My first, "You don't know what you're talking about" sermon!! My rant.
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
United States
October 17, 2007 7:37am CST
So I went to the gyno Tues morning, presumably to try to get treatment for an ovarian disorder I have and get an annual and a BC refill. When I get there, she says she doesn't believe that what I have is a disorder and doesn't believe in treating it (yay). Anyway, while I was there, I decided to ask her what her policy for sterilization was. Holy sh!t!
"Are you kidding me?! Why would you ask that?"
Ugh, I wanted to smack her.
"You have no way of knowing what you'll want later in life. You might meet someone-"
I cut her off, "I'm engaged".
"Oh, well, what if he dies suddenly and you meet someone else and he wants kids?"
~...Are you fvcking kidding me? Did you seriously just ask me to concider the feelings of a man I might meet if my husband DIES?!?! What a horrible thing to say!!
"I get girls coming in here all the time asking for sterlization and I won't give it to them, then their birth control fails and I tell them to wait until the baby is one or two years old and then decide. Then they usually come back pregnant again and again!"
~Ummm, have we never heard of abortion? I wouldn't let my failed birth control last two weeks, much less wait until the little sh!t-bomb is two years-old. This woman just p!ssed me off.
"The worst thing anyone can do is sterilize a girl at your age. At your age you just think you're grown, at my age you know you are. No one makes any real decisions at your age."
Well what if I think you're an @sshole? No, I know you're a b!tch, that's it.
I just couldn't believe this sh!t. Well, a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
Just wanted to vent and rant. Comment however you see fit.
11 people like this
23 responses
@Lindalinda (4111)
• Canada
17 Oct 07
I looked at your profile. It says you are 20 years old. You will not like my response. Apart from dismissing your disorder out of hand any responsible and caring doctor will give you the same advice. You are still certain of everything. This will change as you mature. As you say a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Your journey through life will take you to many situations which you cannot anticipate at the moment. You will change your opinions on many things as you age and mature. I do hope though that you will eventually decide to opt for sterilization. Maybe motherhood is not for you.
Good luck with your engagement and forthcoming marriage.
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
17 Oct 07
"You will change your opinions on many things as you age and mature"
I'm sorry but to assume that she is still immature is WAY out of line IMO...I was VERY mature at that young age and younger and my opinions really havent changed much in regards to major life issues and I'm close to 40 yrs old now....Dont think that just becuase YOU MAY HAVE been immature at that age that everyone is..thats a huge mistake on your part..
4 people like this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
17 Oct 07
Thank you, Raven ^_^ Goodness gracious, these people.
4 people like this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
17 Oct 07
Sorry, but how do you know me to make that accusation? You don't know what I've been through, how matured I am, how I think or why my decisions are what tehy are, nor how long they have been there. I detest children with the core of my being and the very idea of pregnancy makes me want to wretch. How dare you.
And yes, my journey is just begining, the journey of oppression and insult taht every childfree woman must endure in the face of mindless breeders and antiquated morons who think that all women should melt at the idea of a "sweet little angel", regardless of the fact that the only melting that goes on in my head is imagining the little monster's flesh melting off of it's wretched little body.
4 people like this
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
17 Oct 07
You should have seen a couple of my male friends (avg age 256) when they tried to get vasectomies. The receptionist was a condescending shrill clown saying things like "But what if you meet Ms. Right? Blah blah blah" pretty much like how you were treated. One of my friends snapped back "Oh I met Ms Right, but she left me for her Mr Right and took my son with her. Now shut up!" Yea he was fuming and we really had to calm him down that night. When I tried getting information (just info) on it via phone and a receptionist encounter I got some of the same treatment. I was livid. So apparently you have to be 30 or older to matter eh? And it was also nice they didn't ask for any ID at first, they just assumed the age(incorrectly by the way).
Sorry that happened Lex. Know you've got my support. Its your life!
4 people like this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
18 Oct 07
My ex-boyfriend in Alaska got a vasectomy no problem in Alaska. No lectures, no id check.
