My Update On Just About Everything

@CatsandDogs (13964)
United States
October 20, 2007 12:34am CST
Gosh there is so much to tell that I really don't know where to begin, literally. I kept beating myself up, should I start this discussion or not, should I or not. Well here I am so I'm going to give it a try. Most of you know that my parents were moving. Well on my mother's side of the family there's mental illness. My grandmother had it, my mom has it and now I have it. And you know how my mom has been treating me, really mean and hateful, so bad to the point that I'd cry and cry and wondered why she didn't love me or why she treated me the way she did. I talked to my dad about it and I guess he's had a good talk with her and now she's become really nice and sweet and very appreciative which is really great! because I wanted a relationship with her so badly but couldn't get my foot in the door, so to speak. Now she's treating me like I mean something. I mean really mean something. Kind of like, we're best of friends now. I love her with all of my heart and I want to trust her but I find it hard. I know she means well and all but she's been so mean and nasty to me for a long long time and now she's changed, it's hard for me to accept although I love her to no end. It's hard to explain and I feel bad for telling about how mean she was when now she's being so good to me and telling me she doesn't know what she and dad would've done if hubby and I weren't there to help and that she loves me very much and she's really huggy huggy. It's great but yet I'm leery. I know she has a great heart, she really does! But she can be a snake in high grass too. I don't know, maybe it's a case of, you hurt the ones you love the most, type of thing. Anyway, she's really sick today and she's been so depressed and doesn't know why. I've been on her case about talking to her doctor for years to no avail till finally it reached a breaking point that she finally told her doctor in which he put her on the same medication that I'm on. It'll be at least two weeks before it takes affect so I'm hoping it'll be a good thing for her. It works for me so hopefully it'll work for her. Anyway, the information on the meds says it can cause diarrhea in which she has had all day long today and she's feeling so weak from it. I've been on her about drinking more water more water more water and she's been doing it! I'm shocked that she even listened to me AND took my advice! Wow! And she goes on and on about how she loves me and how she doesn't know what she would've done without us and on and on. I'm glad she's come to realize how much we care and love them but I don't want to be put on a pedestal. I just want to be loved and appreciated is all. Also their financial situation isn't good either. They haven't sold their old house yet for my nephew and his fiancé are going to buy it in about 6 months from now when they get their credit straightened out and mom made the mistake of not asking the full amount of their house pay't and my brother who was living with them and paying rent didn't move with them so they lost that money. Oh it's a mess. Hubby and I have been trying to help them all we can including paying them back the $1,000. we owed them along with getting some things they need. Mom has a fit over paying us back but we don't want the money because we are doing fine... well not so fine but I'll explain that later... but we don't want them to do without their needs. So today I got mom some soup and ginger ale in hopes to help her feel better and regain some strength. I hope she feels better tomorrow. Now on the flip side, hubby just retired from the army of 27 years. He's 90% disabled so they say. They rated him at 80% and he appealed it and got 90% and it stated that the reason he didn't get 100% is because he has a job. Well duh? What the heck did they expect us to live off of?? Geeze, his retirement isn't much! So now, he needs to quit his job so he can get 100% which means more money but it takes months before a decision to come through and then all the back pay and so on, geeze, we're still waiting on that!! We got part of it the other day (finally!) and that's how we were able to pay mom and dad back but where's the rest?? Hubby is in a lot of pain all the time and wants to quit his job but we can't make it if he quits so I'm going to have to find a job so he can quit his job. It's going to be hard for me because I'm severely hearing impaired which is a disability that one can't see so it's hard for anyone to understand how bad it is. I hate having to defend myself! If I don't respond then it means I didn't hear you! How hard is that to understand? I guess for a few months it won't hurt me but yet I am scared to death. I can't get disability because I haven't worked long enough to build enough credits to get it. I've tried. So off to work I go. To top it all off, my cat Music is sick. I'll have to take him to the vet tomorrow in hopes to find out what is wrong with him. Geeze. Life can be a capital B, can't it? It has to get better. It just has to.
