A Handsome and Rich or an Intelligent and Average boyfriend?

Malaysia
October 4, 2007 11:55pm CST
A friend of mine is facing problem in making her choice on which guy should she go out with. From a poor background, her family strongly encourage her to choose the rich guy. Yes, she admitted that rich guy would definitely support her financially and she did fall in his appearance and she's sick of being poor. But then not long ago, she met another guy which is very intelligent and caring guy with an average family background. She always dream to have a brilliant and talented soulmate. Both of them treat her very well and give her freedom in her selection. They are now waiting for her answer. I asked her who does she likes more? The answer is: slightly more on the intelligent one. My advise to her to go for the brilliant one. Even though he's not rich but I believe he might give her a better life. For me, feeling is very crucial in sustaining a good relationship. Somemore, the intelligent guy is very loving, caring and patience. That's the quality that we hardly find nowadays. If you are my friend, who would you choose?
2 people like this
20 responses
@darshakk (2142)
• India
5 Oct 07
As u said both give her the freedom to do whatever she wants to do... Now she must select as to who loves,cares,has tendency to sacrifice,burn to maintain the relationship in lean times..... Also what her gut n ineer feeling says.... moreover hw are both the families.....as she also has to stay with the in-laws..... what her parents feel.... seeing all this,she must decide her partner.....
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
6 Oct 07
Great! you have a whole checklist on what to weight on. Well, we have all the consideration before, except for the sacrifaction tendency. This might be something she need to do next, test it out!! As to the inner feeling, I think she's pretty confusing. At one point she feels more on the smart guy, while once she also cannot let go the handsome and rich one...fiewww, that's hard decision! If I'm in her shoe, the same would happen :) Oh yea, so far it's fine with the family of the both guy. The rich guy's parent are pretty open-minded. He's the only son in the family. However, being in his family, she need to be able to socialize a lot..they have good reputation and well-known in the township. The smart guy's dad passed away when he was 11, mom worked very hard to brought him and the younger brother up. The mom own her small business now. Being with him, she'll have a simple and stable life. We can interpret for her points that she might have left out, but decision is still on her.
• Malaysia
6 Oct 07
Concerning the sacrifaction tendency, do you have any idea on how to test it out? My thinking was by merely asking a question, both of them would just take the positive answer just to get more points from her. Any suggestion?
@darshakk (2142)
• India
9 Oct 07
well for testing sacrifice criterion,there cannot be direct QnA... instead when u stay with a person,there r many situations that occur in your life.....the result of which shows that is the other person ready to sacrifice for u.....or he thinks first for him..... say for a mere eg....if she wants to go for a necklace for herself and he wants to go for a gold ring for him.....and when there is money only for one item that can be purchased....u get the answer..... see this is mere an eg...bcoz the circumstances matter a lot ....bcoz if she is already having 1 necklace and he does nt have a ring...thn buying the ring is on priority.....so as i said it depends on the situation..... Hope this helps to u n ur frnd..... the situation is diff for diff ppl.....
• Philippines
5 Oct 07
Even if I combine the characteristics of the 2 men together into only one man, I think that it would be hard for me to recommend him for her. She should consider her own personality. She should consider which of the two would really, truly make her happy. I've had a rich boyfriend before but he considered his friends more important than me. I have an intelligent boyfriend now but he doesn't trust my decisions. You see, it's really up to her to make the decisions. She should know what she really wants.
• Malaysia
6 Oct 07
Thanks for sharing your experience which may help her out. Frankly speaking, it's pretty hard to judge who will make her happy in future. Now, of course!! as both are putting their best to court her...I thinking she's having the same situation as you, although the rich one loves her but cannot commit 100% of her time on her..he has his own life circle, family..friends..etc. As for the intelligent one, I can see he respects her much at this stage but not sure in future...Yes, it's really up to her.
• United States
5 Oct 07
Money isn't everything and if he's as briliant as you say he is then maybe he can figure out how to make more money to help support her.
• Malaysia
6 Oct 07
You are right. Brain is his asset, which is priceless :)
• Australia
5 Oct 07
While money is nice, it isn't everything. She needs to choose the guy who in ten years, she's still going to be able to have a good conversation with. If she currently feels like she has stronger feelings for the 'intelligent' one, then she's always going to feel that she settled if she chooses the other guy. Pining after someone else isn't a good foundation for any relationship. And it doesn't sound as if the 'average but intelligent' guy is sitting at home doing nothing with his life. In the end, it has to be her decision, and not her family's.
• Malaysia
6 Oct 07
Kriszelinka, you have made some good points which I can share with her :) Imagine what'd be like in ten years time. After all, we can see the financial stability of the smart guy though. She has to make her family know what she wants and expect too. Of course, the family want their only daughter to be happy forever, they thought that financial freedom is the key leading a happy life! She has to convince them after she made up her mind.
