some people behave rudely

India
October 31, 2007 2:45am CST
I have a few friends,I mean Ithey are well known to me.They ask me to do something and I do.But when I need them they always refuse.Sometimes only they say that they wont help,but other times they say and then dont support me.Even for small things.For example,if we have to go for work,many times I pick them up.But when I tell tghem to pick me up,they ask me to come to a certain pickup piint.But they expect me to pick them up in my vehicle from their house. They also don't ask me when they are going for a movie or shopping.I am always well behaved but I don't know why they don't care for my feelings.Do you also experience similar situation?
5 people like this
9 responses
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
31 Oct 07
I have found this very same thing, I wouldn't say rude as much as selfish, I love helping people if I can it was something my parents passed down to me, my dad was always helping people but I have noticed that of all my friends that I have helped many many times they never seem to be there for me either when I need a little and I hardly ever ask for it, it hurts a lot I know.
• India
31 Oct 07
Yes,they are selfish.I also love helping my friends and try to be nice to them.You rightly said that it hurts a lot.You feel so unwanted.Sometimes I wonder if I have something lacking in me.Many times I think of behaving the same way thet they do,but the moment they come and ask me for something,I immediately agree.I think I should restrict myself to stop them taking me for granted.
3 people like this
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
31 Oct 07
I hear myself in your words, I feel like I have something lacking too, and I do feel like am beoing taken for granted at times but I too keep doing again...maybe we are just too soft for out own good.
1 person likes this
• India
31 Oct 07
Hmm... well kinda been there!!! do all that you can for others but it should in no way hurt you. helping is not bad but then hurting yourself in the process is. But ya the fact that they arent helping shouldnt hurt you..... Let them act like jerk's but you dont let lose your goodness. They not being helping only makes them bad, it in no way gives a bad name to you!!!
1 person likes this
@femimi (872)
• Indonesia
31 Oct 07
well, I think you are too kind to them :) Why don't you refuse if you mind ? And if you really want to help them, I think better you don't think the same way they will help you... no kind of that thing in this world, even with friends (only your family will really truely help you, that's what I learn about life). So I don't care if people are not nice to me, I just try being behave but not for them, but for myself pride. And if I can't help them just say sorry, but if I can, I already learn not to get the plus point from them. Life is not fair, that's true friend :)
1 person likes this
• China
31 Oct 07
I can't agree with you more. When we help others,we can't expect their help in return. I try to learn to appreciate, and if others help me I will remember for a long time,and give them a hand if they need me.A true friend is difficult to find, But we should learn to be happy ,without friendship, we will feel separeted from the world. So I think to give doesn't mean to get back,but mean looking for more chance to earn a true friendship.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Nov 07
Very good lessons from both of you.I am much wiser now.Thanks to you both.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Nov 07
I know people like this too, and it's not just "friends" but family. .I am always the one to get things from..but the only time people remember me is when they "need" something..It's not just to say "Hello"..But if I need something..like just a friend to talk to..that is all I ever ask for ..they are too busy..too sleepy or something else.
• India
15 Nov 07
Thats exactly how I feel.
@unuzzz (1274)
• Indonesia
31 Oct 07
hi Daffodil20 so sorry to hear you experienced such thing but your friends are the common type of people here too bad that you made friends with egoist people i have some friends with the same attitude and i left them they don't give any luck i don't mean to act the same way as theirs i only do the 'take and give' principle so when people are just giving me troubles, i left them i'd do that way too if i were you thanks ^^
1 person likes this
• India
15 Nov 07
I have also thought of doing the same.Thanks unuzzz
2 people like this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
31 Oct 07
One thingthat I have learnt is that in any relationship, be it with friends or relatives , you must define the relationship. If you see something that is not to your liking[ when you don't like their taking advantage over you] you must learn to say' no'. Contrary to what many people would believe learning to say' no' is also a difficult thing because we alaways worry about how others would perceive things. 'Will I sound too cheap''are thoughts that one is likely to be plagued with That is why we should learn good presentation skills and learn to say' no' the right way. If we don't protest in the beginning and adopt patience in the name of courtesy, waiting for them to become self aware, then don't be surprisded if suddenly when you confront them one day they cooly say''But you did not say a thing so far. I never knew you were displeased. You kept quiet all this while. Was it all hypocrisy that you had this in mind and didn't speak?'OR ' I TOOK YOU FOR GRANTED . What is the big issue? Why should you get hurt?' YOU have to either help them without expectations whatsoever, or if you are going to be human define your relationship right in the beginning. Do not be too wellbehaved at the expense of yourself. Reciprocity is the name of the game and many are not willing to'give' but are only ready to'take.'
1 person likes this
• India
15 Nov 07
How well you have understood and expressed the whole matter.Fingers could be pointed at me even after considering the fact that it is me who have suffered.Taken for granted is another outcome.Definitely,reciprocity is the name of the game and I'm going to play it well this time.Thankyou very much kalav56
2 people like this
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
31 Oct 07
Hi Daffodil! You sound like a really good friend to them. I agree its rather rude not to include you. Maybe you shoud mention it to them but in a nice way that you would like to go with them when they go the movies on shopping. Just because they behave rudely doesnt mean you have too.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Nov 07
Thats another eyeopener.May be you are right that i should not behave like them.What difference would there be then between me and them.yes,you are right
2 people like this
@saucer (47)
• India
31 Oct 07
hi daffodil,wel i wanna say bcause i myself in a way is going through h same kinda problm but nobody's a idiot and nobody wanna act like one...there might be sum problem in their lives or anything troubling them and as a friend we should try n solve it instead of complaing or running away,but ya,even after all your efforts they dont do gud,as per me they are not gud enough to be my friend.u must just let them go.there's always a time to let spring release its tension.....bbye and take care/
1 person likes this
• India
15 Nov 07
Hi saucer,you are very true.They are not good enough to be my friend and I must let them go.There are better friends for me waiting out there.Only thing is I have to wait with an open mind
2 people like this
@subathra (3519)
• India
31 Oct 07
When some friends behave like this it hurts us a lot and make us worry too..it may look like a simple issue for others but we know that we are denied and solicited alone by friends.. My friends do hurt me sometimes and i feel lost in those situations..I try to convince myself and keep going..
1 person likes this
• India
15 Nov 07
Thanks for sharing.Now I wont feel as if I am the only one with whom this happens
2 people like this
@kwenge (2493)
• Kenya
31 Oct 07
I have been in your situation so many times and I think some people really behave weird towards others. How can they expect me to be their servant? Maybe your friends are jealous. After many times of treating me that way, i went ahead and looked for new friends and I started ignoring them one by one until I forgot about them. "Do unto others what you could expect them to do unto you". I really feel you my friend.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Nov 07
You said the correct thing.Sometimes we have to speak the same language and give the same treatment to make them understand.
2 people like this