3 people like this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
18 Oct 07
That's crazy. There was just recently a news article and interview with a man who'd chosen, at 25 to get a vasectomy with no "back-up" sperm. People were all shocked that he made such a permanent decision. It's like, get over it. It's his choice to make, leave him alone.
3 people like this
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
18 Oct 07
@ Arte. That's Alaska, and uh... that doesn't count!! XD (kidding)
@ Both. Yea it is sad, and it still does happen. On one side it was because of age (or apparently lack thereof -_-). On the other side (particularly if you are married) the clinics do not want the wife suing them over her husband getting a vasectomy.
I did a search for vasectomy consent forms. A few had "spouse signature optional" but it was like in 4 point font -_-. Other clinics state they simply deny the procedure for "legal matters".
3 people like this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
17 Oct 07
I can try, I'm not sure. There aren't many gynos in my area.
4 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
17 Oct 07
OMG please tell me you put her in her place!!!! I know I would have (and I have done that to a VERY ignorant doctor when I got preg with my youngest and he made a VERY out of line comment to me...needless to say it was the ONLY time I went to him..I found another obgyn doctor shortly after who ended up being fabulous)....Is she always like that? Rude I mean? If so I would consider changing doctors seriously...
Some ppl are unfkin real :-/
4 people like this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
17 Oct 07
It's not as bad as *that* anymore, but it is fairly difficult. Something to do with high physician insurance rates, they just all picked up and left about 8 years ago. It's gotten a bit better, but they're still a little scarce, especially if you're not being treated for pregnancy. I will admit only in this instnace, I am fairly young and I don't want to p!ss them all off all at once and then have no one who'll treat me on a regular basis lol. I think I'll finish my follow-ups with this one and start a new one next year.
4 people like this
@RosieS57 (889)
• United States
17 Oct 07
Oy.
Planned Parenthood, m'dear. They will direct you directly to a surgeon for your tubal ligation. Part of planning parenthood is also planning to not be a parent, which is your right.
If you change your mind later, you can always adopt. If you don't change your mind then you've done the right thing from the outset.
Sorry you have a GYN who is more concerned with her won point of view rather than what you want concerning your own health and future.
Please ask the Planned Parenthood folks for a referral to another GYN in your area. If you're not comfortable with male docs or there aren't many in your area you can often have a Nurse Practitioner handle your GYN needs -- particularly if there aren't going to be any OB issues down the line.
Hope this helps!
4 people like this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
18 Oct 07
Really? I always just associated PP with promiscuous teens lol. I'd rather get Essure than a tubal, though. However, I was seeing and NP before, but she was even more rude and whenever I complained of any uterine or ovarian problem, she would always tell me that she wasn't responsible for that, that I would have to see a real doctor.
4 people like this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
18 Oct 07
Well, I live in Las Vegas and we have a gyno shortage due to a higher doctor-paid insurance rate for the OB/GYN field. The old office I used to go to for my NP had Essure pamphlets all over the office. I have a mini-collection from where I would take one everytime I went lol. The problem is just finding someone who'll do it on someone my age.
As for the PCOS, I just went to my endochrinologist(as in I literially just got home from him lol) and he's going to treat me for it, so I feel better about that.
4 people like this
@RosieS57 (889)
• United States
18 Oct 07
Sounds like you're living in Podunk. PP isn't just for abortion, anymore! lol They can get you connected with a doc who isn't an azz. If you live in Greater Podunk I dunno if they would offer Essure in your locale anyway...so PP can tell you where the nearest facility is for that.
I live in an area of Florida where they change GYN's more often than I change undies, it seems. So all the PCP's and the NP's and even the local Rheumatologist offers to do the pelvics.
