Pre Teen Dances

@vicki2876 (5640)
Canada
October 23, 2007 11:31am CST
My daughter had a preteen dance at her school last week. Ages 12-14. She has just turned 12. It was on a Wednesday from 7 to 10 p.m. They also had a test the day after. There was to be no slow songs. She isn't allowed to dance with boys either. I didn't want her to go. I think they are too young for this and it teaches them "dating" too young. Maybe a social after school where they do activities but this was too much. I thought the time and date were not good either. Maybe a friday till 9 and not tests following it. All her friends were going and I said fine, if I don't have to drive you there or pick you up or pay then you can go. If you don't do well on your test the next day she will have to life with my saying "I was right" over and over again which drives her crazy. Well she went and she got a 62% on her test, the highest mark these party animals in her class got. The only things she got right were the stuff we were scrambling to review before her friend came to get her. I was right! I figured I would let her go so that she could understand the consequences of her bad choice without it affecting something very serious. She said that if she stayed home she would have gotten perfect cause she saw that the stuff she had right were the things we reviewed. So she felt bad she didn't listen to my advice and stay home. She now says that the only way she would go to another is if it is on a Friday and there isn't something important to do. I feel that she learned more from the mistake she made rather than if I just said "no your not going", but it was hard knowing she would fail. What do you think of these pre teen dances? How would you have dealt with the situation?
5 people like this
10 responses
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
24 Oct 07
you did the right thing. Had you made her stay home, she would have just been angry at you and still maybe would not have studied effectively because she would have been so upset. my daughter goes to the pre-teen dances but they are always on friday nites. there has never been one on a week nite and there shouldn't be.
2 people like this
@vicki2876 (5640)
• Canada
24 Oct 07
We have an up date! The school has now planned to make these dances open to all children 12-14 regardless of where they go to school, can't be on fridays cause too many teens hang around the school then so it will continue to be on weekdays, and they are going to make them a monthly event. Even my daughter said she isn't going to bother going to them. I think it is teaching them that this is what you do to socialize. Considering that in this community the adults think all you can do for entertainment is go to the Saturday night dance at the legion and get drunk, this is a horrible idea teaching the children that this is the only thing to do to socialize.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
24 Oct 07
that is just wrong! There must be other parents that feel as you do. the dances my girl goes to are well sponsered and the kids are not allowed to outside for any reason after they enter unless a parent picks them up. Also they have to show id and only kids from 12 thru 14 are allowed to attend. I make sure that if i am unable to pick her up after that her dad or another parent is. they are very safe and as you said, never on a school nite or even a holiday eve. they are very concious of the kid's needing their sleep.
1 person likes this
@amirev777 (2552)
• India
24 Oct 07
Hi! actually i do not have any children,neither were there any pre-tten dances during my pre-teen days.but i think u have handled the situation quite well-as u say its not advisible for pre-teens to go on a date so soon-it can really cause them to lose focuss.
2 people like this
@vicki2876 (5640)
• Canada
24 Oct 07
Thanks amirev777. I do think they are too young and that the school is teaching them this behavior. Yuck
• United States
24 Oct 07
I remember my middle school dance. The girls stayed on one side of the room and the boys on the other. Everyone was so afraid to dance with each because the boys still thought that girls were gross.
2 people like this
@vicki2876 (5640)
• Canada
24 Oct 07
I wish it was like that here. The boys and girls were dancing together.
• Canada
25 Oct 07
I don't really see their being too much of a problem for these pre teen dances, BUT I found it rather strange that they would have it on a night when their is school the next day. Why wouldn't they have it on a Friday? I am glad that your daughter learnt her lesson and knows better for next time and your right, if you had just said no then she wouldn't have learnt at all! Love & Hugzz, Your Friend, PurpleTeddyBear.
@vicki2876 (5640)
• Canada
25 Oct 07
They say that too many older teens hang around the school on weekends, but now since they want to make it a monthly thing the older teens will hang out there on the weekday too and they can't monitor them and have no security. Also it is now going to be open to anyone at all who looks between 12-14. Nice and safe for our kids.
