if given the chance, would you...

Philippines
October 19, 2007 7:36am CST
rather have kids or not? i am trying to conceive, but there are those who even abort their children or leave them in plastic bags by sidewalks. how about you? would you rather have kids or no? if you have kids already, do you wish that you dont have them?
10 people like this
35 responses
• United States
19 Oct 07
I dont think I want kids. I like how my life is going, and I just dont think Im mentally, physically or financially ready. I also have to consider my partners feelings on this as well, and hes not wanting any either. He doesnt feel he could financially support a child. Our lifestyle has no room for children really. Hes gone way too much working, and thats not fair to the child. I think both parents need to be involved in the childs life. I dont think just one of them is more important than the other. I have my moments though. I worry about being childless and sometimes feel it makes me less of a woman because I dont. I dont want to have a child just to have someone to take care of me when I cant in my old age, and I hear a lot of people saying that. "Well whos going to take care of you?" Why should that be the burden of them? Im sure they would have their own lives. Some people make it sound like its the childs "job" or something and I just dont agree. I get all gaga at the thought of us creating a little combination of us, but it doesnt last long. I come to the realization that having a baby isnt all cutsie and good things. Its tough, and too many people take it lightly I think. Im just better off without them. Bay xx
4 people like this
• Philippines
19 Oct 07
i admire your honesty and candor bay, and you seem to be handling this pretty well. well it is a choice that you have to make in the light of the circumstance. whatever makes you happy as a couple...:-)
2 people like this
@tigertang (1750)
• Singapore
19 Oct 07
I don't think I'm ready for kids -at least not financially. I always saw myself as being one of those guys who would enjoy singlehood for as long as it would have been possible. However, I recently got involved with a girl with a 7-year old child. I don't know what it is but I've felt that spending time looking after this little girl was one of the happiest moments I've had. It's like you suddenly discver what life is like when you have something greater than yourself to live for.
2 people like this
• United States
19 Oct 07
Thanks spolied! I think Im doing the right thing, Im not sure, and why should a child suffer in anyway because Im not ready? They shouldnt. Bay xx
3 people like this
@cherriemae (3375)
• Philippines
19 Oct 07
yes, i want kids even i don't have a husband..actually, i'm a single mom and never think to abort my child before, eventhough my boyfriend leave me when i'm still 3mos pregnant..it's a disaster time for me, that i almost die and i'm very depressed but i stood up and have the determination to live for my child..she's my life and i'm so much happy to have her..
3 people like this
• Philippines
19 Oct 07
oh that is bad...but do you think you are better off being single than if you two ever got married?
2 people like this
• Philippines
19 Oct 07
Of course, I wanted to have kids someday but not this time because I wanted to give them a good future. So by now I am working so hard just to save money. I don't want my future kids to experience what I've experienced when I was young. I'm not saying that we were poor but our father didn't took care of us and there were times that we had to live with our relatives which for me wasn't good because some of our relatives didn't treat us good. So when I have kids I wanted them to feel that they are loved and they are very important in my life.
• Philippines
19 Oct 07
are you married already dreamer? :-) that is a noble thing to do, saving up for your future. but i wonder, how old are you ? don't stay too long on building up that future, okay? :-) and i pray that your husband will help you build up that family that you have always dreamed of. God bless! :-)
2 people like this
@nehrlas (202)
• United States
19 Oct 07
Being a mom is the most important thing I do. I don't know that its what I am best at, but it sure does make up who I am. Would have I have chosen not to have any kids? I can't imagine my life without them, not sure I would be the person I am today. In your conceiving efforts, keep in mind that it will happen. Concentrate more on becoming the person you want to be when you raise your kids, and not so much on creating them. It all comes together.
• Philippines
19 Oct 07
thank you nerhlas. yeah, i am praying for it and preparing about motherhood. i am already 32 and would really want to have kids of my own. even twins! hehehe are you are full time mom? how old are your kids?
2 people like this
@mara82 (16)
19 Oct 07
I have 3 beautiful boys, and I've been so happy since they came to my life. I was only 16 when my 1st son was born, it has been quite hard but i've managed to survive, I never considered the possibility of not having them, I knew they will fill my life with love. I love my kids and would not change them for anything in this world. Even now after having 3 boys, I would consider the possibility of adopting another child, there are so many out there that need a parent to love them :)
2 people like this
• Philippines
20 Oct 07
hi mara! thanks for sharing. you are so right...there so many kids out there who need our love. so i guess that you would want to adopt a daughter, right?:-)
• Philippines
20 Oct 07
hi philly! that is right, people ought to be more responsible. but in the heat of the moment, i guess, they forget. anyhow, even if they made a mistake, cant they just keep the kids or if not, give them away to better living conditions? why do they have to throw them away?
