In-laws

By Raz
@razcal2267 (15577)
United States
November 23, 2007 1:16pm CST
My sister's husband and his family are just awful. They make judgments about anyone and everyone that do not fit their idea of what a good person is. I can not stand them I just want to shake or smack them and tell them they are the idiots,fat ones, racial slurs,and so on. Tonight I will be at my parents for dinner so the family can celebrate my nephew turning four. I found out the other day that my mother (the nut job that she is) went and invited his other set of grandparents. Great not only do I have to bite my tongue and sit on my hands so I do not say or react to something judgmental my brother-in-law is bound to say but now I have to try extra hard because his parents make the judgments and then end everything they say with "not that there is anything wrong with that" Ugh! I love my nephews but I really wish that their dad's side could see that they are human is not better then anyone at all. How do you deal with in-laws you just wish would just go away never to be seen again?
4 people like this
7 responses
• United States
23 Nov 07
From what I can tell about you from your discussions is that you are a peace-keeper. So my advice will probably not suit your personality. Long (very long) story short, my monster-in-law and her two horrid daughters are the same way. When they do something, it's justified. When others do the very same thing, they are dubbed everything but a human being to these 3 women. These women are this way because everyone keeps their mouth shut and lets them ramble on about how horrible everyone else is in their self-righteous eyes. I'm also guilty of this keeping quiet thing, if you can believe that. My advice is this: if it is allowed to go on, it will continue going on. I'm assuming your in-laws are no more reasonable than mine, so I only see a few choices here. One, you could remove yourself from the situation as I have, thereby keeping peace to an extent. Two, you could kindly ask them to refrain from being so judgmental in your presence since it makes you uncomfortable and disturbs the harmony of family gatherings. Lastly, you can continue biting your tongue and let it continue disturbing the good vibes family gatherings/birthday parties are supposed to have. Good luck, Razcal. This is a sticky situation.
@razcal2267 (15577)
• United States
23 Nov 07
Thing is since it is my sister's husband and his family I really can not say much hence the chewed up tongue. The last time I did react was the last time we were all together at my parents house. I think it was about 3 years ago. My brother-in-law kept using the n word. I have many friends of many colors and many backgrounds so the racial slurs bother me. I told him to stop saying it. He wouldn't so I held a steak knife up to her throat. I have told them to refrain from saying such things while they are around me. Their compromise was to add "not that there is anything wrong with that" to everything they say. To me that just makes their judgments even worse.
2 people like this
• United States
23 Nov 07
I see your point. I feel sorry for your sister and her boys tho. That's not a very good example for them. And kudos to you for standing up to him like that, for that, he had it coming. I wish you well, and hope you make it through without choking the blood out of your bil. I'm glad my family has always had separate parties to keep the peace. I could not handle it if my stepsons' other grandparents were in my face on every occasion...of course their presence would be preferred to my hubs' family, sad but true.
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16740)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
24 Nov 07
Well, I don't have to deal with in-laws, but my own family is like this. Bleh. I can't stand people with those kind of prejudices, or who try to do that stupid "not that there's anything wrong with that" qualification all the time. If you didn't feel there wa something wrong with it, then why did you bash it in the first place? Gah! I just avoid people like this as much as possible, and ignore them when I do have to be around them. Thankfully for me, I moved very far away from my family, so I don't have to deal with this crap. I suppose I'm not very helpful, but good luck anyway!
2 people like this
@razcal2267 (15577)
• United States
24 Nov 07
If you didn't feel there way something wrong with it, then why did you bash it in the first place is the exact way I feel about it but I tend not to say it that nicely. I used to not avoid them because it was an extra chance to see my nephews but now I only see his family when I have to.
2 people like this
@TerryZ (22146)
• United States
23 Nov 07
Hey raz I know how your feel we have some in our family that are just like that. I have to bite my tonuge too. But they can sit there and say whatever they want. One of these days Im going to explode right in their face! Im sorry you will have to deal with that tonight. Do the best you can. Hugs!
@razcal2267 (15577)
• United States
23 Nov 07
Thank you Terry. If it wasn't a dinner for one of my nephews I would have said no way but I just can not miss out on seeing them even if their dad and his family are all kinds of screwy
2 people like this
@violeta_va (4842)
• Australia
24 Nov 07
Why do yo have to bite your tongue. Say something it is offencive to you to listen to them and you are worried of what they might thing. You say you love your nephew chances are he will grow up to be just like them. You dont have to be rude or obvius but that does not mean you cant say anything. When they say "not that there is anything wrong with that" say something like "then why are we talking about it" or great we can change the subject then. I find that with people like that you do have to point to them A LOT to notice that they a anoying. I also do this with people like that: "oh my god did you hear about so and so her son..." (me) wow I love you ring where did you get it? "oh its..... (the whole story) and before your know the son of so and so is forgoten (well untill they satrt talking about so and so new car) :))))
1 person likes this
24 Nov 07
I have problems with my "in-law" situation, too. I also bite my tongue. I am trying to find out ways to speak my mind without being rude because whatever is really in my head at the moment, doesn't sound like it's going to be too nice if I just let it out! I have just started to not even listen anymore, act like they aren't even there at times. IF anyone wants to read my situation on the "sister-in-law from hell" read my story of "My Own Private Hell" at www.associatedcontent.com/lovellagrey I need advice as to whether or not I'm just tripping or if this is a situation that needs to be squashed now?!
1 person likes this
@razcal2267 (15577)
• United States
24 Nov 07
Actually it does mean that I can not say anything since none of this is taking place in my home. I am in the wrong for even speaking up about the insanity because no one else has the nerve to so I end up being the one that is asked to leave. Yes, I do love my nephews but what good is it for them to see me fighting wit their father and his side of the family? It will only mess them up even more.
@GardenGerty (83173)
• Marion, Kansas
24 Nov 07
I am fortunate not to have to spend time with anyone like that. Other than my own sister who will tell gossip that has some element of truth, and then, if that is not good enough, will also make something up. I put up with her, because she is family, but I limit my exposure.
@razcal2267 (15577)
• United States
24 Nov 07
With some people even limited exposure is way too much
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (83173)
• Marion, Kansas
25 Nov 07
There are people I have permanently cut off contact with, even though they are family. The previously mentioned sister did us all a favor at my brother's house for the weekend and slept most of the time.She is much quieter then.
@wisedragon (2331)
• Philippines
24 Nov 07
You don't really need to engage them in conversation. Try to find someone else to talk to. Play with your nepew or something. I just walk away when people start blabbering in a manner that I don't like. That should send them a message that I'm not interested in what they have to say.
1 person likes this
@razcal2267 (15577)
• United States
24 Nov 07
LOL. I do not engage them in conversation at all. I am just a bystander who is forced to listen to the crap because I love my nephews.
@raychill (6571)
• United States
24 Nov 07
My brother and I were really close until about a year into his relationship with his now wife. so as to not go into details there are many reasons we don't get along and due to this my brother and I barely get along. They have two kids and I rarely see them too often because of our strained relationships. We usually just don't speak when we're in family togetherness. This doesn't help anything but at least it doesn't make things worse either right?