Demanding Gifts...

Demanding Gifts... - Demanding Gifts...
@twoey68 (13651)
United States
October 18, 2007 1:01pm CST
Do you know ppl that actually demand a gift for birthdays or Christmas? How do you tell them it's rude to do that? The first time I ran into this problem was shortly after Hubby and I met. He'd just gone through a messy divorce and had a 16 year old son. His ex wife called demanding gifts for their son. Not run of the mill gifts either but a new truck, a new computer...high dollar items. Considering he just got a divorce, had to file a bankruptcy and was trying to start over it was insane that she expected him to come up with gifts like these. Even gifts that were bought for him by family were returned to the store for cash so he could take his friends out to party. I've since run into this with a few other ppl who do the whole "what did you get me" thing. I like to buy gifts for ppl but I don't like being ordered to do it. I also don't like it when ppl tell me "well, just give me cash and I'll buy what I want". To me that is so rude. Maybe I'm being overly sensitive or something but when I was a kid, you got a gift if someone felt like giving you one and you'd better be appreciative of it even if you don't like it. !!HAPPY HALLOWEEN!! **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
12 people like this
43 responses
@linnie35 (18)
19 Oct 07
If he was my son I would have bought him a computer but then left it at my house and told him he could use it whenever he wanted that way he got his computer but then I knew that's all he could do with it, he couldn't sell it etc. I hate people who demand gifts those people are very selfish.
2 people like this
@nannacroc (4049)
19 Oct 07
I do know people like this and I don't buy for them at all. To me the point of the gift is to show you care and not just because it's what the other person asked for, whether you could afford it or not. There has never been much spare money in our family and when we buy gifts for our children and grandchildren, they are always appreciative, whatever it is. Personally, I would rather have a bar of chocolate or a home made gift given with love, than an expensive gift given out of duty.
2 people like this
@mouse27 (1155)
• Canada
19 Oct 07
in my family when people demanded or expected gifts they didn't get any
2 people like this
@LadyDulce (830)
• United States
29 Oct 07
Yeah, that's pretty horrible. My grandmother is like that and gets HIGHLY offended if you don't get her what she thinks she deserves. It's rude and irritating and she knows that none of us really have the money to spare on her, especially since we have our own expenses to cover within our own little families. I know my son, husband, stepdaughter, and nephew get damn near all of my money and time and energy. There's no way I have anything left over for a rude, bitter old woman. I just get her what I want to get her and if she's dissatisfied with it, she can give it back to me and I'll get her a card instead. I'm thinking about maybe a potted plant or something this year. I don't know, something cheap. If I'm going to be b!tched at for a gift, it may as well deserve it, right? Blessed Be
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Oct 07
I'll have to admit I do do the whole "what'd you get me" thing - but only because I know they did get me something and I'm messing with them. AND usually it's only with my hubby or my sister I do this with. It's all in good fun though. In our family we ask for lists with the adults and older kids. It's hard to know anymore what people have or what they really want and it's just easier this way. We don't always follow the list of course - we see something we know the other will love for instance - but we use it as a guideline. I have ask for money before for my BIRTHDAY only and only because there isn't anything little I want and I have something specific in mind I want to buy with it and don't want to ask anyone to spend that much money on me. Though I do ALWAYS tell people NOT to worry about getting me a gift - the thought of it is what makes me smile. I hate giving and getting gift cards for Christmas though. That too me is the most impersonal and generic gift to get. For birthdays it's okay but not for Christmas. I will only get one if I have no possible idea what to get them and can't get any ideas either. I don't like to think my gifts are a waste of money so I get them a gift card instead. My hubby gets them left and right from my family and he HATES it. Last year though - after stating he wouldn't participate in the name exchange again if he got another gift card - they didn't get him any LOL. And I only got one too. I agree it's rude to demand certain gifts and demand to getting one too. I think your hubby's ex was way out of line demanding such expensive gifts!!! Esp right after such a divorce and financial strain.
1 person likes this
@Savvynlady (3686)
• United States
29 Oct 07
Now that was downright outrageous; She was probably the reason he had to go bankrupt, and then to turn around and demand the stuff, that don't make sense, but when you are in a divorce, all you care about is selfish stuff sadly. If I am to buy a gift, I prefer to find out what they prefer so I can go from there. I don't like buying stuff I have no idea as to what a person wants, so I prefer asking.
1 person likes this
@HighReed1 (1126)
• United States
29 Oct 07
If I was your hubby, I would have told the ex some not-so-nice things. We never bought our kids a new vehicle, and we have never been divorced! They bought these things for themselves and appreciated it more. I broke my young relatives of expecting gifts real quick. They'd ask "What did you get me?" and I'd tell them "A rotten potato and reindeer poop. That's all you're going to get from me if you keep bugging me about gifts. It's not nice to do that." Granted, this only works at Christmas, but it DID work. I tried to tone it down for the little ones. Let them know it wasn't nice to expect everyone to give them things. We usually didn't have lots of money, so it rubbed me a little raw that the parents hadn't taught their children any better. I don't think you're being overly sensitive. It IS rude. Some parents just don't seem to think to teach their kids things like appreciation. Especially in this material world.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Oct 07
Yes, really I have this happen every time someones birthday comes around in my family..No one knows me or calls me until a few days before their birthday and then they actually ask me what I am going to give them or tell me what they need.
