Third Short Story! -- "Remember"
November 8, 2007 9:56am CST
This is the 3rd short story I have completed. I am VERy aware that it needs some major editing, and I am working on that right now. But I just couldn't wait to post it to get everyones impressions and suggestions! It is a bit longer than my last 2, but I think it turned out good. *There is some graphic violence and language* I hope you enjoy it! James Anderson fumbled in his pocket, his phone played the theme from COPS as he pulled it from his pocket. “Anderson.” “James, I want your a** at the construction area on 53rd in 10 minutes.” “Chief? What’s this about?” “There’s a body here, he’s got your name written all over him.” The line went dead. James Anderson shut his cell phone and leapt off the couch. Snatching his keys off the counter, he hurried through the kitchen. His Honda squealed out of the driveway and flew down the street. James reached 53rd with two minutes to spare. A middle aged, overweight man approached James’ car as he stepped out. “What’s going on, Chief?” “Construction worker found this morning. It’s really bad, unbelievable, you need to see it for yourself.” The two men walked through a cluttered construction site, making their way towards a roped off area as busy as a hive of bees. Crime scene technicians took pictures of everything in the designated area. A medical examiner kneeled over the body, James clenched his teeth at the gruesome scene before him. The construction worker was shirtless, impaled through his chest with a sharpened piece of timber, half of which was buried in the ground, propped up to support the body. James rubbed his eyes. Chief Howards looked at James, “the other workers told us they never sharpen their timber like this, they have no reason. It shouldn’t have been sharpened.” “So you think it wasn’t an accident?” “Uh…James, I know it wasn’t an accident. Take a closer look.” James stared down at the body. At first, he didn’t know what he was supposed to be seeing, he kneeled next to the body and realized what the chief meant. Above the stake the words ‘Look Familiar’ were carved into the mans chest, below if were the words ‘Officer Anderson?‘ James became queasy, “Wh-what is that suppose to mean?” “You ever have a case with an impaling like this? “Are you kidding, I deal with traffic violators, domestic disputes, teenage thieves. I; I don’t deal with murder. I’ve never seen anything like this. I don’t know-.” “Alright, the answer was no.” “So. Where do you want me?” The chief stared at James. “Excuse me?” “On the case, where do you want me on the-.” “At home, away from this whole thing. This is not your case. I’ve already got people working on it.” “I think it’s important that I have some part in this case. I mean, somebody carved my name on this guy. I’m involved whether you like it or not.” “Well, you’re going to be as far away from this case as you can get. I know today was your day off, I just wanted to know if you knew what the hell this was about. Now I know, you can leave.” “Sir I-.” “Goodbye Anderson.” James shook his head and stood up. Arguing with the chief was like arguing with a bear; you’ll never win. James stomped to his car, slammed the car door and sped out of the dirt lot. While he drove home he opened his cell phone and pressed speed dial. “Callahad here.” “Hey Cal, it’s James, how you doin?” Callahad sighed into the receiver, “what?” “What can you tell me about the case?” “What case?” “What case!” James laughed. “Brian do you think I’m blind or just stupid. I saw you pulling away from the crime scene when I pulled up. What can you tell me about it?” “Come on James. I could get in real trouble over this. The Chief told me specifically not to share any information about this case with you. He’s not stupid or blind either.” “I should have been involved and you know it. Hell, I am involved!” “James, we don’t have any information right now. We haven’t had time to get anything.” “Keep me in the loop Brian.” James hung up without waiting for a response. He pulled into his driveway, jumping out of his car. The air conditioning in his house cooled the sweat on his back as he trudged to the bathroom. He splashed cold water on his face and stared at his reflection in the mirror. He turned around and stood in the doorway. “Matilda!” Paws thundered down the stairs. Matilda slid past the bathroom then scrambled back. She sat in front of James, her light golden tail wagging frantically. He smiled down at the golden retriever, whose body shook with excitement. James kneeled down and stroked her neck. She jumped against his chest and licked all over his face. He laughed and pushed her down. “No, off Matilda.” He walked to the kitchen and searched through the fridge, finally pulling out a packet of hotdogs. “Hungry?” He asked the dog, who wagged her tail in response. The hot dogs boiled as James turned on a college football game. He tossed the remote on the couch, but it was quickly retrieved by Matilda and brought back to James. She held the remote in her mouth, looking up at him with dark brown eyes. “No,” he said, crossing his arms across his chest. The dog continued to stare, never taking her eyes from James’. “I’m already into the game.” James gestured towards the television. The dog shuddered and whined. James rolled his eyes, “Fine.” He took the remote from the dog, who