Monday Was My First Therapy Session

My Sister's Oldest - This is a picture of my nineteen year old niece who was neglected by her real and stepfather, She is now with a 45 year old and planning to have his baby.
@Rozie37 (15505)
Turkmenistan
November 28, 2007 2:01am CST
It was not what I thought it would be or even wanted it to be. After we finished doing the treatment plan, we ended up talking about my sister and her mess for the rest of the session. I had simply wanted help in letting go of the situation like people are able to do. When something bad happens, it stays with me and I am barely able to function. She asked for details of what I was talking about. I tried to discourage her by telling her it was a long story, but that did not work. Have way through, she told me that she was going to check to see if she is obligated by law to report any of the things to child welfare. Then she started wanting me to give her permission to do it. I had to do this once before, when the kids were being severely neglected. None of my family members stood behind me, but the call caused a world of difference in the home. I know, because I was living there at the time. I didn't give her permission, but told her that I would think about it. She said that I had 72 hours to decide. Through the whole session, I was fighting back tears. I fought back tears, until I got home and got my friends together. When I told them what happened, they all agreed that I should talk to my other sister and see what she thinks about everything. My sister made certain that I knew that the family did not approve of me doing this last time and they would be even more upset if I did it again. My sister says that I would be like the worst person in the world. Far be it for me to want to take that title from my brother-in-law. She says that my sister is going to have to get fed up. The only thing that he has not done, that I know of, is beat the crap out of her. So, I guess/hope she will be fed up after that. So I am taking her advice and I prayed this morning for God to give me peace with this situation. I do not want to lose myself over my sister's problems. That is her husband, and although I love them, those are her kids, and she is the one who will have to see to the saftey of herself and them. 11/27/07
8 people like this
14 responses
• Malaysia
28 Nov 07
Hi rozie, sorry to say this...but I think you should try not to get involved with your sister's marriage n family. Sometimes we hv to be 'bad' to be good. I understand you love your sister n all your nephews n nieces very much. M sure they know what they are doing. Its their life, so let them be. You hv already spoken your views. If they need your advise they will come to you. Tht way, they would appreciate n love you more. Just be their confidante. Maybe it is only your perception tht your sister n family shd not live their life tht way. It is only your perception. They are OK with how they live their life. You must learn to accept it. If you truly love them, you must learn to accept the way they are. Not try to change them when they do not want to change. Instead of wasting your time in other people's life, how bout starting your own? Do some voluntary work maybe? There are many people in this world who needs help. Any kind of help tht you can offer. You'll get more blessings by helping others. Good luck my friend.
5 people like this
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
29 Nov 07
I have no problem with the way that they live their lives. I just don't want to keep hearing the same crap year after year. Maybe, it is normal for them, but not for me and all I can do is worry and I am sick of that.
1 person likes this
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
28 Nov 07
Hi Rozie dear friend! This is very sad and i know how much heavy the burden to bear. You love your family so much and in loving them you silently suffer for their pain and sufferings because you were not supposed to do anything. It is very hard just to watch when you know deep in your heart you can do something but as your other sister had said, your family will not approve of your action of reporting it. Let them decide for their own lives and though it is painful for you but you have to always remember that we can only do as much to people we love. It is their lives they are leading and let them decide for themselves however wrong it may be, they have their own reasons however it may not seem clear to you, let them learn their own lessons and with those lessons learned, someday they will become wiser and stronger. Just my thoughts dear and i hope and pray that you will the hand of God caring for you at this time of suffering in your heart. God bless your kind heart.
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
29 Nov 07
I do not mind them handling their own problems. The only problem that I have is that my sister keeps saying on telling me the same crap year after year and it only gets worse. I do not know how to tell her in a nice way that I do not want to hear it anymore. If it were not for her telling me things, I would think that everything is fine. When I go over there, everything appears to be fine, until she starts talking. I am not like her, I do not have the patience to deal with the same troubling situation year after year. I hope I am never in a situation where I feel that trapped.