@meme0907 (3481)
• United States
28 Oct 07
Hey t68, You're right it is rude to demand a gift for any reason-for ppl like that I saw the perfect gift in spencers- it was a shoe box w/ easter grass hanging out of the sides,there was what looked like a piece of paper made into a card on the top of the box & it said "I couldn't afford to buy you a gift this year so I made you one myself" inside was a fake turd! +'s
1 person likes this
@beyonce03 (2331)
• Canada
22 Oct 07
When I really want something, sometimes I ask for a gift. For example, last Christmas I receive a Ipod, but I knew I would get that from my boyfriend and for my birthday he bought me something so I could listen to my ipod in my cars. But for the ipod, I didnt really ask him. i wanted to buy one and he just said to wiat for chritmas that he would by me one :P So i didnt directly ask him lol. My grand-ma also ask me every year what I want for christas. Sometimes I make her a list with different things, but sometimes I ask he for one specefic things. I don,t think it's rude if someone ask you what you want.
1 person likes this
@morenita (331)
• United States
22 Oct 07
I have cousins that are this way and growing up they drove my mom nuts the way they demanded gifts. She thinks it is the rudest thing in the world. We wouldn't even get in the door for a birthday party or holidays before we got a "where's my present?" Funny thing was when we would have them over for our bday parties they never brought gifts, and we were always expected to have one for thiers. And to make things even worse, if they didn't like your gift they didn't have a problem telling you or asking for another gift. There was one year my cousin opened her gift and didnt like the purse we had chosen for her so she gave it back to me. I thanked her for the purse and the $100 bill my mom put in the pocket. When she found out she tried making my mom give it back to her, but my mom told her she gave her gift away so I could keep it.
1 person likes this
@peanutjar (5211)
• Canada
21 Oct 07
Hi twoey,cute witch!Yes i know someone who does ask for gifts like a new computer or money to buy things for a 4 wheeler.My brother does,hes soooo spoiled its not funny.I never say anything but my mom does and always does buy something that he asks for.I think its bad. Peanutjar:)
@pumpkinjam (5808)
• United Kingdom
21 Oct 07
I don't think I know anyone quite that bad but my partner can be selfish about gifts. If there is something that he wants, he will sometimes expect to get it. I can't blame him entirely though because it seems like his parents always have got him what he wanted. Often, the things he wants are expensive but he either doesn't think they are expensive or thinks someone will have the money to get whatever he wants. I also have a friend who doesn't expect anything for her own birthday but she will always invite us round for her daughter's birthday and asks what I'm going to get. Of course, I will get something but I shouldn't feel obliged to. She's not too bad though because she always appreciates whatever it is. She tells me all these expensive gifts that other people are going to get, I don't know if that's an indication that she expects me to do the same though.
1 person likes this
@jfeets726 (775)
• United States
21 Oct 07
I agree with you. I think it is rude to expect someone to give you a certain gift or be unhappy when you don't get something that you wanted. I do think it is different when you ask someone what want though. I have never had any friends or family members come up with something that I wouldn't get them or somethign that I couldn't afford, but if so, I would probably ask for an alterntive.
@GardenGerty (106517)
• United States
21 Oct 07
A gift is just that, what someone CHOOSES to give you. If they choose to give it to you. After it is given, it is yours to do with as you please, even to return and party with the money. I think families where there are kids and a divorce often try the demand bit, and try to leverage it with guilt. It does not work. How did you husband handle the demands? I like to choose gifts for people, not have them ordered. I do not like to receive cash as a gift, but I will sometimes give a gift card to a teenage niece or nephew for some place like an electronics store because I am not very in tune with what is available, but that is different, too.
@jennybianca (12914)
• Australia
20 Oct 07
I have this problem with my sisterin law. She is not quite this bad. When I first met her I asked what was the situation regarding Christmnas gifts. She hesitated, then replied only gifts for the kids. This was fine with me. At Christmas time she produced gifts for all of us, including hubby & me. I was very annoyed. After that I learnt that I had to buy the adlutrs gifts too. I would do this, & she would buy very stingy pressents for the adults & kids. But she wanted nice gifts for herself & her kids. When it was birthdays hints were given out for presents, but she wouldn't remember mine. It got to be really annoying, & eventually I told my hubby that I was only buying her & the the kids very cheap gifts too. I mean, fair enough if she can't afford gifts, but we can't either. If she wanted to put a financial limit on gifts, I would be happy to oblige, but she wont do this, as she wants nice gifts for herself. Eventually, another sister got so fedup with this stinginess, that she complained. The two had a big argument & have not spoken to one another for 10 months.
• India
19 Oct 07
hahaha. well i can totally relate. i do have a bunch of friends who think it is their birth right to pretty much place huge orders during birthdays/festivals and sometimes it gets as absurd as 'its my two month anniversary with my boyfriend'...i used to be quite a softy...and so id somehow produce gift after gift...until i grew up...thats when i started to say 'no.im crazy broke. go away. you buy me a gift.' then the person and me would laugh. so that works super well for me.
1 person likes this
• Canada
19 Oct 07
You are not being overly sensitive. I feel the same way. My friends sister is like that. I want this for my b-day /x-mas. And she is serious too. I usually jump in and say things like your not getting anything if you ask. If I want to get you something it is out of the goodness of my heart. Not becasue you demand it. And just for asking I'm getting you a generic card from the dollar store that says made in china on the back ...not Hallmark.
19 Oct 07
If it was me, I would have told her that it was not in the budget. The kid is 16, why can't he work part time to afford the expensive things that he wants? Good lord, that would never have happened when we were growing up. If you got a present at all, you were grateful for it, no matter what it was. She needs to get her priorities straight.
1 person likes this
@bagumbayan (2707)
• Philippines
19 Oct 07
Other people to ask gift from me is a nono thing. Except if he is a close friend or a member of the family whose so close to me. I hate also some people asking or asking you gifts on their birthdays and christmas time. I also give presents to those close to me and to those person I would like to thank for something good hes done to me. In the office also I hate corrupt employees who ask gift from suppliers, from person whom they are contacting with, and I hate people who will do the job for something in return.