My child wants to fall asleep with us

@makingpots (11922)
United States
December 1, 2007 4:35am CST
Do you make your child go to sleep each night in their own bed? My child likes to remain with us in the family room and fall asleep leaning against one of us. Then when we go to bed we move him to his own bed. While I understand the importance of routine and having a standard bedtime, etc. sometimes I feel that the comfort he derives from laying next to us while he goes to sleep is important too. Have you had a similar issue with your child? Do you have an opinion?
8 people like this
16 responses
@3lilangels (4639)
• United States
1 Dec 07
my babies love to snuggle up with me and what i will do is read them a book and once they start to get really tired i take them into their bed and i will continue the story there so they know that they have to sleep in their own beds.i love when they sleep on me and it's just so comforting but i don't want them getting use to it because then they won't want to sleep in their bed and always be with mommy and daddy which can turn into problems later on.pattie
3 people like this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
1 Dec 07
so far we are lucky that he is okay sleeping in his own bed. he just wants to fall asleep wherever we are and then we take him to his bed later.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Dec 07
Hello makingpots, Letting him fall asleep there is only going to have him conditioned to do that. Don't you want him able to fall asleep in his bed? He should find comfort there too or he might not ever go to sleep in this manner, or it will make it hard to adjust when he needs too. I think it runs a close race with letting a child sleep in the parents bed. Or letting a child suck it's thumb beyond those oral phases of childhood. I went to school with a girl that sucked her thumb up until graduation day in High Shcool. One night ask him to go to bed instead of falling asleep on the couch, if he doesn't react and goes to his room, then maybe it's fine. But if he does react, and say he doesn't want to go, maybe that's a sign that it's not good for him. Something you would have to decide. Cheers! Bay Lay Gray xx
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
1 Dec 07
Thanks, you make a good point. We are still in the safe zone. Anytime we ask if he is ready for bed he always says yes and goes. He likes his bed and he likes the fuss we make over bed time (kisses goodnight, sweet dreams, stories etc). My husband and I joke that he is just being very consider and not wanting to interupt us when we are watching TV. Honestly, I might enjoy the cuddle time a little much. Thanks for the reminders that I need to pay attention to the timeing of it all.
2 people like this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
1 Dec 07
ooops.... I meant he is just being very "considerate" typo
2 people like this
• United States
1 Dec 07
Oh thank you, I was hoping you didn't think I sounded know it all or anything! I just know that bedtime is a touchy time for kids, they feel tired but some are afraid they are going to miss out on something and fight it. You were right though, a schedule is very important for a child. So many parents don't realize this and just wing it. Consistency is really important too. Good that he doesn't put up a fuss for you. Sounds like your doing a great job with your little gentleman!! HEHE Bay xx
2 Dec 07
It is actually very important for the child to sleep in his home room. As parents I'm sure it works really well.. but it actually causes a cycle to evolve making the child more dependent on you. One thing you need to teach your children is how to do things on their own. By letting them fall asleep with you they become more dependent.
2 people like this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
2 Dec 07
Right now my little guy is three years old. He is in that - I can do it BY MYSELF stage. Very independent. We encourage his independence at every turn. Even when it takes him about three times as long to do some things without our help. He is so proud of himself when he finally gets it that I would never think of taking that from him. We move him into his room when we go to bed. Or sometimes he wakes up and asks to go to bed now. Thanks for your input. I agree that raising independent children is an important thing.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (110067)
• United States
1 Dec 07
My opinion is that if it is working for your family, it is a really nice thing. Others would disagree. I imagine there will come a time when it does not work for your family any more, but you should all enjoy this close comfortable time together as long as you can.
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
1 Dec 07
Those are almost exactly my husbands words, Gerty. We do indeed enjoy the closeness. We also know that school and other schedule changes will prevent it from lasting much longer.
