Why don't men like to show their true feelings?

United States
November 21, 2007 3:27pm CST
I was talking to my husband's best friend last night and he said that I am the center of my husbands attention. I asked him why doesn't it seem that way to me and he said that guys don't like to show their vulnerability. He said that they pretend that we aren't the center of their world but we are. He also said that you just have to ignore them sometimes and just know that they care. Is this true? I just don't understand why guys are so prideful as if they are going to die if they let their true feelings show sometimes.
4 people like this
14 responses
@kykidd (6820)
• United States
21 Nov 07
I don't know that they hide their feelings, I just don't believe they think about things as much as women do. And when something is bothering them they have to stay in their own head, they can't talk about it like women do. And if you notice at that point they will be in their own little world until they get it all worked out in their head.
1 person likes this
@Hrishi86 (676)
• India
22 Nov 07
ya. very nice topic u raised here. I also think this why they hide their real feeling and naturality. I think todays life is so fast and everyone wants to pick up high quickly. So they are hiding their originality. Thanks for this discussion.
@Hrishi86 (676)
• India
22 Nov 07
Sorry dear it is repeated again.
@homesick (12)
• Switzerland
26 Nov 07
maybe your husband is not a showy person, but you know that he loves you by showing his respect and love for you, its just that he cannot give up his ego and we cannot blame them because each and everyone one of us has our own pride in life.,
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
25 Nov 07
I'll answer your question with two sentences. Together they from a nice double standard. One of thousands used against guys in society and relationships. Ready? In women's opinion, men who do not show their emotions are cold and distant. In women's opinion, men who do show their emotions are sissies Subconciously, women pick more men from column A even when complaining about how distant they are. Also with this subconcious reaction (sometimes its overt) they say they want men to be more like column B with their emotions but actually they complain if their husbands show enough emotion. Other women get scared or think something is wrong with the guy. So basically its another 'You Can't Win' moment for guys. "Greeaaattt...." /facepalm -_- I can even go more into depth. There are times I didn't reveal stuff or emotions in a couple of my relationships and I was called cold and distant. I did communicate and did show some emotion (or tried to, I don't know what in the world women want even when "explained" -_-) and after that they thought it was a foreign concept. Either way, it was no win. And its not just me, its plenty of men in relationships and marriage.
• Malaysia
23 Nov 07
lol. i totally agree. i wish guys would just show us some affection so that we know how much they really do care! they should just swallow their ego and pride and push it away, after all it's for the love of their life, so why can't they just show it to us girls? like how are we supposed to know they care if they don't show it..actions speak louder than words ;p
• United States
22 Nov 07
The reason for that is they don't want people to make fun of them if they show their true feelings.
@fanji008 (782)
• China
22 Nov 07
Hi,there! I think to some degree men don't show their true feelings that apparently.That's just a different way to express their love.They might not always say it,they just keep in inside and they do things to show it.Sometimes it's right there in his deep heart. They may be a little bit afraid to let others know the relationship is so important for them.However,they know that exactly themselves. Everybody has his different way to show love and express it. We can see from our daily life and notice whether they really care about the women with them. If you want him to show his true feelings more obviously,maybe you can have an open talk with him and find the solution.Best regards and have a good day:)
@lancingboy (1386)
• United States
22 Nov 07
Boys are taught since they can walk how society expects them to act. If a guy shows someone his feelings, he's usually automatically accused of being gay. When I have kids, I'm gonna show them the affection they need from me. I've seen how many generations before me (fathers and sons) act toward each other, and it is not a good thing. The fathers never hold their kids and the kids don't really care for their fathers because they feel neglected. Then the cycle starts all over in the next generation. It's just like not having a father at all in your life. I got my father figures from the TV.
@Hrishi86 (676)
• India
22 Nov 07
ya. very nice topic u raised here. I also think this why they hide their real feeling and naturality. I think todays life is so fast and everyone wants to pick up high quickly. So they are hiding their originality. Thanks for this discussion.
• India
22 Nov 07
Yeah its true, its very hard to find an emotional man who shows his feelings towards us always...but yeah i got no answer to your question, coz i myself am trying to figure that out...but till loves stays all is still okay...
• China
22 Nov 07
Maybe they don't know how to express their feelings, or they think that if we know that we will ride high and don't feel them a thing.anyway, it might happen, I think. After all men and women are quite different.
• Philippines
22 Nov 07
as i know it, guys are known to be strong and not emotional thats why showing what's inside of them will make them weak and emotional...hiding their emotions or feelings is a way to show to others that 'man is strong, can face or do anything'...but not all guys are like them...well guys are guys...
@bcote212 (1113)
• United States
21 Nov 07
This has to do with masculinity. When men are boys, they are shown that it is not ok to cry. I think that his makes them learn how to cut off their emotions. When someone is disconnected from their emotions it is hard to show exactly how you feel. Even if you are madly in love with someone.
@JoyfulOne (6242)
• United States
21 Nov 07
This is how I see it...From the time a little boy is born, he's given plenty of repeated messages about how a boy/man should act. How many times have you heard somebody say to their little boy: big boys don't cry? or Suck it up and be a man? (and other phrases like that) They are told they have to be 'strong,' and see the same kind of behaviour (usually) from their own father, and male relatives. From the time they're little, they are constantly being fed messages that it's not ok for them to show pain, or emotion. My own father was the same way towards my Mother, I think it just boils down to they want to be seen as a real man. (Like a 'John Wayne' type guy, who in my father's generation was the ideal) Not sure if I explained what I'm meaning here, but I think you get my drift:-) Just know that deep in his heart he loves you, he just has problems expressing it verbally (like zillions of other men)