Do you lend money to your love?

@aowaow (1517)
Indonesia
November 17, 2007 2:17am CST
You are engaged with your love as fiancee right now, next 6 months later is your both big year for wedding. Because it's all had been planned well with your parent. And you alone had used almost half of your saving for the reservations dawn payment. For the rest, your father will afford it to you, and hand over you the money you will need in the meantime, and your parent hope you pick the best places for your wedding, because his best clients will attend for it. Today your love come and cries, she said her mother take a sharks loan. You really knew how the mother is, she loves gambling, any gambling. Worst, the guy he took is famous shark at your locality. And he has a good relation with those officials in the town. Now the money sum they wanted is almost the same with the money you hold from your parent. What will you do?
2 people like this
7 responses
@lucky_witch (2711)
• Philippines
17 Nov 07
Well that would be quiet difficult. Because of course my parents gave the money so that I could have a good wedding. I just cant give it to them without consulting my parents... its their money after all. I believe that it would be better if I would talk to my parents and let them decide for their money. If its ok with them to lend it to my soon to be in-law then its ok. Its just that I believe that I cant decide for it alone since its my parent's money.
• Philippines
18 Nov 07
but the question would be, how would the mother in law pay for the money? i have heard of many stories of family and friends where they lent the money that they have been saving to use for something to someone who they thought was in a greater need. in the end, they were never paid.
@aowaow (1517)
• Indonesia
18 Nov 07
And the curiosity appeared on the surface and triggers both families' quarrel. It's money concerning. I had think about this, but just don't want to get trapped in two unfinished conditions, and new problems appear in the next future. I will be appreciate with more clues that will help the situation getting solved. And.. it's not a small money amount.
• Philippines
18 Nov 07
Well in that case you can have your hands off... You are not required to give them the money. You could stand beside your partner and listen, and help in little things and little ways... Do not force yourself on something that you know you cant do anything more. You cant sacrifice more than you can afford. You also have a life to live and your partner.
@taurus67 (176)
• Philippines
17 Nov 07
of course I do lend money to my love one...especially my family & my close relatives.... :-)
@aowaow (1517)
• Indonesia
18 Nov 07
thanks for responding, but you need to remember about your parent's deal with the wedding occasion, and the money they afforded to you.
@taurus67 (176)
• Philippines
18 Nov 07
thanx for the advice...keep in touch
@kwenge (2493)
• Kenya
17 Nov 07
This is what we call a real dilemma, it is now you choose between your parent and your fiancee's. If my parents are well-off then i think i will help her out then i go back and plead with my parents.........but really what if the mother goes back and gamble again? will be the one to pull her out again? I think I will let her learn the lesson the hard way so she can stop gambling. Gosh am mixed up.
@aowaow (1517)
• Indonesia
18 Nov 07
That's if she gives up. But what I see most gamblers who likes to take shark's loan will live eternally by digging new hole to cover the old hole, worst the next hole is getting bigger and wider. By letting her in the hard way might sounds a good introspection or, punishment (that only if she can think of that and won't redo it later), don't you think that you had just slice a wound towards your spouse's feeling, because he came asking for your help by telling you this, and you let it off. Just curious, my friend.
@kwenge (2493)
• Kenya
19 Nov 07
I know it is a big wound but, hey wounds heal after all. He will come to realise that i was protecting our interests i.e our future and the future of our children. If he doesn't agree with me then i think he doesnt love me as his fiancee but he loves me as his mother's bailer......I mean if it was an emergency maybe sickness that one i can help but gambling, hell no. If he wants to call off the wedding because of that then may it be. It is not to be a punishment but descipline. If i bail her out now she repeat again and again till we all plus my parents become bankrupt.......lol.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
18 Nov 07
I would not do it. I know you are in a tough spot but it sounds to me that if you give in once to this situation, then you will be expected to in the future. If the money is not paid back in a timely fashion or not at all then it will cause bad feelings between you and in-laws down the road. I think you will be doing everyone involved a huge favor if you say NO to this now.
@aowaow (1517)
• Indonesia
18 Nov 07
Doing a NO is easy to say it out for ourself, but I don't think you had that just word to reply your spouse. There must be a soften explanation as a good approaching. Or you will just say to your spouse, "NO"?
@spoiled311 (5502)
• Philippines
18 Nov 07
wow! that is a really tough dilemma. although this may sound cruel, but if you really come to think of it, her mother is not your responsibility. probably if she is in a situation that calls for an emergency, sympathy is a different matter. however, with gambling, that doesn't need sympathy but discipline. however, i cannot blame your fiancee for asking for help--that's her mother. but you know, when you help her now, it doesn't mean that she will no longer gamble in the future and no longer ask you to bail her out. if you bail her out one time and refuse the next time, you will be put in a bad light. so, would you rather be put in a bad light now or in the future, after you have already spent so much bailing her out? you see, your marriage is your future--and much as we dislike it, finances are part of the relationship. you should be building your future together--for the kids, etc--than bailing out a gambling mother-in-law. if you do that, your home and family life will always be wrecked by trying to save her from her vices. and by the way, it is unfair to use your parents' money on this. i believe it is also their hard-earned money. you are not married yet and you are already asking them to take responsibility for another's irresponsible behavior. it is your call.
@aowaow (1517)
• Indonesia
18 Nov 07
Thanks, you had made the points getting clearer. It's not cruel to me, she (mother-in-law) should do the self-introspection, that caging other's feeling is not a right manner, what if she is the one now in our position.
@juenshia (25)
• China
18 Nov 07
First, talk with your girlfriend.Second, talk with your parents.Then talk with your girlfried's mother.You can not make a decision without consulting any side.
@aowaow (1517)
• Indonesia
18 Nov 07
Thanks for responding. can you please be more spesific, how you talk to your girlfriend, how you talk to your parent, and how you talk to her mother?
@ayou82 (3460)
• Philippines
17 Nov 07
Yeah i do in a very reasonable excuse. If i know that theyre are going to use in emergencies or something they want to buy for themselves i do. Sometimes i dont ask them to pay..
@aowaow (1517)
• Indonesia
18 Nov 07
Why?