My wife was called "hey Chinese lady!" by our neighbors boy

United States
November 16, 2007 8:28pm CST
My wife was shocked as our neighbors young boy (about 10 years old) yelled at my wife and said "hey Chinese lady"...she told him that she was not Chinese but Filipino..from the Philippines.. I went to the father of the young boy and told him I did not think this was appropiate and his response was..."well, he probably don't know the difference"to me that was not an answer as I think if he yelled "hey Filipino women" instead this would be still wrong. My wife has been in the USA for over 22 years and this only happened a couple of times but not by a neighbor.. The boys mother is a real air head and the husband is going through divorce but they still live together. The husband works a lot so he has six young children living in this home and he has been fighting cancer for some time and I don't want to cause any more problems for him..but I thought I would tell him to nip this problem in the bud..as children are children but I don't think my wife should be subject to this racal profiling...i know I have been called "JOE" in the Philippines and my wife tells the people off if she can..but i just laugh and tell her i don't mind..but she does mind.. I guess I just want other people's opinion as all I did was just tell the father and mother of the boy..and I told my wife if we have any more problems we will just call the police as this is illegal...but the police have been to this house before..i know they have drinking parties and smoke illegal tobacco..but they have not been caught..YET...what would you guys do?
12 people like this
21 responses
@laurika (4536)
• United States
17 Nov 07
I think you did the right thing. I can understand your wife since I am not american also living in usa. I will mind too, if someone would call me like that. I was just really surpriced by the answer of the boy father. you know the point about all this is if someone is gonna teach that boy how to behave and tell him how to talk to people. And how you describe the family, I don't think someone would do that. I am just thinking if you will call police, if this is gona help....?
5 people like this
• United States
17 Nov 07
not police.."children's social services" they already have been there and warned them about keeping a tighter control on so many young boys
1 person likes this
@Raymo23 (465)
• Uganda
17 Nov 07
I think you are involved in some type of stereotyping yourself. Because of the problems the family is facing, you probably think you are morally superior to them. I am not rooting for the boy, and agree that what he did was wrong, but he is still a young kid, ten years who does not even know what nonsense he's blurting out. Take it easy on the kids, and try to teach them the correct way. They have probably gone through enough already. And I dont think you need to call the police for a kid. Your reference to the mum's boyfriend as black betrays some racism on your part. It had a negative ring to it.
• United States
17 Nov 07
yes, it does have a negative ring to it..how can you put a positive spin on bad manners? the social services and police already have other issues with this family..neglect as these are the same kids (six and all under 10_( who have came to our house begging for food... in the past my wife has given them treats of candy and food and I always let the younger ones pet my shih tzu dog when they see it..sometimes they come over and ask for him when they see me...when the husband is home there is no problems but wehen the wife's boyfriend comes over the kids are kicked out of the house..how can you put a positive spin on this? my wife is not white so don't ever go there..i am also multi cultural (like Tiger wood) and our neighborhood is mixed...i guess the judge will have to step in and decide who is at wrong...the police already have been to this house several times.
3 people like this
@kurtbiewald (2628)
• United States
17 Nov 07
the kid was 10 maybe he hasn't seen many Asian people make some cookies, then go over there and clarify that you are not Chinese then, and make friends with them
@ctrymuziklvr (11059)
• United States
17 Nov 07
Doesn't this go to show how ignorant even parents can be today? The kid had to learn that somewhere and it's obvious from the fathers answer where it comes from. If things are going on over there I would be very careful and try not to get involved. The police already know about it so let them take care of it. No, your wife shouldn't be subject to such racial profiling but that's the way a lot of kids in the US are so she's going to have to learn to ignore the ignorant. I'm so sorry this happened to her...it really pisses me off!
• United States
17 Nov 07
yes, I think if you read the other comments you will see that there is no respect for "anyone"...the police can only do so much...sooner or later these "kids" will grow up....thanks for your comments.
