What are deciding factors for you when choosing someone for a long term

United States
November 18, 2007 6:34pm CST
What are some things you consider when you try to find someone who may become a life long partner.. Are you influenced by what society says is important: Looks, money, etc? Or are you seeking more for the compatablity factor when trying to find your mate? I know there seems to be a large number of divorces,even daily world wide, which indicates something is wrong with the method people use for finding their future spouse.
2 people like this
12 responses
• Australia
19 Nov 07
I look for someone who makes me happy - not just some of the time, but all the time. Of course, even the happiest of couples fight, but I've learnt not to stay with someone if it means you're miserable for 90% of the time. Materialistic things just don't matter, especially as these things are so changeable. People lose their jobs, lose money, looks fade. Personality and kindness are so much more important. Plus, I'm able to take care of myself. I don't need someone with a great job, or lots of money to support me. If there's something I need, I can find a way to get it myself - which makes the process all that much more rewarding.
2 people like this
• United States
19 Nov 07
THose are all very good things to look for in a partner or spouse.. I see that you are not looking only superficially..Since all riches can be lost in a blink of an eye..where as true last will last even beyond that;)
• United States
19 Nov 07
No, since they are getting divorced, that means they are finding someone and then something goes wrong.What would make me decide that he is the one? we connect. I understand him and he understands me. We should have a lot of things in common but we wouldn't need to be Exactly the same.He must have a sense of humor. But I have no idea what he will look like.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Nov 07
From reading your post, I see that you are looking for someone who is understanding and who shares the same interests as you. This person will have a sense of humor..do you like to joke a round?
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Nov 07
Not really. I can see the humor in things and if he can too, that would be a plus.But if he has no sense of humor whatsoever, it wouldn't last.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Nov 07
You should have a license plate made for your car if you drive.. and have it say..Toot your horn at me and I will toot back if you enjoy a laugh;)
1 person likes this
@presido (16)
• Israel
19 Nov 07
I am not influenced by looks and money,most people look good and also have money but cannot make good life long partner. I consider good character, understanding,four sightedness, hard working and caring.Good looks or no good looks, money or no money,partners of the above qualities will not think of divorce,rather life will be blissful for them.
• United States
19 Nov 07
You have it all together there..those surely are the necessary qualities..more so then what society tells you..isnt this so.. ?
@bbsr13 (4198)
• India
19 Nov 07
hello!i m an indian .here we consider marriage as an institution,union of two of two souls.in our society parents of boys and girls arrange marriage.in the process they of course they take in to account the looks, money,status,cast, religion etc.and then the marriage celebration solemnised amidst relatives and friends.so, in indian society marriages fail in rare occasions.cases of divorce here is very few.i think this system is quite good.
• United States
19 Nov 07
I wonder though, in your situation..where does love come into play..shouldnt people be able to choose to marry who they love.. I thought such ways no longer existed..except for in some poorer countries.
@maryannemax (12172)
• Sweden
19 Nov 07
i do believe that it's always best to go for compatibility. looks are not forever and money can come and go (we can work for it, too). but to find someone who you can be compatible with is a bit too difficult. so, when you find one, that's really one good factor. you donät have to be compatible with everything but atleast, have some wonderful characteristics in common or hobbies in common. it's only by being compatible you can easily understand each other. anne
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Nov 07
You are right..and some may have "looks" and thats about as far as it goes..Being right for each other: Compatible..completely open and communicative..that makes for a lasting relationship.
@wisedragon (2330)
• Philippines
19 Nov 07
For me there are two basic questions: 1) Will she be a good wife? Meaning, will she love me? Will she support me? Will she be faithful to me? 2) Will she be a good mother to our children? If the answer to the above questions is yes, then I can marry that woman.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Nov 07
Sounds like you have some reasonable qualifying questions there. YOu are lookign for goodness and mutual support. Fidelity really is quite a biggy..especially in this day an age;)
@irene_27 (545)
• Philippines
19 Nov 07
I don't get influenced by society's standard in any way. Choosing a partner is what i consider a very personal thing even my family is supposed to be hands-off on it. I like my would be partner to be trustworthy, respectful and religious. I can only love a person who deserves my trust because i know he will not do anything to hurt me or the relationship. He has to be respectful of my family especially my parents and elder members. That's one of the most important virtue here in our country. And last i want him to be religious also like me. I believe if we just make God the center of our relationship then we will be blessed and nothing can go wrong.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Nov 07
I can see, since you are religious, being God centered would be so important for you. Trust..is always a very important issue..if it's lacking..I can't see how a relationship can stick together.
@leeesa (885)
• United States
19 Nov 07
This is a tough one and long term is the key factor. For me it's a balance of things. Physical attraction, financial stability, how they interact with my family, etc. I've settled too many times thinking this or that would change, but it never did. No more settling. I recommend an "I want" list of all the desired traits you'd like in a long term mate and keep looking until your list is 80% or more satisfied. Put your absolute must haves at the top and things you can compromise on at the bottom.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Nov 07
Exactly..that is the reason for this discussion..to let others think about the list..they should be preparing when seeking the significan other;)
@jhartana (1085)
• Australia
19 Nov 07
I don't primarily focusing on looks, money, etc. What I want to see is what's inside the partner's heart. I just really like a person who I can put my trust and also that person is kind, willing to commit a long term relationship and willing to accept my weaknesses. I am now married to a not quite beautiful lady and she's just so trusted and have very kind heart. My own piece of advice to you, don't choose a person with "wolf inside a sheep's clothing". Make sure you have to thoroughly know that person before you can continue the relationship. Don't haste yourself but to take more time. I'm sure that you'll have no regret if you can carefully consider your partner.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Nov 07
Firstly ..this discussion isnt about me..It's about anyone;) I simply wanted a topic that can be useful to more then one person..since the number of failing marriages is climbing. I think people really need to consider what it is they want in the person they want to spend their life with:) I agree..more importantthen any other trait is a good heart, a kindly heart etc.. Not falling for the "sheep in wolves" clothing is so right..I agree with you 100%
@diillu (5128)
19 Nov 07
For me while choosing a long term partner the most important thing would be to be able to "trust" that person and to be "comfortable" with that person. This way I can communicate with that person in more open way and there would be nothing like missuderstanding or anything so that relationship would be in mess.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Nov 07
Yes, yes, yes, trust and the abililty to communicate with one another is so very very necessary in a relationship..WHere there is no trust .. a relationship will fall apart. Where there is lack of communications suspition and other not so nice things start to pop up;)
@nkhanna (925)
• India
19 Nov 07
hi.definately something is wrong in the method that people use to find the soulmates.i would go for a person who firstly should be very honest and faithful so that i can confide in him.he or she should always be reay to be with me in my odd times as well.Secondly i would see wthere that person respects me and my feeling or not.is he or she the noe who imposes their will on me ?and if one can find these 2 things in a single person then its bound to be happened only in the case when one loves each other.
• United States
19 Nov 07
Honesty and respect..yes, yes, yes..I agree these are so necessary in a relationship!. If a person does not have either of these I don't see how they can make it in any kind of relationship.
@mlhuff12 (799)
• United States
27 Apr 08
My ex husband had no job throughout our whole marriage. So he must have a job. But besides that as long as there is a good connection and we have good chemistry, some similar interests, and we get along good. If I put looks, money, and all the superficial things as something I need I might have missed out and ignored the right one.