Nervous Breakdown (close)

Stress relief - The fire I had Sunday Afternoon to reduce my stress level.
@webeishere (36353)
United States
November 4, 2007 8:43pm CST
Okay I have been doing all right this evening. Grandpa Bob will share this because I need to get it off my chest so to speak. This morning I came the closest to a nervous breakdown I have ever been. My dad may be getting home Monday and the hospital or the nursing home lost his walker somehow. Now I am the only one home to take care of him as my wife works all day. I told my wife Saturday we needed to buy a walker for his return. She first said wait and see if it will be covered by his medical insurance and or medicaid. I stated it would take weeks to get reimbursed and a few days to hear if he is eleigble anyhow. So I let it rest all night not getting one Saturday. Well Sunday was a different story. On the way to the grocery store we got into an argument once again about buying him a walker. After some heated words from both of us I broke down hard. She stated she didn't want to spend her cash and be left with little money. I stated dad would write a check on Monday for it. So after the heated argument I just drove off to the side of the parking lot at the grocery store crying my eyes out. I parked then got out of the car literally sitting on the parking lot crying like a baby and shaking like all hell. Not once did my wife come out to console nor comfort me. I didn't expect she would though. But it would have been nice. I sat on the ground crying for a couple minutes then got back into the car heading home then went for a walk. Then started a HUGE fire just to calm down. As I sat there crying and shaking in the parking lot I had thoughts of drinking away this issue and also about getting high. But thank God I am a strong man and threw those thoughts away very quickly. Well after a few hours at home she finally asked where we were going to get his walker. We had to drive to a few drug stores till we finally found one. $80 for it that's unreal. But he will pay her back. So I was so close to a nervous breakdown today. I am better and the thoughts are all good ones in my head now. Thanks for letting me babble etc here. I needed this. Here's a photo of the fire I started to relive a little stress anyhow. Thanks again. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB!!~
9 people like this
18 responses
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
5 Nov 07
Go ahead my friend, rant, rave, babble, whatever GRANDPA BOB. I somehow think maybe you "lost' it a bit since from what I'm feeling you have had a lot on your plate lately, your dad, other family members to contend with and their headaches and problems they've created. Sometimes it takes only a relatively simple thing that gets us over the edge and we can go berserk. When I look back at the events of year 2006 (although it actually it was before too) I sometimes really wonder how I held it together---I do happen to drink a tad, not much, as I have a low tolerance anyway..LOL...but there were times believe me I wanted to get rip roaring drunk..LOL but didn't. Glad to hear you kept your resolve and not indulge yourself..bravo for you!! And that's my interpretation of things and bit of psychoanalyis there
4 people like this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
5 Nov 07
Oh lord as far as the plate of my life goes I think it's a plate from a buffet. HAHAHAHA! Way too much on it as of the past few months. I am seriously thinking about seeing a therapist so I have somewhere to vent and release things on my mind. And soon possibly. I need to do something soon before I do have a real serious breakdown. It's been one hectic year for me as well. But I am doing a lot better and still clean and sober by the grace of God. Thanks and you take care of yourself as well. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
3 people like this
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
5 Nov 07
I think last year was my buffet plate..LOL. Yes, maybe seeing a therapist might be a good idea. Hey you could always do a primal scream therapy thing..just SCREAM LOL...Just be sure to take care of yourself..Consider yourself hugged by me :)
3 people like this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
5 Nov 07
Scream therapy? HAHAHA! The last time I did that outdoors a woman walked about 50 feet from me. I didn't see her till I turned right after screaming and she looked freaked out. HAHA! Thanks. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
3 people like this
@hoghoney (3749)
• United States
5 Nov 07
The fires are good for one thing, you can just burn what you want and burn it out of you system. I am glad to hear that you are doing fine and didn't give in to the drinking and the high, I have been there before and when you are upset like you was it is not a pertty place to be. Today is Sunday so I am taking it that your dad made it home just fine? It is going to be a rough road but I feel that you are strong enough to handle it. Keep your chin up and things will get better in time. ((Big Hugs!))