1 person likes this
@Modestah (11192)
• United States
3 Feb 08
but, you CAN be a good influence and example to the child in the way that you handle this situation. I notice in the next answer you kind of did the same thing that this child did in mentioning the race of the mothers alleged boyfriend. It is easy to do. The child was not groomed in proper ethics, "whipping" the family will not improve the problem.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Feb 08
we did nothing..we just turned it over to the authorities..they already have enough complaints on this house and people ...now for the time being the situation is in hand as the neihbors on all sides of them are keeping them under neihborhood watch 24/7...one of our neighbors is a policeman...enough said..
1 person likes this
19 Feb 08
Wow, you're really over sensitive about this issue imho firstly, I think if he shouted hey chinese lady, that's bloody polite compared to what some of the kids in my area shout... i've been often called a f*%king greasy arab by some kids and im not even an arab haha I'd like to see how easily you could distinguish between a bengali, an indian or a pakistani person.. frankly i couldn't tell the difference, just by looking at someone if they were chinese or fillipino let alone expect a child to be able to decipher it... i couldn't even tell, just by first glance, whether a caucasian person is american, canadain, british, australian etc etc... And i'm pretty sure you couldn't either... so deal with it Your wife was NOT subject to racial abuse, In the childs eyes she was chinese and thankfully he thought she was a lady (hey he coulda said b*tch) Life's too short to be upset about things like this...
3 people like this
• United States
19 Feb 08
thanks but we live on a mixed multi racial neighborhood and this is not tolerated..its called diversity training and it starts out with a small things and grows..these "children" knew my wife and her name..she has given them food when they asked for it as sometimes their "parents" don't take care of their needs..but i am not the only one who has had issues with them and now they are doing ok as the other neighbors will not tolerate rude behavior ..i have been called "hey joe" more then once around the world and just laugh..who cares? but my wife is Filipino and been called a lot worse...and I seen her jump out of the car and chase kids down when we lived in a trailor park..and brought the kids to the parents who appologized to her and made the kids do the same..and they always come around and talk to her..but my wife has a far worse temper then I have..and she is about half my size..don't underestimate the wrath of a scorned women..lol..have a nice day..i can see you are like me..i would have just laughed but what do i know.? i was more worried what she could do when you got her P.O. it is not a pretty sight as i know from experience..enough said..
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
16 Feb 08
You know, a lot of me actually really likes your take on it. If something like this happened to my wife I'd be just as livid and very unforgiving to whoever tried something like this. If it was happening to me I'd be less as reactive (most times... there are times I'll snapback). When it comes to the neighbor being rowdy, I'd call the cops. I know that's been tried but its an action I'd do. I'd also contact the appropriate city officials over it. Sometimes a letter or email works but a live person has the most influence on public officials.
3 people like this
• United States
19 Feb 08
thank you for your response. my wife has been nice to these kids and they know our names and play with my pet shih tzu and even my wife has given them treats from time to time. we know that kids are kids but these boys are goofing off..but something the parents had to be made aware off...like nip it in the bud? well, i don't see the kids as its winter in Michigan...and the cops etc etc are aware of so many children that live in one house....rude is rude no matter what the age of anyone is...i think there is no excuse for bad manners..even for myself..and i have done my share..lol..thanks for the post..it is always welcomed no matter when it gets here...
1 person likes this
@Monkeyrose (2850)
• Canada
17 Nov 07
I think maybe in passing you can mention it to the father as in Oh you son thought we were chinese, the other day but we are actually filipino. Just thought I'd let you know because some people may get upset. If this does not stop the problem then try a more direct approach. I do not think this in necessarily racial profiling. the 10 year boy A. May think she is actually chinese. B. probably doesn't understand how this is inappropriate. If he does it again correct him on the spot. Say actually were from the Philioppines but you can call me MRs... whater your last name is. I'm sorry to say, but as a 'white' person I have trouble telling different people from different countries in asia apart. Of course I am old enough to call someone by name, and ask where they are from if I am unsure. its like could you tell an american from a canadian just by the look of them? Anyways I hope this can be solved because it is not good for your wife to feel uncomfortable in her own neighbourhood. Best of luck to you and let us know how it goes.
