need your advice

Your husband repairs computers, you do online work and the cousin chats and eats your food. What work does he do? It seems like he is a liability. Either he starts doing real work or he goes. Do you pay him to do this? I wish I was related to your partner...his cousin has it nice.

I agree with you I think his cousin should pay at least a third of the bills and help with buying some food. I think your partner needs to realize that you both need his cousin's help with the bills and food. I don't think you are wrong at all.

Oh my goodness, why just now you decide to take over from your small internet cafe? why not ever since you started the business? any way late is better than never.

I have never thought it was a good idea having anyone living with you.When two people live togeather as a couple they need the time to be by themselves...I know that to have a third party, even if it is a family member it takes a toll on the relationship..My children are grown, but my son has lived with us twice before, but he is a grown man ,and even though he is my son , and i love him, it puts a strain on me..I have to make sure there is enough food for all of us, and you have to include that person in all your daily life...It also cost a lot more money than you think when you have just one extra person living in your home...I think it would be good for both you and your partner if you could run things with just the two of you.I also understand that your partner does not want to hurt his cousin by asking him to leave.He probably knows that the two of you could run this business but he probably hates to tell his cousin...maybe he does not like to confront him...Maybe you could call a family meeting and just explain to the cousin all the expense and that you two are having to struggle and just be open and honest.I do think you should give his cousin time to find other housing arrangements but other than that, i feel what you are saying sounds better for your and your partners benefit...I don't know what to tell you to do, if your partner refuses those options though...Maybe you could show him these replys here on mylot..

I don't think that you are asking too much. You may not pay him to oversee the cafe, but you certainly do pay him by him eating your food, increasing your electricity bill by him being in your home and so on. It sounds as if the cousin is taking you and your partner for a ride. I think it would be an excellent idea for you to be at the cafe, remove his cousin and let him find his own work and your partner can continue fixing computers and whatever else he needs to do for the upkeep of the shop. This cousin sounds like he just chats all day at the cafe and does nothing of any worth. It's not worth it to keep him around, when your more than willing to do it and it would save you money in the end.

What job does your cousin do, actually? From what you have said, he simply wastes his time and money. I really cant understand why your partner dont get this? And what you have felt,is correct and it certainly takes off your electricity bills a lot. Also i get that your partner also stays at home. I am really confused how they manage to spend time like this. Do they have any other ideas of making large incomes or they planning for this? Do repeatedly tell your partner about this, until you get through.. Take care and have a good day friend.

Hello lucky_witch,Thanks for your post.Your points are reasonable and justified but I think you should deal this matter with patience and intelligence and I think talking to his cousin straight might complicate the situation rather you have to try to convince your partner with patience with valid points and if your partner dont agree with you then I think at this stage you shouldnt try to convince continously cause your relationship with your partner might suffer .Deal the matter with patience using intelligence, Goodluck.

I think you asking if you should be at the business you and your parnter have. And yes I think you should. I also think that your cousin should be giving you money towards the bills he is living there.

I think you are on dangerous grounds. His cousin is family... and you are not. Family comes first. If you want to be part of that family... you better be nice to the cousin and don't interfere in the relationship between your partner and his cousin. You want to get ride of the cousin out of selfishness. Is it really about the money? Or do you want your partner all for yourself? Not to have to share him with his cousin. Money is not important. Relationship is. If you try to get ride off the cousin... you will lose your partner. It is a decision for your partner to make... Not you...

Lucky_witch i wish i was that 'cousin'! LOL naaaaaah i would get bored after sometime..... but no you are not asking much. It would make sense if you are using the server computer because that way you can do two things at a time. You can look after your cafe and do your online jobs as well...so i think you need another round of talk with every one involved....all the best and take care ;)

