Must I get married?

Must I get married? - A picture of couple getting married. Photo source: http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1037/774728134_a41bb2897f.jpg?v=0 .
Singapore
November 15, 2007 3:13am CST
I am single, available but not desperate. Yet I can feel it in my bones that I am aging and growing older each moment. One part of me remains calm and nonchalant. Another part warns that it is time to find a girl and whack up a family. When I look around me, many of my peers have got married. Some had even done themselves in right after graduation. I have nothing against getting married. In fact, it is such a joyful occasion if you can find the missing half of your life and live with her happily ever after. But the thing is, I have not got hit by Cupid's arrow yet. No "love at first sight" stories to share here. :P Should I rush to join the bandwagon and just "anyhow" grab a "suitable" girl and get married? After all, marriage entails procreation and the older I get, the more dire the situation will be. For instance, it is not exactly ideal to get your first son when you are 60 (assuming I have not cracked the secret of immortality yet). What do you guys and gals think? Is it a must to get married? Do share your thoughts.
28 people like this
123 responses
• Philippines
15 Nov 07
for whatever reasons it is, don't marry for the wrong ones. Usually the wrongs ones are in the same package with "rushing" to get wed. I am also single but happy.... almost got married but later realized i was not yet strong enough for such commitment. i realized that the whole idea just eats me. if you want to get married, marry for the right reasons that you will hold on to in your heart together with your other half. Without that, it would be difficult to face its demands gracefully. Enjoy life, whether married or single...
6 people like this
• Singapore
15 Nov 07
So many people rush to get married. The thing is, you can only say for sure whether you regret it when you are old - yet when you can say for sure, it is already too late to do anything. :(
4 people like this
@AmbiePam (50949)
• United States
15 Nov 07
Excellent advice, domingo. : )
4 people like this
• United States
26 Nov 07
Poppycock, it's never too late.. I work with seniors and have helped arranged many 'silver' weddings. My favorite is a couple who were in love in their early twenties. He went away to the service, met and married a nice lady. She also married. Both had long marriages, kids, grandkids and even greatgrndkids. After both were widowed, they ended p living in the eldercare facility where I worked at the time. They were wed one year later, at 95 and 92 years of age. They stayed married until he passed two years ago, 10 years together. It is never to late to love as long as life remains.
• United States
15 Nov 07
I think that marriage isn't a thing that you should do out of peer pressure.And unless you are about to turn 60 tomorrow, you still have time.I believe not everyone has to get married.But if you really want to marry, take your time and find the right person.You want it to last forever. If you rush into it, the marriage may fail.i can see trying to star having kids as soon as you can, but you have to find the right woman.These days some women don't want to have kids or they may want to wait. So when you do date, ask her views on children.This isn't a race. Take your time. Do what you like to do and take a look around.Your future wife may be there, enjoying your favorite hobby.I know she is out there. Good Luck.
5 people like this
• Singapore
15 Nov 07
Part of me thinks this way - thus my excuse for being so passive. :P
4 people like this
@Dumpertaker (1188)
15 Nov 07
I do not honestly think that marriage is a must...if you find that person who is the light of your life then fine, but you cannot force that it will happen when it happens. I almost got married once and the person who I thought was my other half cheated on me, and I also suffered depression so we split up....I'm not sure if there is another person out there for me, although to be honest I'm fine as I am being single.
4 people like this
• Singapore
15 Nov 07
I just have to grapple with the thought of growing old alone then dying..
3 people like this
• Singapore
17 Nov 07
Read again, my friend. I said nothing about marrying because of not wanting to die alone. :P
@talisman (1308)
• United States
15 Nov 07
It's definately not a must to get married and I definately DON'T recommend just getting married for the sake of marrying. All of the joys and benefits of marriage come with spending your life with the one you're truly meant to be with, not just any old person you decide to marry. That's the best way to do things if you want to be miserable, though. As for marriage entailing procreation, I have to disagree. While many married people do decide to have children, that's also not a must. Many married couples are childless by choice.
• Singapore
15 Nov 07
So what if I never meet that one?
3 people like this
@talisman (1308)
• United States
15 Nov 07
Then you shouldn't get married. It'd be pointless to and you wouldn't be happy. I think that you'll find the one, though :)
4 people like this
• Singapore
16 Nov 07
Hopefully.:P
1 person likes this
@Thomas73 (1467)
• Switzerland
15 Nov 07
Getting married just for the sake of it doesn't seem to be a very good reason to me . You have to find the right partner, or at the very least someone you strongly feel is the right partner (even if we're mistaken very often). Marriage is supposedly a lifetime commitment, and you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life with somebody you start disliking a bit more every day after a few years. Of course, there's always the possibility of a divorce, but these can get quite troublesome and messy. So here's my advice: look before you jump. ;)
4 people like this
• Singapore
15 Nov 07
That's why I always wonder why so many SO MANY people seem to get into relationship effortlessly. Am I just too picky... or are they just too easy? :P
4 people like this
• Singapore
21 Nov 07
=)
@mimpi1911 (25477)
• India
15 Nov 07
Hello lordwiz, Marriage and issues like this, I believe, is totally subjective. And its really unusual when it comes from someone like you, who has hardly shared with us the private life of his! Obviously, I get that somewhere at the back of the mind you are if not troubled but certainly thinking about it. Marriage, to me, is responsibility, union of families more than just two physical unions and not to forget the institution which ensures genetics. So, that way , if you are prepared mentally you should go ahead. It would be just like another intrinsic planning your life ahead. But then, you have to be prepared for the pros and cons, which I am sure you know. Good luck!
