Do you punish someone else's child?

United States
December 7, 2007 6:08am CST
If your friend's son hits your daughter and calls out four letter words, what would you do? If he starts kicking you and throwing your stuff around what would you do? What if he starts to play with your mechanical/electronical things like TV, fireplace, Computer, DVD player (he turns them on and shuts it off)? Your friend (the mother) left to go do a quick errand and left him in your care what would you do?
4 people like this
17 responses
@Celanith (2334)
• United States
8 Dec 07
In most states the law provides you the right to discipline any child left in your care even for a few minutes. The behavior depends on the childs actions and willingness to obey. Talking to some children a good scolding gets results and telling them how ashamed you are and how ashamed the parents will be. But time out might be better. However in my many years as a parent, foster parent and grandparent I have seen cases where the ONLY thing that works is a firm hard swat on the bottom one or two and yes the law does allow for that. All children need to know that no matter where they are that they must respect other people, their belongings, homes and property and their authority. If a child does not learn this early on he/she will learn it later in detention and juvenile court. My rule is if you don't want me to discpline your child find someone else to leave them with because my house, my rules, my way is what goes around here and that includes whopping on the bottom if called for especially when the child is being destructive or causing harm to himself or others.
• United States
8 Dec 07
I don't believe that is allow in CA. That is called child abuse if we laid a hand on the kids. There are stories about teachers who hit students because they were bad and the teachers are the one who got punish for doing so...
1 person likes this
@Celanith (2334)
• United States
8 Dec 07
Washington State does allow it
• United States
8 Dec 07
Oh okay....I didn't know but over here it doesn't :(
@tiffiny (872)
• United States
7 Dec 07
If the kids' parents don't step up after I've told them what happens then yes I do punish the other kid. But if I know the parent and kid really well I don't really feel all that bad impossing the same punishment they do for the same situation.
• United States
8 Dec 07
That's the thing I know that his parents spoil him and that they won't punish him. So, if I did that would be crossing the line. His own parents won't who am I to do it? I don't like his behavior and I let his parents know as well as him but what and how they take and learn from this is up to them....
@tiffiny (872)
• United States
8 Dec 07
If they didn't step up and do what's right in your eyes then take matters into your own hands. I mean you can't beat em even though you would like to. But the other day I was watching my friends daughter and she was throwing a fit. If my friend was there then the little girl would have gotten away with it but it's my house I'm in charge throwing fits means standing in the corner after being told to stop. End of story.
• United States
12 Dec 07
Yup that is what I did. I just put him in the corner but the whole time he kept jumping out of the corner and attacking me though until my hubby came home then he stop.
@Sillychick (3279)
• United States
7 Dec 07
I would discipline the child, let him know what he is doing is not ok. If his mother was coming right back I would maybe give him quiet activities to do sitting at the table until she gets back, and let her decide how to handle it. If she was going to be a while, I would probably give him a time out, depending on the age. I would absolutely Not let it go. There is no benefit for anyone in ignoring bad behavior just because the child isn't yours. If my son was visiting a friend's house, I hope that his friend's parents would discipline him for that type of behavior- within reason, of course.
• United States
7 Dec 07
I didn't think it was my right to cross the line in disciplining others' children. I put him in the corner but other than that I couldn't really do anything. He just yelled and screamed for about 5 minutes till my friend got back. I called her and asked her to drop everything and come back asap because I couldn't handle her child...
• United States
7 Dec 07
Well, there are certainly times when it is not appropriate to discipline other people's children. But the behaviors you described are very destructive and can't wait until later or tomorrow to be dealt with. Hitting, playing with appliances and cursing are dangerous behaviors. I would explain to the child that in This house those behaviors are Absolutely Not acceptable. Simply removing him from the situation and letting her decide on punishment a few minutes later seems appropriate. But as I said, if she were not coming back right away, I would have consequences for him.
• United States
8 Dec 07
Yeah I was so piss, I didn't know what to do. My hubby said that he should be disciplined but then I was sure that his parents would be upset so I didn't. I let them do it...
@peni88 (469)
• United States
11 Dec 07
it is long standing understanding between me and my friends that we punish each others kids if they need it. im not saying that we beat each others kids, but depending on their ages sometimes its putting them in a corner or taking away a favorite toy etc....
• United States
12 Dec 07
Yeah, I turned off the TV he didn't care. I put him in the corner but he kept on getting out of the corner and kicking me when I ask him to go back to the corner....
