Discipline

Philippines
October 4, 2007 6:31am CST
I have a 9 year old son. He is so playfull in school sometime his teacher wants to see me. And I learn that he hurt one of his classmate. I talk to him and he told me that it's not intentional they were playing that time. As a mother I want to discipline him but I don't want to hurt him. Can some one there give advise how can I discipline my child.
5 people like this
15 responses
@anetteh (3591)
• Sweden
4 Oct 07
Hello Well. I would speak with him tell him about what is right and what is wrong. I would tell him about how to play, since this happened when they were playing. Ma bee he was to rough and need to learn not to be. Hurt him will not help. That would be the worses thing you can do. Talk, showing and teach are the best way. Ask him to think about what he are doing when they play and to not be so rough. Boys are rough during the plays so they need to know how to slow things down. TALK, PUT IN PRESPECTIVE, LEARN, AND LISTEN are the best way to have your kids attantion. Godluck have a nice day
• Philippines
5 Oct 07
Thank anetteh for your advise I try to talk to him and he is ok for a few days but when day pass by he do it again in his brother. I try to controll my temper coz I know that I might hurt him but it will not discipline him and his getting worst I'm afraid. I will try to talk to him again and again coz I know this is the right way. thank you so much
@anetteh (3591)
• Sweden
8 Oct 07
I do not the age of your son, however if It do not help just talk and guide him with advise ma bee you should consider to talk to a doctor. My son has ADHD, and sometimes these children do not understand how to play with others. Sometimes they tend to be rough because of lack of understanding how to play. I do not say it has to be, but ma bee considering and try to find out why is one way to explode the reason why he do this during the play. Start investigate his participation in playing and in other situations, and if you find that he is the same in other situations to ma bee it´s time to consider some consultation with special people knowing this kind of problems. Have a nice monday
@sunshine4 (8708)
• United States
4 Oct 07
I would try to stress to your son that you realize that he is just playing around, but there is a right time and place for play and it isn't in school. For discipline, I agree with the others. I would take away something that he enjoys doing. With my 13 yr old, I take away computer time when he needs discipline. Make sure that you follow up the discipline with an explaination of why he was being punished and the proper behavior he should have used.
• Philippines
5 Oct 07
For now I did'nt let him watch TV and his not playing during school days he can play on saturday and sunday. He is not allowed to go out to play with his fellow children hope it will help I still observing thanks for the advice
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
4 Oct 07
I don't think your son is being intentionally mean, and this doesn't require discipline. This time I would just sit him and down and talk to him about the importance of being nice and playing nice. That sometimes you can't be so rough. If he continuously repeats this behavior, then maybe you will have to begin to discipline him later. But for now, I would just counsel him about kindness and when playing sometimes some kids don't appreciate rough housing so much. He may have just gotten carried away! It happens to the best of us. Hope this helps.
• Philippines
5 Oct 07
Thank mamasan I do the thing you say we sit down and talk and explain to him how he play and what is the consequence if he keep on hurting his fellow classmate he listen but don't know yet if he do it.
• Australia
4 Oct 07
My son is also 9. What I find works well is take away what the child likes the most. For my son, that's the PS2. When he does the wrong thing, at home & at school, he gets punished by not being allowed on the PS2 for a set number of days (how many days depends on what he does wrong). A friend of mine chooses football for her son - he plays on a weekend but if he misbehaves badly he is not allowed to play. Reward charts work well, too. You could use a star chart to reward good behaviour. If your son is good all day he gets a star - when he gets a set number of stars he gets a reward. For my kids, I came up with this: they all love Harry Potter (like many kids do) so I put each of them into a house from Potter (Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, etc). When they do a chore, or do something nice for each other, they get a house point. If they misbehave, are mean to each other, or don't do their chore, they lose a house point. At the end of the week I add up points gained, take off points lost, and whoever ends up with the most points wins. My kids love it!