4 people like this
@hoghoney (3749)
• United States
5 Nov 07
Your welcome, just remember we are all here for you when you need us, that is what friends are for. Here is something that I live by every day, LIFE LEADS US DOWN MANY ROADS AND SOMETIMES WE DONT KNOW WHERE WE ARE GOING AND THEN SOMEDAYS WE ARE RIGHT ON TRACK
3 people like this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
5 Nov 07
I like this saying. Mine ia an A.A. saying, One Day At A Time (ODAAT) HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
2 people like this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
5 Nov 07
Seems like you weren't close but you actually did have a breakdown of sorts. I'm so sorry Bob. You are always welcome to get things like this off of your chest. I think its rather sad your wife wouldn't come to comfort you. You are better though right? Just relax, try to breath and relax to get over it. Take care Bob.
4 people like this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
5 Nov 07
Thanks. It was a breakdown but not a nervous breakdown of hospitalization proportions. HAHAHA. As far as the wifes actions or lack thereof, that's the way she has been since I knew her though. That's why it was not that big of a deal in actuality. But it still would have been nice. Would have been a shocker though. I am feeling a lot better. It's been about 10 hours since this happened and I've had plenty time alone and what not to calm down and get my head together. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@someonesmom (5765)
• Canada
5 Nov 07
Hi Grandpa Bob, I was thinking about you on Sunday, and wondering how things were going having your dad home. I guess they delayed it a little? What a thing to happen, for your dad's walker to be lost! I'm glad that your wife agreed to purchase one, and that you're doing okay now. You're a very strong man, and I admire you, and commend you for 'still' remaining sober etc. Maybe a therapist would be helpful, and I've sometimes contemplated this, as well, for myself. I've had 'many' stressful times like this in my life, where I've felt I could totally lose it, due to circumstances. I know many who have lost it, for much less, than you or I have had to deal with. "But for the grace of God, there go I." I pray that things will even out for you, when you do bring your dad home. God Bless. xxx
3 people like this
@mummymo (23707)
5 Nov 07
Well said sweety - and he is a pretty amazing man our Grandpa Bob isn't he? xxx
2 people like this
• Canada
5 Nov 07
Yes, he is very amazing, mummymo!:)
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
5 Nov 07
geeze stop already. I am just me not amazing you 2. Anyhow I put it on hold. I've a new discussion now called dads paying now or something like that. he won't be home until the 11th now as I need time for me to get my head back in shape etc after this episode. Thanks again sweetie. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~~
1 person likes this
@goodsign (2287)
• Malaysia
5 Nov 07
Good Discussion - thank you, Grandpa Bob. I've seen the photo just now and rated it, and I can see the orange burning "Fire of Hopes". With that "Fire of Hopes" you heart demonstrated a nice wish for "noble walker". That is why many people believe "orange" (color) is the sign of happiness. Where reconciliation take place. Anyhow your daddy is going to back home this Monday, at least there was a remarkable psychological affections on that "burning" among parties involved (you and you lovely wife) of about to burn out self-centered when we talk about parent issue. I appreciate your "burning", Grandpa Bob. Let gone be bygone. Do you still remember your "butterfly" discussion, Grandpa Bob?. Where it landed on your house wall? A good sign for happiness. Let us see how..........!!! Just like BB King said in his song; Thrill Is Gone http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qtm66Z3lebc Happy Posting, grandpa Bob.
3 people like this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
5 Nov 07
Thanks bunches. I needed to so something and I love burning and fire staring so that was a natural choice. I had scraps of wood so it went up into a huge ball of flames. HAHAHA! Im all better now. Hahaha!! HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~ !!~
3 people like this
@goodsign (2287)
• Malaysia
5 Nov 07
Thumbs Up, Cheers and "The Thrill Is Gone". BB King said in that song; "funny helps things change...."
3 people like this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
5 Nov 07
Thanx again.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48716)
• United Kingdom
5 Nov 07
Grandpa Bob I am so sorry to read this You need a break you really do I am sorry your Wife did not get out the Car to comfort you I know it would have been the first thing I would have done why did she not comfort you as you needed it I am also very glad that you are that strong and resisted the urge for drink and that I really am Big Hugs to you and please take it easy
3 people like this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
5 Nov 07
I was sorry having to post it as well. HAHAHA!! But that was 12 hours ago and things are so much better today. Gotta stay clean and sober or I diementally. That's my philisophy. Now..... Have a great day as usual. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
1 person likes this
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
5 Nov 07
Grandpa Bob, I am sorry to hear that you were near or at a nervous breakdown. You are going through a tremendous amount of stress and that one little thing such as buying a new walker and the disagreement with your wife sent you over the edge, but I am very glad that you had the fortitude to keep those bad thoughts at bay. That is great. You should be extremely proud of yourself. I know you must be going through a tough time of things right now and I hope that the situation will lighten up on you here shortly. I think your wife didn't come out to console you or comfort you because she didn't know how. I am sure this isn't normal behavior and probably shocked her. I don't know your wife, but that is how I would feel if I were in her shoes. Anyhow, glad to see you have overcome this hurdle and that your getting back on track. Your body just felt it was time to let loose.
