How to get my 12 yr old to sleep alone

United States
August 12, 2006 10:08pm CST
Please be gentle as I am going to let my daughter read this. I hope it will help.She always says it one reason or another. The sad part is she has slept with me all her growing life. I was at fault at first. Divorse and lonely. We live alone and like it this way. She is now liking her own freedom she wants to watch t.v in her room and play with her friends and toys. Night time she is always with me. I have tried and tried. She screams and bangs till I get afraid the police will think I am abusing her.
1 person likes this
25 responses
• United States
27 Nov 06
Why force her? Is it hurting anyone that she sleeps with you? If it's a real issue with you, perhaps start with adding her own bed to your room. I've never seen an 18 year old sleep with their parents under normal circumstances. If she's snuggling you, it's for a reason. All 3 of my kids slept in my room with me for years. I think my oldest finally decided she wanted to be in her own room at around 12 or 13. My son, now 15, still will come in some nights and just snuggle in beside me. You won't have her to snuggle with forever... enjoy it. And remember, if this is the worse thing she does to you.. you are so very lucky!
1 person likes this
• Ireland
13 Aug 06
hi there why dont you redecorate your daughters bedroom. shes 12 now and would prob like a new look in her bedroom. go out together and pick some paint and new furniture and soft furnishings. let your daughter pick all the stuff she likes. make it really pretty for her. then spend lots of quality time together redecorating spend time in the evenings painting and making it lovely. let her enjoy her own room and making it look really nice. a place that she will want to go to. then when the room is ready, let her have a sleep over with some of her pals let them all see how lovely her room is and let her sleep in it with her pals. when they go she might start sleeping in it herself. You might have to lay on the bed with her for a few mins until she falls asleep, and keep her door and your door wide open and leave a light on.its very hard but i think that she needs to be in her own room at 12 yrs. if all this fails maybe you should bring her to see someone in case there is a underline reason why she cant bear to be alone at night. hope it goes well let me know. good luck!!!!
@soulist (2987)
• United States
8 Jan 07
You may bee to have to get a doctor. I mean she's 12 she should be able to and want to sleep in her own bed. Maybe you can do something like sleep in her room a couple nights like on the floor and gradually move closer to the door until you are fully out of the room.
• India
7 Jan 07
try reverse psychology tell her not to sleep and allow her to do any thing one to two days hae will not sleep and the next day she will b so tired that she will definately sleep and will understand the nee to sleep and then she will b regular in it
@vijethk (105)
• India
7 Jan 07
i think its better u keep your kid with u in bed room.. whne they will grow they will only claim for a new seperate room that time u can provide them.. coz if your kid is scraed of some thing then she might be in trouble in night.. which might even be adverse effect .. so if she wants to sleep with u .. let her sleep with u dear..
@jal1948 (1360)
• India
17 Dec 06
She is finding u to be her support,and is very much emotionally attatched to u.Since she plays with friends,try and get her friend to stay overnight on weekends so that she will get used to sleeping without you.reassure her that u r in the next room if she needs u for any thing just call.
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
17 Dec 06
What about if you were to sleep with her in her own room and then once she fell asleep, slip away and then go back to your own bed? It might work. You may need to do it a few times until she gets use to it. I myself have a daughter, she is 4 years old and she sleeps with me in my room. I need to wing her out of my bed and into hers myself. It is hard. Good luck!
@lsen06 (5000)
• India
16 Dec 06
Let her sleep with you. she is still a child. why break the bond so early.Things will come automatically. Stop behaving childish yourself. The behavior she does is perfect at her age.
@spateo (182)
• United States
28 Nov 06
Up until I was about 10 I slept in my parent's bed. After I fell asleep my dad would carry me into my room and I'd wake up later and come back in. I really don't know why I didn't want to sleep alone because I had a night light, I was just used to it. Eventually, I just grew out of it once my dad stopped letting me sleep there in the first place. I wish I could tell you a way to help, but I'm not really sure. But it's normal for her to want to sleep in your bed, she just has to decide she wants to grow up and sleep alone and do it for herself.
