Noah

United States
November 22, 2007 1:56pm CST
I got this story in my e mail today and I thought it was absolutely wonderful and more to the point right on target, what do you think? Could Noah build his ark today? If Noah had lived in the United States today the story may have gone something like this: And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year." Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the Ark?" "Lord, please forgive me," cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems. "First, I had to get a permit for construction, and your plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation devices. Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission. "Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I really needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me take the 2 owls. "The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. "When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard. This suit is pending. "Meanwhile, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe. "Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed flood plain. I sent them a globe. "Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking atheists aboard. "The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft'. "And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it's a religious event, and, therefore unconstitutional. "I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five or six years." Noah waited. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth, Lord?" "No," He said sadly. "I don't have to. The government already has."
2 people like this
5 responses
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
23 Nov 07
Thanks ever for sharing this. Poor Noah, huh? Nope, I really don't think he could build an ark nowadays without too many red-tape issues
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Nov 07
Lol...you of all people have to agree about government and red tape...:}
2 people like this
• United States
17 Aug 17
@sugartoes And Pyewacket has had to deal with an overabundance of the red tape just to live
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
25 Nov 07
Now how would I know about red-tape??..LOL
2 people like this
@coolseeds (3919)
• United States
11 May 08
That is pretty good and so true. I can not legally build a wall taller than 3 feet with my landscaper's license. I would have to get a construction license to build a wall 3 foot 1 inches. The same license would allow me to build houses. I have a client that looked at me like I was crazy when I told her I couldn't legally rebuild her 7 foot wall that she built herself. LOL She said "Why? I built this myself." I was thinking to myself "Yeah. That is why it is falling in." Also if a job is over $3,000 you have to get a special permit. If you don't want to wait for the permit you give separate estimates so none of the jobs are over the amount. However there was a part left out. Anyone trying to build an ark because god told them to do it would be deemed as insane locked up in an institution for examination.
• United States
11 May 08
Red tape certainly is fun, since it is not designed to make much sense.
• India
23 Nov 07
hi i liked ur discitoin very much and hope u make lots of money .......dude........u rock.........bye tc.......
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Nov 07
Thanks a bunch chetan, hope you enjoy your time at mylot as well.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
22 Nov 07
that was great, thank you for posting that...sadly it is true but on the flip side, i think they are more christians on the earth that would fit into an ark at them moment!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Nov 07
Yes there is a lot of truth to this, and hopefully you are right about more people being worth saving.
@velvet53 (22528)
• Palisade, Colorado
17 Aug 17
OMG! You have me laughing so hard that tears are falling. I don't know who came up with that but they hit the nail on the head. I will never forget this. Thank you for sharing with us.
• United States
17 Aug 17
@sugartoes learn to laugh in the face of adversity.
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (22528)
• Palisade, Colorado
17 Aug 17
@sugartoes I liked the way it was written. I know that it is the way things are and has come to. That is why I sent it to you. As you can see I said that they hit the nail on the head. What I meant by that is they were right if what they said.
@velvet53 (22528)
• Palisade, Colorado
17 Aug 17
@sugartoes I sure do.