Another freaking discussion from Kiobug.

@kiobug (2250)
United States
October 10, 2007 10:14pm CST
Opinions needed. My mom has a boyfriend. First of all the guy thinks hes a genius and knows more about everything then anyone. He has a son the same age as me. His son started working at age 18. I started working at 16. His son got arrested last year for breaking into a drug dealers house and stealing drugs. I have no criminal record. Just some background. So the first incident. My moms boyfriend found out that his son and I have the same english teacher. Only difference is that I am in english 126 and his son is in English 1A. He keeps bringing it up to my mom. Pointing out that his son is a harder class then me. (Even though he isnt doing well in it.) So when my moms boyfriend brings it up to me he tells me, "Well im sure you could have gotten into english 1A but your counselor probably thought english 126 would be easier for you since its your first semester in college." How rude! Gosh! So the second incident was this week. I called into work yesterday because I had "homework" when really I just wasnt feeling well but I told my mom I had homework. So she tells her boyfriend that because apparently its his buisness. And he says, "Well she must be behind and struggling in school if she had to call in. And she wouldnt get an assignment on Tuesday that would be due on Thursday." (Which is what I told my mom and actually thats how our assignments go in my english class but oh well.) Anyways my mom gave me permission to say something if I want to but she is staying out of it. Im fired up about it. Should I confront him? Its just so rude and I feel like hes just trying to make up for something because his son got kicked off the basketball team for his grades, has been in prison, and barely started working. Compared to me who graduated with a B average, has never been in prison and been working hard since I was of age. What would you do?
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8 responses
@cotruelove (1038)
• Denver, Colorado
11 Oct 07
Oh wow, it sounds like several things are going on. The first and primary thing, you don't like the man or his son. Secondly, to compare you to his son.....omg....that is rude. I'm afraid if I were in your shoes, I'd tell him to butt out of my business and that I don't appreciate his remarks or being compared to his son. Then I'd make sure I stayed away from him until my mom wakes up to what a jerk he is. I don't think he is trying to make up for something, he is trying to impress your mom and sounds like if he needs to he is on shaky ground. He isn't seeing you, he's just trying to get your mom's attention. Probably why you mom said for you to say something to him. You probably make him feel he is inferior as a parent, and he is struggling to deal with it by attacking you. Good luck and keep up the good work.
@kiobug (2250)
• United States
11 Oct 07
Wow thats a great response. Really. Thanks for your opinion. Its not that I dont like them but it is tiring listening to my mom complain about how condescending he is. He has told my mom thinks like have you looked in the mirror today. The other night they went to a play and my mom wore all black. He called her Elvira all night. Anyways I think you are right because I think he got frustrated a bit ago because they had a talk a couple weeks ago and I think it was because my mom hasnt let him get in her pants. I think its been two years since they started dating. My mom is such an independent person she hardly ever wants to go out and hes clingy and a know it all. I think she doesnt want to be alone and he wants to get closer to her.
1 person likes this
• Denver, Colorado
11 Oct 07
That's great, makes me happy to hear your mom is independent. I was that way when I was young. Now that I'm divorced, I'm still independent even in a relationship. Clingy men.......yuck!!! Sounds like your mom likes him but not the way he likes her. He sure wont get any points with your mom if he doesn't quit the ego maniac act. I hate when men cover up an inferiority complex with a ego maniac act. You don't have to act all know it all to get attention and superior to everyone. He might even be a pretty nice guy even if he wasn't being such a jerk.
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@kiobug (2250)
• United States
11 Oct 07
I totally agree but unfortunately he is kind of a poop head so we will see how it goes. Thank you so much for your responses.
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@Amberina (1542)
• United States
11 Oct 07
He's jealous cause your the better kid so he wants to make your life miserable, he's a low life and needs to be confronted right in front of your mother, if it was me I would do that and then when I was done I would look at my mother and say "Thanks for sticking up for me, children will love you and be with you forever men like him come a dime a dozen!" Then for a dramatic effect I would walk out and slam the door. That last part is optional. I wish you the best don't let him bring you down just keep being a good person and make him look like a fool. :) -Amber
@Amberina (1542)
• United States
11 Oct 07
I hope you have an easier time with him I think the more you stand up for yourself the easier it will get or else it will get harder but it sounds to me like he is just a bully who needs to be put in his place. -Amber
@kiobug (2250)
• United States
12 Oct 07
I talked to my mom about it today and she just said she wouldnt tell me about it anymore since I got so upset over it. Yeah okay thanks. Really?
@Amberina (1542)
• United States
12 Oct 07
Well dear I'm sorry that this is happening to you, your a good person and you always will be don't let him bring you down he is just jealous. You won't always have to live with him someday you will move out and be done with him. I wish you all the luck I'm sorry I don't have any more ideas but if I do I will zoom on here and let ya know.-Amber
• United States
11 Oct 07
The fighter in me is saying lay it on him good!! lol But really though, if he is as stuck on himself as you say he is, it wont do any good really. Next time you want to call into work, dont use homework as your excuse. And making a habit of calling into work will only follow you into the future, trust me! Sometimes in life we have to do things we dont necessarily want to, and when we do these things, it builds a stronger character within us. It might not make you feel better doing it right then, but it will in the long run. Perhaps find another job to where he is not your boss, and since he is only your moms BF I wouldnt deal with him too much. Deal with your mom he really has nothing to say about how you do things. Bay xx
@kiobug (2250)
• United States
11 Oct 07
Hes not my boss. : ) I am thinking about looking for another job and trust me calling in is not a habit. At my old job I used to work six days a week at least and forties hours a week which is a bit much for a part time job. I called in once the whole time I worked there. I am not enjoying my job that much and that plays into it to. Otherwise I am a hard worker. I even worked on my birthday last year. : ) I know the crazy side of me wants to rip him and new one and totally knows how. (He gets offended by comments about his son.) But I think I should hold my tongue. I doubt he will be as hurt as I was about his comments.