Do you have PCOS? If any doc "doesn't believe in that" get up and run away from them FAST and don't ever go back. You seriously do need someone who has a great deal of experience and is dedicated to sticking with you for years and years. All the extra garbage that goes along with having PCOS can screw ya up big time if everyone isn't careful and staying on top of it. :-(
4 people like this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
18 Oct 07
How old are you? I do know that you go thru alot of emotional changes from 17 to 21...it is incredible. I say that becuz i am much older now. I would not reccomend sterilization to anyone younger than 25. why? well we change so much in those years....our thinking our feelings. I got married just of high school. no one could have t alked me out of it. I wanted a child by 19...again no one could have convinced me to do otherwise. Looking back, I don't even recognize the girl I wAS. If you are 100% sure that you never want kids...look for another doctor.
4 people like this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
23 Oct 07
I agree. It's a disgusting double-standard to me.
1 person likes this
@tigerinthesky (20)
• Canada
19 Oct 07
Hello,
How old are you anyway? If you think kids are little " *#%!-bombs, " then you shouldn't have ANY kids. They deserve better treatment than that. By the way, I don't have kids and I'm not going to have any, but I still like kids.
3 people like this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
19 Oct 07
Well that's nice for you, but I don't. They make me sick.
2 people like this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
17 Oct 07
Gah! How frustrating! What's also sick and sad is that it doesn't really get any better when you get older or do have a child. I'm 27, have one child, had severe pregnancy complications, and even had the doctor tell me I shouldn't have any more kids. However, the suggested action is of course birth control (which could fail) rather than sterilization. Grrrr.
Personally, I think we should be able to sue the pants off any doctor that denies us such services. I mean, you are an adult. You should be able to make those decisions for yourself.
3 people like this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
18 Oct 07
What? He told you you shouldn't get pregnant again, then told you not to get sterlized? Lol! Sorry, but that's just absolutely ridiculous. Maybe you should got see Clam's gyno, too lol. We'll make it a girl's day! lmao That is just crazy.
This gyno told me that you're not a "real adult" until age 27, and that she'd only sterlize someone close my age if she had severe problems or diseases that shouldn't be passed on. Myabe I should go tell her I'm actually schizo, neurotic, have AIDS, cancer and have had 3 heart attacks lol.
4 people like this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
18 Oct 07
Yup, it's pretty insane, isn't it? I couldn't believe it, that they say I shouldn't have more kids but don't want to do sterilization either! And I didn't want more kids anyway, so it's not like it's an issue of me wanting them!
Maybe we should make such a trip! At least someone has found a good one.
I agree that it's ridiculous to put an age on being an adult like that. I'm sorry, I just turned 27 recently, and I've been an adult for years. *sighs* Stupid, stupid people.
3 people like this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
18 Oct 07
I can't believe she put an actual number to being an adult.
4 people like this
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
17 Oct 07
actually out of all that, the line "No one makes any real decisions at your age." um and at what age do people start making decisions? what about all the thousands of people that have had to escape anything tramatic or just survive while they were young? time for a second opinion!!!!
3 people like this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
18 Oct 07
Lol I know! Some people are just ridiculous.
3 people like this
@nancyrowina (3850)
•
18 Oct 07
These medical professionals have to cover themselves, if she did give you sterilization now and you changed your mind in a few years you could sue her a@@ off, not that you would but few doctors would risk it. She didn't have to be so patronizing though she should respect your decision and not try to impose her opinion on you like that, it's not her job. Asking you to consider your husband might die was harsh too and not really relevant to the subject, she could have said "what if he left you and you met someone else?" or something. The fact she seemed to assume it was your husbands decision not to have children and it had nothing to do with you is offensive too, people seem to have trouble accepting some women don't actually want children.
4 people like this
@kara5287 (299)
• United States
17 Oct 07
gynos have me fed up too. i have abnormal cells that are gettin closer and closer to being cancerous and all they want to do is a pap every 4 months. like watching get worse is going to treat it......after i had my second baby i wanted an iud (just in case they go up in there for 5-7 years and you can't get pregnant) but since i'm not married to the person i'm curently with they wouldn't do it cause they said if you sleep around and get an std it could be fatal. i've been with this guy for almost 2 years. that's longer then my marriage lasted. i thought it was bull anymore dr's are jokes. may i ask how old you are that they are saying you can't make that type of disicion at your age? i think no matter what age you can make a disicion regarding yourself. i'm 20 years old i've been pregnant 4 time. i have a 4 year old, then an abortion, then i miscarried twins, and i have a 7 month old. they gave me the option of getting my tubes tied which is forever permanent but i figured i was a little too young to decide if i never wanted any more kids. never know i might want another one in 5 years if i can still have kids by then that is. but i definately feel were your coming from they all know more about us then we know about ourselves. well so they think anyways.