3 people like this
• Singapore
15 Nov 07
Geez, I thought I have shared tons of tidbits about myself already! :P
2 people like this
@mimpi1911 (25477)
• India
16 Nov 07
Those were general liking and disliking stuffs. This one is more private.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
16 Nov 07
Opps. Do I have to start silencing people then? Hmm... :P
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
15 Nov 07
I was married at 22, but I found the right person for me. Everyone is different and there is no rule that says there is an age limit. If you want to have a family, and you know that you are "getting up there" in years, you may want to be more open to love. Sometimes we go about our lives and close ourselves off to any potential "mates" just being busy with our lives. If it is something you are seriously thinking about, I do not suggest jumping on the bandwagon and finding someone "suitable" However, I do suggest maybe getting out there and keeping yourself open to the opportunity to meet "Mrs. Wizzy" Trust me, you'll know her when you find her.
3 people like this
• Singapore
15 Nov 07
Hey monkey, you are a lucky "lass". :P And I know one reason I am not "getting it" is because I am not "going out there". :PP
1 person likes this
@juenshia (25)
• China
15 Nov 07
Dont worry. It is said that there is one person who is born for you. The reason why you have not meet with each other is that it is not well-timed now. So, just wait. I believe you and every singles will meet with their lover in some place at some time.
• Singapore
15 Nov 07
That is what I want to believe too...
2 people like this
• India
15 Nov 07
I think marriage is very important to every one and it better to get married at right time.But,getting a good life partner is the main problem.First you have to find a good partner who can fully understand and adjust with you.If you get a wrong partner,then you have to suffer a lot.
• Singapore
15 Nov 07
The thing is, where is that "balance"? What if you wait too long and...
2 people like this
@anniepa (27246)
• United States
21 Nov 07
No, you sure don't have to get married. Nobody should feel they should "settle" if they haven't found the right person! If you do you'll know it. I think the reason so many marriages end in divorce is because some people feel they must get married to please society; their family pressures them with comments about why they're still single and they either consciously or unconsciously decide they must marry by a certain point in their life or they've somehow "failed". That's not at all true. If and when you do meet the right person that certainly will make your life complete but it's better to never marry than to marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons and make both of you miserable. When it comes to choosing a life's partner "suitable" doesn't cut it. Annie
2 people like this
• Singapore
21 Nov 07
The thing about this world is that there are too many rules yet too few guidelines.
1 person likes this
@bing_r77 (237)
• Philippines
21 Nov 07
There are many broken marriages now a days because of immaturity, finding the wrong person and God is not the center in their marriage. It is so hard to marry because of peer pressures. If this will happen, seventy five percent you'll end up into a broken marriage.
2 people like this
• Singapore
21 Nov 07
Don't get me wrong. Peer pressure is just a trigger but shouldn't spoil a marriage.
1 person likes this
@nkhanna (925)
• India
15 Nov 07
Hi buddy.u have not mentioned ur age.however i think if u r really thinking to get married then go for it.however i ll never suggest u to go for a wrong one.but now the question arrises how will u find ur ms perfect.welll as we all know that there is nobody perfect in this world.i think u sud start ur search.go in parties n other social gathering .talk to gals so that u come to know them.might b there wud b ur ms perfect near u only bt u r not able to find her.there is certainly on age for marriage.bt yes the age difference between u n ur child sud b decent enough.dont worry man ,surely u ll find ur better half soon.i ll pray for u
2 people like this
• Singapore
15 Nov 07
But I am a perfectionist! :P
1 person likes this
@nkhanna (925)
• India
16 Nov 07
gud u r perfectionist.bt i think nobody is perfection in this world.wat do u say ?
1 person likes this
• Singapore
16 Nov 07
Can't stop people from trying! :P
@smacksman (6074)
15 Nov 07
I met my wife at your age and married a year later at 28 so I don't think you are any where near 'too old' yet. Bye the way, that was 37 years ago and we are still together. We didn't have forums or internet then, we just got on with it. I think marriage is great. A lot of bolony is written about 'true love' and 'soul mate' and 'the only one'. Please, if you are normal then there are thousands of normal girls out there who would make excellent wives and you would make an excellent husband. Just set your sights at a reasonable level, don't try to change their personalities, be honest and faithful (resisting temptations that WILL come your way) and be forgiving. And for heavens sake, have a sense of humor! Perfection is rare. haha
2 people like this
• Singapore
15 Nov 07
What if one is born a perfectionist?
