Is it okay to be jealous?

Philippines
November 1, 2007 2:26am CST
Is it okay to be jealous with your partner? Is it okay to get hurt when you observe that your love one is interested with others? I'm a little bit confused. I love my husband so much, and I'm afraid to lose him. When were together, and I see that he would glance on a beautiful girl, my heart aches and I start to become quiet and disintered with whatever it is that we're doing together. When we're watching tv, and there's a beautiful girl on tv, it seems like I want to turn it off. I dont want to feel this way, but I just cant seem to control my emotions. I really love him so much! But I know, that I cant stop him, from being exposed to other women.
6 people like this
25 responses
@kwenge (2492)
• Kenya
1 Nov 07
Being jealous is part of being in love but there is a difference between jealous and being over-possessive and I guess you are being overpossesive towards your hubby. I also think that you have started falling out of love of yourself, you are loosing your self esteem. I know your hubby loves you very much and thats why he chose you and not the woman on tv. please try and sit down together and let him look you in the eye and tell you he loves and will never cheat on you with some one prettier than you or uglier than you are. Look yourself in the mirror and tell your mind that you are cute and lovable. Go to the shopping mall and be careful to look around and you might find men staring at you and if you count them to 3 or five then you are beautiful and attractive to your hubby and have confidence in your marriage.
2 people like this
@hillock (749)
• Qatar
1 Nov 07
ill agree with kwenge! jealousy is healthy in a good way. just dont be too over possesive. u can look at some hot guys too. u should know that it is normal for the guys to look to other women. u better kill that insecurities you're feeling now! think about it this way.. your hubby could have chosen someone but he chose u right?
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Nov 07
That's normal. I've felt like that before. You need to find out why you feel jealous? Do you like the way you look? Does your husband like the way you look? Most men look at other women and there's nothing wrong with looking. I believe that what's wrong is if they stare. Now that I do find disrespectful. Anywho, have a talk with your hubby and tell him how you feel. Maybe he'll be more careful of your feelings in the future. And you might wanna work on your self esteem cause that has a lot to do with it. Try to dress up and look nice as often as possible. Or you can try working out. It not only helps in making you feel better but also look better.
@bambi_doe (566)
• United States
1 Nov 07
It is normal from both ends of this candle. I just recently went through a bit of this after 24 years of marrage. My husband used to have me take and send the rent payment through the mail until one day he decided to start saving the stamps and deliver the payment in person, then he started paying the rent weekly. I thought he was having a hard time making the payment for some reason and so I asked and he said no he just likes to pay it in person. Well that Friday that he got paid I decided that I would go with him to make the payment. I then realized what this was all about, the girl ( about 21 years old ) that takes the money wears these low cut sweaters that you can see her girls hanging out from and when she bent over to get a receipt I got the whole show. I then asked her to cover her belongings and asked to see her supervisor ( husband was in shock at this point ). I told her supervisor that she either covers herself up or we will no longer be paying our rent. An hour after we got home I received a phone call from the rental agency and they said that they sent her home to change and that there was 6 other renters that complained the same day. I told them that I would have fired her. Needless to say, I embarraced my husband so bad that he now puts the payment into the night deposit box once a month. Even though it maybe harmless, I would say something about it. Maybe just tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable seeing him drewl over ladies and having them converse with him. That also reminds me of the time when my husband and I were bowling in a league that I was an officer in and one night while bowling a girl comes running up to my husband and kissed him straight on the lips and he had his arms around her like they were old flames. Did this shock me? oh yah. After she skipped away the whole league stopped bowling. They watched me walk right up to the girl and ask her just what the **** she had just done to my husband. Her answer, that is your husband? my answer, a punch in the eye. Never seen her again either. Husband doesn't turn the eyes anymore and no one comes a looking either. I guess word gets around when you defend and protect your marriage. As for the girls on tv. I like to tell my husband that they are all fakes and if I had the money mine would be fake too. Or I will tell him to keep dreaming and maybe her plastic surgeon will introduce her to him. Internet web sites adult version is what I am battling out with him now, as well as the tv versions. I just leave the room and go to bed. I did tell him that I will never look that fake so deal with it because those girls will never have him. Hope this eases your mind a little and hugs
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
1 Nov 07
It is ok to be jealous - but not overdo it. We all have insecurities and i belive that it is all a part of love. But to think about it 24/7 is not ok and will only make the relation turn sour
2 people like this
• Philippines
1 Nov 07
It's okay to be jealous as long as it is not too much. Men are like that they tend to look to other beautiful women because they are easily attracted by the physical beauty of a woman. But if your husband really loves you, no matter how beautiful are the other women around, you will still be the most beautiful woman in his eyes. You have to give your trust to your husband because it is not good to be jealous all the time. Try to be open with him. Communication is very important to keep your relationship last.
1 person likes this
• India
1 Nov 07
Correction......... "Men are easily attracted to Physical beauty of a women" Not true, its the physical beauty of a women tha attracts the man easily!!! May sound similar but its a whole lot different!!! ;)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
1 Nov 07
whatever... i think the idea is still the same.
1 person likes this
@wseayuan (374)
• China
1 Nov 07
hi, i want to say it is never ok to be jealous ,you will never stop men from looking at other women ,espically beautiful woman. they are just wired that way.we should accept it ,we can't change it.besides ,even women look at other men.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Nov 07
I agree with you. Good looking men still turn my head. If its just looking be thankful.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Nov 07
I just wanted to add when I see a beautiful women I look too. Not the same reason my husband looks but it does turn my head. I guess I get amazed at how well and put together they look.
1 person likes this
@gol613 (33)
• Philippines
2 Nov 07
No, it's not okay. So is smoking, but I smoke a hell lot anyway. Get the logic? Thing is, most of us do what we know is not okay, but we do it anyway and then justify our actions afterwards.