3 people like this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
5 Nov 07
Thanks. I feel it was a mild breakdown of sorts actually. I was not in a very good place as far as my brain at that time. I guess I am proud of myself. At least for staying clean and sober through all the B.S. in my life the past 3 months or so anyhow. No this is normal for my wife. She has never been the consoling type etc. Never will be either. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
2 people like this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
5 Nov 07
This may sound contrite, but I know how you feel. I have been having crying spells off & on lately too. Mostly it's due to my husband having a go at me for one reason or another. Although his kids are the primary source of his anger. Anyway, I feel terrible that you have had to go through. Just knowing a very sick man is coming home for you to look after is enough, then loosing the walker on top of that, then the argument with your wife regarding the cost. I agree with you that you can't wait for reimbursement from the home for it. If your Dad doesn't have it now, how is ever going to try to get around? AQs for cost, I get like that with expenses, always trying to put of buying items that are not absolutely essential. If buying the walker now, wasn't going to affect your families ability to buy food, pay bills, buy gas & any other essentials, then I don't see why it shouldn't be bought straight away. After all, your Dad is going to pay you back, & that wont take long. I will have a look at your fire photo now. We had pour last outside fire on Saturday night, as firebans will start soon. It is devastating when your spouse wont comfort you when very upset. My hubby almost NEVER comforts me when I break down & cry like that. In fact, last week he did, but is probably the first time ever. I don't know if it is because he is angry, or doesn't know how to deal with the situation, which is probably the same for your wife. I don't think you are nearing a nervous breakdown, but you must watch out for signs of depression. If crying continues, please see a Doctor.
@GardenGerty (99231)
• United States
5 Nov 07
The nursing home lost it!!! They should pay for it then. I know it is hard on all of you to have this going on. Is he not on Medicare, as well as Medicaid? Durable medical equipment is outrageously priced. They get you coming and going. Good you can vent on here. I am surprised that you had such a hard time locating one, though. Our grocery store pharmacy even sells or rents those. We had a pretty fire in our chiminea tonight. Cedar and hedgewood. We drank hot chocolate too. Come rant on here any time. Your friends do not mind listening, and giving you a pat on the back for passing by that urge to drink.
@maddysmommy (16236)
• United States
5 Nov 07
Sorry to hear that webeishere - It was sad to read that your wife didn't console you when you were at your lowest. I wouldn't leave my husband hanging like that if I saw him breaking down in a parking lot and I'm sure he wouldn't do that to me either. $80 is a lot of money but money well spent because its a necessity for your dad and I would do the same for my parents even if it cost more.
3 people like this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
5 Nov 07
It's understandable about the wifes lack in this area. She's never been the strong consoling type in the 36 years we've been together. But it still bugs me when it's a situation like this. But as I said I understand it. So no biggie just drustrating is all at that time. The money isn't a biggie as he will write a check in the morning and she knows this fully. Thanks for the response and please call me Grandpa Bob. Or at least Bob. Hee hee! HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
2 people like this
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
5 Nov 07
Sounds like you had a rough time of it my friend. Geez I leave you alone for one day and you get into trouble.LOL What am I going to do with you? I was over my aunts yesterday doing my laundry. Because we dont have a washer or dryer yet in this house. Not fun! I really do hope you feel better. Sometimes its good to let that the feelings out like the way did. It realises tension. Things WILL work out. Be strong which I know you are. Hugs!!
2 people like this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
5 Nov 07
Give me donuts and a bonfire. I'll be fine after that. I may even BBQ the donuts. Hmmmm? Nahhhh that sounds disgusting. Hahahahaha!! As you can tell, I'm sure, I'm feeling great this morning. Thanks for the hugs. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
1 person likes this
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
5 Nov 07
Your welcome! No more fires!Geez now Im going to be worrying about you!