I believe that your partner already understands how his cousin is affecting your situation. Because it is his cousin, he feels like it is his fault, so when you bring up the topic he feels, to some extent, that you are blaming him for your troubles. Of course this is not the case. As a woman your first inclination is to discuss this and come up with a solution. I think a better approach would be to TAKE CHARGE and delegate some work. Tell the cousin that he is not needed in the cafe and his time would be much better spent doing the chores at home and assisting your partner with the repairs (this way the cousin can learn some much needed life skills and possibly a few things from your partner as well, while at the same time making a contribution to the household and freeing up some of your time to do more work on the computer). If you feel the need to ask your partner before doing this, then I would suggest doing it in an assertive way. Don't make it an option for him to say no. For example tell him that you would like to try things differently for a week or two and if at the end of that time your partner feels that things aren't going well, you would be happy to try another approach. At least then you will be running the cafe while he takes time to think of something else, should he want to. Also this will put the cousin in direct contact with your partner for a majority of the day, which will quickly wear on your partner if the cousin is being anything less than helpful. Ever heard that saying "out of sight, out of mind" As long as the cousin is hanging around in the cafe chatting on the net, your partner doesn't have to think of the impact he has on your lives. As long as the cousin is having such a good time, he isn't going anywhere and nothing will change. Put him to work and watch how quickly he is motivated to do something else. After all why would he want to wash dishes for three if he can live alone and wash dishes for one. You will have to be the one who tells the cousin of his new duties. Treat it as a business decision. It is a financially sound decision that will positively affect your business. It just makes good fiscal sense to put the workers where they are most needed and to capitalize on their skills. And cut your losses as well. If you take charge in this situation and it proves to be a good decision (which it will) your partner will have a new respect for you as well and won't second geuss you in the future when you have things to say about your business and your life together.

I still think that if the cousin were doing the dishes and the laundry and the cooking and the cleaning cinderella, cinderella, oops...as I was saying lucky witch would have more time to earn money online and everyone would be better off.

well, why do you need his cousin as both of you (the owner of the cafe) are all day free at home? I think you really need to discuss this problem seriously with your partner. He will understand if you get him all the points.. You are doing this for everybody good.. His cousin should get a serious job than just sitting there chatting and eating your food..

Nope, you are not asking too much. You own the cafe and you have all the rigths in it. You can do anything you want because you're part of the owner. It is better that you have a hands-on in your busines than you let others manage it. Regarding your partner's cousin, you may talk to him and ask if you could use the server because you have work to do in there. I knowm he cannot say no to you and he will understant. just talk to him in a nice way. and before doing it, talk to your partner about it.

My first advice would be to try to talk to your husband/partner again about this cousin..and ask if he realizes all that this cousin is doing is chatting on line all day.. Does your husband realize this? I think your cousin is taking advantage of both of you.. I feel bad for you and suggest try talking about your feelings again with your partner.

Do I understand that your cousin is living with you & your partner for free? Does he not contribute to food, electricity,water, etc? And then he doesn't allow you to run, or at least use the servers in the internet cafe? This is very unfair. It makes economic sense that not only should you be using the internet in the cafe, but you should be running it to. I guess your partner is reluctant to upset his cousin. Talk to your partner again, presenting your financial situation. If he is still not convinced, then wait until the monthly bills arrive, & if there is not enough money, then this is yoyr chance to present your case again, to BOTH your cousin & partner.

hi, my husband and I also run a computer shop from our home and we do the looking after of the shop ourselves, we used to have someone to take care of it but like you, the shop is small and doesn't need the added expense, so we take care of the shop ourselves and we are even able to make more since we cut down on the electricity and the 'kupit'. I don't think you are asking too much, try to talk to your partner and let him see reason. And if you are able, set your foot down on what you want. Keep an open communication line and try to set a compromise where you can both be happy at the outcome. Maybe your partner is pitying his cousin and doesnt' want to boot him out, maybe you don't need to boot out his cousin for the time being, just let him run some errands or such around the house and you can take care of the shop while doing your online things. The best you can really do is talk to your partner about it, talk about alternatives, the pros, the cons and the like and come to an agreement on what is the right thing to do, for both you and your partner.

I think you are right and should and keep talking to your partner about this as it is the most logical solution. Why does your husbands cousin live with you doesn't he have anywhere else? If he's not even trying to earn money online and is just chatting all day I'd just walk in the cafe one day and say "Hi (insert cousins name) I just need to do something on the server for a couple of hours now" and what can he say? At least make him share the server with you even if your husband won't take over the cafe completely from him.

I understand your point me too If I were in your place I would love to run my own business rather with someone and only be in my house. To avoid the stress between you and your partner don't insist what you want just let him do what he wants to his cousin but If you can ask him that you want to be in the shop also, just to show him you really interested to run your own business even his cousin are also there. Someday he will realize that his cousin are no longer needed coz you can run it well enough even without the help of others. One thing you can supervise his cousin of whats he's doing when the computer is not in used you can told her that your cutting expenses but say it in a nice way not to hurt her feelings.

You said it is you businees together, so I would try to talk to your partner one more time and if he doesn't want to talk you his cousin I would. i think you should come to him and tell him what is going on, you don't have just money for another guy having there and also I don't see what kinda a work he is doing? why are you paying the food and all the expenses for him? Just for chatting on the internet? Ridiculos.