Totally unappreciated and ignored...

@foxyfire33 (10009)
United States
November 2, 2007 12:04pm CST
That's how I'm feeling right now. I tried to vent and explain how I felt to my s/o but he didn't say anything and just rolled over on the couch and fell asleep. I came here to vent instead. Or rant, however you want to look at it. Last night my stomach was upset and my back was aching horribly. I told my s/o I could relly use a back rub. He never looked up from the computer when he asked "When?" A little miffed that is game was so important I replied in a not so nice voice "Whenever you aren't too busy to give ME some attention" Two hours later, he rubbed my back for two minutes as I was trying to get into bed. Then e kept the lights and tv on til the wee hours of the morning so I didn't get a very restful sleep. First thing this morning (8am) when I was just waking up with the baby, his mom started in about how toys didn't get put away last night (the boys fell asleep early and my back was hurting to much to bend down for Pete's sake), she had to clean up MY dinner (yeah because s/o didn't get around to eating until after I laid down and I told HIM to clean it up but he didn't). Tonight while s/o is at work and everyone else including the two boys go to the minstrel, I get to stay home and move furnature out of the bedroom because the guy is coming to finish it (we're remodeling) and make sure everything else is ready for him to come. Today my s/o is sleeping because he stayed up all night last night and is staring night shift tonight. I understand that but it is just so aggravating to have him sleeping on the couch right now! I need to vacuum, I wanted to work on here but the boys keep needing me. Whenever he's on the computer, even if it's just stupid stuff, he doesn't have to get up to do anything. I wish he would but he won't. But when I'm here trying to do something that's actually productive everyone acts like I'm just goofing off and won't help at all with the kids. S/o can be watching tv which is right next to the kitchen but I still have to get up, walk past him on the couch to go get whatever the kids need. I asked him last night to put his stuff away...still strung across the floor. I just feel like I've become the live in maid for EVERYONE here, not just my s/o. Even when I was sick last week no one understood. I'm so tired of it. Thanks for letting me vent a little.
6 people like this
13 responses
• United States
2 Nov 07
I'm so sorry that your life is so stressful for you right now. I work nightshifts too, I understand all that. Honestly, I sleep on our couch sometimes too, because it it so much easier for me to sleep there. I was laying in my bed for an hour, couldn't fall asleep, when laid down on the couch...fell asleep in 5 mins! But that's just me. You scoot your husband into bed and tell him you want to vaccum. His should stop blaming you for stuff that doesn't get done around the house, it isn't even your responsiblity!!! You should give yourself a vacation. If you have the time and money, snag your closest friend and just GO. Go out wherever! Shopping at the mall, to a spa, restruant, movie, the zoo?....anywhere! Just get out of the house and do something, just for you! Or you can take a longer vacation time. Go to....a fun place that is near by! lol. Sorry I don't know where you live. But I mean like...Vegas, or New York! Go somewhere you can afford! And just have fun! Any mother who has to deal with the "family life" deserves vacations!"
3 people like this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
2 Nov 07
See that's the problem, his parents are living here so we don't have a bedroom yet...It's just so hard being stuck in the middle of everyone. If I vacuum now I'll wake him up, if I vacuum later I'll wake his dad up, if I don't vacuum at all his mom and dad will be miffed. BUt everyone just expects me to figure it out and keep them all happy. I would be happy with just a few hours to myself right now! I thought I was going to get it tonight but no...I get informed just thhis morning that the bedroom I use as a closet for me, s/o and the 3 boys needs to be cleared out by tonight and that s/o's BIL will be here working.
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
2 Nov 07
That's exatly the problem. Everything is about them and their needs sine they were "here first" I understand it all to a point but it still gets frustrating. The good news is, they are planning to move by December and want us to stay here. All I can say is December can't come soon enough!
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Nov 07
lol well I hope it isn't too rough for you before Decmember gets here...let's hope for decemember 1st...early in the morning ;P But you could try talking to everyone, telling them that they are putting to much stress and pressure on you. I would say, just don't vacuum, and if your in laws give you any crap about it, you can give them a piece of your mind about the whole situation.
1 person likes this
@kiobug (2250)
• United States
2 Nov 07
My boyfriend does that too. Tuesdays and thursdays I have to get up at five thirty for school and he wants to keep the tv on past midnight and gets peeved when I ask him to turn it off. Dont ask me to sleep in your room if you cant respect my requests. Anyways that is ridiculous foxy. Im sorry.
2 people like this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
2 Nov 07
And then I'm the one that has to listen to his dad bit...err umm complain about the tv being on late as if it was MY fault!. So disrespectful!