3 people like this
• United States
17 Nov 07
thanks for the input..if it was not for my wife getting this treatment I would have laughed at the kid...I don't mind being called "Heay white guy" or "hey you German American guy" or any fat jokes is OK to as I am overweight and even though I don't like it..it motivates me to want to lose the extra weight.. but my wife is more sensitive as she has always been kind to our neighbor kids..givinging them candy..i just think this is a phase..the poor kids have a poor role model with their mom and dad as they are getting a divorce..and the mother lets them go wild when the father is away..plus there is just too many people living in this small house..three or four adults and six or more children...and no disciplain.
3 people like this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
17 Nov 07
So a boy who cannot tell the difference between the Oriental races calls your wife, Chinese instead of Filipino and you are offended. I have a niece in law who is Filipino, and she looks part Oriental and part European. Their children, one looks European, one looks Filipino and the rest look inbetween. I have no idea why you should bring up that the boy's mother is a no brainer, and her and her husband are getting a divorce. Do you suppose they told the boy, "Say how about calling that lady Chinese, she's really from the Phillipines but if you do not call her Filipino but Chinese, her husband will feel insulted." When I was in grade school, I could not tell the difference between Chinese, Koreans, and Japanese. You should never have talked to the father that way. There was no racial profiling. The boy did not know the difference between Chinese and Filipinos. You should have explained nicely and maybe shown him pictures so his son could tell the difference. Now you have made that boy feel bad. I hope you can rectify that.
• United States
17 Nov 07
the "boy" was under social services because he and other of his family vandalized a old widow womens property..plus they break curfew by running around late at night screaming and running..ever since the weather has changed..the fater is at work but the mother has a "man" friend come over and I don't thinik they want the kids in the house..it is a mess. but the father is getting a divorce and now his brother is living with them..and he is an Ex marine from Iraq..so things should start getting interesting..the police have been called to this house for loud drinking parties...partying past curfew...so it won't be long now..
3 people like this
• Philippines
17 Nov 07
Why not ask the boy of what he knows about a chinese lady? In this sense, you are teaching him the proper way in recognizing people. The boy's parents didn't dare to explain things to their children since the mother is busy with other affairs and this is felt by the children. The children's behavior showed nervousness and insecurities that's why, they have improper and jerky behaviors. This only shows no proper guidance from the elders and they are enjoying their freedom to do anything, be it good or bad for their neighbors. These kids need more understanding and teachings. They will appreciate that though slowly. The boys are good, only they are exposed to bad examples.
• United States
18 Nov 07
in the meantime the boy's ucle moved in and he just got back from serving in the Marines and I told him about their problems...so he is there to not only protect his brothers interest while he as at work bug go give more quidance to the children..it seems to be working as I don't seem the running around late at night..social service have been called several times on other incidences and the police monitor them from time to time...our neighborhood watch is keeping an eye on this family too
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Nov 07
This is good news,if only matured people give concern to the future of the children, things will just work out right.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Jan 08
most kids turn out ok..they will learn either the easy way or the hard way... i was always pretty laid back..easy going but my wife is not that way..so she does not let anyone take advantage of her..
@Taskr36 (13923)
• United States
20 Feb 08
Ok, you lost me at "illegal". Are you saying you think it's illegal for a kid to call your wife "Chinese Lady"? This is America and we have freedom of speech here. Frankly, the kids could say much nastier things and there is still no law against it. It seems clear there was no hostility intended as you can't expect a child to know the nationality of your wife. I worked in a predominately black part of town where I was often referred to as "that white guy". I didn't complain and claim it was illegal. I wasn't even offended although I did occasionally tell them my name so as to be more than that white guy. I could understand you taking offense if they used a racial slur or actually tried to be offensive, but I'm not sure what you expect from children. I remember referring to an actor as black once and my nephew corrected me. He said "I wouldn't say black, he's actually kind of brown". Even amongst adults there are some who think there are only two kinds of Asian people, Chinese and Japanese. If you really try to be offended you'll always succeed.