1 person likes this
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
28 Nov 07
That is true Rosie as sad as it all sounds. Your sister needs to wake up and realize that she can't keep living this life because of her husband and hopefully God willing she will do something. You are right praying for them all is the best thing. I'm not the biggist christian but I do belive in God and in jesus and in prayers.
@lilaclady (28270)
• Australia
28 Nov 07
It is not a wise thing to get caught up in someones elses life, because you can come out looking good or you can come out looking the worst in the world, people tend to see things in different ways, I hope things work out for you all, all you can really do is be there...
28 Nov 07
I don't think anyone really knows what to expect when you attend a therapy session for the first time - I mean, not only is it different for every person, but it still remains a subject which is never REALLY spoken about, even now. I don't think anyone ever likes their therapy sessions, and for most people, I think, it's a very draining process, and it CAN seem as if you're not talking about any of issues, but you usually find what you're talking about does fit in SOMEWHERE. I think you've made the right decision, however, in not intervening in your sister's situation. You can try every which way to get help for your sister, and her kids, but until SHE realizes that her current situation is a problem, and makes a conscious effort to get out of it, nothing's going to change.
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
29 Nov 07
She already knows that it is a problem. But, all she seems to want to do is talk about it and I am tired of hearing about it.
@beauty_ph (2752)
• Philippines
28 Nov 07
I pray for the gift of wisdom for you, your sister and her family, as well as your family. I know how hard it is to handle things like these. We can only pray so that we can survive every storm we encounter in this lifetime. I do believe you all can surpass this trial.
@anniepa (27162)
• United States
28 Nov 07
It's always a tough choice to make to give information about someone else that may be reported. I think the best you can do is be there for your sister if she needs your help or advice and hope she eventually "gets fed up" as you said. Hopefully that will come sooner rather than later. Meanwhile, do what you must to take care of yourself. If you feel therapy will be useful for you then, by all means, continue with it. You already know the other thing to do, and that's to pray for help and guidance. You're always in my prayers too, Rozie, if that's any comfort. Blessings and hugs to you! Annie
2 people like this
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
29 Nov 07
I am fed up with the situation and I do not want to be there for her any more. I can't take no more of her dramatic life. I have my own problems.
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25557)
• United States
28 Nov 07
Sound you you have some problems, I can't tell you what to do about you and your family, I know that you are a spritual person, I sugess that you pray on this situation. Prayer do helps.
@maddysmommy (16243)
• United States
6 Dec 07
I really don't know what to say Rozie. I think you are a wonderful person to want to help your sister and the fact that you care so much for her especially the children, is all the more reason to go ahead and report the abuse and sorts that is going on, however, if you did, it will or might pull your sister and her family further away from you. The way I see it is how long is your sister going to put up with all of the abuse her and her children are suffering from? Sometimes they can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and feel that if they stay in this kind of relationship it might get better, but from what you see on the outside, its not going to be better. I think your sister is crying out for help!! that's the way I see it when I have read your last few discussions about her and her children. I would probably try and talk to her one more time and see how she feels if you reported this abuse to child welfare. If she absolutely refuses then let it be but do let her know how much you love her and her children and that you are only a phone call away. I would also say that if anything happens again that that is the last straw and then you're reporting him. Well thats what I might do. Your in my thoughts and prayers Rozie :) HUGS
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
6 Dec 07
Thank you so much for your input. I really value your opinion. You are not the first one to tell me that she is crying out for help. She knows that she can count on me to do the right thing for her. The thing about it is, when I told my other sister how I felt and she talked to her. The one that is in trouble was suppose to call me and reassure me that everything was alright, but she never did. I believe that I will call her today. Thank you so much.
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16243)
• United States
8 Dec 07
I hope you do call her Rozie and get her to talk to you openly and honestly. Keep us in the loop ok? Hugs again!