• United States
25 Oct 07
So you think being married means you automatically want kids? Thst doesn't work either. I'm getting married in May, but I refuse to ever have kids under any circumstance.
@terrych (1227)
• United States
19 Oct 07
If I have a chance I will have as many kids as I can, I really love kids, and I feel like if I get married and I do not have kids my family will be incomplete...
2 people like this
• Philippines
20 Oct 07
yeah me, too terry. i just bought my pregnancy kit. will test next week. :-) maybe on day 40. :-)
2 people like this
@terrych (1227)
• United States
20 Oct 07
Good luck my friend! kids in a family are always a bless!
2 people like this
• Philippines
25 Oct 07
yes they are.... but sometimes, parents would say they are just a burden...take it from me... heard that several times
19 Oct 07
i have 3 kids 2 teenagers and a 1 year old now the one year old was a huge surprise and i thank god for giving her to us but whe i found out i was pregnant i didnt know what id do i had no business having another baby, i didnt work and te father didnt work and we only cared about partying and i even had warrants for my arrestbecause i didnt take care of any thing now i wasnt always like that only a year and a half of my life,i dont know what i was thinking but anyways i straightened up during my pregnancy and 2 weeks after she was born went over on the nevada side. i ived in az and nevada is across the road about half mile from my house at the time to cash in a pay ticket cause we had no money and i was gonna get diapers and remember i still had a warrant but the warrant was in az and i got picked up in nv, it was for a felony failure to appear so i ended up spending 40 days in las vegas jail waiting to be taken to az and when i got to az i was released because i was never even served the papers anyways i was never found guilty on any charges but i missed 40 days off my babys life, i cried every day to be with my baby it was the worst thing i have ever gone hrough and now her father works and makes good money, weve bought a new home and since moved. we have completly change our lives and its all bcause we have this little girl in our lives to love not that i didnt cre about my other children i had just gotten caught up in some bad stuff.at the time my baby was born i had my tubes tied now i actually wish i never did that im even been thinking about getting them untied but iam 35 now so may be kinda late, but i truely thank god every day for my littl girl she is the best and im so thankful her father and i could get our lives back on track i could only imagine what kinda mom i would have been other wise i hate to think about that but yes given the chance i would definately do it again
2 people like this
• Philippines
20 Oct 07
oh wow! what a story sophiasmom. thank you for sharing. but i am more glad that you are in a better situation now. i am also glad that you are happier now as a person and as a family. congratulations on having that baby! i am sure God has given her to you as a sign of His love and favor. by the way, i assume that your daughter's name is sophia? :-) do you have 2 teenage boys? do they also love sophia?
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Oct 07
Sophias, that is an awesome story. I think you are very brave, and I commend you for pulling yourself out of a bad situation and doing what is right for your baby. She sounds like a true blessing.
@jesus777 (664)
• Bermuda
20 Oct 07
i do not ahve kids but i want kids and i feel everyone who aborts there kids of does harm to there kids are wrong and twisted i believe that babies are a gift from god above to us on earth and we should treasure them and nuture and watch the grow and help them to mature i feel that if people dont want there kids they should put there kids up for adoption because there are many couples out there who are unable to have kids but desperately want toio have a kid so i think people should think before they before they abort or do harm to there kids!!!!!!
• United States
20 Oct 07
Abortion doesn't hurt children. First trimester terminations cannot be felt by the fetus at all. Child abuse and avoiding having a child are two vastly different things. Not everyone wants kids and birth control fails all the time. What if someone has a violent personality and knows she would abuse a child if she had one? Even while it was still in her body? Do you think it would be better for her to give birth to a disabled child who will probably never be adopted than to abort it before it had to suffer? Also, fertile women don't owe use of their uterus to infertile women. Just because one woman can't have a child doesn't make another woman obligated to give her one. Gestating a pregnancy is very difficult and very expensive. If those people want children so bad, then they can adopt one of the hundreds of thousands of children who are already trapped in the system. When there are no unwanted children left, then we'll talk.