leapt onto the couch. James flipped through the channels until he came across Animal Planet. The dog barked as a pair of lions shredded a dead zebras hide. James shuddered, “I can’t wait for those hotdogs.” Sweat sprinkled James’ face, the body of the construction worker haunted his dream as he lay dozing on the couch. James was running to the body. He saw the man squirming on the stake, trying to free himself. Blood streamed from the mans mouth, his wide eyes looked at James as he got closer. Just before James was able to reach the dying man, a large, dark figure stepped in his way. It grabbed James by his arms, and threw him to the ground, beside the body. James’ face landed inches from the construction worker’s, whose eyes now stared blankly into space. James sat up with a violent jolt. Sun rays pushed through the closed shutters. Matilda lay beside the couch, James’ plate rested between her front paws, licked clean. “You know,” James said. “I don’t recall finishing my hot dog.” The dogs tail thumped against the wooden floor. James stroked her soft head, thinking about the dream. He knew there was something odd in the dream, but he couldn’t remember what it was. James stood up, Matilda moving out his way. He picked up the plate and brought it to the kitchen. He placed it in the sink, and stared out the kitchen window. The trees in his backward danced with the wind. His mind raced through the dream, trying to remember everything about it. Than it hit him, “That wasn’t the same man that was killed.” James stood at the edge of the hole, staring at the corpse. A mans body lay sprawled on the dirt floor. Stab wounds covered the mans torso and legs, blood pooling under him. Chief Howards walked up behind James. “Twenty three year old Mark Wreath. College student. His friends reported him missing three days ago when he didn’t show up for his class.” “Just one class? It isn’t really that unusual for a college student to miss clsses during the day,” James said. “Well, apparently not for him. And they said they went to see if he was sick in his dorm room, but he wasn’t there. They say the bed was unmade.” “So.” “Apparently he kept his space neat. He hated disorder, never missed a class, was going steady with his girlfriend of 3 years. It sounds like he was a stand up guy.” “Yeah,” James said. He cleared his throat, “you said there was a letter?” “Oh yeah, come one.” The men walked slowly through the clutter of cops and crime scene investigators. James saw Callahad standing over a man kneeling on the ground. He saw them approaching and held out a piece of paper inside a plastic bag. “Ready for this now sir?” He asked Chief Howards, who grabbed it from his hand. Howards handed it to James. He read the note through the plastic. When a hole is covered, no person should fall. But when the wood snaps, the boy will squall. Don’t you agree, Officer Anderson? “It makes no sense,” James said. “Maybe not to us, but it means something to this guy, and I want to know what,” Howards responded. “Come on Chief, maybe this guy is just insane. This doesn’t have to mean anything, it could just be…” “Anderson, I want to know why this guy is targeting you. Does this scene look familiar to you? Do you know the vic, have you been to this damn park before, give me anything James.” “Maybe he just…” “No more excuses or denial, James! I need you to think.” James sighed. “Who found the body?” “Got an anonymous call, traced it to a payphone down the street. The caller left the phone off the hook.” “Fingerprints?” “We got ‘em. But it’s a public phone, there are hundreds of fingerprints all over that booth. It’ll be hard to find out who the caller was.” James reread the note, trying to figure out what the message meant. None of this made any sense to him. Why was this guy targeting him, why were people dying under his name? What the hell did he do to get this attention. “Anderson,” Howards brought him back to reality. “We need something. Anything. Was this kid ever booked on a DUI. Did the last vic beat up a girlfriend? Anything.” “No! No, I don’t recognize either of them. I don’t know how they relate to me in any way. But sir, you gotta let me in on the case now. I can help.” “No. Callahad is perfectly capable of handling this case. You are involved, somehow personally, in this case already. I don’t need personal judgment clouding this case.”
8 Nov 07
It has a promising story, and it has an interesting plot. If you want more people to critique your work, I can PM you a site for writers where you can join contests, submit and have your work critiqued and even join writing classes and earn through referrals. It has free membership but you can also upgrade. Do let me know if you're interested. Thanks.
10 Nov 07
I already PM'd you the site...the writing classes aren't free if you have a free membership. Do check it out. There are contests you can join and forums you can participate in. In fact, their grand opening contest deadline is on Nov. 17. You can enter for free if you have only one submission, $3 for additional entries. Hope to see you there!
• United States
10 Nov 07
I like the new part and the changes you have made. I found a few wrong words, really my only negative comments on your story. "below if were the words" "it" "The trees in his backward danced with the wind." backward "back yard" "Oh yeah, come one.” "on"