@Galdim0r (28)
5 Oct 07
Its basically a choice between A Materialism, or B Genuine attraction. Its obviously B, dating someone purely for their material benefits can ONLY lead to bad things.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
6 Oct 07
I am totally behind you. Material is just something vulnerable, not something long-lasting. Same goes to the appearance..
• Singapore
5 Oct 07
I feel that your friend should go for the intelligient and more caring guy. To me, nothing is more important in a marriage than mutual happiness. If she would be happier with the more intelligient and caring guy, then why not choose him over the money? Besides, the smart guy could eventually earn more money than the other rich guy :)
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
6 Oct 07
She seems happy with both of them at the moment. The rich and sociable guy brings her lots of laugher while the smart guy provides her the sense of secure. That makes her sitting on the fence...Anyway, as you said the poor might eventually become rich with his hardworking and talent...even if he might not become rich, at least she has a happy relationship.
@aowaow (1517)
• Indonesia
5 Oct 07
The world is just full of Yin and Yang stories. I will share a bit of my analyzing of people's life. Rich guy who had born in wealth owns material. But the material itself change his personality and the change was unseen by himself, then they start to lack of care. It is environment who is trying to drag him into. Even though he was from a poor guy at the beginning. Middle guy owns the balance tree. He swims in balance pool of material and care together. He sees everything clearly. He can feel what is being of adequate by material and what he felt about the poor condition. Poor guy owns the biggest life-struggling and pain. It's not bad, to have someone who is really hardworking and totally care about his family. But at the other side, the hole of fulfilling material needs, made them really hard to make decision sometimes. And the pain itself can mature him into full experience's guy -- but in other case, it can also make him thinking of taking "shortcut" way. It depends to each person's thought. Hope this is useful. All things had its own advantage and disadvantage. Nobody's perfect.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
6 Oct 07
Woww...what a detailed analysis you have made :) As you said, nobody is prefect. The rich guy do care on her, but cannot commit 100% on her as he has his life circle too, as opposed to the smart guy. The smart guy went through all those pain in life and now have a stable job, but a bit quiet and not very sociable. I do not have much to talk to him when we last met. So long as they both can communicate well themselves, that's not an issue.
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
5 Oct 07
I would go for the intelligent one. There is just something about a smart man that drives me coo coo. I can not judge the rich guy, but I would sure be interested to know how and when he came into the money. That would make a very big difference. If he is old money he may treat her well, but new money seems to be unsettled and impulsive. But, then again if he is old money he could be a little arrogant and spoiled. I would definitely go with the smart guy. If he is bright, he has the ability to make money and hold on to it or inveest it well. But, like the old saying goes "A fool and his gold are soon parted."
• Malaysia
6 Oct 07
He's the new money, very good looking and sociable guy. Saw him once, he can simply go with any topic, pretty friendly but I personally think he's too perfect. Definitely a target for those unmarried gal out there. While the smart guy more mature, being with him is like more secure. He's good in decision making.
@onedollar (782)
• Belgium
5 Oct 07
Money you can make online LOL so a rich guy is not necessary and an intelligent boyfriend hmmmmm you can also find online, there goes my point. Well seriously I think one should always follow his/her heart otherwise one will be unhappy, being rich is never going to fill the void.
• Belgium
5 Oct 07
One more thing an intelligent guy can become wealthy but a wealthy 'not intelligent' guy can never become intelligent.
• Malaysia
6 Oct 07
Who's that online money making and inteligent guy? You? LOL...(just kidding), Well, you have given a good point which can be used to convince her family that it's possible for the intelligent guy to become wealthy but not vice versa.
1 person likes this
• Belgium
7 Oct 07
No I'm not wealthy nor intelligent or maybe I'm just being modest.
• China
15 Nov 07
If I was your friend, I would choose the intelligent guy with a brilliant and talented soulmate. The feeling is the more important thing for me than other factors. Take one of my friends for example, she has a boyfriend who seems not to be as considerate and gentle as their excellent guys. But she tells me that her boyfriend is full of merits like the sense of humor and optimistic attitute. I am just as same as my friend,I realy regard that the feeling is crucial for me to choose boyfriend. As for me, I did not like my boyfriend at first meet. As you know, he is like garfield, the lazy and fat cat, in the famous cartoom movie. However, I started to like him when I know more about him. I often tell my friens that I like the people with beautiful and charming apperance. Actually I really have boyfriend with different type. It is hard to imagine how it happened. As for some people, maybe feeling is not as important as we think. Some women I know try to find rich men and get married. They also could live a happy life with some effort. How to choose perhaps depends on what you really want.
