To Eat or Not To Eat?

United States
October 5, 2007 12:35am CST
Recently me and my hubby went to my friends 6yo's bday party at her parents. They live in the country have a lot of land, horses, pond full of fish, golf carts, 4 wheelers. We had a really good time. My husbands pretty particular about his food though, so he really didnt eat too much during dinner, and then didnt take any cake afterwards. The cake he just didnt really like, it was strawberry cake with strawberry icing. They kept offering him things besides the cake and he politely told them no thank you, he was fine. So the next day, Im talking to my friend and shes telling me how her parents felt he was uncomfortable or something because he didnt take the food that was offered or eat any cake. I tried to explain to her that he just didnt like some of the stuff and that was all. Not that her mother was a bad cook or anything. So my question is, why do people take offense to someone not eating their food? Or even think something is wrong? Why cant they just accept the fact that they said no thank you without anything else behind it? Should you eat something you dont like just to make the host or hostess happy? Bay xx
9 people like this
17 responses
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
13 Oct 07
I guess some people take offense if one doesn't eat something they've fixed for some kind of party or social gathering simply because of the belief that well, gee, I went through all this trouble to fix this you should eat it...I just can't help wondering if they've been in the same situation and they were the guests and they didn't want to eat something cause they didn't like it. I think people just have a tendency to think that if THEY like the type of food everyone does or should...Too bad your husband didn't say that he was allergic to some of the foods ...they might have understood that then
2 people like this
• United States
13 Oct 07
Thats a really good point you made there Pye!! I didnt think of that either. I know I tend to disect things because I have felt this way at one time or another, and wonder if others feel this way too and thats why they are acting this way...hmm your probably right. lol I think I will tell him next time to just say that, it usualy does shut people up!
1 person likes this
@kiobug (2250)
• United States
9 Oct 07
People do that to me all the time. They try like eighty times and I still say no so then they say things like no wonder you are so skinny. You dont eat and when you do you eat like a bird. Uh...sorry? I just dont want it. Excuse me. Who cares. It saves food. Better to save it then waste it. I dont think its rude at all. I think people should be understanding about it.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Oct 07
You poor thing! lol I think it would save more for me or who does want it later on lol I dont agree with wasting much food either. I feel guilty if I have not eaten it all, and more and likely will put it in the fridge to eat later on or something. I rarely throw it away. Bay xx
1 person likes this
@kiobug (2250)
• United States
11 Oct 07
Yeah I agree. I just feel like some people are just not hungry or maybe not craving what you are serving. In my family people always take plates home....It has taken a few years but family members I see often know that when I say im not hungry or I dont want any im not being rude because I do it all the time. Im sorry that happened to you. I guess you could always just eat a little. Look like you at least tried it. But that could always lead to didnt you like it? Its just an odd situation.
1 person likes this
@kiobug (2250)
• United States
11 Oct 07
You could also just ask to take a plate home. That way you are still taking their food but can eat it when you want.