6 people like this
7 responses
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
20 Oct 07
I feel great for you that maybe things are settling down and a really good relationship is starting to occur between you and your mom...I sure wish I had, had it...My mother suffered from a lot of emotional problems herself and was seeing a therapist, BUT....she never signed a proxy that would have allowed me any input on her "clinical" care, not until the last few months of her life..then it was too little too late...I knew she was suffering from depression but unfortunately, my mom was a real actress..almost a split personality thing, which who knows,maybe she had that too....she was SO different and acted differently in the outside world, while I was the only one to see her "real" self. And she was a consummate lier to boot...god knows what crap she was saying to her therapist about me, making me sound like the daughter from hell award.. It wasn't until this woman, who used to live around the block and whom I was just so-so friendly moved to CA that she began telling me all the shat my mother was telling folks ...all lies...the worse was this gem....Now my mother had been losing a lot of weight the last year or so of her life...well, their was a reason for it..my mother was doing a bulimic thing--she eat the meals I'd fix for her, then I would watch as she'd race into the kitchen stick her finger down her throat to purposely throw it all up...so like duh? Of course she was losing weight...I did try to alert her doctors therapist, and social worker about it..but again, because she didn't sign that proxy no one would listen to me...so she was losing weight due to her bulimic thing...but you know what she was telling people? "Oh, my daughter never feeds me, she never gives me anything to eat...she letting me starve." CRAP...now that was a really damaging thing to say to anyone--why the hell would she say something awful like that? Anyway...finally she signs the proxy..so you better believe then I went to what was to be her last appt. with her therapist...I'm explaining how serious my mom's mental state is, her depression, maybe she had dementia..who the heck knows? The jerk said the stupidest thing to me..."Your mother doesn't look depressed." My mom's sitting right next to me with this big smile on her face...You mean to tell me this stupid therapist is basing his diagnosis of my mother that she's not depressed cause she's smiling??? how asinine is that? But he did prescribe anti-depressants..but like I said..it was too little, too late...she should have been on them maybe five years prior. sorry I'm venting here myself..LOL Oh--and just don't get me going about SSI benefits LOL...or I'll be writing a book here...hehee I'll keep my prayers for Music that he's all right..... Yes my friend...life is sure "interesting"
3 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
21 Oct 07
Wow. All I can say is Wow. How in the world did you keep your sanity? There is no way in hell I could live with my mother if she treated me like that. Good gosh! That's awful. I'm really sorry you had to go through that. You're such a sweet and caring person. In any case, you did what you had to do and you did the best you could and for that I applaud you.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
21 Oct 07
I'm sometimes wonder myself how I kept my sanity...LOL There were so many times I just wanted to pick myself up, and move out..but living on SSI benefits I wasn't able to. And at that time I was only getting $425 a month...couldn't even pay rent with that :(
1 person likes this
@Kowgirl (3491)
• United States
21 Oct 07
Be thankful for what you have, especially your new found relationship with your mom. I'm sorry to hear about your "hubby", you would think that after he devoted 27 years of his life to our USA Army that the government would want to step up and do the right thing. But that's wishful thinking.I hope things get better for you and your family. I think this will make you a stronger person and a better understanding one. You have already helped your mom and now it's time to help yourself.Why don't you talk to the real estate people and try to rent out your parents home until they can sell it. And as for the diarrhea heres a little trick I found out from a nurse friend of mine. Cook enough white rice to make a cup without adding anything to it.(no seasoning of any kind) Eat 1 tablespoon full ever 15 minutes until all is gone. This will stop the diarrhea. Then drink Gatorade for the rest of the day. Repeat if necessary. Here is the place to download "The Secret" in audio. Just sit back and listen...the speaker has a very soothing voice. It can help you to feel better about your life. And maybe help you to change it for better as well. http://savefile..com/projects/1068152 Hope you cat, Music, gets better.