2 people like this
• United States
20 Feb 08
thanks for your input..thanks for your post..it was most informative
• United States
20 Feb 08
A good place near my home in the Philippines Good fishing year aound and never gets cold.. to seasons..dry and wet...
@bellaofchaos (11549)
• United States
8 Feb 08
I know this was from three months ago but I'm not going to make excuses just observations ok. The child is 10 .. Most ten year olds will blurt things out. I have a 9,8,6,5,and 4 yr old. I keep mine in tight reign so there are no problems. But also look at the situation the child is going through .. Put your self in the shoes of a ten year old who's father is fighting for his life and still working to support him. Also the kid might feel a little unloved right now because as you say when the mom's boyfriend is around that they are all dispersed and not to be around the two adults. Don't think as an adult here ..Put yourself in that child's shoes. He might be thinking my mommy don't want me why I was good enough before. Now you have an addition to the household an uncle from the military .. All these changes effect how a child reacts. I honestly don't think that the child was racial profiling as much as wanting attention that has been neglected to him .. Good or Bad attention it doesn't matter just as long as he gets it. This child is going through a hard time and only has the mind of a child not an adult. Try being in his shoes on his level. I don't condone anything that the parents are doing if they are drinking and smoking illegal substances but the child has no real parent to look to. You stated that social services has gotten involved let them deal with how the home life is. My aunt use to work for crisis and was a consoler. Children will act out when they are going through tough things as a cry for help... I would just kindly talk to the parent address your concerns.. If this keeps happening address it to the social worker the next time you see the social worker around she can put it into her treatment plan. Bottom line is I don't think the child was being malicious he was being a 10 year old with a lot of stress and feeling about being unloved and was acting out .. Does it make it right no. But can you change it? Maybe it the parents are willing to teach there child. Next time it happens explain to the child why it's wrong to say these things and maybe the child might open up to you while petting your dog and tell you what's bothering him don't add to the stress of his parents divorce , his father possibly dying , his mother new boyfriend, the fact that his mother doesn't seem to want him around when the new guy is there, and the uncle moving in and have CPS involved. Would you be able to handle all that with out being a little angry as a 10yr old boy? Please step back and take a look through a childs eyes not an adults eyes. I repeat I don't condone their actions but I do see why and there are other ways to handle it.
2 people like this
• United States
8 Feb 08
Sorry let me clarify it meaning call the police.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Feb 08
since it is winter here we don't see much of the kids on the street..but i know that we have been gone a lot too..but the father of the child is the one I talked too and not the children..he is most aware of the problem as his brother just got out of MilitaryIraq and both of these gentlemen are ex-Marines so they know the score..the child protection agency is aware of this and investigate on a ruglar bases..its all being taken care of as there is too many neighbors close to them that have observation of what is going on..when people play the music late at night and smoke pot in the open? the police can only do so much but eventually justice is served..time to let them take care of their own problem...thans for the post..even if it was three months..i like my neighborhood as we are very private people here..
1 person likes this
@youdontsay (3503)
• United States
19 Feb 08
It sounds like your impression is that he called her "Chinese Lady" as a put down. Does he know her name? If so, then it probably was. And it is likely that he heard it from someone else, most likely his parent. My tack would probably be to fix a Filipino dish to take next door with an explanation that this is a food she grew up with in the Philippines. Make it very clear that she is proud of her heritage without making it a point of contention. I'm sure with a family that size they could use your generosity and the best antedote for racism is education. When you know and admire someone who is different it is hard to hate them. You know the old phrase "Some of my best friends are . . ."
