Is that my own selfishness or my friends' mistake?

Hi gemmoney87, from what you have described above, you are not selfish. In fact, you have this golden heart in you. You have helped your friends a lot. Unfortunately, your friends don't deserve to live with you because they don't care about what you feel. As what you have said, you have already told them many times to do their responsibilities even though it is a simple thing only, but failed to do their jobs. It seems that they are just only taking advantage to your kindness with them. I know what you feel right now, and I am just hoping that you would be able to correct their actions as soon as possible. If still they are not cooperating with you, the decision will be yours if you ought to dislodge them or not. Have a nice day and God bless you always!

It does sound like they are taking advantage of your kindness. I would first try to work it out if you want to. Sit them down and tell them that you don't ask for rent or living expenses and that they should respect your home and try to help clean it with you because you all live there and share the house. I would be angry too if they left you to do all the work and they did nothing. Maybe set up a schedule and see if that works. During this talk, you must tell them that if you don't see any improvement in the near future that you will have to ask them to leave. If they still refuse to do anything, then tell them they will have to leave and that you feel they are taking advantage of you. I would certainly not consider them to be friends after trying to help them and they still don't assist you in any way.

hi it is your fault because if you know that they are going to live for longer period then you should have told them to be free and share the work and you should have to ask them to help each other as from the same family

Well, I deem they are taking advantage of you too, I suppose they should respect themselves before they could be well treated. So if I were you, I would let them go. Andy

Hi! Do you attend to the same school? You can share this to your Guidance Counselor so that they can be given proper advises and of course, not good behavior is written in their anecdotal record.....!!!! In giving out recomendation, the Guidance Counselor will tell them, that the school can not attest that they can be good employee someday because of such attitude....let's see if they will not change that hard-headiness of theirs!!!!!!

*sips my coffee and ponder on your question* First of all, thank your parents for buying your house and are they adopting, or looking to adopted any kids in the future? If so, I am up for adoption..anytime, anywhere, and anyplace. For how I struggle to catch up on all my bills every friday. Knowing I will sink before I will swim, again. My name is brknwings =..if they are looking to throw money out the window without working for it...hey just hollar. Second issues...FREE RIDE. Yes your friends are using you to the max. Anytime, anyone moves in my house..rules are laid out. There plain and simple respect me and my house and all that is in here. Yes, I do charge rent but I charge more when stuff is not done. His shirt laying on the floor..pick-up $1.50. Dish that they use..$2.00 for each dish that was out and I was. Nope no special on silverware..$2.00. I ask for the bathroom to be cleaned no one did it..each person..$5.00. No pay on this ..I ask nicely to be moved out in 2 weeks. They maybe your friends and it is ok to help friends out. But your friends is hurting you more then they are helping you. You were nice and let them move in and now they throw a knife in your back. Take it out and teach them what your parents should of taught you....NO MORE FREE RIDES.

In no way are you being selfish!!! You have opened up your home to your two friends for FREE! That is one of the most generous things you could have done and they have absolutely taken advantage of you. You need to call a house meeting and discuss things like rent, housework and other responsibilities. If they aren't willing to talk then you should just show them the door! You need to create some sort of responsibility chart, not unlike one that a child has. Each person gets a duty each day. Once a week someone should have a specific room to clean in addition to their own. Rent should be payed or at least they need to pay for bills of some sort. Even if you give that money back to your parents as a "thank you" to them or just to show how responsible you are being with the home they gave you. Don't put up with your "friends" using you like this anymore!!! Good luck and keep us posted please!!

according my opinion ,you must ask ur friends to leave from the house,so it will make them realise their fault

Definately ask them to move. By the way, that is THIER selfishness, and YOUR mistake. You should never assume that just because you are friends, that they should live with you for free, always get the money thing straight BEFORE you allow something like this. Besides, these people dont sound like your friends, unless you consider a friend someone who leeches off you and gives you disrespect. Boot em out!

I have been in your shoes when it comes to being over kind to friends. Although I would never have considered sharing a house with them and letting them live there for free. But still I had to learn the same lessons in life as you. You don't get respect from people if you don't command respect! I had to learn I can still be nice but be nice in the right ways and when it is needed. Do your friends have jobs. If they had jobs there was no need to be extra nice and let them live for free that is just enabling them to be irresponsible. If they didn't have jobs then it is okay to give them a hand our that is short term; like one month to find a job and start paying. You see it doesn't matter if you can afford it more then they can to pay the rent. That is not the point. If you have more money to spend on extras in life and they don't so be it. It is their life and they have to handle it and work for the life style they want. You have already done them a huge favor by letting them share the rent in your house. It is a great help in fact because if they had to rent a house on there own the rent may be way higher! So you are doing them a favor no matter which way you look at it. Even if they are paying rent they need to share in the chores of keeping the house kept up. If not, then don't fit in and they must go. Good friends will share in the responsiblites. So don't be hard on yourself. Be nice to yourself first, respect yourself first; then pass it on to others. These people you have right now don't sound like true friends to me; but if you want to give them the chance then speak up, lay down the ground rules with rent and see how they do. If they are good friends they will do that and more with an apology! Best wishes to you!

