What Would You Do ?

This is a really tough one as most of the problems relate to how they have been handled and the expectations placed upon them for the last 20 or so years. I cannot imagine a situation where I would have been able once leaving school to do nothing, but life lessons on participation in home (doing chores, helping, and sharing tasks) start young and should become second nature/ Likewise earning money and seeing where it goes should start in the home young and then progress thru Saturday/evening jobs. For most parents it is almost impossible to throw a child out (especially as in this case where/what would they be supposed to do) but in this case they have created a monster and at this late stage I am not sure how you go about changiing it ....... tough love reaps many rich rewards!

It might sound harsh and brutal but I would throw them out!

Hi nzinky. To me I feel a parent should let their children choose what they wish to. I mean of course not sweet doing nothing at home. Well, personally, my parents will give an option of either you study, else you work, that's end of the story. haha.

if i were U. i would give him some tough love. Give him an ultimatum either he stop being a moocher or he has to leave. he is not 3yrs old anyone. he is a man. he should act like it. he is lazy and needs a wake up call. my child would have to get his stuff together or he will be evicted from the premises. Life is hard enough dealing with problems on your own. U dont need to put up with anyone else drama. Put your foot down and let him know u mean business.

I a gree with you. you should have a time limit to him to get a job or get him out of the house. sometimes limitation is needed to force them to do something. me 23 yo also. when I leave with my parents, I often depend of them and doing nothing. then I force myself for time limitation to find job, finally I decided to go out from home. now I'm far far away from them and learn to live by myself. although I haven't good job rite now, but I'm doing something for survive by my own effort. when I leave them, I ask I will not bother them anymore, so now I should do my own life. I'm sure with this way I can be independently. so you can do your plan, that's better way to teach them kind of life, I wounder should be that....yups....

I have a 21 year old son and a daughter approaching 18. Both of them have been taught that they will get as much support and help as I and my wife can give them as long as they take certain steps to help themselves. This has meant that they have both got part time jobs to help support themselves through college and university. If they were not involved in education I would expect them to obtain full time jobs. Anyone who reached 22 or 23 without either starting college,university or work would be kicked out for their own good. At the end of the day parents can not be with children forever and they have to learn how to handle the real world and its as parents responsibility to teach them no matter how hard that may prove to be on children and parents.

First you have to tell them that they are old enough and not a baby to just set at home and not help you. Second you have to tell them that you are not housemaid to clean the house, everybody must help and be responsible. Ask them if what they will do if all these things gone and nothing to eat. can they be responsible to themselves and not become a bad man?

i think you need to give them more time 21 and 23 they are just kid and also never compare them with other guys i think so further upto you?

If I'm their parent, I would really discipline them. Since I am their parent, I won't tolerate such acts as those. Education should be their first priority, let them know that this is the only treasure that cannot be bought by others away from them. Make them think of those other under-priviledged children, who are dying to get a chance to go to school and graduate for them to have a LIFE. And if they seem not to be interested in studying anymore, it would be better that you teach them a lesson by letting them have a chance to live a life they want all by themselves. Parents always think for the betterness of their child's future, since this was what my parents thought me when I was still a child.

I moved out of my parents house at 19, I am afraid I would be a tough love Mom and give them an ultimatum...you find a job and start paying rent by ...or go to school by.... or I change the locks and you can live on the streets. Of course someone is enabling this kid to play games and have an internet connection so it is not entirely the kids fault.

Honestly I would never have that problem. I have a rule in my house, after high school you either 1. Go to College 2. Get a job and pay rent 3. Move out and fend for yourself. If you aren't in school full time then you aren't living in my house for free. If you live here and are not in school then you will pay rent, and pick up after yourself or you won't be living here very long.

I would tell them to either go out and get a job, enroll in school, or move out and do it all on your own. I would give them a time limit if they chose job, and if they continue to live their start paying rent. If they chose school I would make sure they enrolled the next time classes started. Either way the need to start helping around the house.

i am very sorry for the inconvenience of you creating by your children.maybe now your children cant find their value to their parents and their lives so they stay before the computers all day long to play video games.you can get them out to find a job and let themselves make a living.only through this way,they can find themselves.

Since I'm 23 years old and have been living on my own since I was 18, I would have to say that it'd be either shape up or ship out! I'm the mother of two little girls and I'm still going to college. I would love to be able to live at home with my parents still because it's a lot more responsibility than kids think to live on their own! Getting a job is not too much to ask for while living at your parent's home.

I may be mean but I certainly wouldn't wait on them, I would give them a time limit to do something. They would have to at least clean the house or they wouldn't eat. If they wanted food they would have to sell their computer or get a job or do some housework. There are enough options there and I would give them 4 weeks or they would be on the streets. That sounds really callous but we all have to live in the real world and the real world is harsh. I don't think the parent lets children of this age get away with the sort of behaviour you describe are not teaching the children anything and parents are not always going to be there.

if i am the parent, i will ask them to either get a job or go to college... otherwise, they have to move out from my house... i won't tolerate such behaviours from my children as it is very irresponsible... i would discipline them... and of course i will give them a time limit... if they can't meet the deadlines, then they have to go... if they get a job and choose to stay with me, then they have to start helping me to pay the bills or contribute for the house...

Thank heavens I never had to deal with a situation like this but if I did the first thing I would do get family counselling. If the 23 year old would refuse to go I would scape up my last dollars and have a counsellor come to the house and have a family conference. I would also insist on a medical visit to see if the person suffered from depression. If nothing serious was wrong with the person I would insist the person would get a volunteer job until a paying job was found and once that was achieved I would help to find an apartment, a roommate or share a place with other young adults. I would help with the deposit, the first month rent and furniture. After that I would tell my son or daughter to come and visit when invited. I would not just throw them out.

it's not a problem that i 'll throw them out absolutely

Well... as a parent... i'd first try to get his attention... since being his parent... will get up and running... make him/her active... then automatically... they should fall in place.... thats the best i'd start with......

nzinky, I think the only way would be to put limitations. I don't think I could be harsh right away and tell my kid to get a job and get out. Then again, I don't have kids yet so I don't know. But still, I think I would start but taking priviledges away and make he/she feel like a child again, like "no videogames for a month". That way, the person will feel that they have to act their age or else be treated like the age that they are acting like. Do I explain myself clearly? :) I would start by making things harder and then hopefully that will make him/her look for a job. How about that? Start nice but make them straight any ways. :)