@gloria777 (1678)
• India
11 Dec 07
I will control him with my gestures and take him out from my room or so.
• United States
11 Dec 07
Thank you for your response...
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
8 Dec 07
I absolutely would, do and always have..MIND YOU my friends AND their children know thats how I work and my friends have no problem with it at all...I've actually had numerous friends over the yrs who would call me to scold their kids for them etc simply because the kids all seem to listen to me...Its kinda wierd really or it use to be at least..its been goin on for so long now though I'm use to it at this point LOL I also have rules in my house and I demand that they be followed..I'll give a kid one chance/one warning (sometimes two depending) but after that they're fair game so to speak
• United States
9 Dec 07
LOL...It's great that you can implement it but I can't see myself doing something like that...most of the kids love and adore me because I too act like a kid and play with them and they did not act up with me just this kid...then again he is one in many....thanks for the comment.........
@jothis (519)
• India
8 Dec 07
Punishing other person's child some time leads to huge problems. So be very careful in this deed.
• United States
8 Dec 07
I am very careful, I don't lay a hand on anyone's child. What fellow mylotters are saying is that this boy needs to be hit though because his real bad like a child from hell...but as far as taken it out no I don't believe it is that easy to punish a child so small...at least not in that manner...but hmm maybe he does need some spanking though..............
@Omabunga (92)
• Philippines
8 Dec 07
No! But I talk to the child if the mother or father is doing nothing to discipline him/her. We want to retaliate on what is being done to our kids, but it is not our responsibility to discipline other's kids.
• United States
8 Dec 07
Yeah our hands are pretty tied up...Nothing you can do exactly to discipline him...that's up to his folks and I did my part already...Just I don't understand how parents would excuse their own child from being bad...If he was my own it will be a totally different story...
8 Dec 07
i'll treat him as my own children.(i don't have a child yet)if he hits my child then i would tell him what he has done is not a good behavior.i'll teach him how to be friendly to the persons around before his mother come back.
• United States
8 Dec 07
Yeah, but this child don't listen that's all. It's hard to teach someone who's hitting and kicking you...Hard when it's not your child too...
@altari (23)
• United States
7 Dec 07
Depends on who it is. If it were my best friend's child or one of my cousins - I'd give them a swat on the butt it they deserved it. =) I have reprimanded other women's children before. I remember one case in which my kids were looking at this gross, huge bug on the side walk. This little boy came up and looked. I said "Don't step on him, he's not doing anything." The little **** did it anyway, and my kids started crying. I scolded him, quite loudly, about how it's mean to kill things that aren't hurting you, and that he made my daughters cry, and it was terribly naughty of him to do it. Other women around seemed taken aback, but his mother (who had 5 younger ones in tow) walked up, smacked his butt, then apologized profusely and thanked me for giving him whatfor right away. She said that some things just can't wait to be dealt with and was glad he'd been reprimanded right away. I also chewed out a 7 year old once when I worked at RadioShack, but that's a totally different (and hilarious) story.
• United States
8 Dec 07
LOL, good job...But as far as this situation, I know my friend would be upset if I punish her kid. I would be upset to if someone laid a hand on my kid. I would have them discipline them but not by hitting them because I myself is against that...but then again if my child behave like this kid from hell I wouldn't mind if they spank them ....
• Ireland
7 Dec 07
I would never punish someones child, i would however calmly explain that it is wrong and ask the child to stop. if he was kicking me i would walk away and get him a lolly pop or something to calm him down, or tell him im going to tell his mother/father - that usually works
• United States
8 Dec 07
NO way that is awarding him for his bad behavior. I would not do that either. I want him to know what he is doing is bad and he will not be awarded but he is going to be band from my home and he can't play or watch tv or play games or anything all he can do is sit in the corner facing the wall. He kept kicking me till my hubby got home but he rushed home to save me so I was okay, then I went to explain to my own children that that is not acceptable...I reward good behavior and I punish bad...so that they know that moral and ethics is what guides them though life...
• United States
7 Dec 07
I'd discipline him, let him know what he did wrong and then send him home and call his parent(s) and let them know why he got sent home. I wouldn't put up with that in my house. Kids learn by coyping and the last thing I'd need is one of my kids, if I had any, mocking their friend's bad behavior.