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
17 Oct 07
I'm 20. I've known that I hate and never want kids ever since I was 3 years old. I've been terrified of getting pregnant ever since I was 6 years old. And quite frankly, I don't care if I do change my mind, I don't want that option becuase I know that I would regret having a kid. My mother had the exact same mindset as I do, but when her BC failed at age 33, her hormones took over and she never once concidered being childfree, abortion, or anything. I do not want to take that chance. I got a taste of those hormones about a year ago and I NEVER want to feel that way again.
The STD thing I had a problem with with my old gyno. Every time I went in for an annual she tried to force me to get an STD exam. I was like...no, why should I? Her response was always that since I was sexually active at my age (18-19) that I was at risk. Regardless of the fact that I have only ever been with one person and I had my first appt exactly one week after I lost my virginity and got engaged in may of LAST year. I hated her. Every question I asked, she somehow answered with "well, that's only for monogamous women" or whatever.
4 people like this
@kara5287 (299)
• United States
17 Oct 07
you do not have to answer i am just curious as to why at 6 years old you were worried about bc and not wanting children? i am not judging you in any way. it's your life your choice. and 20 years old is plenty old enough to decide for your future. that's what they tell you all through school ya know.decide your future.thats all your doing and they are giving you grief about it. i'd be trying to get ahold of the big ppl for that office and complaining about they way the spoke to you and treated you.
3 people like this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
17 Oct 07
Well, I decided when I was about 2 or three that I never wanted children. I have never been a "child". I never had the metnality or mindset of a child and so I never understood children throughout my entire life. At that age, it was obviously bit more abstract than "I'm never going to bear a child", it was more of "Dear god get these things away from me!" Then at 5, my mother got pregnant and I learned about pregnancy (through observation, my parents never really actively taught me or told me things, I simply watched and deduced) and when I was 6, my mother gave birth and I thought the whole process was horrendeous. At that time, all I associated with it was pain, that childbirth hurt and I've never had any kind of pain tolerance, so that was the stem of "I never want to give birth". Then as I got older and learned the actual biological processes and whatnot, I sort of softened up on it and didn't think much about it. Over the past 6-7 years, I've been actively doing the typical adolescent "search" and studied dozens of listyles, choices, outcomes, and whatever and have made my final decision to remain childfree. There are still several aspects of my personality and personhood that I haven't become cemented on for lack of enough knowledge to make a final decision, but having children is simply one of the things that I have definitively decided on.
5 people like this
@goddessglamourpuss (261)
•
18 Oct 07
Flipping heck Glam did you not know the reason doctors takeso long to qualify is because they minor in Godhood and therefore know EVERYTHING??!!!
I mean, every little girl grows out of wanting to be a princess so they can be the perfect Mum so I guess you must have dropped on your head as a child lol.
Seriously though, I was only watching TV today about a woman who has wanted to be sterilised from 20 and finally managed it at 30. Yet it wasn't all bad as there is still a chance of reversal! Hell fire, if she still wanted it after 10yrs she is hardly going to change her mind now!!
My partner had to battle to get a vasectomy after our 3rd child because he was only 25 and might split up with me and find another woman to have kids with. HELLO, what about the 3 he is already supposed to love and support? And why should he want to go off with another woman and spawn more kids? We actually thought it would be easier for him as neither of us want any more kids and I dreaded the possibility of finding out the menopause was a pregnancy in my 40s.
I actually think that if more women admitted they are not maternal and don't see kids in their life then they should be allowed sterilisation. I'm sure it is a subject given much thought and if there are doubts then take the pill for a while. It must surely be a better option than resenting kids you never really wanted or multiple abortions as a method of contraception.