1 person likes this
@kiobug (2250)
• United States
3 Nov 07
Tell me about it. "I just want to relax." I do too.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
3 Nov 07
And that's another thing...I REALLY like 8 hours of sleep, his mom never goes to bed before midnight, the baby wakes me up once during the night and then everyone else starts stomping around and slamming doors any where from 5:00 am to 7:30am depending on who's working...but then they ge grumpy if I sit down and take a little cat nap in the afternoon as if I'm being totally lazy.
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
2 Nov 07
Though I'm having a senile moment about the s/o, I'll still say this. Sorry that happened to you, and you are always welcome to vent here. Its terrible some people are treating you like that. Vent anytime Foxy, thats part of what mylot is for. We are here Foxy.
2 people like this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
2 Nov 07
s/o= significant other, otherwise known as the guy I've been with for 6 years and have birthed 3 children for but is not interested in marriage...the only reason we are living under the same roof is because we only have one vehicle so I couldn't drive back and forth anymore....wow that felt good too! Thanks for being here!
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
2 Nov 07
Wow, now I really feel senile. I should have remembered that! You are welcome Foxy. Everyone vents in someway or another. I would hope more support is shown for people doing it out of being hurt. Though its a bit different on my end. My star rating is part of a testament to it (despite civil behavior -_-) Ah I got sidetracked. I'll give you a net hug for the time being. I've got similar experience with some of what you've been through. *hug*
2 people like this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
3 Nov 07
I don't mind the COLOR of your star, it's just the number tat I find odd. Oh shoot, I probably shouldn't say that, those who shall not be mentioned might give me a purple one soon too!
1 person likes this
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
2 Nov 07
Awwwwww I do feel bad for you. I hope you feel better now after that venting. Sometimes thats all we have to do. Just let it out let it all out.LOL I think you need to do something nice for yourself. The heck with everyone else. They will still be there. Cheer Up. Hugs to you!
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
2 Nov 07
Thanks! I should do something nice for myself...just not sure how to find the time LOL Just one more mini vent....his mom made a point to tell me not to let the little boys play with her new printer (not that I would anyway) My opinion is that she knows little ones live here, why can't she put her printer up higher so I don't have to worry about it! It's called child proofing for goodness sake...normal people do that. Thanks I needed that too!
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11059)
• United States
2 Nov 07
My friend needs a hug - hugs for friends
Sometimes all it takes is some venting to make us feel better and I hope this helped you out a little. I know how it feels when nobody understands or even listens to me and it makes me feel horrible. Do something nice for yourself and depend on yourself to make you feel better! We're hear to help! Hope your day gets better and tonight does to!
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
2 Nov 07
AWw thanks for the HUG. It does help to get it out and know that someody is listening!
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16235)
• United States
3 Nov 07
Your post sounds like my life most of the time. My husband is the same way and most of the time I feel like I have two children instead of one. I also feel like I am the live in maid as I do everything and the only thing he does is work (which I'll give him credit for as he does work hard and I just wish he brought that same work ethic home LOL), sometimes cook, play on his laptop and watch tv. I take care of my son from the time he wakes up through to the time he goes to bed and during the night if need be. I totally understand where you are coming from and thank God for mylot at times because if they don't listen to us, this place is just as good a place to vent too. I handle things differently now and just do what I can. If they complain I tell them to do it themselves or wait until I am ready to do it. Its not easy but I now do what I can and leave the rest until I can do it. I also try to take some time out as well, which is not always easy but I force the issue. Hang in there foxy!! we are here if you need us!!
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
3 Nov 07
And I give mine credit for going to work too, thanks for reminding me to mention that! At least yours does a little more than mine...unless you count opening a can of ravioli, dumping it on a plate, and putting it in the microwave for himself to eat as "cooking" LOL I normally have the same philosophy about getting things done too. I had MY schedule and everything was fine. But now,it's like everyone wants everything done on THEIR schedule which doesn't work with what I need so I feel stressed about it all the time. LOL like just now...I'm trying to get this finished and she reminded of something that should be done right now...yet she (s/o's mom) is at her computer playing a game. Guess I'd better go....
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16235)
• United States
3 Nov 07
That annoys the hell out of me when he serves himself too. I would be annoyed if I was constantly told by my the inlaws to do this and that. I just read earlier that they are moving out in Dec? right? then that leaves one more month of it then hopefully things will improve. We lived with my husbands father in Samoa for a almost a year and by then I had enough of him - We moved out and I was so much happier, infact we all were. I know it is not something you can do right now but I hope you are able to get some time out for yourself at least - it sounds like a shi$$y arrangment you have there and sorry to say that (and I don't mean to be rude either).
