So dont take it emotional to heart and try to come out of the past. Please dont give up confidence. Do yoga, you will feel a great heal and confidence. God bless you friend! Things will be better soon, dont give up.
• India
26 Feb 08
hey its 5 month now when u was in depression i think might be now u have got out from it and living wonderful life . i know after few time u get happy.
@cripfemme (7719)
• United States
26 Feb 08
I'm disabled, too. I have cerebral palsy. Although I've always had my disability and led an active life, a few years ago I got really ill and unable tdo much. This was really depressing for me. I think it's vital to try to be as active as possible each day without injuring yourself further. I know that even on my worst day attempting to be productive felt better than just laying in my bed all day.
@academic2 (7011)
• Uganda
14 Oct 07
You have very supportive people around you and you should help them to cheer up for you by avoiding the negative attitude you are pursuing in the feeling of uselessness-you are not useless, disability doesnt condemn anybody to a useless corner of life-your thoughts do and so avoid that defeatist attitude, it will make you lose your fiancee and even your brother then you will see what it really means to be useless. I live with a dsability myself xena251, and mine is a permanent one-just incase you want to know how it happened check this article, Permanent mark of October 24, 1993 here http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/105067/gabie_nic.html I insist, cheer up look good in body and soul for you r brother and most of all for fiancee!
@Margajoe (4721)
• Germany
8 Oct 07
Hi,hope you are feeling better. Migraines are no fun. I know. You are in treatment, then I beleive you are doing great! You don´t need to do more, just function on getting better. Useless? Noone is useless. Migraines & depressions are signs from your body. Telling you to look after you. Listen to your signs. Don´t worry about others. They don´t have those migraines. They are lucky! Take care.
• Philippines
4 Oct 07
You are very lucky to have very understanding people on your side. It somehow helps to relieve the pain that you are feeling if there are people who are supporting you especially when you are on disability. It is really depressing if there are no people supporting you. Try to consult a physician and follow his recommendations. Don't skip a meal also. I never experinced to be on disability on my work but I already have the idea on what to feel when I'm in this type of situation. Well, just see the doctor. I think it is the best way to lessen your migraine. Get well soon!
@alamode (3073)
• United States
4 Oct 07
Do you actually want to try to get rid of your headaches? Talk to your doctor...I posted last month about how I stopped my migraines ... Vitamin B-2 is known as Riboflavin. You can order a year's supply online for about $10... then you take one with a magnesium tablet and a stress-formula B-complex tablet. I used to have 3-4 migraines a month... I haven't had a headache now in 5 months! It will take a couple of weeks to work, then be sure to take them every day.
• Philippines
4 Oct 07
feeling stressed,and useless.are noraml specialy when you are not used to your situation now.i hope you help your self.and be possitive. dont be weak, your fiancee and your brother never give up on you. show them that thier supports are worth..its make you more sick when you are stress and feeling weak.good luck. i wish you all the best and get weel soon. just dont give up.
@ctrymuziklvr (11063)
• United States
3 Oct 07
I can soooo relate! I've been on disability for almost 8 years now and have hated every day. My problem is manic depression and I was afraid to try to get a job even with the meds I take. I finally got up the guts to go out and get one and guess what? I'm working part time...2 days a week 4 hours a day and I'm feeling so good about myself. I felt useless and would only leave my apartment when I absolutely had to. Getting this job is the best thing I've done for myself in 8 years. Aren't you taking medication for your problems? It seems you should be able to at least try a part time job for to boost your self esteem. You may want to give that a try. Whatever you do Good LUck!
• South Africa
3 Oct 07
I feel exactly the same. I know that it must be very diffycult for my partner and other family members to understand me, because I dont even understand myself. I feel utterly hopeless and useless, and very guilty.
@TerryZ (22146)
• United States
3 Oct 07
Well first you have to get better then you will be able to contribute but untill then just relax and enjoy it. If you go back to work to soon then you might start to get migraines again. Best of luck