Stick with it Glam, and sooner or later you will grind the b' stards down.
3 people like this
@isaiah12 (416)
• United States
17 Oct 07
Not knowing you personally I am not going to try to tell you what you should or should not do as. Having children is a personal choice. Some people love kids and should be parents. And some people just should not be parents. (Maybe if the ones who should not be parents did not become parents we would not have so much child abuse!)
But I do know Ithere are some doctors I personally don't trust. I have had alot of problems in the past. Precancerous tissues about 25 years ago. About 5 years ago I had polyps. They removed them and about a year later I had them again. They removed them again. Right afterwards I began having attacks where I couldn't breathe. I called the doctor and the first words out of his mouth was "I didn't do anything wrong". Really makes you feel safe. At my first check up after they removed them the second time. I tried to discuss with the doctor the fact that they had come back. If he thought they might come back again and if I should do anything as far as preventing them. And he said "Oh it was just tissues".
3 people like this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
18 Oct 07
Oh, yeah. So far I've gotten this gyno and my previous nurse practitioner tell me that my PCOS(Poly-cycstic Ovary Syndrome) is a non-issue, regardless of the fact that I've read about 10 different medical sites that describe a ton of horrendeous side-effects casued by the disorder which I have been experiencing for years and have subsequently destroyed my life. Ugh!
3 people like this
@kiobug (2250)
• United States
18 Oct 07
There was an episode of Law and Order once where a doctor would refuse to give girls abortions and they would end up having babies. He would say they had a fever and had to come back but he would put it off until they were past the five month mark and couldnt get an abortion. I think shes right about waiting to decide but not about not knowing what you want and to just pop one out and see how it goes. I think you should seriously consider it. No saying you havent. She was pretty dumb about it though. Every time I go they are so fast I dont even get to talk really.
3 people like this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
19 Oct 07
I saw that episode. Of SVU, right? It ticked me off sooo bad because places like that really do exist and it's just sick.
Also, I've been "seriously considering this" since I was 12. For a while, I didn't want to because I felt it was my right to live my life unaltered, not "get fixed" just because a bunch of fundies think abortion is wrong. But then My brother-in-law knocked up his 17 year-old g/f and I got so jealous of the attention she was getting(positive attention) that I started wanting to get pregnant just to be on "even keel" with her in my husband's family's eyes. I guess hormones came into play and I got this horrendous feeling of losing control of my life because of the hormones. Then I come to find out that my mother had the exact same mindset and "in case" plan as I do, but when she found out she was pregnant thanks to failed BC, she never even second-guessed continuing the pregnancy. I don't want to risk that happening to me, I know I would regret having it. I hate children far too much and far too deeply.
3 people like this
@kiobug (2250)
• United States
20 Oct 07
Thats true. It was just an idea. I didnt know you had to get measured for one. I almost got one but never went to the appointment because I felt weird about it. It makes sense though because I have gone to the office before and they have different sizes for the things they use to do the annuals. I dont know what its called.
2 people like this
@urbandekay (18278)
•
17 Oct 07
This is clearly disgraceful, too many people in the world anyway
all the best urban
3 people like this
@lucky_witch (2707)
• Philippines
19 Oct 07
Too bad but that is how life is. Personally, I am against abortion, and if my opinion will be asked, I will speak for myself. But never in my life that I interfere that much with the decision esp in times that a friend really want to abort. I just say nothing to it, nor beg her to stop. I experienced that once... and though for me its wrong, I wont stand on her way. I know that for her its just fine, and I respect that. I let her decide for herself and just listen if she wanted to speak. We're still friends until now, and we're good friends even though our beliefs always on the different side of the world. even after her abortion, I came to her aid to help her do things like cleaning. (she lives alone). She also dont want to have a baby. But she been with me when I bought baby dress for my youngest.
It happen because WE RESPECT EACH OTHERS CHOICE. WE tend to discuss things but only to explain and not to change each other's mind.