2 people like this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
5 Nov 07
I have the fires a lot not just to relieve stress. Just to have them. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
5 Nov 07
It's very hard on everyone when a family member requires care. It's also very hard on that person to know that they are making a hardship on everyone. I am glad you were able to see yourself through without going back to drinking! Good for you.
2 people like this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
5 Nov 07
Well if I start drinking again I'd never be here on myLot. HAHAHA! We can't have that now can we? Hee hee hee. Thanks a lot also. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!`
@babystar1 (4236)
• United States
5 Nov 07
I am so sorry to hear about all the stress you had to go through with your dads walker. I am glad to hear that your wife gave you the money for it.She should of been there for you from the start. I am glad that you are feeling better sometimes starting a fire helps to forget all your problems.
2 people like this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
5 Nov 07
Thanks a bunch. It's taken care of and I am doing much better today. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
1 person likes this
@summer218 (197)
• United States
5 Nov 07
I'm sorry you feel so stressed. Isn't it great to able to vent on mylot? I'm finding venting to be a great stress-reliever in it's self. Once something bothering you is off your chest, I find it easier to breathe. :)
2 people like this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
5 Nov 07
Yeah it's great to come here and release it ALL SO EASILY. pLUS i HAVE A GREAT SUPPORT GROUP HERE WITH MY FRIENDS ON MYLOT IT SEEMS. tHEY HAVE BEEN SUCH A HELP IN THE PAST YEAR FOR ME. happy postings from grandpa bob !!~
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Nov 07
Wow, rough day! But you made it through. Instead of buying new walkers, etc as you need them while caring for your parent, have you tried your local Lions Club or Red Cross? I know when we needed a lot of stuff for a few weeks we were able to get loaners from these type of places and there was no cost. It would not hurt to check them out just to find out if they have this type of arrangement available and if so, what equipment do they have. Good luck and God Bless...Ribbon
2 people like this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
5 Nov 07
I am not cncerned about the cost. It's dads money and he has it to spend. It won't hurt the kids after he passes finacianlly with these bills. He has to pay for a weeks stay at the home as well. It was just we needed it right away as we thouight he'd be getting home. But thanks. I do have social services doing a lot of research for what's available to us and or dad. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
1 person likes this
@Fishmomma (11504)
• United States
5 Nov 07
I can understand that your wife didn't want to spend $80, if the nursing home could find your dad's walker. Its hard to stay calm knowing you would be the person home all day and helping your dad get around. I'm hoping all is well now.
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
5 Nov 07
HAHAHAHA! Fumnny thing is I have no decided dad won't come home till NEXT sunday. Could have waited another week to stress out and have a minor breakdown. HAHAHA! Oh well maybe I needed it at that time huh? HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Nov 07
Grandpa Bob I am so sorry you had to go through that. I would make the nursing home reimburse you for the walker. Go to the social worker and file a compliant. Patient care or care of a loved one is one of the hardest most stressful jobs a person can take on. I was in a class on greiving. They tought me that when a person is crying like you where it is better not to touch them let them get their crying out. It relieves more stress. I know it would have been great if you wife would have put her arms around you and held you, but that would have been worse for you per the class. It is hard on her to having your dad there also. I know you do all the work, but she has to see you do all the extra work. She has to see you be so worried about him. I know she understands it is family, but I can tell you she is worrying about your dad and you also. I hope this helps you. I had mom living with us for 10 years. In that 10 years she never once cooked dinner, nor did a dish or did her own laundry. She would be angry at me when I would not do things how she wanted me to. At first when mom moved in with us she could have helped me some she was just lazy. I know your dad is ailing health. It is hard on both of you to see him so ill. Good luck to the both of you. Sometimes we all need to break down and have a good cry. Let all that pent up anger out. You have been dealing with a lot with your neice and her boyfriend and everything that is going on with your life. keep us posted.
@blackbriar (9080)
• United States
8 Nov 07
In a way, I'm glad you had the breakdown. It's your body's way of letting out all the stress and anxieties that have built up in you. It takes a man to admit he cries, which is a good thing. Glad to hear you pulled over and let it all out, Grandpa Bob. Bet you felt better after it was all over, eh? :-) Take care and god bless.