• Philippines
5 Oct 07
Thanks for your advise princesslee it will help me a lot. You give me an Idea how to handle my son now. I will try it. Thank you again
• India
30 Oct 07
As he is too young know. Lots of thing happens like this normally. He will learn automatically every thing when he grown up. But I understand that you are his mother you will be havind more concern about him than any other in the world. Why I am sying this because even I hurt a friend when I was at 9 years old. Have a nice day:)
• Nigeria
5 Oct 07
I don't know if you've ever hit your child. I don't know if you've ever heard about "Spear the rod and spoil the child". Have you ever heard about "when dealing with your child,use the other hand to bring him close" think of all this.
@SViswan (12071)
• India
5 Oct 07
You should have a talk with your child and tell him that accidents can happen and that he should be careful while playing because it can hurt someone badly. Try to avoid any games that have fighting in it (role playing is fine but it can get dangerous when there is too much violence involved). Now, that he has been told how games can be dangerous if he is not careful...you have to set the rules. You also have to tell him what the consequences will be if he violates the rules (confiscate a favourite toy,grounding from playing with friends or watching T.V....anything that will reinforce the rule). You also need to speak to him teacher and ask them to set down guidelines in school about what is allowed and what is not. You should consider that even though a child might not want to do something, they tend to get carried away when other kids are playing such games. So, the school needs to discourage games (even when the teacher isn't around) in which there is a possibility of getting hurt.
@stella1989 (2274)
• India
5 Oct 07
Well you can always make him aware of good and bad beahviour..! And you should never ever allow him to missbehave a bit in home. It doesn't matter if he is at home or any where you should always keep a great watch on his behaviour!! At home, in outing and if possible in school too!! Discipline comes from over all character of a person(child) Yes thats it "building a character"..! All you should look forward for is to build a character for your kid..!! :)
@azimsay (545)
• India
5 Oct 07
I am also four years old grand son .I also keep him in discipline.But it is very difficult to do .He kids are listiening to big people.They are living their own mood.
• United States
5 Oct 07
It's stuff to say what you should do. It depends on the child, because every child responds differently to punishment. Some respond well to "light" punishment, while others, you may have to be a little hard on. You would know your child better than anyone. Find out his personality and go from there.
@Sharon38 (1915)
• Jamaica
4 Oct 07
I have a daughter of 9 too. she loves to play alot too. An effective disciplinary method I have found is to withhold things she loves like watching tv, going on the computer and I give her time out in the bedroom. I send her to bed very early too when I am very upset with her.
• United States
4 Oct 07
A good talking too always helps with my children. But kids will be kids. Maybe the teacher is just over reacting. It sounds like your son just has a lot of energy. And as far as hurting another student, if he said it was an accident I'd believe him. The other kid might just be a wimp. :) IF it happens again then you may have a problem but I wouldn't worry about it too much
4 Oct 07
hi there, i dont think anyone can tell you the best way to discipline your child they can only offer advice, dont forget you know what's best for your child and you can only do what you think is best. A 9 year old child is still learning how to interact with other children and playing is part of learning. was it trouble with sharing toys?? or playing a game that maybe your child has different views on?? we all get bought up differntly so he was probably doing what he thought was right at the time. Does he have any brothers or sisters?? siblings learn how to share with each other. talk to him again and ask him to play the game with you and maybe you might see what went wrong or he might have been right. just remember you know whats best for your child and we all go through this. just talk to him and find out what happened for him to play fight with this other child. good luck sweet.
@THKOhio (330)
• United States
4 Oct 07
I've always tried to make the consequences fit to the misbehavior in some way. If he hurt a classmate, then how about finding something he can do to help out this classmate? As for his being playful, discuss with him that there are times to play and times NOT to play.
@suehan1 (4355)
• Australia
4 Oct 07
you have to be carefull sometimes, as it may not have been intentional.go and see the teacher before disciplining him as there may be more to it . my son is allways in trouble and hurting children.it turns out that he has trouble with communicating with other children and was getting their attention by hitting them or hurting them,as he does not have the social skills to handle how to communicate with other people.after talking this through with the teachers we put certain actions in place to help him learn social skills better and he was monitored.he was also budied up with older boys to help him.this year so far he has not been in trouble and is learning to communicate better.all i can suggest is speak to the teachers before you punish him as it maybe simply unintentional as he said.good luck