1 person likes this
• Canada
26 Oct 07
Yikes! That actually sounds pretty scary!
@kimthedane (1000)
• Denmark
25 Oct 07
Wauw Vic. That's a bit ole fashioned after my point of view. Come on, we live in 2007. I know we have a different culture, but I can't have been much older than your daughter, when i went to my first school party and as I remember it they were great. Yeah fair enough there was a lot of smooching, touching and cuddling going on, but pretty innocent really. We wouldn't know what to do to take it to the next step. I know you will hate me for this, coz it is your daughter we are talking about, but believe me it wont be long before she will have her first kiss or first experience on the scene on love. Wheter you like it or not. In all I think you are being little harsh on her. Ffs its one test out of many and its not going to determine her life. Give her a break and allow her to be a sensible 12 year old girl. Just what I think.
1 person likes this
@vicki2876 (5640)
• Canada
25 Oct 07
Thanks for your point of view Kim, though different from mine. I don't think it stems from being old fashioned but jaded. After all I got pregnant with her at 18 so I know all too well how far things can go. I was actually an A student and got many awards but after hours I didn't keep the halo on. I don't hate you for your point of view at all, yet eww I never want to think of her kissing! LOL
@deebomb (15323)
• United States
25 Oct 07
In my opinion kids in middle school really don't need dance, a social yes with games and the like. And it should be on a Friday night not a school night. If the school can't control the older teens then they shouldn't be having anything. All the school would have to do is have security officer there and send those teenagers on their way. They more than likely have school security officer employed so why not use hem for the dances too. My kids didn't go to school dance until they were 14 and only then with girlfriends and I picked them up and brought them home.
@vicki2876 (5640)
• Canada
25 Oct 07
Thanks deebomb and I agree there isn't any security to keep the older teens away and check ids. I think a social is fine but dances not yet.
• United States
24 Oct 07
If it were me, I would not have allowed my daughter to go. Mainly because it was on a school night til 10. That's kind of ridiculous that the school allowed that. I think the teacher should disregard the test grades and give the class a re-test. I went to my first dance at age 12 and there were slow songs. I think age 12 is too young, too. I remember feeling funny/embarrassed dancing with a boy at that age.
1 person likes this
@vicki2876 (5640)
• Canada
24 Oct 07
Yeah they now say they can't put them on the weekend because the teens hang around out there, but once they figure out you plan to make this a regular thing they will come to hear the tunes on the weekday too. Sucks. I agree I think it is too young.
• United States
24 Oct 07
I wonder why they would choose to have a dance in the middle of the week. It should have been held on a Friday so it wouldn't interfere with school. My son is 10 and he has been on a chaperoned "date" with a girl that he likes. The girl's mom and I took them to a movie. But they are still in that stage where they are really more buddies than boyfriend/girlfriend. If the school here had a dance, I would probably let my son go, as long as it was on a weekend and was properly chaperoned.
1 person likes this
@vicki2876 (5640)
• Canada
24 Oct 07
Found out that the reason it was held on a weekday is that on the weekend too many teens hang around and they can't monitor them. Oh, what happens when they discover you are now going to have them monthly and open to anyone appearing to look 12-14. They will eventually start hanging around to hear the tunes and as you (the school) say you can't monitor them. How much monitoring is going on to begin with then? My daughter has decided not to attend anymore of them unless it is for a special occasions and doesn't have major stuff the next day. Thanks
@rimsha (806)
• Pakistan
24 Oct 07
It is just like exercise.
1 person likes this
@YoungInLove (1254)
• Canada
24 Oct 07
to be honest, i see where your coming from but i dont agree. I dont think that the only reason all these kids didnt do well on the test was because they stayed up late.. they coulda reviewed at school..on the bus..there are many options. And I do not think it promotes dating to young..it just lets the kinds have something fun to do to help them relieve stress they had built up all week. Yah the school should have put it on a friday and not when there was school the next day, but I do not believe the dance had anything to do with the grades or their interest in boys/dating.