My girlfriend hurts me!

Possessiveness - Possessiveness is one form of jealousy.
India
October 30, 2007 3:51am CST
My girlfriend is extremely possessive. She gets angry and hurts me a lot because of this. She hates it when I am with other friends or when I have long conversations over the phone. I love her so much and love to spend time with her but at the sametime I cannot giveup everything for her. She too loves me to the extent of madness that he does not eat and hurt herself when I do sometthing she does not like. Friends, what do you suggest I should do?
6 people like this
35 responses
@goodsign (2287)
• Malaysia
30 Oct 07
I don't blame her for what ever reason as you mentioned these words "the extent of madness" in giving her love to you. Proven now that she owned the noble level or stage as one love. Don't you like to have a person who gave her love to you up to that level? If your answer is YES, kindly read the following; She only need your high level of care taking attitude. Care taking attitude is your time management to be with her and not necessarily with physical attendance or participation. But the room of time to be with her. So be stay connected with a quality relationship, you as her man must lead the way by creating future interest in planning your future needs subject financial development and the application system towards your wish(vision). Example both of you start thinking how to earn money and work for it together to start your SAVING ATTITUDE. This kind of interest will make both of you stay connected with quality love life. Marriage life need money to support the rise of social standing expenses. This point is undeniable for those who were in marriage life. To be bold and admirable to both family side. You have to be a good leader with quality leadership to your love one. So that she proudly claim that you are her man. Unless you no longer love her or less for her, so you can forget about my sharing knowledge on this discussion.
2 people like this
• India
31 Oct 07
Hi goodsign! Wonderfulresponse and a very unique one! I fully agree with your views. Do read my response to this discussion as well.
1 person likes this
• India
31 Oct 07
Hi goodsign, I knew that she loves me lot and love her lot. she belive on me 200 percentages and she agree with the point that I am sincere..Still she hurts me in that way. I would like to tell you she never saves money rather like to spend money on me..I always tell her to save it but..anyway but i dont understand why she is so possesive as I am very sincere and have nobody in life other than her.. ok any way tyhanks for responding and have a nice day.
@Kosani (74)
• United States
1 Nov 07
This all comes from incredible insecurities. She does not love herself, and when you do not love yourself you can't believe anyone else can love you. Therefore there is no trust. Also a person can become this way when they have been hurt before or cheated on. They expect it to happen again or they can even set up a situation almost subconsciously, where they end up the victim. She needs help. The only one that can really help her is herself, I know, I've been there. Good luck.
• India
13 Nov 07
Hi Kosani,you mention some risk and some points about expectations.I will seriously study on it.Anyway thanks for responding and have a nice day..
• United States
30 Oct 07
I'm sorry but it sounds to me like your girlfriend needs to grow up and is a control freak. I use to have an ex-boyfriend like that and in the end he was the one who screwed it up for us. Relationships are about compromise. You don't always get your way. She needs to learn that. Whether you want to deal with it or not, that's your decision. Just know, that it shouldn't be like that.
• India
2 Nov 07
Hi candiec, your opinion may be right. I fell same that adjustment in relationship is required for smooth going of realtionship. And now improvement in her behaviour is recommended for better realtionship. Thanks for responding and have a nice day.
@Sharon38 (1919)
• Jamaica
30 Oct 07
I am not one who wants to hurt you my friend but I think your gf is obsessed with you (hope I spelt that word right). I know you love her and all that but I am concerned for your safety. If she hurts herself give me one good reason why she would not turn on you and physically hurt you too? Can you arrange for the both of you to see a counsellor? Your gf is a very controlling person and I am wodnering if that is safe and healthy for the both of you. You guyd need to communicate though
• India
31 Oct 07
Hi Shron38, even I dont understand what happen to her as she is very good and have nice controll on her emotions earlier but i dont understand whats wrong with her..I think she loves me lot and doesnt want to loose me may be.. one thing i knew very well that she love me lot thats makes her so possesive, i feel..But she also knows that i am sincere and she had no doubt on me and she belive on me 200 percentages All things are fine but her anger is major problem..I am very cool and yet not even shout on her after all this..But in night i cry and lots of tears get out from my eyes as i dont have any answer for this question -why does she do all ??? Any way still Ilove her lot and try to cope up with it..Thanks for responding, have a nice day.