• United States
11 Oct 07
My deepest apologies! lol When you wrote "his business" lol I thought you meant literally his business....as in he was the owner. Ok it was early when I read that this morning! LoL Yeah I know what you mean when you dont really like your job, it makes it really easy to call in to work. Well I hope that you find something that you like more. Thats really kind of the reason why Im not working, I want to take a job Im going to enjoy and be productive at, I dont want to take what ever comes along just to have a job, that never works out for you or the employer. Good luck Kio! Bay xx
@kiobug (2250)
• United States
12 Oct 07
I totally agree with you and thats okay. You werent the only one confused about what I wrote. I wish I could afford not to work until I found a great job. Well thank you for responding.
@aaidjs (1149)
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
11 Oct 07
Hi Dear!!I can understand that it is not easy to live with you mother boyfriend's!!First of all, way she have boyfriend in your house!!It will be better to live that part of her life out of your home!!She have to be responsible mother and you have to be on her first place!!Try to find your way in life and talk with your mother!!I am sure she will understand and she will do some good changes !!LOL Silvana
@kiobug (2250)
• United States
11 Oct 07
He doesnt actually live with us. He just comes over a lot.
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@aaidjs (1149)
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
11 Oct 07
That is good for you!!I know that sometimes is not easy to understand our parents needs!!I am much older than you and I have a problem with understanding that some of my good friends have a boyfriends and children from previous relation!!I am so traditional and in marriage for 32 years but I think that you have first think about your children,than about how you are still young and want a boyfriend in a life!!You did not ask your mother to came on this world,she decided to bring you on this world and now she have to give you all love and understanding!!!
@kiobug (2250)
• United States
11 Oct 07
I totally agree.
1 person likes this
• Canada
12 Oct 07
Well if it was me and my mother said she didn't care if I called him on it.The next time he said ANYTHING like that I would call him on it and throw everything about his kid in his face and then when I said all I needed to say that would be the end of it. If you do decide to call him on it tr to end it after your done don't let it keep going on and on and if need be try to ignore the twit afterwards. The only thing you need to watch out for is if it keeps going your mother may decide to get involved and you don't want that. I hope you cana get all of this resolved hun Hugs
@kiobug (2250)
• United States
12 Oct 07
Thank you very much for responding and giving great advice. It will be considered. : )
@AD11RGUY (1268)
• United States
12 Oct 07
Seeing that you are now 18 and very (commendably) dedicated to your future, I would sit back and review the situation in it's entirety, from beginning to present. Ask yourself questions like "In the 2 years it's been, how much has my mom been there for me when it comes to him?" "How much is this interfering with my personal well being and self-esteem?" "Is there a realistic chance that this situation can be improved or will mom just continue in the same vein?" If you see yourself losing ground, I would seriously consider talking with 2 of your closest friends who are also goal orientated about getting a place together. College is mind draining and requires one's full effort to not only do good, but get the courses completed in a timely fashion. Unnecessary, demunitive distractions need to be eliminated and he definitely is one of the worse kinds. So give yourself the introspection you are due and find a solution that works best for you! You are an adult now, time to grab the bull by the horns and make your life what you want it to be! As much as you love your mom, it is not wise for you to let her life stop you from having yours. Stay strong, think wise, work smart and get what you want out of life! Good luck and Godspeed!
@kiobug (2250)
• United States
12 Oct 07
Thank you so much for such an uplifting response. I havent considered looking at the situation in this light and I think it would be a wise move. Her boyfriend is currently out of town for awhile so I cant make any improvements or discisions about it right this second. I have so many different responses to consider. Thank you for responding.
@gexi1987 (329)
• China
11 Oct 07
well my friend.i dont think it's meaningful and worthy to argue with someone who arrogant but apparentlly not deserve it.all you need to do is just leave him alone and do what you are really interested in.time will reveal all the truth to tell both your mother and her boyfriend that you are the one who is more smarter,discplined,however modest.
@kiobug (2250)
• United States
11 Oct 07
You are so right but the rebel inside me wants to come out and play.
• India
11 Oct 07
Your problem definitely merits serious discussion and lots of it. however, I would start by advising you to ignore…yes ignore that man and whatever his actions may be. Instead have a talk with your mom. She seems to be having more faith in her bf than her son, maybe she thinks that at your age you need the guidance of a father figure and hence she leans towards him. but since you are working since 16 and seem to have a straight head on your shoulders, talk to her very calmly and logically. Tell her that you have no problems with her personal life and as her son, she has every right to be worried about your grades and all, but at your age, you would rather not have a ‘father’ imposed on you. I am sure that with the right signs of maturity and with correct logical explanation, you will be able to make her understand. Whether she does or doesn’t, be careful to avoid that man and his son. You are at a critical juncture of your own life, where studies and jobs should matter the most. What this man is trying to do is create a chaotic situation in your life and hence distract you from your personal goals. People such as them are most insecure in their personal lives and try to create disturbance in others’. They project a bombastic image of themselves and urge people to follow them blindly…they are badly in need of some solid stability in their own lives and views. So ignore him as much as you can and concentrate on your studies and job instead. These will hold you in good stead and the future will tell who is more correct, your mom’s bf or your own determination.
@kiobug (2250)
• United States
11 Oct 07
Thank you for putting such an effort into a really heartfelt response. I will be sure to take your advice into consideration. I just have one correction. He has a son and my mom has a daughter which is me : )