I can't believe my own family can be so cruel.

Australia
November 14, 2007 9:55pm CST
Here's the story. My uncle is waiting on his brand new car to be ready for him to pick up and a couple months ago he said to me and my fiance "I'm getting a new car soon and I'd like to give you my old one for your wedding present". He sat us down and everything to tell us. His old car isn't too bad and considering my fiance and I only have 1 car between us, this was a welcome gesture. We have been so excited this whole time but another family member overheard my aunty talking last night. My cousin is going for her learner's permit in December and will then go for her licence in December '08. Yesterday she was going on about how she can't wait until her father buys her uncle's car for her. (Our uncles being the same one with the same car!) She even called him up to ask how long it would be until she could have it. Ok I have a few problems with this: 1. Uhhh, what happened to that car being our wedding present? 2. My cousin won't have her licence to drive on her own until December NEXT year and since she and her siblings are disgustingly spoilt I just know that she'll be driving around behind her parents' backs unlicenced, putting herself and other drivers at risk. 3. I'm in the middle of buying a new car (my current car is very old and the front window doesn't even wind up) and last week my Aunty said "oh we'll buy your car for Courtney so don't sell it ok?!" (Courtney being the spoilt cousin) I said to the family member who over heard this 'uh, I thought they were buying my car for Courtney?'. Family member said "yeah they're gonna buy yours as well, do it up and then sell it." YEAH RIGHT!!! Not over my dead body! To be honest, I don't care about my uncle's stupid car, I care that he promised me something and went back on his word just for a couple thousand dollars. My feelings are really hurt and I'm upset by this. I know I've done nothing wrong and I almost find it funny that my own family can be so damn materialistic. Has this sort of thing ever happened to you? And what advice would you give me?
6 people like this
16 responses
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
15 Nov 07
My adice? Refuse to accept his wedding present or let them buy your car. Just don't say anything until after it's sold. Let them think they are getting it and then maybe they'll have a little taste of how you feel. It won't right your uncle's wrong and he very well may not care at all but it may give you a little satisfaction.
3 people like this
• Australia
15 Nov 07
Yeah, it gives me satisfaction to know that I have control over not giving them my car. Good tip thanks.
2 people like this
• United States
15 Nov 07
Sounds like a really screwed up sitch. Just do your best to make your own way and let them fight and bicker over the material things. By the time they are done being self-absorbed you and your fiancee will be steady and then they will be looking for you guys to help them out.
3 people like this
@drannhh (15240)
• United States
15 Nov 07
I would never buy or sell a car to or from a neighbor or family member or friend. It is just one of those situations that can blow up in one's face. I reread your discussion and did not see where your uncle went back on the deal, but it appears that other family members think they have it all decided, and apparently you are convinced they will prevail. You may well be right, but I'm a little confused because I don't read that part in your discussion. Have you told your Uncle what you heard other family members say and asked him if he has changed his mind and why didn't he tell you? Obviously you need to be allowed to plan for your future. If this is indeed what happened, you can count yourself better off, as you certainly do not want to feel beholdened to anyone that unstable.
2 people like this
• Australia
15 Nov 07
Well I only found this info out last night so I haven't actually spoken to my uncle but it was overheard that courtney is having his old car. And she called him up to ask when it will be ready. So he has obviously offered courtney's parent's to buy his car. He saw dollar signs and thought he'd rather sell it to them than keep his word to my fiance and I. Thanks for your advice :-)
1 person likes this
• India
15 Nov 07
No this has never happened to me before and I feel genuinely sorry for you. I understand that an used car as a wedding present isn’t a big deal but the gesture certainly was. Strange ways for people really. And what I feel all the more bad about is that you did not ask for the car yourself, he volunteered it of his own will and then this sudden turnaround is definitely going to be taken as an insult by everyone. I advise you not to take up this issue and save for a new car yourself.
2 people like this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
15 Nov 07
I will not do anything with family when it comes to any business, they will stab you in the back quicker than a total stranger.You have every right to be hurt and mad at your uncle.He sat you and your g/f down and promised you his car and he should have stuck with his promise.You did not ask for his car , he made a promise to you and you had every right to expect him to follow through..When that little spoiled cousin of yours ask for his car or to buy it, he should have said sorry but i have already given that car to my nephew for a wedding gift..That tells me a lot about your uncle, money means more to him than his word or his honor does..Im sorry but i would have to confront him and tell him look you can sell that car and do whatever you want to but you sit me and my g/f down and told us you were giving us that car for a wedding gift and then you up and changed your mind, and hey thats fine but i want you to know that i no longer trust your words...When someone makes you a promise they are suppose to be a man or woman of their word, that to me makes your uncle a liar...I would sell my car for junk rather than let Courtney buy it...I would not only be disappointed but hurt and angry along with it..Oh yes i have had family members do me wrong before,thats why i will not do any type of business with them..They will do you dirty faster than a stranger will...So as i said i would tell my uncle just how i felt..Now i would fall out with him because its not worth a family scandal but i would tell him how i felt about what he did ...Then just drop it...Im very sure that you have lost a little respect for him due to his so called promise...