@hillock (749)
• Qatar
30 Oct 07
i hope u dont get offended. honestly ur gf love is selfish. Does she really knows what love means is? or how to express ur love to someone? what is wrong with ur gf anyway? she is so possesive. she treat ur like a puppet and not as an individual who happens to have life also. i think ur gf[coz she hurt herslef] is unstable mentally. sorry cant help to say it!
• India
31 Oct 07
Hi Hillock,my girlfriend is crazy lover and it is always difficult to handle her. she is so angry some time and throw pillow on my face. I try to cpoe up since last 3 weeks but I didnt have any effective solution to it..Bottom line is I got puzzled.
@hillock (749)
• Qatar
31 Oct 07
i think she wasnt convince that u love her or that she's really plain insecure with herself. i could imagine if u ended up with her! ur marriage might not work. we never know! how long have u been together anyway?
• India
31 Oct 07
hi hillock, she belive on me two hundread percentages but still she is so possesive..I feel she has fear of some thing that I dont know but she knows very well that I am sincere but she thinks unnecessorily about future that anybody may meet in future so then what does she will do and all this things. her mind is jumbled with lots of thoughts..Any way Thanks for responding keep responding and have a nice day..
• Philippines
31 Oct 07
I honestly think you should break up with her. You said you cannot give up everything for her; I think she's already being very selfish now by being so possessive and eventually, she might want to ask you to give up everything else for her. She shouldn't hurt you if she really loves you. You deserve so much better. I mean, I don't know you but I do know that nobody should be hurt, especially physically, by someone who supposedly loves them!
• India
13 Nov 07
Hello shooting_star,Breaking of relationship is my last option and I have not come up with that stage yet..But stll I am thinking on points that you havementioned here.And waiting for some period to take any discussion.Anyway thanks for responding to discussion and have a nice day...
• Philippines
13 Nov 07
Oh okay. You must really love her then. Good luck with whatever you decide. And be careful.
@sang2k2 (1834)
• India
31 Oct 07
hi saurabh, If there is something like love between you and her then i think tht you shudnt react much if she is talking to anyone as you should keep faith that at the end of the day she would be yours as she loves you. Its her life as well and she bothers about you and cares for you may be she is juz trying to make you jealous so take it in positive manner and if possible talk to her if you are feeling uncomfortable.take care and all the best buddy.give her some time.
• India
13 Nov 07
Hello Sang2k2,I think you are right.You hit point that she may be doing this to make me jealous and yet nobody mentioned this.I think your study about this topic is like Guru and I agree with you that I need to take this issue in positive manner.anyway thanks for responding to discussion and have a nice day..
@sang2k2 (1834)
• India
14 Nov 07
hey there, thanks for complimets buddy.u take care
@tanjam420 (228)
• United States
31 Oct 07
i am sorry to hear that your girlgriend is that possesive, and the fact that she hurts not only you but herself. my suggestion is that you talk to her and find out why she is being like this toward you and herself. let her know that by hurting you the way she does is just going to ruien your relationship. nobody deserves to be treated like that she may need some help to stop her from hurting herself as well. i think if you guys cant sit down and talk this through you may have to get some counceling. and if she will not listen then give her the altimateum that if she does not stop this behavior toward you, you will have to let her go.. if this offends you in anyway i am sorry, but i have been in that kind of relationship before ( for seven years) and believe me if you cant talk about it it will not get any better. i hope you guys can work through this.. good luck and keep me posted..
• United States
31 Oct 07
sorry about the double post i really dont know what happened there..
• India
1 Nov 07
hi tanjam, yes you amy be right. I think i need to have talk with her. But problem is that will she satisfy? she knows one thing that I am sincere to her and there is nobody in between and one more thing is that she belive me two hundread percentages!!! Only problem is of her nature that she cant controll her emotions and get angry and then hurts me.After some time she realises that what she did is not good and then she says sorry to me..All this is ok but not her anger which is really problem now a days.. Ok anyway thanks for responding and have a nice day..
@lucky_witch (2713)
• Philippines
30 Oct 07
I dont think its fine. With that kind of relationship, soon, even if you love her there is a strong tendency that you will grow tired of her. It is not right that you will give up everything for her, both of you must learn to adjust. What she's doing like hurting herself is not a proof that she loves you, its an emotional blackmail to make you follow what she wants. You cant go on that way for the rest of your life. As far as I know, YOU ARE HIS BOYFRIEND AND NOT HER PROPERTY! My friend, you should not stop growing just because she doesn't want you to. Even your own mom, should let you go when the time comes, right? I think it would be better if you talk to her. Let her know that its no longer right.