• Malaysia
15 Nov 07
I believe there's a balance of look for many couples, if one is good looking, the partner would be an opposite. This is just my observation, but the matter is they are happy being together and love each other! :) my friend had finally made up her mind with the intelligent boyfriend and they seems happy being together.Wish them all the best!
@carol_m (709)
• Philippines
6 Oct 07
She should follow what her heart tells her. Money isnt everything. Maybe, if the intelligent guy's hardworking, both of them could afford an ample living if ever they would be together. What's important is they love each other and there's understanding between them.
• Malaysia
6 Oct 07
Yes, hopefully her inner feeling is firm enough to let her step forward.
@gesell03 (173)
• Philippines
6 Oct 07
i think your friend is taking this the wrong way, she really wouldnt be able to tell whom she would fall for, its never really about the money , and why should she be thinking of the financial aspect what she should be thinking of is how she could improve her financial status without relying on a guy to spend for her needs, so that in that way she need not confuse herself, men are not vending machines,and love is not about the money one has, she is taking love for granted.
• Malaysia
6 Oct 07
In fact, she has a stable good pay job and doing pretty well in her career. Not that she wants to rely on guy for living and she's not the materialistic kind of person. I think the main reason causing her indecisiveness is the parent. You know she's her parents' GOOD little girl since young..I think you are right, for once she need to make her own decision, but never be regret after making her choice.
• Philippines
6 Oct 07
If given a chance, hehehe... I would choose the intelligent and average boyfriend. He's handsome, loving and most of all intelligent. He has a future and I'm sure just by using his intelligence, he could afford everything in the near future. We don't know you know, maybe he'll become the pres. of a company or somewhat. Because , for all I know, intelligent people who know how to use it will have a better future of course. So that's it, go for the intelligent and average... Good luck!
• Malaysia
6 Oct 07
I think you get me wrong, sorry if my statement was not clear enough. The A guy is a rich and handsome one, while B the intelligent and average guy. B is not bad looking, just not as handsome as compared to A. Based on your judegement above, I believe if taking away the word 'handsome' from B, you'd still go for B right?
• Philippines
6 Oct 07
for me i prefer intelligent and average men. sometimes rich men are stubborn they dont think about their future because they know that they are rich and they will do nothing. while an intelligent and average men will strive hard just to fulfill their dreams. so what do you think?who will you choose
• Malaysia
6 Oct 07
Generally, yes, rich guy would be more stubborn or arrogant. Somehow I do not see that in the rich guy(A) yet (perhaps not knowing him well). Comparatively, the intelligent guy(B) is more ambitious. That's the main reason I encourage her to go for him as I can see his brighter future. As for the A, although helping up family business which is currently reputable and profit-making. If unfortunately the business wind up one day, it's hard for him to start over from scratch. Base on above interpretation and a few other factors that I've shared earlier, I will choose B.
@ailema4ever (2675)
• Finland
5 Oct 07
I'd pick the intelligent and average guy. After all, being rich doesn't mean you're gonna be happy. Life changes, so who knows maybe later on she and the average guy can make more money than they can ever imagine? After all, he's intelligent. :-))) Plus, I always go with my heart. :-))))
• Malaysia
6 Oct 07
Yea, money can be earned later but not the intelligence which is priceless :)
@kelly60 (4548)
• United States
5 Oct 07
This isn't really a decision that anyone can make but her. I wouldn't make the decision based on money or intelligence though. If I were her, I would decide based on how I felt about the boyfriend, and how he felt about me. It is much more important to have a loving relationship than money or brilliance.
• Malaysia
6 Oct 07
I agree with you. As a friend, the most I can do is to help interpret and factor a few possibilities to help in her decision making. Same here...I think feeling is important :)
@cripfemme (7718)
• United States
2 Apr 08
Based on your discription, I'd pick the smart guy. It seems like your friend likes him better anyway. Money isn't everything even if grew up poor.
@Ohara_1983 (4120)
• Kuwait
29 Nov 07
I think your friend need to chose verywell not only that she say that booth are caring and give all what she need, but how about the parent of men , she is welcome to them, even we will say that she will not leave to he mother in law but she need also that she will feel comportable & welcome us a family member. hope that it will help tp you friend my comments. Happy posting cutieweii
@lucky_witch (2711)
• Philippines
18 Oct 07
For me, I would rather stick to the one I really love. But if the character should be the basis of choosing, I would rather have an intelligent and average boyfriend. Because for me, we can start there, with his capabilities. Because even if you have the money, that you have because of your parents, there is a greater chance to loose it if you dont know how to use it well.
@nadezna (204)
• Philippines
9 Oct 07
i choose whom i can show my own self the one who accept me for who iam and the one who have the dreams and the courage to do all the responsiblity when we have the family someday.and most of all the one who make me feel special.