What's the biggest mistake you ever made in a relationship?

United States
November 26, 2007 8:01pm CST
One of the biggest mistakes that I ever made in a relationship was trying to fix the man. I can tell you from personal experience that men can't be fixed. If they are broken or damaged goods, then they are going to stay that way. A smoker will always want to smoke. A mamas boy will always prefer his mama's cooking and mama's advice over his own spouses. It's just a fact of life. People are who they are, and there's no changing them. And, I guess the same thing is true about women. I don't want someone trying to change me. So, why would I think that a guy would want to change. What's the worst or biggest mistake that you've ever made in a relationship? Was it a mistake that you could fix? Or, was it a relationship ending mistake?
4 people like this
15 responses
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
27 Nov 07
I have been involved with a few losers myself in the past like my ex husband I thought once I married him I could change gim. Ha ha ha I was only kidding myself. It wasn't even half a year after I married him he was out cheating on me. Oh well I can't worry about the past time goes on and thing will get better at least I hope.
• United States
27 Nov 07
You deserve much better than a man that would be a stinker and cheat on you. You are better off without him. If you have not already found the love of your life, I am sure you will find him very soon. Best of luck.
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
27 Nov 07
I haven't yet but hopefully someday I will thank you for your well wishes.
• Australia
27 Nov 07
My biggest mistake is I felt sorry for a guy and went out with him a few times and then had to tell him I just wanted to be friends. He was hurt and I felt so guilty afterwards. I should have been honest with him from the very beginning that I wasn't interested but I wanted to let him know that I gave it a try and it didn't work out.
1 person likes this
29 Nov 07
The biggest mistake I've ever made in a relationship is making excuses for the guy. It started out with something like 'Oh, he didn't MEAN to hit me, and he's really sorry about it.' to 'Oh, it's not THAT bad, at least he didn't break my arm, he just sprained it a little.' - and yes, I actually said both those things to my friends at the time. Just goes to show what a stupid little girl I was, back then.
@poohgal (6848)
• Singapore
28 Nov 07
Yes I agree with you. A man can never be fixed. Many girls make the mistake of believing that they can change their man. A leopard never changes its spots. It's extremely difficult to change a man unless the man wants to change himself. Only himself can fix himself. No one else can. As for me, the biggest mistake I have ever made is trusting too much. I trusted in a man who lied to me many times. Despite knowing many things he said were lies, I still chose to deceive myself and told myself to give him the benefit of doubt and trust him. In the end, after countless lies, I finally gave up trusting him. I am very happy I did.
@jinggay46 (263)
• Philippines
28 Nov 07
the biggest mistake that i did in a relationship is trying to please my partner and his parents. by doing so, on their side, i'm the best girl for him. but deep inside myself, i'm hurting because i could not speak out on what i really felt. it's like being a robot and all i could do is to follow their commands. i don't even need to think, because they will even do that for me. i don't want that kind of feeling and i know that i have already learned from it. I know that even if i am deeply in love with my guy, i should still set a limit on it. That is in order for me to still know who i really am. And if he can't accept me for being me, then i guess the relationship is not worth it.
• Philippines
28 Nov 07
my boyfriend is the type of guy that parents would actually say NO. he's a certified BADBOY. and i couldnt believe that we lasted this long in our relationship. in fact, we are really totally opposites. i was the serious, studious, focused type of girl. weve been together for two years now. and he's told me all of his past escapades. i accepted him. and ive tried changing him but i dont think it works that way. coz you cant change a person, you can just make them better persons through your inspiration. fortunately, he stopped smoking, social drinking, he's a rocker and now he plays acoustic. ahaha..weird but its really working..music kept us together..music was how we met..maybe its because he found a friend in me..instead of getting close with his rocker friends..he bonds with me..
@miryam (6507)
• Italy
27 Nov 07
20 YEARS AGO IìM MARRIAGE........ WAS A BIG ERROR INFACT 10 YEARS AGO I'M DEVORCED.SO NOW I'M ALON.......A DOG AND A NOYFRIEND, BUT WE NOT LIVE TOGHETER ONLY A WEEKEND ARE MORE EASY, SIMPLE....... MYRY
• United States
27 Nov 07
my biggest mistake - dating someone just because I didn't have anyone. It's better to stay alone until you find the right one!
• United States
27 Nov 07
I stayed wth a guy for like 3 months longer cause I was afraid to hurt him. At the time, I had bever broken up with someone before so I didnt know how to do t. So I pretended to still have feelings for him. And I hate that i did that to him.
