How do I put up with a friend who is always one upping me?
November 12, 2007 7:50pm CST
I have a very dear friend, Ill call her Sherri. Sherri and I have been friends for about two years. When I met her, my family had lost everything in a fire, had just relocated, and I had I child with cancer. In the beginning everything was great. I had someone to laugh with, cry with, or to sit with when I needed moral support. Sherri had just come into some money and had basically helped a great deal. I had always explained to her,that in the past everytime someone had helped me I never heard the end of it. I also told her how uncomfortable I felt having anyone help financially. As I am a sinlge mom, and have always worked for mine. As the months passed I was able to get back on my feet financially and emotionally. My daughter went into remission. My life began to settle into a routine. It was around this time that I noticed that every time I mentioned doing or getting something Sherri would have already done it or have what I got. She would also literally begin to argue(literally) with my child about anything. For example, we went shopping for school supplies together and my daughter picked a all supplies in a certain color. When we got to the car, Sherri began arguing with my daughter because she wanted the red binder. I feel bad because it seems like a chore to go anywhere with her. Its like now that my problems are rectified she cant handle it. No matter what I do, Shes done it. No matter what I buy, she'll buy it. It is to the point of being a problem but I like her shes really a good person. I think she's the type of person that needs to be needed or complimented for what shes done to help people. How can I resolve this? Can I resolve this?
13 Nov 07
Hey friend, I understand the dilemma you are in. I know your friend has really helped you in the past time when you were in hardship but honestly that does not qualify her to run your life forever. Look for time and place for the two of you to talk alone, tell her how you feel and also how your daughter feels about the whole situation. Tell her how thankful you are and you will never forget what she did to you when you needed her most and now that you are financially stable, you are happy and you dont feel good to be still dependent on her but she is welcome to buy your daughter some goodies. Tell her what you feel in good faith. Dont break the friendship you have.
• United States
14 Nov 07
Thanks for your response. I must be a glutten for punishment. Its almost like she enjoys the suffering my family has been through. As a mother of a sick child, I have decided enough is enough. It is time for Sheri to grow up. Life is hard enough with having to compete with who had what first. I have one more example for you. A few weeks ago I was listening to the radio and I heard a new song I really liked. So I purchased it as a ringtone. Next thing you know who has same ringtone. Its a free country so I kept my annoyance to myself. I changed my ring tone. No biggie. This is an all the time thing with everything. My daughter asked me to please not buy her anything when I am with Sheri becaus the same issue. It gets very aggrivating after a while. I tried to talk to her and let her know that I like to be original and I have my own style. She doesnt care. THis woman spends her entire day competing with someone. She literally emailed hundreds of strangers and invited them to her daughters myspace so her daughter could have more friend hits then the rest of her class. If thats not a problem, I dont know what is. I feel so bad complaining. I am the type of person that doesnt like to create negativity. According to a therapist friend of mine Sheri is obsessed with being better than. I dont know how to handle this.
14 Nov 07
Then my dear friend, i would advice you to run like you have seen a ghost! lol.....that friend of yours has a problem that you cannot help. She enjoys seeing other people suffer and beg from her. She is not a well-wisher. Just do what you can do to avoid her. she is a bother.
13 Nov 07
Well you've been friends for two years I am sure you know her better as a person...and maybe you need space and time to talk with without your daughter. If she wants to buy for your daughter then let it be and tell your daughter how special Sheri to both of you. Talk with her there might be something inside you must do with her...
• United States
14 Nov 07
I think I may have not explained in fully my situation. The problem is this: Sheri can never let me or my family enjoy a single accomplishment, holiday, gift, etc. without having had the same gift, accomplishment, etc. Her response to everything is ME TOO! Enough already. I attend a womens group and the women cannot tolerate 5 minutes with her. Shes a know it all, have it all and done it all. Is that Mean to say? If I dont let out my frustration I am afraid Ill blow up at the wrong time. On one hand she listens to me without prejudice. On the other hand, however, she takes any joy out of my accomplishments or acquisitions I may get. If she hasnt done it or doesnt already have it her family does. Its sickening. She runs around our town in a nicer car than most and I feel as if shes trying to rub it in the faces of the people that cant afford it. I have tried to speak to her and tell her shes always in peoples faces bragging or taking away their glory. Her response is it doesnt seem that way to her, and if someone has a problem with it? Too Bad. Please respond.