1 person likes this
@Debs_place (10524)
• United States
1 Dec 07
That sounds real nice, but what are you going to do when there is company over, or things are going on and your child can't fall asleep in bed or without you. My son had a bed time routine from the time he was little. And up until hockey practice caused a bed time problem(he got home late), he knew. 7:30 PM was bedtime. He had gone to bathroom, teeth were brushed etc. When I got into his room, what ever books he wanted me to read were in his hand and he was in bed. Sometimes it was a storybook, sometimes it was soccer rules or zoo animals (he was a strange child). Anyway, he had 1/2 hour time to be read too, then it was lights out. He had a small light in his room that stayed on and he could look at books or whatever, but had to stay in bed. By the time he was 7 or 8, he brought the books to me in living room or family room to read. At 9, he still went to bed at 7:30, but started looking at the books on his home, he still was not reading. By 10, his bedtime went to 8:30 and the reading was optional. Sometimes it was a school book. Your child should learn to fall asleep in his own bed.
2 people like this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
1 Dec 07
I know you are right. At least once a week he does fall asleep on his own... and always on the weekend. He enjoys the bedtime routine. What throws us off a little, and is causing the lenientcy on our part is daddy getting home around 7 each night. Instead of a set bed time we base it more on the amount of time he has had with daddy. He is still only 3 and I know as he gets closer to school age a firm bedtime will be a must. Thanks for your input.
1 person likes this
@byfaithonly (10716)
• United States
1 Dec 07
I agree, the time and closeness is very important but just wait until he's 16 and sleeping on your sofa every night because you can no longer carry him to his bed :( Yep I made that mistake and am still paying for it. My suggestion would be to go to his room with him, maybe have a special story time or something so your with him but he's already in bed. I did that with my older children and now they make fun of my youngest because he can't seem to fall asleep in bed - he has to sleep in front of the TV.
2 people like this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
1 Dec 07
Good point, Faith. I had not thought about it lasting quite that long. We do have a routine of sharing a special story each night..... sometimes in his bed, sometimes on the couch. Often he will wake up and say "I'm sleepy mommy" after being cuddle with us on the couch for a while. That usually translates to I'm ready to be in bed now and he never gives us trouble. It is all kind of sweet and I enjoy the time.... but I hear you loud and clear. I don't need to form bad habits. thanks
1 person likes this
@sephrenia (567)
1 Dec 07
Up until my two kids hit the grand old age of 5, I always let them fall asleep either on the bed next to us or on the settee. I always believed that the bond that comes from a bit of quiet time together was worth any inconvenience to me. Once they hit 5 though (my son turned 5 in may) I started training them to fall asleep in their own beds. I just sat with them and read them a story until they fell asleep or sometimes I'll watch a disney movie with them till their eyes give in and close on them regardless. It's annoying for a while to be sure but it does get them used to the idea of falling asleep in their own bed and after a while it becomes automatic for them so you can tuck them up as you normally would and then dim the lights and within half an hour they're asleep. Maybe that could work for you?
2 people like this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
1 Dec 07
I like the ideas very much. thanks sephrenia.
2 people like this
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
2 Dec 07
Hi makingpots! My husband and i don't have children but we surely wish we could have one. However, i do agree with you that despite of all the importance of having a routine and having standard bedtime, the comfort and security the child feels is also important in my own point of view. Whenever we have our nieces and nephews sleeping over, they always cuddle up with us in our bed and we let them and we just bring them to the guest room when they are sound asleep. However, the youngest always wakes up when we do and he cries so we just ended up letting him sleep beside us all night. I guess, it is alright because in their house they do sleep in their own beds. Take care and have a nice day. :)
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
2 Dec 07
I feel for you, my friend. My husband and I spent many years believing we would never have children. I was 38 when we conceived our first child. Thank you for your input. Your neices and nephews are lucky to have you.
2 people like this
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
2 Dec 07
Hi makingpots! Thank you for the kind words, really appreciate it. Take care and have a nice day my friend. :)
1 person likes this
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
2 Dec 07
I don't see a problem with it myself. I don't have kids but my best friend and her husband have 2 one just turned 7 and the youngest is 5 and they both sleep with their parents.My sister also has a 5 year old and a 2 year old thay both sleep with momma and daddy.I think they might move them after they fall asleep I am not sure.I think it is the comfort of having their mother or father makes them feel more safer. I'm not really sure though.