@pjsparkle (147)
• United States
26 Nov 06
Try getting one of those bears for new babys that plays a mother's heartbeat. Maybe that will comfort her throughout the night.
@MITica (106)
• Romania
26 Nov 06
You can try taking her easier. Every night ( a week ) when she is sleeping move her in her room. When she wakes up in the morning prepare a bed time breakfast. Wait here to ask you why are you doing this and explain that she grow up and she is begining to be a women right know and woold be better if she would sleep alone. And make her a present. A big monkey and ask her to give to the monkey a name. Then say hare that you always love her and you will never leave her because you love her.
@CMC122003 (316)
• United States
26 Nov 06
I know this will be tough but let her scream and bang. If the police are called explain to them the situation. It's not good for either of you. What if she wants to have a friend spend the night. Are they both going to sleep in your room with you. I don't think so. But she has to learn to do it first. Maybe find something that makes her feel more secure and safe. Something special to her. I hope you work this out.
@rawpoet (2047)
• United States
19 Nov 06
I feel for you, I really do. I went through it with my oldest who is now 15. She slept with me until she was almost 5. But this is the time to make it stop. She's getting too old for this. I also have a 12 year old, and I take things away from my children that they enjoy when they don't listen. That's what I recommend for your daughter. Also, I would remind her that one day she may get made fun of by her friends once they find out. It happens, it's sad, but it's true. You could start slow. There's a couple other things you could do, too. 1.) Sleep in HER bed until she falls asleep next to you, then silently move to your room and go to bed. Keep both doors open. If she wakes up screaming at your door, go back together in her room, and start over. Do it every single time. 2.) She could sleep on your floor, and you could tell her that she can no longer be in your bed. A few days later, make her sleep by your door. A few days after that, make her sleep in the hallway, outside your room door. Of course with lots of blankets to keep warm. This is weaning her away from your room - kind of like a baby bottle to a sippy cup. I'm sure you understand how the rest would go. If I come up with anything else, I'll be back. Good luck with everything!
@shubhvani (275)
• India
3 Oct 06
you have to make her realise her aims and ambitions in her life.you have to tell her that it is the right time to persue educational excellence for which she has to have her seperate study room/bedroom where she can study/sleep/rest.
@code_11 (902)
• Nigeria
3 Oct 06
have you tried leaving the room when she most have slept off, i mean allowing her to wake up alone.
• Estonia
3 Oct 06
Go out with ur daughter and talk to her heart to heart. Tell her that not all the time u'll be together. Time will come she will have her own family too. So at early time u must teach her to be independent. But assure her though u occupy different room u r always there for her. Anytime she needs u, she can count on u. Make her understand that its for her own good. Mother always knows best for her kid/s. good luck!
@sherinek (3323)
• United States
3 Oct 06
This is what I did with my 8 yr old boy. Until recently he was sleeping with me. I made him realized it is very difficult for me to sleep with him on the same bed as his sister who's 3 1/2 years old is also with me and I cannot chase the daughter since she's small. Actually it is difficult to share the bed and during the entire night I am awake pushing him to a side so that he wont kick me (LOL). When I push him he also gets disturbed and wake up. Then eventually he realized it is not fair by me. So one day, I asked him to sleep alone in his room, he agreed. In the morning he said that he really appreciate the decision and he like to sleep alone. I was so relieved.
@Si1234 (457)
• India
29 Sep 06
You should use toher children examples to tell her that few things in life has to be done and being independent is one of them
@amiksinha (1961)
• India
28 Sep 06
What I recomend is that you enforce a strick bed time and when it is bed time, stay in the room with them and stay there till they fall asleep, and leave a night lite on. Make sure they are asleep whe they leave. You shold aslo try to keep them active in the day so they can be tired at night.
@TheWuzz (98)
• United States
15 Aug 06
Are you kidding me. 12 years old kick her butt out of bed and tell her to sleep in her own room. And stick to it. She is to old to treat like a 2 year old. Heck she will be a teenager next year and probably have a boyfriend
@brentjh (679)
• Namibia
14 Aug 06
Yip - I would try the being in her room until she falls asleep and then sneak out.