• Philippines
20 Oct 07
abortion hurts the spirits in babies, even if the mother is only in her first trimester. and it hurts the heart of God. people's lives are not in our hands. we are not to go about this life doing what we want to do because we will be answerable to God later on.
• United States
21 Oct 07
That's only if you believe in fetal spirits and god. And, life is all about living however you want. What's the point of living if your every move is controlled by someone else? Not everyone is Christian and no one is obligated to be.
• Australia
20 Oct 07
I have 4 kids, and yeah, there are times when I wish I hadn't had them as I feel I fall short of the mark of what a good mother is. I love them to bits, and we are now planning on having #5. It is worth it in the end, but their are times when you find yourself going bald from all the stress. Good luck and I hope you have your own bundle on the way soon.
1 person likes this
• Australia
20 Oct 07
oh, and I am pro choice on abortion. If there is a genuine need for it, then a woman should have it as an option. Many rape victims are forced to raise children that they can't bond with and that is unfair on the child and the mother. Also, if my life was at risk, or there was a high chance of the baby dying any way, I would abort. Don't believe in going through all those months only to end up with nothing. Not what you want to hear, but sometimes it is better. never had one yet, and never plan to. My heart has more love than the world will ever know.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 Oct 07
thank you for sharing your thoughts, even on abortion, newzealtralian. :-) well, i just base my stand on what the bible says, not on what is convenient. oh well, we wouldn't know until judgment day comes...
• Australia
26 Oct 07
Your choices are yours to make and I respect that, mine are mine to make and that's ok to. I would never have an abortion just because it was bad timing, only if I had to in order to protect my life and the security of the children I already have. Would feel rotten if I had to have one too, but gotta do what is right by my whole family. Take care and have a great weekend! This discussion certainly had lots of responses. You must be pleased with that.
@praveenjena (1305)
• India
20 Oct 07
it is inhuman to give birth and kill. god have made human beings so that you could be responsible, if u don't want them then don't have them at first, plan in a way so that you should not have them. but killing makes no sense.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Oct 07
hi sacrificial! God intended s*x to be enjoyed by a couple--a man and a woman--in marriage. He did not intend for it to be anything other than that. when man and woman consummates their marriage, they have the capacity of bearing children. the bible says that if one can't control himself, he should get married, lest he sin. but of course, if you don't believe in God and the bible--His word--this won't make any sense to you. it is difficult to explain to one who doesn't have an open mind about this, so i am not going to force my beliefs on you. just answering your question.:-) it is just sad because if people view s*x and marriage the way God intended when He created the world, then we wouldn't have problems like the world is having today. :-)
• Philippines
25 Oct 07
oh no, sacrificial. s*x is also for the enjoyment of a married couple, not just procreation. but God intended for it to be enjoyed by married people, not with different partners and with different genders. by the way, what made you abandon God? but you are right in saying that you abandoned Him, because indeed that is a decision to make.
• United States
25 Oct 07
"but God intended for it to be enjoyed by married people, not with different partners and with different genders. " Says who? Did god come down and speak to you personally? If not, then you really have no way of knowing what his real intentions were. All you know is what other people tell you.
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
20 Oct 07
I have wanted children all of my life. But, I am not yet married. It makes me very angry to hear of women doing such things to kill their children. It is a very sad world when innocent children are murdered and thrown away like so much trash because one or both of the parents did something they had no business doing.
• Philippines
25 Oct 07
you are right gloom, you can do what you want because you have a choice. and when "two consenting adults" consent to do it then they should be responsible for their actions... just the question is, what is it that you consent about? what basis can you say that what you consented about is right?
1 person likes this
@hillock (749)
• Qatar
25 Oct 07
same here. ive been trying to conceive before[without doctors help] but ive stop. for now im not ready yet to consult a doctor. i ask my mom but she says its still not time for me. But i would really want kids. i love them. i hate those people who go thru abortion or to those who dump their child. how horrible they are!
• Philippines
25 Oct 07
how old are you now hillock? i am already 32, pretty healthy. it is just that i had a history of allergies, which were taken care of by medication.
@hillock (749)
• Qatar
1 Nov 07
of course youre not a horrible person because you dont want to have kids. you are just honest with yourself. i mean for those who abort their babies or dump them. i mean if they dont want kids they should probably did something for that in the first place right?
