Financial help to your children
By nesher
@nesher (237)
United States
November 26, 2007 2:47am CST
To which point (age, conditions) the financial assistance to your children is justified? Do you think, that one day you should say "Get on your own"? Does this depend on the cultural or social background?
4 responses
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
30 Nov 07
I'm not sure about other cultures but in Australia the trend to stay home is growing. I've known of some twenty year olds who live at home, pay no rent, come and go, expect meals served and laundry done. Some parents are happy and able to do this but I don't think these young adults are contributing to society or encouraged to pull their weight. They expect everything handed to them on a plate.
If a child is at home and studying full time, fine, they can still be under the financial halo of their parents. If they want to go out and have a good time in their spare time they should have a casual job to finance this. If a young person is still home and working, they should be contributing to the running of the household. It's part of growing up after all to learn a social obligation. It's up to parents to teach their children a good work ethic.
If everything is done for the young people and everything is given to them they are more likely not to learn to give back.
I know of some very caring and generous people who even take in their children's friends. These kids prefer living at these places because it's nicer. This could be a good or a not so good thing.
I think it's important for kids to be taught to be responsible, stand on their own two feet and that if they get into trouble, turn to their family for help. This is what family is about. Sadly, I see things changing as people become more affluent. Family values are lost and standards are lowered.
I'm only in my fifties but already I see my own children's attitudes as very different to mine and I don't understand their selfishness. My daughters are in their thirties.
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
26 Nov 07
I think it depends on the situation. I have helped my kids even when they are grown depending on what they needed help with. Recently my son's refrigerator went out and it was just a year old....just past the warranty and they needed on. So I helped them get one and they are paying me back. I think it totally depends on too what each person feels is right for them.
@nesher (237)
• United States
27 Nov 07
Hi Jillhill,
Yes, it depends. In your case, you helped your kids in the problem situation, and they do pay you back. But, I do not think, they completely rely on cash flow from you on the daily basis. Who will help the kids, if not the loving parents? But, building the life on the parents' help and not on the personal efforts is spoiling and dangerous.
@2btrueinu (700)
• Philippines
26 Nov 07
yes your right it depends in our country you can help as long as you can help them. But sometimes you need to control also so that they will learn to survive them selves.
@bbsr13 (4196)
• India
26 Nov 07
Hello, Nesher!financial assistance to children? yes,it should be limited to certain age.one is supposed to complete his education at certain age and start earning his livelihood.till completion of education it is the primary duty of the parents to render financial assistance,and there after it is obligatory for the children to lessen their burden on the parents.of course,the situation now is such that it is very difficult to get a job and in such situation the parents have to support him.but here also there are some conditions.i am giving you an example.a friend of mine has a son who after completing education was employed as an engineer in a farm.after two years he gave up the job and sitting idle at home for nearly six years and my friend still giving all support.how long will it continue?what the solution to this? another friend has a dumb and deaf daughter she will remain as burden to him all the life and it supposed to be.but in the former case the parents should stop supporting forth with.what do you say? it has nothing to do with culture or social background any way.what do you say?agood question you have raised for debate.thank you and have a good day.
@nesher (237)
• United States
27 Nov 07
Hi bbsr,
Thank you for detailed participation in the problem raised. I agree with you that the approach should be different per case. What is good for one family, might be a really bad decision for another one. There is no golden rule, but I would put some guidelines, that I personally consider mandatory in the parents-kids relationship:
1. Parents should help whenever they can, but to the person that is really doing the best to get on his/her own. If you have several children, whom do you help first: the one that has biggest problems, or the one that can benefit most from your assistance? Big question mark. Sometimes, the parents coverage separate the kid from the real life. Why they should work and struggle, if there is no practical need? In this case, financial help might bring more harm than good. Definitely, if your child has no money to support himself (in some cases, together with his own family), he needs the help to get food and basic supplies. But, not around the world vacation for the entire family (case from the real life), while the parents never left US due the financial constraints.
2. Parents should give the kids the best opportunities to success in their lives. For most of my friends, it means to pay for their Bachelor Degree. But, it does not mean that parents should pay no stop, while kid is purely enjoying his/her students life with no efforts to study. My wife is doing her Master in Psychology, working in addition part-time, making full-time internship, and housekeeping. While some of her fellow young classmates taking several classes with no much effort, not working and not studying, as parents are paying for their education. Why bother?
3. Children should not accept the help as something ordinary. They should appreciate the effort parents are making. Yes, it is fictionary statement, but still, it is true. I left a house, when I was 18, and since than, I am on my own. Definitely, when needed, my parents are always ready to help, and sometimes I had to use their help. It is real life.
Unfortunately, this question came from the paintfull observation of the realtionship at my friends' family.
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