1 person likes this
@smacksman (6074)
15 Nov 07
Then one will die lonely and frustrated having never reached perfection and the lack of perfection in one's partner - if they are still around that is. The only saving feature for a perfectionist is to have a hugely inflated ego. That solves the frustration problem but they still die lonely because nobody can live with someone who has an ego that big. I, on the other hand, know that I am perfect. haha
2 people like this
• Singapore
16 Nov 07
That's the ending I fear...
@carolscash (9500)
• United States
15 Nov 07
I don't feel that you should get married just because of your age. I have several friends who aren't married and are happy that way. It seems as though there are people who just are happier without a spouse. If you want a family, then it is important that you don't wait too long. However, there is always the choice of adoption. I don't think people should assume that they have to get married or that they have to have children both of those are personal choices. If you marry, you must marry someone that you love. That is the only way that it will work.
@AmbiePam (50949)
• United States
15 Nov 07
I have thought about adoption if I get older and am still single, but I think to be able to care for the child, I would need another income, and more help. I'm not in the best of health, but I would love to help a child that perhaps no one wanted because of the child's own health. I guess that doesn't sound right, the sick taking care of the sick, but I would love to love a child no one else is willing to take a risk on.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
15 Nov 07
How sure are you that they are happy inside? Regarding adoption, it lacks blood ties - I heard that there is really a difference. You can feel it somewhat (there are exceptions of course).
1 person likes this
• China
23 Nov 07
I'm as confused as you are! I'm single but I don't know whether I'm happy about it. I've been through several relationships and none of them worked out. We started out as friends and we ended up still being friends. At some point, everyone needs to love and to be loved back. But like the saying goes, there's no living happily ever after. Every couple has their problems. I guess I'll wait till that day when the right person shows up at the right time...
• Singapore
23 Nov 07
Keep trying, I guess.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Nov 07
You shouldn't marry because others tell you to. You shouldn't marry because society deems it that you must. You shouldn't do it if you yourself don't want to. It is your choice. You shouldn't rush if you don't feel that the person you are marrying is the one for you. Because the choices you make doesn't just affect you it affects all those who loves you. If you guys have children how would that be for them if mommy and daddy don't want to be together anymore. To many divorces. Marry because you want to. Marry because you feel and know that that is the person you and to commit to and that he wants to commit to you. Just my opinion. Good luck.
2 people like this
• Singapore
23 Nov 07
Sure, thanks.
1 person likes this
@Lifeless (2638)
• India
21 Nov 07
I don't think its a must to get married now.. U can pretty much enjoy ur life just with urself.. But at times u need a companion to which u can hold on to.. And if u haven't found ur love as yet, then go find one, who knows u fall in love with that girl to such extent that u will think of marrying her...
2 people like this
• Singapore
21 Nov 07
Yea, of course...
1 person likes this
@yanjiaren (9050)
15 Nov 07
I tell you something marital hugz are so cute and lovely and just haivng someone to care for you and be cared for is reason enough..your wife may not be able to bear you a son lol..so think of that as secondary..marriage is a fusion of hearts minds bodies and souls..it is a unique experience and if not taken for granted can be a wonderful thinbg..i love my hubby more and more weach day and although we live half the year apart and things are still difficult..i would not change it for the world..i only wish i could have met hinm earlier..I was unlucky first time around..good luck..love can grow slowly..it doesn't hasve to be a cupid thingy..though there has to be an attraction there for something to grow of course..I find my love deeper and deeper now..
• Singapore
15 Nov 07
I heard the wedding bells ringing for somebody with nice agate and all... :P
1 person likes this
@khateya (265)
• Australia
15 Nov 07
marry is not a task for your life. it is a milestone that you will meet on your way of your life one day. Marry is not a must but it is define by ur feeling that you meet the one u can live with for the rest of your life. A married life can end up with devorce that it will be more terrible than waiting for the right person.
• Singapore
15 Nov 07
Hmm...
1 person likes this
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
15 Nov 07
Well for me I do believe in destiny, I do believe the more you find the more it is hard to find out. If your future girl will come it will the only question is "when" maybe tomorrow or the next day. It is very hard to find the person you will spend for the rest of your life but I know there is a certain person for us.
• Singapore
15 Nov 07
Leaving it to fate. Serendipity. :P
1 person likes this
• Philippines
15 Nov 07
Staying single or being not-yet-married for me is not that big deal. Staying single has reasons to live with. If there are peolpe who got married, there must also be people who are not married. Marriage, though is a must to everyone but not everybody could get married for one reason or another. If a lot of married couple out there are having problems with their married life, then i want to get out of that dimension. I maybe skeptical in these part and parcel of life, but that's how i perceive my personal views as far as marriage is concern. Thanks
2 people like this
• Singapore
15 Nov 07
And more and more people are staying single nowadays...
1 person likes this