Why do we hurt those we love the most?

@Pose123 (21667)
Canada
December 8, 2007 7:55pm CST
Many people are polite to strangers, and casual acquaintances and save their darker side for those they love the most. Let's admit it if we want to complain, we usually take it out on the spouse, right? If you've had a bad day at work, it's probable not the best time for your son to ask for a raise in his allowance. I once heard a quote "if you want to lose your friends, just treat them as family". How many of you agree with this, and how can we change it? Blessings.
4 people like this
10 responses
@elisa812 (3033)
• United States
9 Dec 07
Yes, that's very true. I think about that sometimes, too. I think it probably happens because we get so comfortable with the people we love and then we stop worrying about how we look in front of them. It seems like people are usually the most polite to people they don't know very well cause they don't want to make a bad impression. I know sometimes I end up taking stuff out on my husband cause I know that he loves me anyway, even when I mess up, so then I take it for granted occasionally when I've had a bad day or something. