Has Anyone Started Life On Their Own after 55, And How Did You Do It?

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Since I have been a member here (over a year), I have told you all that I have been in the same relationship for almost 25 years. December 23 is when it will be 25 years. Usually after I say almost 25 years, I add (and I think it will last). I add that because it is a lesbian relationship and most people have the misconception that GLBT relationships have no lasting power to them. Now I am coming to you (I wish I had tears in my eyes - it would feel so darned good to cry, but antidepressants prevent the tears from falling) and pouring out my soul. My friends know that I was a mental health professional. They also know that I was in physically and sexually abusive marriages before I met my present day partner. I have also worked as well as volunteered at at Domestic Crisis Intervention Shelter. I can't begin to tell you how many times the phrase, "There is no such thing as a little abuse!", has come out of my mouth; as well as, "Verbal abuse is ABUSE! Emotional abuse is ABUSE! ABUSE IS ABUSE IS ABUSE IS ABUSE!" I would start the chant, get the first woman in the circle to stand, hold my hand, chant with me and then reach for the woman's hand next to her, until the entire circle of women were chanting. They all felt so energized and empowered after that. When did I lose sight of this? When did I allow myself to think that I am second rate? Was it when I became disabled and could no longer bring home a pay check? Maybe. I don't think so, though. Things in my relationship have not been going well for quite some time and I have been thinking of leaving. My biggest decision to make was when to actually make the break and how to tell her without hurting her feelings. When we first got together the only thing that I asked for was "fair fighting" rules and the only one of those was that she never "threaten" to leave unless she really meant it. She has never honored that rule. Although I am only now involving my children (ages 35-41), and only because I need their help, I am taking stock and looking back over the past 25 years. I realize that I have simply chosen to overlook the emotional abuse (her overriding my decisions regarding the children, her telling me what tv shows we would or would not be watching, her telling me where I would or would not be working, her telling me who would or would not be my friends, her telling me on and on and on - I think you can see the pattern here). I have chosen to overlook the verbal abuse (after being diagnosed with fibromyalgia and being in bed for several months propped in pillows) "what are you, about 200# now?", "is supper really supposed to taste like this?", "do you think your hair looks good that way?" Then a few months back I realized how bad it was when she was telling me about a friend at work that she was discussion the loss of our son with. It came out in our conversation that he was not aware that she was in a relationship with another woman because he would never be a friend to her if that was the case. She has been to his house, is friends with his wife and his children. When I asked her who they thought the other parent of MY son was since they could not know of my existence she faltered....I pressed...she faltered...I insisted. I demanded that she tell me who the other parent of the children and grandchildren that she discussed at work was. She finally told me that everyone thinks she has adopted them. That was the end of the relationship for me. I have been more than willing to give this "butch" woman who never wanted to bare children herself, my children to share; and she stole them from me. I don't even know if there is an Abuse title for that. Last evening as I was making supper she spoke to me in a very disrespectful tone of voice and I was at my total end. I asked her if she could name me 2 other people that she would use that tone of voice with. At this point, yes, I will admit, I was goading it on when I shortened it and said I would settle for 1 other person she would talk to like that. She told me that when my daughter from Indiana comes in for Christmas she thinks that I should go home with her for a couple of weeks so we can have a "cooling off" time. I was already planning on moving in with that daughter as soon as possible and I told her that if I went it was not going to be for cooling off, it was to be for good. Last night that was fine with her. Tonight she came home from work and pretends as though all is wonderful and that we should just forget last night ever happened. Obviously I am not going to do that. I have forgotten last night for 25 years and am not forgetting this time. My question is has anyone else started over at my age or even close to my age (in February 60)? If so, what do you recommend? I would love to live in a Senior Building but my children are so set against that. The daughter in Indiana and her 17 year old daughter really want me to be with them and I know that my disability income will help out in their household. But, I am so afraid that after awhile they will tire of me. Please, has anyone done this? Has it worked? Thank you so much ~Donna