@moneyandgc (3430)
• United States
27 Nov 07
Hmm. This one takes a little more thought! I think maybe my biggest relationship mistake was trying to control everything. It was out of paranoia. I thought that if he left my sight he was going to leave me, find someone better or do something to betray me. I controlled everything; where he went, with who, the money,when or if he got to play videogames with his friends(even at home) etc. If he didn't do what I wanted I threw a fit until he gave in. We were both miserable. I was angry all the time. He was acting out because he felt suffocated. It was bad. He ended up leaving me. He loved me but couldn't take it anymore. I think we were apart for about a month and got back together. Neither one of us dated anyone in between, it wasn't about that. He did get to come and go as he pleased, have the freedom to be himself and all that. We did lots of talking and both realized what we were doing wrong. We will be (happily) married for 3 years in February. We also have a beautiful baby girl. That month was one of the hardest in my life. But, I learned a lot about myself. I also know that if it hadn't happened we wouldn't be where we are today.
• India
27 Nov 07
Its a paradox to what you said that i would like to put here.the biggest mistake i have done is i tried to correct a girl and i had to pay heavily for it.i had loved a girl for many years and nearly for two years it was a one way affair.many of my friends told me that she was a girl of bad character,but i didnt trust them and was madly in love.finally she said she loves me and it was all heavenly pleasure for me.but all of a sudden i came to know that she was cheating me and she was having an affair with another guy.i confirmed the thing and then broke off with her.it was really painful but the incident taught me many lessons in life.i hope none would ever have to face such an experience.
@mansha (6301)
• India
27 Nov 07
I think it was a letter I wrote to my hubby after coming back from a visit to his parents house and then telling him how they bd outhed my parents. He wrote back that he doesn't believe that his parents can do something like that, may be they were just teasing me. I was very mush shocked and then he told me that I keep telling him all the stuff that hurts me, where should he go and lay his burden on. I had always thought that as a husband and wife we had to share our feelings and work as a team but I realised he doesn't want that.That letter broke our bond and it has never been the same again. Now I no longer tell him what I feel about anything and he had never shared his feelings with me ever. So we are kind of drifting apart. I think I am walking on egg shells all the time he is around. His parents have continued their abuse now their latest complaint is that I do not know how to speak to elders properly and do not know how to respect others. I had made a vow to myself that I will never reply back rudely or otherwie to his parents but I think my silence has been taken for granted and now they secure in their knowledge that their sonis with them always, keep saying things they shouldn't have ever said. I don't know where this relationship is going , ou knwo I was scared to tell him that our phone bill was 700Rs more than the usual last month whenhis parents had come to stay here. My hubby lives in oithercity and I manage alone with my two kids. When his parnets told him that they were going to visit me.I was so anxious , I kept talking to my cousine and aunt a lot to help me go throught their visit.Mya be that and plus they also made quite a few call to all their relatives from here. I was so scared to tell my hubby the aount of bill I had paid. Twice I lied to him that I have not recieved the bill yet. I am not sure why, but I think this is getting worst. I used to be socarefree and honest person but don't know whats going wrong here.I am not sure if its abuse of any kind as he has never hit me or done ctaully any harm to me. Its just that they are very critical of me and he is too worried about having enough money around. You have been though abuse, can you help me out here.
• India
27 Nov 07
Well coming back to the topic and not getting into the man vs woman discussion, the biggest mistake i have made (I have seen my pals also make) is to carry a relationship beyond its age.. We get into relationships at a age with a certain mind and ambition..with time all these parameters change and the relationship carries on..that creates rifts..the best would be for partners to adjust to the change automatically else part ways.. i have felt the pain of carrying on too long...it hurts..
@plumwish07 (4059)
• Indonesia
27 Nov 07
trying to fix the man is quite impossible things to do coz its related with their high pride and ego. i also ever be the same place like you dear. but then when i read the book from John Grays (Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus), i realized my mistake. why we trying to fix them, it also coming from our basic personality too. the best way in having relationship is realizing each other that our partner is different with us. when you able to accept his weakness (not to try to improve it-i know its difficult to do coz we tend to fix unright thing :D ), he will try to change himself for us :)
@marinarovi (1318)
• Argentina
27 Nov 07
Mine was a relationship ending mistake. Since I know people can't be changed, I convinced myself that the things I couldn't change about him didn't bother me that much. After 5 years, I realised they did bother me, a lot, and I didn't want that for my life, but I keep thinking I lost time and effort in that relationship... =(