Love, Marriage... is it just a phase in life that we HAVE to go thru?

@ahgong (10066)
Singapore
October 23, 2007 10:56pm CST
The papers of late have been reporting an increase trend in divorces among young couples. And many jokes have been made with regards to it as well. I sat back and wondered. We all went out with our spouse for a period of time. During that period, we get to find out more about our significant other. Their habits. Their character. Their likes and dislikes. Basically everything we can about our significant other. Then come the day when the both of you are comfortable with each other enough to want to start a family, he proposes. Boy propose, girl happy, girl accept and they are married. So starts the journey where both of you are together. Some time down the road on this journey of love, you start to find out that you and your significant other aren't that compaitable after all. Then comes the messy red tape with the divorce. It get messier when there are kids involved. Sigh~~~ Question is this: Both of you had ample time to find out about each other. If in the first place, you are not ready for the commitment that comes with a marriage, why agree to get married in the first place?
3 responses
@applefreak (3131)
• Singapore
24 Oct 07
sigh, guess i'd blame the conventional notion of marriage. everyone around me is trying to convinc me that it's a phase everyone MUST go through. but it doesn't seem the case to me. look at all the great people e.g. mother theresa. are we saying that she is a lesser person? or perhaps the pope? there are simply too many exhortations around us to get married. no public housing for singles who want their own home. bonus for giving birth when married. how not to be tempted? but are we really ready for marriage? that's a question few of us ever asked ourselves before signing on the dotted line. i did and i realised i'm not ready, and will never be ready.
@ahgong (10066)
• Singapore
25 Oct 07
At least you are able to ask and answer that one question that many could not. Many couples who got married without asking that question, always find out a lot about their spouse that they do not when they were single and still dating. Most of the time, they can accept the flaws that came with the person they love. But there are also many couples who could not. Which is why they end up in a separation. It is so wasted. They take so much trouble to get together. Invest in precious time together. Only to find out that they do not truly love each other after they got married. If only more people can ask themselves if they are ready for the commitment that comes with marriage. And more importantly, answer honestly to that question before making the commitment. If that was so, then there would have been a lot lesser divorces.
• Singapore
26 Oct 07
guess i'm a really weird person with some of my thoughts. whenever so and so told me they broke up with their partners or their partners broke up with them, the only reason i can think of is they don't love the person anymore. love is so powerful that we can never begin to understand what it is. with love, the habit of picking nose while driving is cute, not disgusting. with love, we peel prawns for our partner. with love, we do things they like. but when that love is gone, everythings changed. that's why so many do not understand why their partners changed. thing is, everything remains the same but when the love is gone, little habits are no longer tolerated.
@ahgong (10066)
• Singapore
28 Oct 07
ha ha ha... that is an insightful way to look at relationships indeed! I totally agree with you on the things you mentioned. When in love, digging the nose is a very cute thing indeed! *LOL* The best part about these people is, how they can love someone so much today, then not love them at all the next? Is love really that blind that it is able to block out all the undesirable traits in a person? Is marriage really that big a commitment that it makes you think twice about staying committed to your partner once you get into it?
@lucky_witch (2711)
• Philippines
29 Oct 07
No, I believe that it is not just a phase in life that we just have to go through, because for me its a cycle of life where a new life would start and learn. It is the foundation of teh next generation. Divorce is more common now because there are lots of couples that get into a marriage at a very young age and still dont know what the meaning of commitment and family.
@ahgong (10066)
• Singapore
8 Nov 07
Hello lucky_witch, not every one brings that kind of mentality when they get married. If everyone were to understand the deeper meaning of the responsibilities and commitment that comes with a marriage, the world would be a much more peaceful place to live in. In every marriage, it is all about give and take. Young couples getting married now a days don't seem to consider that much at all when they stand on the podium declaring their vows to each other. It is sad that it requires them to get into the marriage before they realize the full extend of the meaning of commitment. Worse still if they only realize it after they have children. All I can do is pray that future couples who contemplate marriage, knows what they are getting into before they take the relationship to the next level. ;)
@ck0098 (89)
• China
24 Oct 07
I always think about this question. I do not like doing things that many other people do. So I may not get married. All I want is a different life which is special and attractive. If I feel comfortable, that's enough.
@ahgong (10066)
• Singapore
25 Oct 07
Good for you! You know exactly what you want! Not many people can say that. Especially a couple who is in love. As the saying goes, love is blind. When a couple is in love, they are blinded to many things. It is usually during the planning of the wedding that many couples realize the amount of commitment that is required to go thru with the wedding. Even then, some are so involved in the planning, they are still blinded. And the revelations only come after the dust has settled for the wedding. Some can cope with the new responsibilities. Some simply cannot accept the responsibilities. It is sad when that happens.