@chunter (1761)
• Singapore
15 Nov 07
As long as its not a gift from your dad or your mom...you can never truly believe it nor accept it from other people like uncle or aunt.. Relatives can be ******** at times, and you're not the only one who have spoilt cousins...
2 people like this
• India
15 Nov 07
greetings PLEASE FORGIVE OTHERS AND DO NOT GRUMBLE...GOD IS GOING TO GIVE U 100 TIMES MORE...WE HAVE TO GIVE AN ACCOUNT OF WHATEVER WE DO HERE ON THE EARTH UP THERE TO GOD...SO BIBLE TEACHES US TO BLESS OTHERS..IF WE EXPECT GOD TO FORGIVE US THEN FIRST WE FORGIVE OTHERS...BIBLE TEACHES US TO PRAY AND BLESSS THOSE WHO R AGAINST US...DO IT AND TELL ME...THESE PERSONS WILL CHANGE..
@dbmax41 (585)
• United States
15 Nov 07
Good advise
1 person likes this
• Australia
15 Nov 07
Somehow I don't think even God can help this person change....
• Philippines
15 Nov 07
Just ignore these kind of people the more you notice them the more you'll get irritated. Don't worry, just save money and you'll be able to buy a new one. I know that your uncle promised it for you but what can you do if you can't have it because of your spoiled cousin. As what you've mentioned, they are materialistic and for sure you're not. I hope you'll gonna have another car wherein nobody's going to take it from you.
1 person likes this
@dbmax41 (585)
• United States
15 Nov 07
Sounds like the others here have gave you diffrent ideas to handle this. Remember this-Family is the most important thing in life. Dont harbor bad feelings. Get over it and have a good thanksgiving.
1 person likes this
@raychill (6530)
• United States
15 Nov 07
My brother has had a few cars. All either given to him by someone else or as a really good couple hundred dollars deal from a friend. I've had 3 cars all bought and paid for 100% by myself. The reason I've had 3 cars, because the others were destroyed in accidents. My family (meaning grandparents/cousins/aunts/uncles etc.) don't really do much of anything for each other so I can't say I feel you. I'd say just depend on yourself, the only one who will screw you/hurt you that way will be yourself.
1 person likes this
• China
15 Nov 07
all the things you must be a fact , you can't make a mistake your family . you must trust that your family do every thing is for you be good ,so advise you don't doubt what your family do anythings, all this have the reason.
1 person likes this
@Flight84 (3050)
• United States
25 Nov 07
My dad did something very similar to my husband and I not long after we got married. He had promised us that he would help us get a car because we had one between the two of us too. To make a very long story short, we never saw a car or any help of any kind and my father-in-law ended up helping us get a new car. Don't make pormises you have no intention of keeping. It's not the car, or lack of, that gets me. It's that my own dad promised to help all he could and turns around and does nothing. I think my stepsister, who my dad doesn't even like, ended up with his car. I would definitely talk to your uncle about the situation, seeing as how you were told about the car first. I ended my relationship with my dad a few years ago, but I will never forget how angry it made me.
• United States
16 Nov 07
WOW! That's rude! I'm with you if you don't get that car from your uncle I would NOT sell that car to your Aunt. Just on principal! I probably would ask my Uncle though what changed his mind too.
• United States
16 Nov 07
If you have heard this from your uncle himself then I would just casually mention to him that you had thought you guys had a deal and that someone must have misunderstood. Thats too bad. Then I would never mention it again. If you haven't heard this from your uncle give him a call and verify...something along the lines of, "Hey Uncle __________ Courtney called (or mentioned) that she is buying your car....is this the same car we had talked about?" then allow your uncle to respond. If he is dealing with your niece on the car than that is that. Drop the subject and just tell him thanks for clarifying the information. If he isn't selling her the car then tell him that she thinks he is and could he please give her a call when he has a chance and straighten it out because you don't want any hurt feelings etc. Its sad when things like this happen in a family but they happen all of the time. Hang in there and know that your family isn't the only one things like this happen in and that 20 years from now it won't matter nearly as much as it matters today!
@goodsign (2287)
• Malaysia
15 Nov 07
vintage - This discussion posted by "coffeeshot" related to discussion no.: http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1330317.aspx
Hi & Hello, coffeeshot. Take it easy coffeeshot and let them with their plan and you have to obviated from exacerbating the worse situation. And be proud and satisfied with your own belonging or property. Just carry on with your wish to get another car and your current car get it small repair work, modified and be your nice second car. HAPPY DADDY.
• India
15 Nov 07
Yeah, quite a stupid behaviour from family. Breaking a promise to family for just a few bucks, really stupid. Or must I say greedy, is your uncle greedy?? He promissed to give you the car as a present, so he must atleast honour his promise, or what an impression would fall on your fiance about your uncle and your amily folks. It is really stupid. Moreover if your cousins dad, when he has to already buy your car and make it up to sell it off, he must rather not sell it and buy your uncles car, rather just buy yours and make it up to give it to his daughter. They are truely making it a big confusion for the whole scenario. Any ways I hope your problem gets solved awnd you get what you deserve. Take Care MAy GOD Bless YOU