• United States
8 Dec 07
Yeah that is why I had my hubby watch him sit in the corner for a time out, while I took my children into another room to explain to them that that is not acceptable in any means and that his behavior is of an animal that no one will like him in that way. People don't treat one another like that or else they will be left along or be in jailed in the future...put some scare into the kids so they won't copy him...
• United States
7 Dec 07
You should have the right to punish another person's child IF they do something to you. My family (other then me,) Tend to think, "leave it up to their Parents!" No, thats totally wrong. You see, if your child were hit, you have every right too punish them, and if the mother is unhappy, she should remember that he was breaking rules in your household. But thats just my opinion.
• United States
8 Dec 07
That is true. I just didn't feel comfortable in disciplining him thats all. He was not just hitting on my child he was kicking me too...I called my hubby right after I call the mother...My hubby got home and said he wanted to whoop him but I said no. He didn't dare to do a thing with my hubby around though...
• United States
7 Dec 07
Time out is the best response. However it isn't always met with the best of results. Often it is met with anger, additional fits. There are just so many issues when it comes to other peoples kids. It seems that the world has gotten all uptight about punishment and a result no one punishes their kids let alone other kids. There was a time when pack theory was how people lived (like wolves). All the adults helped out with all the cubs. The cubs grew up respecting adults and the knowledge they offered. We don't do that now. It is always a hard call. I baby sat a lot of kids in my teenage years. That was the only job I had. It happened that my pastor called upon my services to babysit his three grandchildren one afternoon. It was a horrible situation. The boys were climbing on the furniture, cussing me out, and physically hitting me. They wouldn't do a time out. Then they started eating the plastic grapes (we were at grandma and grandpas), they were throwing books and shoes. I suggested we go outside hoping for a distraction. They climbed in the kiddie pool with all their clothes and shoes on, they threw mud at each other and me. Then one of them started chasing the other while swinging a metal rod. He was really trying to hit the kid! Finally grandma and the mom arrived home. I was so relieved. On the drive home the mom was talking to me about people complaining about her kids and their behavior. She was like, "They are just little boys, they aren't badly behaved." I was wondering if she thought that when they called HER the b word. I didn't say a word, I climbed out, and they were the only kids I ever refused to babysit.
• United States
8 Dec 07
Yup, then you know exactly what I mean. The nerve of her telling me that boys will be boys... My gosh I would not accept that from any kids boy or girl. Doesn't mean that just because they are boys they get to be bad and behave like animals...These are behaviors of animals and should be treated like animals then geese...but what I am saying is that she should correct this behavior or else she will feel the burn later on in life....
@sid556 (31000)
• United States
7 Dec 07
I would have that child sitting in a chair and waiting for his mom. I would then leave the actual discipline to the parent. I would not allow the child to continue to disrespect me or my things in that way but I would don't feel it is my right to go any further with discipline than that. If the behavior was common with this child, I may think twice about watching him again.
• United States
8 Dec 07
Yeah that is exactly what I did. I sat him in the corner to wait for his mum to get back. During the whole time he kept on trying to get out but I told him his mother was outside so he stays put. He plays like an angel in front of his mom. What gets me is that she called me tonight and she said sorry but at the end she said boys will be boys and I was like no it is just bad behavior...
1 person likes this
@tryxiness (4548)
• Philippines
7 Dec 07
This is hard. Ahmmm. I would try to take first my kid out of his reach, and would tell him that what he is done is not good and that you would tell his mom. Then tell your friend about what his son had done once she gets back. This is really hard though. :( I wonder how I would react knowing that adults when it comes to their kids are quite emotional and passionate in a way.
• United States
7 Dec 07
Yeah I told my children that that was not good behavior and I would not accept it. If he was mine then I would teach him a lesson (no I don't hit my children) and he would not do it again. I told my friend immediately and asked her to come back. She pretended to believe me but it seems as though she does not believe her child is that bad...He started to act differently when his mother came back....
@deebomb (15322)
• United States
13 Dec 07
Since this is your home and his mother left him with you to take care of yes I would dicipline him. He would be setting in a chair until she got back. This child needs to learn respect for other people and their home and things. If the other didn't like it then she can find someone else to watch her son. If she lets him do this when she is there the I wouldn't count her as a very good friend. Because if she doesn't teach him to respect you and your home then she also doesn't respect them. I know I'm a hard a$$ but my home my rules even for friends. all ythese things are too expencive to have a child ruin. And your daughter deserves respect.