• Philippines
30 Oct 07
sorry "YOU ARE HER BOYFRIEND AND NOT HER PROPERTY" :)
• India
31 Oct 07
hi luck_witch, you are right..she dont give me any freedom to move anywhere without her prior permission,in fact i dont have any type of freedom. I loves her lot but she hurts me by doing such activities..Still I am trying to cope with situation but i dont have any remedy over here..I think I need to be hard now and I am thinking of it and to do any action..anyway thanks for responding, have a nice day..
@limcyjain (3523)
• India
12 Nov 07
I feel that you need to sit down and talk over this issue at length. You need to convince her that any long relationship is build on faith and trust and you both need to trust each other. You should have confidence that you are for each other and whatsoever you would be together. Unless this faith in eachother develops the relationship would continue to hurt and hurt deep in the heart.
• India
13 Nov 07
Hello limcyjain, I think you are absolutely right.Faith is the only one factor that nobody mention here.I mark you as Best response as you have given a good remeady over the problem..Thanks a lot for responding to discussion and have a good day...
@subha12 (18462)
• India
7 Nov 07
you should have a clear talk with her what she wants. its good to love but too much possesiveness can be harmful. assure her taht you are hers only. so not to act that way.
• India
13 Nov 07
hello Shubha,I think you hit pooint that assure her that I am her's only...Anyway thanks for responding to discussion and have a nice day..
@MGjhaud (20798)
• Philippines
7 Nov 07
Hey, you have to talk it out and explain things that you used to do even before she’s not yet in you life. If she just can’t understand that maybe she have to grow up first, probably apart from you. That’s going to be hard when you too stay in one house together or maybe when get to settle down, that’s one main reason I know why a family is breaking up – it’s because of nagging and all that. So just talk to her.
• India
13 Nov 07
Hello MGjhaud,Your predicted risk may be true.so I am thinking seriously on it and will speak with her clearly.Otherwise it may be problematic for longer relationship..Anyway thanks for responding and have a good day.
@theprogamer (10543)
• United States
2 Nov 07
Run. Run fast, run soon, run now. The keyword is RUN! She's not worth it. She sounds either immature and selfish and/or possessive and mentally disturbed in some fashion. That is not who you want to be with. You could get hurt or worse from the sound of it and she is in desperate need of professional help (again its how you put it and my assessment of it). If she loved you she wouldn't be this selfish or possessive. You are still and independent being and you should be allowed to do things within reason. I also wonder how she would react to things. Does she go out with other friends? Does she have long conversations on the phone with others? If its like this in addition to what you say, thats more reason to not stay in the relationship. Be careful too.
• India
13 Nov 07
Hi theprogamer,I was also not happy with that behaviour and worrried about that.I think I should have freedom to talk wth any as it sound nothing..But i dont understand why she react like this..Anyway Thanks for respondint to discussion and have a nice day...
@2btrueinu (705)
• Philippines
2 Nov 07
I hope your not be offended to what must say. I don't understand why your girlfriend behavior like that maybe she have a problem on her own. Try to talk to her seriously but when you do that be prepare coz you really need a lot of courge to do it. talk to her heart to heart explain to her that it's not a healthy relationship anymore you both need to breath. In a relationship there is always a give and take you need to understand each other to flow freely the love you felt for each other but if she still not understand what you try to tell her them you need to dump her coz the love she feel for you is not love at all understand.... sometime people need to accept the fact the they were not meant for each other in a relation ship you need to repect each other but if you always hurt each other where is the respect. trusting each other is very much needed also if she is not trusting you maybe she does'nt love you try to figure out everything think and balance everything try to pray for all your worries and you will see it's going to be fine....
• India
13 Nov 07
Hi 2btrueinu,I think I need to have effective talk with her to solve such critical situation.I think I should tke help of any for judging discussion with her.You said all things are required in relation specially faith is required.So anyway thanks for responding and have a nice day...