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18463)
• India
2 Nov 07
i think in this case that you love your partner so much. You just think he is only yours and don't want to see him interested in any others. But it also brings unnecessary insecurity . it is harmful to you. It is right to be jealous but not this extent.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Nov 07
Well for me jelousy is normal in a relationship! My boyfriend is really handsome irish, other women introduced themselves even though im there/ sometimes its ok but most of the time i felt jelousy, but now i realized that i have to be PROUD coz some says that when your partner do have a lot of admirers yous should be PROUD coz he/she chose you! right! just be confident and prove to them that you deserved him! ^_^
1 person likes this
@donna5 (8)
1 Nov 07
at times i get very jealous and then other times not at all. its healthy to be jealous in moderation. it makes me realise how much i would hurt without him. you have to then forget it if you can or else you will lose him and your fears will come true. if he loves and respects you at the end of the night and you feel secure, then all if as it should be.
1 person likes this
@donna5 (8)
1 Nov 07
at times i get very jealous and then other times not at all. its healthy to be jealous in moderation. it makes me realise how much i would hurt without him. you have to then forget it if you can or else you will lose him and your fears will come true. if he loves and respects you at the end of the night and you feel secure, then all if as it should be.
1 person likes this
@cobradene (1171)
• India
1 Nov 07
That's so cute. I totally understand that feeling. Even my girlfriend is jealous about me having too many women friends. So, I can picture the situation in my mind. But it's totally fine. You love him very much and you want him to be your man always. That's nice. So, it's a sweet positive thing.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Nov 07
Let me tell you what I used to do. This is a bit crazy to say the least. My husband once told me he like one certain celebrity. Well when ever we would get a magazine with that person in it I would ripe that page out and throw it away. Isnt that insane? My husband does the same thing. I used to ask him about it and he wouldnt know what I was talking about. But after 11 years I just laugh and tell him to go talk to her and he will say who? You really have to be secure that he is where he wants to be. Its only hurting you and making you unattractive. Im sorry that your heart aches though. I know how you feel.
1 person likes this
@moneyandgc (3438)
• United States
1 Nov 07
I used to be really insecure and jealous when my husband and I were dating. It is not a good feeling at all. I still sometimes get that little pang of jealousy when I see someone that I think is beautiful. The funny thing is, 99% of the time my husband is not paying an ounce of attention to her. It's just me making myself miserable. Thankfully I have gotten over most of that. My husband can be on the jealous side as well. It can be cute as long as it doesn't go overboard. We have been together 5 years now and it almost never goes there anymore thank goodness. We are both pretty secure in our relationship now.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Nov 07
Jealousy(unfortunately) is a natural human emotion. I do not believe there is a single person out there(no matter how confident and self-respecting) that has not felt a twinge of jealousy at one time or another. In relationships jealousy can stem from many different aspects and be projected in many different directions. In your case it seems soley related to other women. Ask yourself a few questions...Am I jealous of the "way" my husband looks at the woman?(or)Am I jealous of the "woman"?....Do "I" think I am attractive?...Do I think my "husband" finds me attractive?....The answers may surprise you. Your jealousy could be directly linked to your husband and your relationship OR it could just be about YOU. The point that I am trying to get across, my dear, is that instead of worrying about whether your jealousy is "ok", you should start focusing on WHY you are feeling this way. Behind every emotion, is a thought..an instinct..Take it from a woman who has struggled with self-love and respect her whole life. Even with all that I have learned.. I still get jealous. Sometimes more than others. When I have an emotion I can't control, I still feel lost. Just remember, you can't control your feelings, but there are ways to "change" them.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
1 Nov 07
i think it is okay to be jealous because it shows that you care enough for the person that you become scared of losing him. i would want my partner to feel scared of losing me because then i would feel that i am an important part of his life. what counts is how you deal with this jealousy. just do not go overboard. being jealous may be healthy for the relationship, it means that your husband is someone you just couldn't afford to lose to someone else.
• India
1 Nov 07
Well whatever you feel is called as insecurity and not jealousy!! First of all let me tell you that feeling this way is not rite, it isnt good for you, your boyfriend and above all your relationship. You need to make yourself uderstand the fact that your partner actually loves you. Its not like you dont trust him, just that you have this fear. you have get over this fear fear, he or none here can help you with it!!! Feel beautiful, feel confidant and then these feelings will be gone and you will cherish the love you share forever!! Tell yourself a thousand times that your parter loves you, look for the small signs of love that he sends to you, cherish those the whole day..... Give yourslef the confidance of what you are and eventually these feelings will fade away.
1 person likes this
• India
1 Nov 07
well i think yes...its yet another feeling of wanting sumthing that sum1 els has...as long as u dontsnatch it from them and get it by ur own efforts its ok..mayb being jealous cud give u an aim
1 person likes this
• Philippines
1 Nov 07
Yes, it is ok, as long as you know how how to handle your jealousy. It's normal that you feel jealous because you love your partner, it doesn't mean that you dont trust him. But dont let your jealousy run the way you hold yourself. Just try to tell your husband with it. And do it in a nice way, like new lovers do. He will find it cute and sweet for sure.
1 person likes this
@talisman (1308)
• United States
1 Nov 07
It's sounds like you have a much bigger problem than just jealousy, it sounds like you don't trust your husband. If you don't have trust in a relationship, you shouldn't be in that relationship. Glancing at someone doesn't mean that he's interested in that person. You can't see a person without looking at them. I look around at people all the time, both male and female, it doesn't mean that I'm interested in them, though. If you're afraid that you're going to lose your husband to another woman, it means that you don't trust him or believe that he really loves you. You need to work on both your relationship and your self-esteem issues.