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Nov 07
I am so confused for what you are telling me . . . now may I ask "how did this session (first or not) truly help you IF all you want to do is remove it from your consciousness, am I correct in that conclusion ? See your example: being rather bullied by the professional staff that is supposed to be assisting is making things worse, is why I never got licensed in any state to push some stupid rules on a family that simply needs cohesive communicative therapy not social services !!!! These darn therapists specializing in behavioral science throw everything out the window when their license to practice state-mandated rules NOT THEIR OWN IN BEST INTEREST OF THE PATIENT and the client is failed, miserably. I feel so bad for your first session to have gone so intrusively, your privacy nor respect for your situation was held in higher regard than upholding some govt standard. UH-oh child endangerment get social services in to split the family up INSTEAD OF finding why there is violent or hostile or uncomfortable practices being tolerated. The details of your situation have me thinking I should do something, but what ? sharing the light, Miss Erica Hidvegi, the Enlightenment Advisor, B.A. Psych/M.A. Transpersonal Studies- Cnslng/Author, Artist, Photographer, Entrepreneur & Freelance extraordinaire
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
29 Nov 07
You have to read my earlier post to find out what is going on at my sisters house. The child always comes first and there are six of them in danger.
• United States
30 Nov 07
Ok, I read it and yes your situation is not less tougher. I understand the children (in many families are the priority--That is very good); however, you must be strong enough in yourself, in your own family, in your husband's faith that maybe this is not the right thing to do and other considerations are not that incorrect, for everyone's sake. Just trying to help and have sent good vibe blessings your way, either way . . . Happy Holidays
1 person likes this
@tess1960 (2387)
• United States
29 Nov 07
Please do not give up on the therapy. From experience I can tell you that the therapist will take a direction that you do not seem to agree with or understand and in the end the therapist finds the problem or finds the way to help you. You are a good and caring person to be so troubled by your sisters troubles. This I would say to you, the safety and welfare of your sisters children MUST be more important to you than being a good guy or a bad guy in the family. It is possible even if you do not give your thearpist permission she may contact the authorities with a notice of children possibly in need of care. Don't beat yourself up over this. As you said, it helped before. Next session explain to your therapist that you are there to learn how to let go of other peoples problems or to learn how to put them into perspective. Explain that you want to be able to set aside worry for another when you need to such as at work. Ask the therapist to promise you that this will be his/her goal for you during the sessions. If not you will need to ask for another therapist. Good luck dear, I have been in a similar situation, you will learn to be able to handle these things. I once paid for a friend to have a therapy session and she continued on her own. Your sister is using you as a therapist, help her to find another if necessary.
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
30 Nov 07
I will not quit therapy. I have Borderline Personality Disorder and most people refuse to treat me. It took two years for me to find a therapist willing to work with me.
• United States
28 Nov 07
If this was your first session, you probably didn't know the procedures, depending on your threapist they may report child endangerment, this might not be good for the children because they want to be with their mother. I think your sister will get out of the situation but it wouldn't be soon, she needs to prepare, finaces, plan for the escape, how to get help from Women's shelter. The actions by the state will take a long time, they move slowly. Petition the Lord with prayer,this is the only thing you can do, your sister must make some hard decisions. You can only be a support group with your family, your sister will need a lot od support, changes like this are overwelming. Don't be surprise if your sister returns back to her spouse, this is common, it may happen more than 5 times, women's shelter have seen women return to the abuser again. Some times women feel that no one would want them and their children, this is a misconception, there are many women in the similar situation, the question is are you fed up enough to make a change? Because there are people out there who want to help, you need to ask for help, once you realise that the situation is out of your hands, you let go, and God will take over.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
29 Nov 07
I have to be honest here. I am tired of talking about it, hearing about it, and praying about it. You see, I lived with them for a total of about four years. It drove me crazy. I have another sister who is older and she is just going to have to start talking to her about her issue, because I don't want to hear it any more.
• Philippines
4 Jan 08
you should be honest to your sister...anywayz in God's time everthing will be fine..just always pray for her.
1 person likes this
• Australia
29 Nov 07
If there are children involved, then you need to do it for them. You don't have to give your name when making a report. Your sister has to see that what he is doing to her is harming the children too. You see, the watch and hear what is going on and they will think it is normal and acceptable behaviour. The cycle needs to be broken now. Don't do it for your sister, do it for her kids!
1 person likes this