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
3 Nov 07
Once in awhile I will actually say "so, what are you fixing me for supper?" and he just gives me this blank look. I'm he NEVER so much as makes me a sandwich. Once in awhile he will dish up something that is already cooked and waiting on the stove, but only if I'm feeding the baby and staring him down likle I'll kill him if he doesn't bring my food to me LOL. I don't care to be told what to do either...especially when I'm in the middle of something and it's like "do it now". Everything...and I mean EVERYTHING revolves around their schedule.
1 person likes this
@sanell (2114)
• United States
2 Nov 07
OMG I totally know what you mean. I feel the exact same way. I finally blew up at my husband and said that i needed him to stop telling me what is wrong here or there, and actually get up and do some of it himself. Do not tell me that I am bad at housekeepign I know I am right now. Because the girls are at my constant beck and call. Cleaning our house is the last priority on my list. And when he does not even lift a finger to help me with cleaning the home, then it is just impossible to keep up with it at ALL times. Now we are on the job hunt too, he is not finding anyting and just waiting for something to fall in his lap...I on the other hand am just at wits end. so now I just do what I need to do. I want to just get the job too but I do not want to completely make him feel like a loser. Everyone says I am enabling him and I know that I am too but I can not help it I just can not sit around and wait it out, I am not good with that!
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
3 Nov 07
You do know what I mean...he'll complain about not being able to find his socks (when they are neatly in his drawer rather than thrown in a pile on top of the dresser) yet he won't wash them or even put them in the hamper when they're dirty. I have 3 little boys here to keep track of ALL the time plus the others, I can't possible do it all without help. As for your issue with the job thing...honestly, even though I really do understand being concerned about his feelings, I would go ahead and get the job and let im feel what it's like to be at home in charge of everything, maybe then he'll have some more respect for you.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
2 Nov 07
I would say kick his butt and stop doing things for him and see if that will teach him I know that is what I would do
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
2 Nov 07
Yes, I would normally too...and have in the past. But then it doesn't get done and his parents start complaining.
1 person likes this
@Aussies2007 (5339)
• Australia
3 Nov 07
What's a s/o? Anyway... I feel sorry for you. If you want attention and recognition... you are going to need to be a little tougher than that. GO ON STRIKE. You tell him and his mom that you want time out. You had enough of being a servant. If they want a maid... they can hire one. Tell them "You want a divorce". laugh.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
3 Nov 07
s/o=significant other, I think I explained further in pro's response to this if you're curious :) Ahhh... a strike sounds nice but I suppose that would cause more headaches from his dad. Maybe I'll just quit doing s/o's laundry...I bet he'll notice when he runs out of clean underwear.
@anniepa (27238)
• United States
3 Nov 07
I hope it helped you a little to get that off your chest, Foxy! I know exactly where you're coming from, but don't you let it get you down, if they don't appreciate you it's their loss, not yours! Just let your s/o know you're not going to be a doormat for him or his family! Men can be so selfish sometimes; not all men and not all the time, guys, so don't get mad at me...I know there are good guys out there. It's just sometimes men don't understand how much goes into taking care of little ones plus cleaning and cooking. Women need some r&r too! If it was at all possible I'd follow another poster's advice and take a little trip or at least have a day or evening out with a friend...SOMETHING for you! Or even get something for yourself, even if it's just something small. I've found that sometimes the "little things" can mean a lot. Be well, a here's another HUG for you. Annie
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
3 Nov 07
Thanks Annie! The kind words from everyone here has helped even more than venting! S/o is just having a 5 year long midlife crisis I think lol...he really wasn't always like this. It started when he needed hernia surgury almost 5 years ago...followed by a broken ankle, injured leg, a few concussions, broken collarbone and bad burns...he spent so much time laid up for one reason or another that he got quite comfy being waited on. It's been a hard habit to break. Telling him I'm not going to do X anymore for him doesn't help. Right now there's a stack of boxes next to the front door from things he's bought recently. I told him I was NOT taking care of them anymore and that I needed them gone because I wasn't going to just clean around them...that was yesterday. He didn't even make an attempt to move them. His parents...it is a little tricky becase it's still their house. I feel like I should be taking care of a lot of things and that's fine with me. It's just that it's so hard on me to work around their schedule and their belongings. As much as I know I need a little break, I really don't dare leave for long. If you remember my discussion about what happened when I had to stay at the hospital with the baby you'll know why. Things would be out of control when I got back and somehow they'd all claim it was my fault.