• United States
2 Nov 07
NOTHING is 100%, not even vasectomies or tubal ligations. Not to mention the fact that they're non-reversable. Most people want kids eventually, many just don't want them at a certain time in their life. Why should they ruin their bodies just for someone else's ideals? That's hardly fair.
@shiloh_222 (5480)
• Philippines
22 Oct 07
baby - cutie baby
hi i love kids...and i love to have some someday, if God allows... and i feel sad that they just do that to their own flesh and blood... when some people are trying so hard and doing all the things they can... hope you will be able to get pregnant soon!!! God bless and take care....
• Philippines
24 Oct 07
yeah, hope you will find your prince charming soon, too...maybe in the other side of the world? *wink*
• Philippines
25 Oct 07
hahahaha... thanks for making me laugh....
• Philippines
4 Nov 07
when I got married, one of my reasons was to have a baby. However, it took us almost to have one. So I don't understand why some women prefer to abort their fetus or dump them in trash bin. Babies give us a bundle of joy.
• United States
4 Nov 07
Not everyone thinks that. I personally hate babies and I would probably kill myself if I was forced to stay pregnant. I'm getting married in May and the reason is NOT to have children. I absolutely refuse to have children under any circumstances. I would DEFINITELY abort if I ever found myself pregnant.
@ailema4ever (2675)
• Finland
31 Oct 07
I used to think that I wouldn't want kids...I was tomboyish and I didn't feel that I was great with kids compared to my friends whom I thought would be "natural" mothers 'coz they could play with kids with great ease. However, all that changed when one of my best friends got pregnant and I followed her pregnancy until the baby was born. Then I realized that I had maternal instincts. So I do want to have one at least (hope God'll let us have our own kid). :-))))
• Finland
31 Oct 07
Forgot to add: GOOD LUCK in trying to conceive!!! ;-D
• Romania
25 Oct 07
Well i think that those who have children and then abort them are not real parents,if you did not want them in the first place why did had them.
• Philippines
25 Oct 07
there are really people who are put in the spot. sometimes it is because of premarital relations that lead to it. or sometimes it is because of rape and they find themselves with child. but the question is, how would you react to such a situation?
@zhai007 (76)
• Philippines
22 Oct 07
kids or no kids? hmmm... well as far as i am concern for now i don't think so. I have enough niece and nephews to complete my day. I also have a brother to annoy me so, i think i don't need them just yet. Well i definitely want them someday too.
• Philippines
24 Oct 07
yeah maybe someday, if you are ready. there's really no rush if you think you are not up to it. all the best! :-)
@JessieMae (345)
• United States
22 Oct 07
I love my son. I think with all of my heart and soul that abortion is MURDER. Nothing more.. Nothing less.. I think that the women who leave their babies in a trashbag by the side walks should have the same thing done to them. It's freaking cruel. If you don't want your child after giving birth, don't just leave the child to die. Take him/her to a local place that takes babies. Hospitals do that normally no questions asked. I wouldn't change that I had my son. He's my pride and joy. I think that the women who have the abortions should at least think of the ladies and couples out there who want babies and if you don't want to keep the baby then give him//her up for adoption. Good luck in your concieving! I hope you get a big Freaking Positive (BFP) soon and your pregnancy is healthy and produces a healthy baby!
• United States
23 Oct 07
"I think that the women who have the abortions should at least think of the ladies and couples out there who want babies and if you don't want to keep the baby then give him//her up for adoption." It's rarely about who'll kjeep it after it's born, it's everything leading up to the birth that they don't want. So far, there's nothing other than abortion that can eliminate a pregnancy. Not all women want to be pregnant. You should be aware of how difficult it can be even when you want the child, can you imagine enduring all that against your will? It's torture.
• Canada
20 Oct 07
I have a 16 month old lil girl, and I love her with all my heart and soul, she is my world. My hubby and I were engaged when we conceived her, and I was told for ten years I couldn't have kids. She really is a miracle and I think the women that can have kids, but abuse that privelage make the moms who can't have kids (or think they can't) VERY upset!
• Philippines
24 Oct 07
oh that is a miracle indeed! thanks for sharing. :-)
@nyumix (1661)
• Belgium
4 Nov 07
I have two little kids now,and I never have a wist that I don't have them. They are very special for me.I love my children very much. I could not live without them. I feel like I always want to be with them, that's why I always bring them whenever I go. But I guess I will not able to do that when they grow up later :)