Well they are taking advantage of you. Well How old you are, if you all are young then this is bound to happen. At this point of life we do not take things as others do. As i am a college student i have experienced this a lot of times. They just dont care however you do. Might as well do it yourself. You can tell your friends about this. If you all are good friends they would try to co-operate. If they are just your friends so that they can live for free. Thats what i think.

Oh, no, you're not being selfish, they are. This is a give and take world not a take and take one. We can't live in a place for free and expect to live as princesses. Your friends are not worth keeping. However, you seem to be good friends and you seem to be a nice person. You can try talking things out with them and tell them how you feel. Just make sure to say it in a nice way because even if they aren't nice to you, you have to be who you are. If they still go back to this kind of behavior tell them to leave. Be firm because you are in the right.

its exactly happened to me before,i rent the house and they ask me live with me.and do the same.i pay everything the bills and the house they dont even clean the house, and also my budget is much higher becouse they dont buy thier foods, im not thats rich ok,it seem that i have to feed them.they even invite tier family to stay for a week with the kids ahhhhh. got headeache,its like i have 2 families to support, then i feed up.and i have to move i tell them that i have to go back and stay to my family.then never see them again. in your case you can tell them the problem and they have to be responsible, better if they live the house. just tell to them that your parents doesnt like the idea,and you have some relatives that want to live with you,becouse your parents want to. i know its hard, but this kind of attitude need a lesson.

It sounds like they are taking advantage of you and I can understand why you are angry. Before they moved in, did you talk about how to divide the house work? If not, sit with them and develop a house cleaning schedule or something. ( Yeah, I know it sounds lame, but it does work.) When I had roommates, we talked about our pet peeves and how we should keep our common areas clean and tidy. Also, one night a week, we had a cleaning night where we all helped. This type of schedule helped keep us organized and from getting on each others nerves. Hope things get better.

Its one of life’s small lessons that we never appreciate what we receive for free and only if we are paying for something do we value it. Same for your friends and you cant blame them either. In your goodness, you have started by treating them as guests and which guest wants to help out with household chores and take the garbage out? I wont say that what you have done is wrong, only that we are taught as children by our parents certain values and when as adults we try to implement them, it doest work out all the time positively. In such cases, we have to come out of our civility and politeness and show our teeth otherwise we would always be taken for granted. These friends of yours don’t know how to repay an act of kindness and so they deserve none. I suggest you start a drama with your brother on the expenses of maintaining the house and such. Make it as ugly as you can and then go for solace to your friends. Gradually over weeks maybe, start suggesting that it is becoming quite expensive for you and your bro and your friends should pitch in too. An alternate line would be to let the dirt pile up for a few day (you’ll have to tolerate the stench) and then suggest for a hired help as you are too busy to clean up all alone. Of course, the money for the hired help has to be shared by your friends too! Keep us posted on what happens.

they're definitely taking advantage of you. I would probably be angry too if I were in your shoes. they're staying at your house for free so the least they can do is help with the household chores. they should know that even if you're friends, that doesn't give them the right to abuse your hospitality and kindness. they should know the laws of the give-and-take relationship. it seems that what's happening is that they're only taking and taking without giving. and that's very annoying. you should tell them what you think. tell them you love them and respect them as your friends but what they're doing is not just right. they're taking advantage of you and that is not the behavior of a good friend. tell them if they still want to stay in your house, they should help in the household chores. if they will not, then they might just move out before you loose it and say something bad to hurt their feelings.

This is not a selfish decision..just try making them understand there share in doing things if they dnt change ask to move...its their mistake and they need to realise

They are mean friends, if you still consider them as your friends. First off, even if they are renting a place with you, they should still put up with household chores. They don't have a maid. Second, since you have been kind enough to not ask them for rent, they should be doubly ashamed of not even helping in the up keep of the house. Third, they should have the initiative to clean the house themselves and not having you to tell them to do the said chores. The nerve! If I were in your position, I would have to sit down with them and discuss the issue. We are all busy and I am not their personal assistant to always pick up after them. So household chores should be divided equally among us housemates. Then I will have to ask for rent. Hey, a house needs to be maintained so I guess a minimal rent should take care of this problem. There, I hope I helped you with my views. Cheers!

Honestly get rid of them. They are taking advantage of your kindness and charming spirit. They are not good friends and are very unappreciative.

Well iI would also get mad if my friends abuse my kindess, cause then they arent friends. I would sugest that you talk to the and try to settle the rules. I meen since you arent asking them any payment the leest they could do is help you out to keep the house clean. You must tell them that if they dont change there attitude and start to help you out they will have to leave. If they give you a fuss, then it just shows that they are using youre kindness to tehre benifit nad you should just tell them then to leave. its not right for friends to abuse other friends kindness and hospetalitys