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
2 Dec 07
We do all enjoy the closeness we get out of cuddling together. When I hear friends tell me they put their kids to bed at 7:00, sometimes I think that would just never work for us. Some nights my husband does not even get home until 7:00 - he would get no quality time at all. I think that would be hard on both of them. Thanks for your input.
1 person likes this
@moneyandgc (3430)
• United States
2 Dec 07
My youngest will be 19 months old in a couple of days. She has slept in the middle between my husband and I since she left the NICU at a week old. I am ready for her to sleep somewhere else. The problem for me is that she wants to nurse all night long and I get no sleep. I am not a pacifier. We tried putting her to bed on her own once. She screamed for about 10 minutes and we brought her back in our bed. My husband is all for keeping her in our bed. He is afraid she will get scared. I think he needs her to be there as much as she needs to be there now. She has slept pressed up against daddy since she was born. She is our last baby and daddy's little princess.
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
2 Dec 07
Awww, daddy's little princess. Sleep issues are a very sensitive thing, I know. It needs to work well for the whole family. Thanks for your input.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12071)
• India
18 Dec 07
My older son would sleep in his own bed in his own room since he was 1.5 years old. But suddenly one day when he was 5, my husband decided that he was too young to be sleeping alone and got him into our room. I tried arguing with him about his crazy idea...but it didn't work...now he's 7 and still with us and we have a 1 year old baby too. Just yesterday, when I brought up the topic again, my husband agrees that he made a mistake and we have to get our son to sleep in his own room. But that's going to be tough now. As far as your situation goes, I don't see anything wrong in it. You have to provide the comfort for kids who need it. And you are the best judge of your situation. But I would suggest that you put him to bed in his room with both of you (husband and you) taking turns in tucking him in...maybe you can be with him till he falls asleep.
@maddysmommy (16233)
• United States
6 Dec 07
My son has always slept with us up until the age of 4. Now and then he still does if its really cold or if he isn't feeling well. My husband is usually the one that sleeps in his bed when he is sick LOL Now that he is five and going to kindergarten, I put my son to bed everynight between 7.30pm-8.30pm and after reading a few books, I lay down with him or if he is on the top bunk bed, then I lay down on the bottom. As soon as he is asleep I slip away to my own bed LOL His room is on the other side of the lounge and it seems so far away from our bedroom, hence the reason why he wants me to lay down with him until he falls asleep.
@lucky_witch (2711)
• Philippines
2 Dec 07
The same with my daughter. She wants to stay with us in the bed. My daughter is just 3 years old. And I believe taht its normal to the kids to want to stay with their parents when they are young. In the family they wants to belong. They want to know that they are part of the family. As they grow old and establish the security of the family... they will be more independent. It just take time.
@subha12 (18452)
• India
2 Dec 07
i think children like to sleep with their parents most of the time. Upto a certain age it is good that i think. It also helps to strengthen the bond. You have to teach him slowly that as he is growing up, he need to sleep on his own bed.
@makatas (1101)
• Greece
2 Dec 07
Im not a father myself. I understand though that at young ages its nice to sleep with your kid.Slowly though you should try to change things, at age of 4 or 5 its maybe a little bit too late for this...There are ways to try to make kid understand that he has a room of his own, his own personal space, where everything is his. this way he will be accustomed to sleeping in his own personal space, especially if you help him the first days by reading fairytales and such.
@garnet80 (354)
• Australia
2 Dec 07
My son likes to fall asleep in my bed and then when I go to bed I pick him up and put him in his own bed. Sometimes he's willing to sleep in his own bed straight off which I love. I know I should just put him to bed in his own bed but it's so much easier to let him go in my bed. I think he feels more comforted knowing he's in my bed and goes to sleep a lot quicker.