2 people like this
@Kowgirl (3491)
• United States
21 Oct 07
Ooops! too many dots in that link it should be http://savefile.com/projects/1068152
2 people like this
@hoghoney (3749)
• United States
21 Oct 07
I am sorry to hear about how your mom did you. Me and my boyfriend has just went through a few months with out jobs and hittig an all time low, but he got back to work last week and we are hoping that things will be on an upclimb for us. Just keep your head held high and God will take care of you and your hubby. I know how hard it is but dont lose faith that things will work out. Love you!
2 people like this
• United States
20 Oct 07
Now as for this post here Cats don't worry things are going to get better sooner then you know it. And I am glad your you mom is starting to be nice to you and treat you like you should be treated. I alos understand the fear you how but someone told me this one and I just want to share it with you too being that I didn't have my mom in my life until late and I was it did happened that way but it made me a better person today, ok here it goes "treasure what you have now and be please for what you have and what your receiving because something is better then not getting nothing no matter how late in life you receive the love enjoy it will you can because you never know when that love might END!" I hope you understand it better then I did when it was told to me but don't worry I did understand it once I got older and she left this 3 days before my wedding date. I'm just mad at myself because it took so long for me to understand what was told to me. But I did treasure everything that she give me and more. So to end this off I just want to say You are blessed and I wish you and your husband nothing but the BEST. PS I didn't mean to run my mouth like that and I don't know what got into me but maybe it was meant for me to read your post and resonse.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
21 Oct 07
You are so right in what you said and I didn't take it as rambling. lol Enjoy it while you can. That's a wonderful way of putting it and that I will surely do. Thanks so much!
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (99285)
• United States
20 Oct 07
First, and most practical, an electrolyte replacement, like Gatorade, might help with the big D your mom is suffering from, and I do not mean depression. I hope you can hold on for a while financially, because it sounds like things are looking up, but you just have not gotten there yet. Like you, I would appreciate the affection, but be a bit leery. If she reverts you can say that you have tried, and that the problem is not her, but the mental illness. Try getting a job that involves working with the hearing impaired, or the disabled. It is rewarding, and they are more tolerant of diffferences and disabilities. Keep us posted.
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
21 Oct 07
Oh I didn't think about Gatorade! That's a GREAT idea!! I'll have to try harder to remember that. However she's doing a little bit better today, thank God. She looked terrible yesterday but sounded much better over the phone today. The suggestion about work, that's another GREAT idea! I'll have to look around to see if there's anything like that in my area since I'm in such a rural area. Thanks so much!!
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60884)
• United States
20 Oct 07
They say that life doesn't give us more than we can bear. I disagree. Life doesn't give a D*mn about us. Evil people get loads, good people get squat, really wonderful people get even less. I just hope there really is an after life where all the inequities are fixed. Mean time, just enjoy your mother's praise at the moment. If she reverts to her old ways, you know that is just the mental illness talking. Try to not get too dependent on you mom's love, know that she loves you in the best way she can & probably loves you even when she's being evil to you, but can't act on it.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
21 Oct 07
You really did hit the nail on the head! It's so true how the bad or evil get away with it and have all the luck in the world while we good people get the short end of the stick. I guess it's our cross to bear while being here on earth. It's the only way I can see it as to why it's this way. Do you remember Mother Teresa? She said one time, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I wish he didn't trust me so much." She said it just right. Oh I won't get dependant on her love. You know, I wasn't the easiest child to raise but she wasn't the best mother either so we're even, I suppose. LOL But I love her very much and want to get along with her but she has made it impossible till now. I'm kind of soaking in all her love for it's been a long long long time since she's been like this toward me. I just hope she stays this way.
2 people like this
@Kowgirl (3491)
• United States
21 Oct 07
I had to read the post twice to understand what they mean. And I agree: "Sad news brings a call to action." They are reporting more sad news. I think they understand your post and thought this was how to join in. Reporting more sad news. Anyway it was a comment so I would let it be. It takes time when you are a new member and doing something new especially with our tricky English language. Give them time they'll catch on.
2 people like this