• United States
19 Feb 08
thanks for the post..it is nice of you to think about this situation..like you said give them some food..we have before this happened..not Filipino food as even I don't eat some of her disehes..lol..last night she cooked stir fry and used a lot of cabbage and today i got a lot of gas..big time..lol..but it was real good.. but she has the same problem.. we have had these kids over to our house..and given them treats like food and candy as they are a lot of kids in one house and the parents can only provide so much? well, the tempest in the teapot is over..methinks..but i think it will be ok as this is the first time since we moved in here in 1991 that this has happened..yes, they know our names but we all probably have done somethings that we are not the smartest or brightest things that come out of our mouths.. but this is how people learn..through experiences....good or bad we all learn something..I have certainly learned not to say stuff to my own wife as it will only open a can of worms..lol..the tongue is the hardest thing to tame....i know..from experience..
1 person likes this
@Modestah (11192)
• United States
3 Feb 08
I would have probably told the child, I am not Chinese, I am an American, much like yourself, my parents were born in the Philippines. Have you heard of the Philippines before? and then share with him something about the Island - maybe even bring out a globe and demonstrate where China and the Philippines are - and explain the relationship the Philippines has with the USA Then I might ask him how his family came to be living in the U.S. --------- I agree that the child's greeting lacked propriety but do you think any malice was intended? I think it is best to educate the child, in a gentle and non intrusive manner - leave him with a good impression of yourselves and the country your wife hails from. Peace begets peace
2 people like this
• United States
3 Feb 08
yes, the peace does begat peace..as the peace officers are aware of this situation and so is child services..and they are under probation for child neglect...so we are peaceful once again...you are right...we will just let nature take its course..sooner or later the children all grow up and move away
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
30 Nov 07
It's wrong for the child to say that to her, but I guess I don't think it's the worst thing in the world. I can't say that I know how your wife feels because I have not experienced that. My first thought, however is that perhaps she could just tell the child, my name is not "hey chinese woman!" my name is mrs. (insert name here). Perhaps the child does not realize how rude he is being. I don't think that calling the police is really necessary. I hope the child does stop doing it though. I do think people should be considerate of eachothers feelings when speaking to eachother. Take care.
2 people like this
• United States
30 Nov 07
thanks, so far i think the children has gotten the message. its happens when kids goof around with each other...they yell. and run away as they know they said something inappropiate..but since I told the father and the mother we have had no problems with this situation..nip it in the bud is what I say..these kids have gotten in trouble with other neighbors and i know the police were involved but now that its getting to be cold weather we don't see them out so much...most kids are OK and we all were young but everyone should have respect for everyone...my wife used to give these same kids cookies and candies from time to time..so they know her..i just think the kid wanted to be a "wise guy" or show off ...thanks for your post...
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Nov 07
He probably said it because that is how he differente her from the other people or he doesn't know it was offensive. Just tell him it was rude.
2 people like this
• United States
17 Nov 07
thanks, i did..and so did a lot of other people..he will learn..we all have done similar stunts when we were growing up...lucky we have the children social services who have been called in by another neighbor and the father's brother moved in and he just got back from Iraq..he seems like a good guy to have around
3 people like this
@fairyanny (363)
• China
20 Feb 08
Children do not understand what they say,I think you can tell it to your wife.I just think he didn't an touch of contempt.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Feb 08
Thanks...i think you are right. i have a new opinion on this subject from reading all these posts..i am more humble by so much attention. we all can learn from diversity training and in the United States there is so many different cultures that we all have to get along as we are in the same boat. This is probably strange to some people as we are so new as a country. The USA is made up of 50 states with a lot of different religions, cultures, and politics.. You have to be so careful in the work place as I worked in a big company...The Ford Motor Company and you can get fired for saying something to a fellow worker ...one foreman (who had over 44 years seniority in Ford) got fired because he was mad at a skilled trade millwright and said "I am going to kill this millwright" oppps..he said this over the walkie talkie..yes...he was just angry..and upset as the job was not operating and he was losing production ...big time...but he was fired on the spot as he was heard by the Maintenance Foreman..and a lot of other people over the open walkie talkie channel.. one slip of a lip and you could lose a job you had 44 years..and he was good at it..i knew him..This man could have retired a long time ago but worked as he did not want to stay home and do nothing..he said his wife made him work../? but do you see how serious people can go with just one slip of the tongue? I have to watch my mouth as if I called my wife a name she don't like..she could call the police and have me arrested..just call 911 and its all over..i know this from experience..but truth is stranger then fiction..have a nice day..nice post..i am always glad to see your avatar!