1 person likes this
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
5 Oct 07
Hi BayleighGray!I know some people are just like that. Everything revolves around food! With my family they like to cook too and are always forcing food on you.LOL Geez I dont know what their problem is!LOL I really wouldnt worry about. You explained to them. What else can you do? My husband is a picky eater so my family knows that and they dont bother him.LOL
• United States
6 Oct 07
Thanks Terry! I tried to tell them that too, he just isnt big on eating a lot of different kinds of food. Hes a simple man really, especially when it comes to what hes eating. lol We will be sure and stay away from any of your family functions! ;) Although it sounds like you have a nice welcoming family! Thats really good to have. Bay xx
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
13 Oct 07
Not to pinpoint anyone particular culture..but some cultures are like that..like Italians--food is a real main issue in an Italian home..I know from first hand experience when once I was invited to my friends home at Thanksgiving..yeesh...BESIDES the usual turkey type dinner, there were the antipastos, lasagna, manicotti, soups galore, eggplant parmesean, veal parmesean..and THEN you were expected to eat about twenty different desserts..LOL
1 person likes this
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
13 Oct 07
LOL Your so right! I have a friend whos Italian too. And boy do they have alot of food.heheheheh
@secretbear (19464)
• Philippines
8 Oct 07
I'm sensitive too when it comes to food since I have food allergies. when I go to parties and I'm offered food that I can't eat, I respectfully says I can't eat it because I have bad allergies. and thank God no one had ever felt bad about it. but there are really people who feels bad when people refuse the food they offer. I think because they feel that they prepare and cook very good food that no one can refuse it just by the looks of it and anyone who taste it will be amazed and find it delicious. they have too much confidence on their food in short, and refusing to eat it is unthinkable! ^__^;; and maybe your husband is the only one who didn't eat the cake.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Oct 07
I myself have tried to get him to eat certain things and I cant even get him to do it. Hes just a picky man when it comes to food. He actually was the only one to not eat the cake! LOL He wont eat any kind of cake other than butter cake with chocolate icing, home made icing at that he refuses to eat store bought. lol Hes just like a finicky cat!! Bay xx
2 people like this
@secretbear (19464)
• Philippines
8 Oct 07
im a picky eater too. not because i have allergies but because i just dont like certain foods. ^__^;; i guess there are really people like us.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Oct 07
Yeah what about the people hosting? Im sure they have food that they dont like to eat, so why wouldnt they understand when others dont want to eat something. Just how people are and seems like anything to cause some drama! Geesh! lol Bay xx
1 person likes this
• China
5 Oct 07
i have a story.three years ago,i went to my friend's family to attend a party,in the dinner,my friend make a cookie called potato salad,i didn't like it really,but i eat it and applauad it.and then,when i go to my friend's home,i have to eat potato salad every time,that is too bad. so,i think,if you don't like something food,don't eat it.only to make the host or hostess happy,that is a bad idea.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Oct 07
Erm yeah you kind of set yourself in stone eating and then lying about actually liking it. You poor thing! You were only trying to be polite! Check the menu before you go to her house to eat, it potato salad is on the list, then just decline. hehe I myself love potato salad, but I dont like how most people make it. I like how I make it!! Bay xx
1 person likes this
• China
6 Oct 07
yeah,i hope i have chance eat your potato salad,hehe.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Oct 07
Well thank you Dream, I think you would like it. I have special secret ingredients for my potoato salad! Bay xx
1 person likes this
@laurika (4536)
• United States
5 Oct 07
Yeah this is really something crazy.I am the same like your husband if I don't like something I am not gonna eat it, but why it should some one touch.Oh my god, you know people are sometimes worried about such a silly things.I cannot believe it.But I see you are not gonna explain it to your friend.When she didn't understand it once, she wouldn't never.The best what I can recommend you, nect time you will go the party, just starve your husband for 2 days and than he will eat like crazy.(just kidding)
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Oct 07
LOL He did sort of eat just a few hours before we were to leave. I told him that her Mom was going to be cooking food and we could eat there, he said "Yes I know, thats why Im eating now" lol He was joking of course. I really just think my friend was using her parents as an excuse because she was more bothered with it than her parents were. She made the cake, perhaps she that is what was really bothering her. lol He doesnt like Strawberry cake! Nothing wrong with that. lol Bay xx
1 person likes this
@laurika (4536)
• United States
5 Oct 07
Your friend should be happy.I am sure your husband is such a good person and he wanted leave more for others.:)I mean what a big deal, if he doesn't like something, than he doesn't.I can see, now you will have to keep telling her for 1 year how sorry you are and how great cook she is, just to please her.Mayeb you should buy her a cook book.lol.No , don't do that.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Oct 07