• United States
1 Nov 07
i know a lot about what you are going through. this guy that i'm dating right now has a possessive ex girlfriend (yes i said EX) and the only reason why they still hang around each other is because they have a child together. but he is absolutely miserable living with her, he wants to date me and he can't even bring me to his house!! your girlfriend sounds a lot like his ex. i actually recommend taking a trip somewhere without her, to think about things without her manipulations. i am not belittling the fact that you love her and it would be painful to be without her, but very soon you will meet someone that is good for you and you will be in a very tough situation if you haven't left her yet. true love is not about ultimatums or manipulations...it's giving and understanding. you love her, try to help her if you can. sometimes leaving someone to fend for themselves emotionally makes them stronger. i don't see any good coming from this relationship if continued. you have a lot to offer a good woman who can offer you the very same.
• India
13 Nov 07
Hello twinbulls,You may be right and I think I should folllow yur suggestions.Some problem may be there that may make her in-sequred,I feel.I will find out what is the problem with her.As I love her too so I try to cope up but not break up.Anyway Thanks for responding to discussion and have a nice day...
• United States
1 Nov 07
gee if you find a solution let me know I have the same problem kind of but the other way around
• India
13 Nov 07
Hello aninspiration,I will tell you at end what can be efective solution at the end of discussion.Anyway keep responding and have a nice day
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
31 Oct 07
Being possessive is just another word for jealousy.She is a very insecure person thats the real problem.The fact that she hurts herself when you do something that she does not like tells me that she is doing these things in order to contol you,so you will stop doing things that she does not like.There is a such of thing as loving someone but not being able to be with them ..Its true you cannot give up everything for her,and you should not be expected too...A relationship is based on trust,respect and honesty.It is not based on control,and jealously,and trying to redo the persons entire life.if you do all the things she wants you to do,then you will be one miserable person...You should be free to talk on the phone as long as you want too,and you should also be able to see your friends when you want too...,and the same goes for her.This is just a girlfriend,can you imagine the misery you would be in if you were married to her? God forbid!!What your girlfriend is feeling for you might be love but not total love, if she really loved you she would want you to be happy...The problem is very plain to see, she does not plan on changing,so what choice do you have? Be miserable with her or break it off, and find happiness.Im older than you are and i can tell you with all that is within me,it will hurt for awhile but you will get over her,and go on with your life.You can find another love,someone who will not only love you but also resect you...When you do decide to break it off she will either promise she will change, whih she won't OR she will act like she is going to kill herself,so she can keep you hanging on..But she will NOT do herself harm...Even if she did it would not be your fault.....
• India
13 Nov 07
Hi slickut,you have given a good response and I am thankful to you.You study case very well and did good analysis also.Your predicted risk may be true and I am seriously thinking on this issue.Anyway I will have talk with her hope for something good..Once again thanks for responding and have a good day...
• Canada
31 Oct 07
Well it sounds to me like she is abusinve and abusive people do not love their spouse. They are control freaks and see their spouse as a possesion/object. That is not love and if you are scared of her how do you have time to love her? Most people in abusive relationships love teh abuser and thats what the abuser feeds on. they know that you will not leave them so they don't care if they hurt you. You need to seek help for this woman and tell her straight out that if she doesn't seek help you cannot be with her. She sounds like she needs some anger management courses to help her control her behaviour. Good luck hun I hope sh can get help so you are BOTH happy
• India
13 Nov 07
Hello strawberryKisses,Yes I think you may be right at that piont that I need to take help for this issue.I was quite worried about it that she get angry on me and then hurt me..Anyway thanks for respondint to the discussion and have a nice day...
• China
31 Oct 07
do you love her really? or do she love you really? it is said that real love is give up and wish the lover live more happily. i don't think it is the same between you that i have know. if you love her you will love all of her .of course her extremely possessive. do you like that? to the fact, you can have a real talk with her. tell her what is in mind of you. conversation will work out all problem
• India
13 Nov 07
Hello buliangianren,I was also puzzled by the same question in mind sometime that really she love me..but I feel she loves and problem is of possesiveness.But now I love her very much and will try to cope up by having conversation with her.Anyway thanks for responding to disccussion and have a nice day..
@kiobug (2250)
• United States
31 Oct 07
That is hard to say. I think she needs to get help. And you need to talk to her about her feelings and yours.
• India
13 Nov 07
Hello kiobug,yes you are right that she need help about her feeling regarding in-sequrity.I need to assure her for love and long relation as I love her too so I am expecting for any solution.Anyway thanks for responding to discussion and have a nice day...