pls suggest me how to start a new life ?
November 10, 2007 9:32am CST
hi friends i have just got married ...and dont know too much about future life pls advise me how i can start my new married life ...eventhough i have understanding with my wife but still i m fearing that lots of people says after marriage every things chages and we have to compromise in several ways ..i dont know why i m fearing for future ...m i thinking too much or is it a normal feeling ?
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10 Nov 07
Dear friend, I see you are only 27 years old and my guess is that your marriage has been arranged by your parents. Or are you scared even while you yourself have made a choice? How long is it since you have got married? Nowadays, things are not as easy as they were earlier and that is why you are a bit nervous. Try and talk to her a lot about her likes, dislikes , etcetc.., Define the relationship in a subtle gentlle manner-that is , if you are a person with long work hours tell her not to worry and ask her to understand that your work will occupy a lot of your time especially because you are young and in the start of your career. Young girls will have a lot of expectations , but you will have your limitations and won't be able to please her all the time. Make time for each other and spend your togetherness in a jolly frame of mind without getting into serious topics. Go to films or parks or for long walks , share jokes , and spend time together on weekends.Learn to say good words if she cooks anything special for you and do not set high standards. ALL these compromises will evolve. Don't worry now and let not the initial moony period go to waste by mundane things.
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12 Nov 07
hi kalav, first of all thanks to responce me...ya i m 27 year old and i got married 6 months back...yes you are right there is one reason that i m working in call centre and my working timings are odd...may be thats why i m worrying about new adjustment ...i m trying to spend time with here but you know as you can understand due to my profession i m not able to spend time in night so in day time i use to face lots of disturbance...still from my end i m trying my level best to give sufficient time to here.do you think due to call centre i have to face problem i mean to say as you said due to long working hours sometimes problem creates ?
12 Nov 07
I saw your response and so I felt like telling you something more-be it a call centre or any other job, your time will be gobbled up by your work and this cannot be helped. If you take some drastic decision to switch jobs for this sake and lose some experience in the process , your career prospects will suffer. In this day and age when competition is severe , all working men have to slog a lot. You cannot compromise on your salary totally and no government job which will assure a 9-5 job and good perks and salary is awaiting you. So you have to make the best of the situation. is your wife an educated woman? Try and talk to her about her aptitudes and see if she can occupy her time in a fruitful manner-she can even take up some activity and keep herself occupied. Ask her to learn the computer technology and teach her a bit of what you know when you are at home/or guide her and encourage her to take up some productive activity of her own-she can even attend some classes , cookery, needlework, craft,music , anything. If she is a book lover ask her to enrol herself in a library.If she is busy for 4/5hrs when you are at home does not matter. Let her be, and soon she will have her own activity and will settle down comfortably. Once there is a child it will occupy a lot of her time. You stop worrying too much and as I told you earlier, give her a lot of love, affection and sharing ,but state your limitations. The very fact that you are concerned in this issue shows that you are a loving and caring person. But be assured and definite too and do not be sacrificial. Women or men should not be sacrificial. It is a two way street. Things will evolve. Are her parents or your parents staying close?
12 Nov 07
I am sharing a lot from my own experiences-- Women , especially ,those who do not go out for a job, will tend to look up to the husband and yearn for a lot of time together.They are also in a new environment and leave their sheltered homes to seek a new life.[This is all valid for these arranged marriages in India] This will reduce once they have activities of their own and they will not be too demanding on the husband and be dissatisfied all the time. They should have some other activity apart from looking for husband's attention all the time. You have to make yourself clear in a gentle way and be affectionate to her. Wish you all the best! Don't worry but do not allow parents or in-laws to come in your way.
12 Nov 07
hhmmmm... maybe you needed to put GOD in your life first... That might be the reason why you fear the future.... because you aren't sure of where your path leads you... God bless you and I pray for you that you may find peace and serenity in your life... let GOD give you blessings too.. Find HIM, Rajiv.
11 Nov 07
I am single but I think I can empathize what you are feeling right now. The change from bachelorhood to married life is a big jump. But hey, you said you are ok with your wife so work out how your new life is going to be like with her, with her. If you are scared, I am sure she is even more so. So face this together as a good married couple should be doing. I wish your marriage great success! =)
11 Nov 07
Its common among many during the initial days of the marriage. Yes things change after marriage, as you become more responsible as there will be your wife's future linked with yours and you have to take care of your family more closely. The carefree life we lived before marriage does not exist anymore.
11 Nov 07
i guess u wanna b the best husband.u just want to keep ur wife happy n this feeling is normal feeling.life does changes after marriage n both partner has to make adjustments.its not compromise i guess.if u have a good understanding with ur wife then nothing more is required.u need to give time to ur wife.u have to devote as much as u can.never hide anything from ur wife n neither she sud do so.treat her as ur best frnd.the first few months of the marriage are very good as just the best of the natureof both the partners comes out.but after that its just love that can prevail.dnt fear.just be calm n love ur wife.if any misunderstanding happens try to resolve it with patience.