LOL Your hilarious Laurika! You know, it really does surprise me when she does cook. She is just not the "type". She is more of a drive thru or take out kind of person. Her cooking is not so bad though, Ive eaten it.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
5 Oct 07
I would not take offense but I would have asked him there and then if he is sure he did not want anything different if it was just a case that he did not like the Food I would have asked him what he likes and I would have made him something different if he wanted me to and that would have been it and if he still declined that then I would have accepted that to But some People do take offense at things like that I will say "Please do not be offended but I am not Hungry so I rather not" and if they can not accept that then there is not a lot more I can do xxx
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Oct 07
You are so lovely Gaby! They did offer him other things, but then he is the type that he wouldnt want you to go to any more trouble to cook something else for him. He ate the foods he did like, she had a smorgasboard on her kitchen table lol He just didnt eat a lot of it, and I guess they felt that since he didnt eat more than what he did, he must not have liked it. I dont know! Geeesh! lol Bay xx
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
6 Oct 07
Well that is a bit silly I would never take that as an insult I would just believe he is like me and just does not like eating a lot Crikey I hope I don't insult People then lol as I never eat a lot I am not a big eater at all and I would hate to think that People it's because I do not like them or that I don't like their food xxxxx
1 person likes this
@raijin (10373)
• Philippines
5 Oct 07
I haven't experienced that kind of treatment here, as we are used to be a more undertstanding and hospitable host. We wouldn't take offense if someone didn't ate what we offer, as we understand the visitor might be feeling a little bit shy or uneasy. As long as the person is enjoying and have eaten atleast something, we wouldn't mind at all. You friend should not misinterpret such things, they should be more understandable and thankful that both of you have attented the celebration!;)
• United States
5 Oct 07
Her parents are good people, very nice and very easy to get along with. I was a bit shocked, of course it could have been my friend just using her parents as an excuse to say something. I love her parents like they are my own, they treat us great! My husband is a bit shy anyway. When I would be on the phone with my friends and he would be trying to talk to me as well in the background they would ask who that was. lol I would say its Alex. They couldnt believe he was talking because around them he would hardly say a word. lol Geesh I cant get him to shut up sometimes. lol Thats good that you dont have to worry about this. This is not the first time I have experienced it. There have been other times too. They felt insulted that the food wasnt eaten as if to say they were a bad cook. Bay xx
1 person likes this
@raijin (10373)
• Philippines
5 Oct 07
The only problem we have here are those who would slip some food for them to bring in their homes, but we don't worry about it as long as they wouldn't bring all on their home!;) We feel happy about it, as it only means that they really loved the food we served!;)
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
13 Oct 07
I understand both sides. Your hubby had the right to decline eating. I know there have been times when I have been on a diet it seems like everyone wants to feed you. Some people are really offeneded if you don't eat the food but I would rather decline in certain situations. My sister in law is a gourmet cook and I have had times when I have left their house and been sick all night from all the vinager she uses. She is sometimes offended but an good explaination should be accepted.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Oct 07
Thats funny Jill, my sister is also a chef! I dont eat her cooking though, she lives in Mass. We just sounded like a broken record really, we just kept telling them he really doesnt like it, and that he got full of the other stuff. I thought he ate alright. lol
1 person likes this
• Germany
10 Oct 07
Hey there! This is what I think. My family is real big on food as well. Huge in fact. We take pictures of the food before people lol. If someone doesn't want to eat the food that isn't a problem, what would bother me is that I had no idea they didn't like the food. I know you said that he wouldn't want them to bother making something especially for him, but honestly I would really like to know. Its my job as a host to ask what you can and can not eat and if I forget please tell me because I want you to eat and be merry. :) So maybe she wasn't offended in the least, maybe she just wished she had known so she could accommodate her guests. When I am eating mostly vegan food I always always say I will bring a salad and special dessert for everyone so that the host doesn't have to bother preparing anything special for me. And I tell them that I am not eating certain things right now. Normally if I say something in advance then it is ok. OH and I have to remind people, we are not here because of the food, we are here because of YOU! We want to spend time with YOU it doesn't matter if I eat or not. It is kinda funny how we relate to food when spending time with another person. I don't need food as a buffer. All I need is you!