I guess you should see another OB-gyn...and let her know about it. if you really want it, I know you will find someone who will do that Its your choice and you know whats good for you. In the end its your life and you are the one responsible for your own happiness. Good luck!
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
20 Oct 07
Um, I didn't ask anyone's opinions about abortions, so I really have no idea what your post has to do with anything.
2 people like this
@eden32 (3973)
• United States
18 Oct 07
Wow. Not to add fuel to your flames, but what would make me really, really pissed if it were me- you paid this woman to treat you like this.
By her reasoning we should all be given an IUD (or something highly effective) when we become fertile & not have it removed until after about 30. I mean after all, if you're not "grown" enough to decide you don't want children at your age, how was I "grown" enough to know I did when I was much younger than you are now?
Can I ask what medical condition you might have? Is it one that is helped or harmed by pregnancy? FWIW- if you were my client that question would be the bigger concern if you wanted to be sterilized. If it's one that's helped by pregnancy, I'd encourage you to use hormonal birth control as that mimics pregnancy & would give you some benefits. If you're able to find a doctor who will do it, you could also be on the pill for that reason but be sterilized for BC. But bottom line, if you disagreed with the reasoning- it's your body. If being pregnant would worsen the condition you have, we'd be scheduling your tubligation as soon as you wished.
2 people like this
@eden32 (3973)
• United States
18 Oct 07
Just saw that it's POCS that you may have- I agree with someone else here who said if your doctor doesn't believe in the condition, run. I'd also second the recommendation that you try getting a referral from planned parenthood. They're very apt to even know a doctor doing the essure procedure as they're usually very current & progressive with the newest methods.
2 people like this
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
18 Oct 07
Ah, yet another doctor that plays God. Because she holds the degree, she automatically knows what is best for you. How frigging arrogant! If I were you, and if at all possible, I would seek another doctor and keep looking until you find the right doctor for you. You seem to know what you want, have given it great thought and don't want children. Some people just know that it is not right for them. Just because it isn't right for someone else doesn't give them the right to limit you from your choices because they have a degree! This really irritates me. Anyhow, I hope you find a good doctor who is more conducive to your needs and wants for YOUR life. Take care!
3 people like this
@lessca (1)
• Australia
18 Oct 07
Hey! Loved your little rant. Whatever happened to 'its your body' and "its your life'. You stick up for your right to decide whats right 4 u.
I have my own blog site where I cant have a rant - feel free to visit and add your own rants - www.myradicalblogs.com
cheers
les
3 people like this
@Live2Learn (272)
• United States
21 Dec 07
I mean honestly, it is your life, your body, your decision...when I say "your" I mean it generally speaking. I personally could never have an abortion...but it depends on the situation and even then it would be really hard for me. I mean, what about rape victims or women that don't have a home or food...then she shouldn't be pregnant...but anyway that isn't the topic necessarily.
As for your sterilization...if you don't like kids, or babies, then I think you should get sterilized. If you are sorry later in life then that is your biz...then you can adopt. But I personally think there is nothing worse than a person getting prego who doesn't want the precious life to begin with! They just end up abused or in dumpsters anyway....
dont get me wrong cookie, i'm not say you would do this...
1 person likes this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
21 Dec 07
Oh I don't take offense, I probably would. I get seriously freaked out if I'm forced to be around children or babies. Last time I was around one for longer than half an hour I had a severe anxiety attack and started yelling at people for no real reason and almost started to scratch or cut myself, I had to take an anti-anxiety pill immediately.
I also think I have tocophobia - the severe fear of pregnancy. I don't doubt that I could go insane if I got pregnant.
1 person likes this
@Live2Learn (272)
• United States
21 Dec 07
LOL, wow! Wonder what the underlying cause of this would be? LOL. I know a lot of people get freaked out by babies...I mean they cry and you don't know what,,,it is loud and shrilling....and you may not know what to do.
Nope pregnancy is not for everyone that is for sure. At least you are honest about it.
1 person likes this