• China
22 Feb 08
well,I just think your wife wonn't do such dispiteous thing to you,her husband,even if you have made a mistake .However,if you are still afraid that thing,I think you can just call her honey or sweetheart instead of something else.^^By the way,I never know the USA is such a country.It seems like most of your people are friendly,ebullient...
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Apr 08
I know this is three months old but there is good and bad in all countries. This includes the USA. There is area's not far from my house that I would not feel safe in going. My wife does not like to go to thsese area's either as they are unsafe. There is not one big city that I know of that does not have an area where it does not have problems and problem people. Sometimes some of the "problem people" move into our neighborhood and we have to keep an eye on them and their children. Sooner or later they get the message and reform or move. Most of them just need to know the guide lines of behavior taught to them.
• Canada
30 Apr 08
This boy is 10? I think if it were the dad that said that, I would be concerned. I am also thinking that your wife might be a little thin skinned about a little boy calling her a Chinese lady. Maybe she should have responded by telling the little boy what she would prefer to be called so that he didn't have to address her in an inappropriate way. Maybe "Mrs. So&So", or by her first name. It just seems to me that this political correctness is getting way out of hand, especially when children are involved.
• United States
1 May 08
i cleaned it up..it was not Chinese lady but the workd that rhymes with "CLINK" and starts with CH...she has heard this before yelled out of a car window...but not in person
• Canada
1 May 08
That totally changes things! Your wife has every reason to be offended and apparently the neighbors are nothing more than white trash. I would avoid them. Some people just have no brains and why waste your time on low life scum!
• United States
22 Feb 08
I doubt that a boy of ten really meant anything disrespectful about a comment like that. I would try not to take it too personal. I can understand your concern and your desire for the parents to teach their children respect for all peoples, but with the situation you describe I doubt that it will be happening any time soon. Sadly people in that situation often grow up a little wild and without respect for others. Try not to take it personally. If you do have problems again you can try talking to the child. Since he is still young he might be receptive to you teaching him a little respect in a nice and polite way.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Feb 08
Thank you for the post. Yes, it is always good to do things in the polite way Since we did not talk directly to the boy but we just told his father and mother about what he said ..this was the polite way..let them teach him as we have always been frienly to him and his family. Thanks again.
@itsmepinky (1301)
• India
20 Feb 08
well i would be hurt initially but wouldnt keep any grudges and try to avoid them & their comments
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Feb 08
yes, you would..but you and i are not my wife..she is not going to take a lot of nonsense from even me or the President of the United States or even the King of Japan.. she worked in Tokyo and used to fight with her Japanese lady boss..and told her off more then once..she would say.."don't talk to me like that..i am not a dog.! http://www.pathlights.com/nr_encyclopedia/
@kylanie (1205)
• United States
28 Jan 08
I think that you did the right thing and I would like to point out that my brother is married to a lady that was from the philippines and they are very happy I think if it was my brother that they would have said it to he would have said excuse me we are americans.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Jan 08
after the Spanish American War ..the US occupied the Philippines until they got their liberation in 1946..well, they were on our side in WWII and that is all that matters..it seems like the losers in the last wars did better then the victors..because all their economies were rebuilt with the help of Uncle Sam
1 person likes this