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Oct 07
OMG! Im falling out of my friggin chair!!! YOUR HERE!! FINALLY! LOL You made some really good points honey! I didnt look at it that way, I was just shocked that she was even asking me! I hope she wasnt offended at all, I dont like to think we made her feel that way. I also liked your point about what the whole occassion really is about, its not about the food its about the celebration and the reason behind the gathering! Your absolutely right! Bay xx
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Oct 07
Maybe some people feel like they are the best cooks in the world and are just knocked down a peg or two when someone refuses to go "whole hog". My family is that way. They take great offense when you don't try one of their homemade dishes. If I don't want it, I don't eat it. They'll get over it.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Oct 07
Good suggestion, but I dont think that is it with this family. Im sure they will get over it as well. lol I dont think like that myself, so I was just a bit shocked when my friend started asking me all kinds of questions and making remarks, nothing rude or anything, but hinting that they didnt feel he liked the food. lol Id think hey more for me, they didnt eat it all!! Bay xx
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
6 Oct 07
Well its like rejecting the person if you don't eat a lot or if you keep refusing food they cook. Some are so up there they'll take offense if you refuse food they didn't cook but got catered ("how dare you reject this homecooked food I ordered made!" =P). So basically its an ego thing. Other times people feel discouraged if they've spent hours, days, even weeks preparing some food and people refuse it. Sometimes people are not in the mood for certain things. I'll give foods a try though but there are times people really don't want to eat or maybe you are a bit under the weather and you don't want to eat for that reason. Its quite a situation though, because there are several variables involved.
1 person likes this
@urbandekay (18312)
5 Oct 07
Mmmm, free food, you'd be beating me off with a stick all the best urban
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Oct 07
LMAO! Thats how most people would react, well I guess my hubby is just "special"! Bay xx
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Oct 07
In my country, it's offensive if our guests would not take the food that was prepared for them. But, personally, I would understand my guest if he said that he had aleady eaten and he's full or that he is sick and can't take anything at that time. Probably, it just depends on how he would explain the situation to me. If he would just simply wave the food away, I would feel that he sees the food I'm offering disgusting and then I would never ever invite him to any of my parties again.^^
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Oct 07
Hi Tintin! Oh no, he was not rude by any means. He simply was saying no thank you, and saying he was full. I think I would be offended as well if one of my guests was waving it away as if to say UGH you expect me to eat that? hehe Bay xx
1 person likes this
@josh33 (120)
• India
5 Oct 07
Some people dont eat because they are shy. So that become a generalised statement that ppl wont eat much if they are shy & so they try to force..
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Oct 07
Yes he is shy, and I told her that, of course she knew that already. But she still felt a bit offended by it I guess. Bay xx
1 person likes this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
14 Oct 07
Not only are some people shy, nervous or particular, but some people have dietary restrictions due to health, religion or wanting to lose weight. They may have been afraid that he wasn't having fun or something. I personally see no problem with someone not eating. In smaller get togethers you can call the guests to get any dietary restrictions, its more difficult in a larger scale affair so I think they could have been more understanding.
• United States
14 Oct 07
I think so too Artemis. Thanks. He has no dietary issues he eats what he likes and as much of it as he can. lol He needs to gain weight actually, it wouldnt hurt him any. I just thought perhaps I was missing something about the art of hosting and attending a gathering where food would be present. He was laughing and talking, that should have showed them he was enjoying himself. Bay xx
2 people like this
• Abernathy, Texas
15 Oct 07
I'm stumped personally. BTW - lovin' the avatar.
• United States
15 Oct 07
Thanks sweetie, Im still laughing about "pile of poop" LOL That was too funny, I changed it immediately!! LOL
1 person likes this
@spoiled311 (5502)
• Philippines
14 Oct 07
good discussion bay!:-) i have a similar problem in parties. people dish out stuff at me and expect me to finish them all. it seems that they feel insulted when their food isn't finished. my problem is, i eat a lot and i love to eat, yet i also gain a lot of weight in the process. many times i attempted to get on a diet, but when these parties come and my well-meaning hosts sort of "demand" that i eat their food, i can't resist. they just can't seem to take the reason that i am on a diet, telling me that a party should not be the time to be on a diet. now i have a problem with my weight--it just keeps increasing!!! ugh ! and i couldn't seem to stop eating!
• United States
14 Oct 07
Well thank you! I love to eat too, and I tend to gain lots of weight. I know its a viscious cycle really! lol I guess that is what functions are for, eat drink and be merry! I dont mean to offend anyone, thats not my intentions at all. Im just not going to eat what I dont like or expect anyone else to either. I think thats fair. lol Bay xx
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Oct 07
yup! that is fair. but well, filipinos are different. most are very sensitive, and your denying eating the food offered means is insulting for them. sigh...anyway, can't change a whole country's beliefs overnight. hahaha