@mari_skye (1638)
• Philippines
3 Nov 07
So sad to hear what you're going through. It really is stressful. Hope you felt better after you have vent some of your frustrations. In any case, I hope things get better for you. And, there is always mylot to vent out any time you feel frustrated. Cheers!
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
3 Nov 07
Venting did help some...hearing kind words for a change helped even more!
• United States
3 Nov 07
i'm sorry you have to endure this, foxyfire33. it's a terrible thing when you feel like there is no one there for you. especially when all you do, is for others and they just walk all over you when you need their help & support during a difficult time. it's a tough job keeping kids cared for, keeping the house clean for everyone, cooking & all..and even harder if you work outside the home, too..and then to have no one apprecite it or be disrespectful when you ask for something in return. believe me, i know all too well how this feels...and you should vent it all out...otherwise it'll eat away at you and that's not going to do any good, so vent all you want...that's what friends are for...listening ! so, my question is....if there are 4 adults living there..why is up up to only you..to do the cleaning etc ? these other 3 adults should understand the stress your under just by having extra people living with you etc. so they should be helping you out, period ! and if they're not doing their fair share..then they are selfish, uncaring fools...not to be disrespectful, or anything but, if they have, had children they know how hard it is to care for them. if they ever lived with anybody, the know how much more work is involved and should be helping you out in any way they can. other wise they're taking advantage of your good hearted nature ! and if they're holding you back on your chores because they've decided to sleep on the couch, sleep at odd hrs etc, then its for them to pick up that slack and do the cleaning or whatever, once they're up and about since they caused the delay in the first place. and whats with sleeping on the couch in the first place ? especially when there's others living in that space ? i find this arrogant and rude. this causes everyone else to stop living in a normal fashion and thats totally unfair. how do you occupy kids, clean & cook etc..with someone sleeping on the couch ? call me a witch but, i would never allow this, unless of course, we had no bedroom to sleep in. otherwise, they need to get off the couch and into bed and let others go about their normal business or stop complaining ! and what is it with these s/o's...thinking its okay to sit at the pc....on their butts, when theres things that need to be done in the household ? this frustrates me to no end. if they have time to sit on the pc, then they have time to help out. this is a rule in my home since we all like our pc time. no one gets private pc time unless the house is in order because we all live there & we all have the responsibility to keep it in order ! so, this kind of behavior etc...would not happen here, i can tell you that...and this comes from having experienced all you are now. it's called lesson learned from past mistakes. just from me trying to keep everyone happy, everything cleaned etc..and being unappreciated..only to find myself unhappy, tired and worn out because i was trying to do it all, alone ! which more times then not, just doesn't work ! so, ask for help and if you get none, just stop doing it and let them see just how much you are doing, when it doesn't get done. believe me, they'll take notice when they have to wash, step over or clean something they need etc ! i would have set the limits beforehand and explained just what i expected out of everyone living there before they moved in. this way everyone knows they have a part to play in keeping things in order. so, if they make a mess, they clean it. if they see something that needs to be done, just do it. wouldn't they have to do the same stuff if they were living in their own place ? absolutely !!!!! so what makes them think they don't have to help you when your job has now doubled, at the very least ? i hope for your sake they do move in dec...and if they don't, do what i did one time that caught everyone off guard. they thought i was so nice, kind etc when they lived with us & i did it all for everyone. that was, until i felt used, mistreated etc, so much so, that i did a strike ! i didn't do a thing, but took care of my children. so, nothing was done and the house looked like crap..dishes piled up, laundry too but, i turned my eyes the other way, as hard as it was and ignored comments etc. and did that for over a week, can you believe that...until they got the hint that i wasn't doing it. they eventually got the message that i only cooked & cleaned what me and my children did, nothing more. so when they smelled food cooking and were hungry, but found no leftovers or the table set for us all to enjoy, they began fending for themselves. funny how they learned, even if not so quickly ! lol but eventually they got the hint & they cooked, cleaned, did laundry etc when they didn't have someone to take advantage of ! lol so maybe you could try this or maybe its best to wait and see if they do leave in dec. before trying this. but either way, some boundries and rules need to be set. i wish you luck, i send a huggies for support and most of all, i send you confidence & hopefully knowledge, that only you can stop these people from taking advantage of your good nature by standing firm in knowing your not asking for anything more then what your giving !
@wisedragon (2330)
• Philippines
3 Nov 07
I understand your frustration because of all 6 siblings I'm the one who does the most work around the house and taking care of our parents. Sometimes I feel like a slave. In your case your body is starting to complain. You take a rest if you have to. To heck with them if they don't know how to appreciate you.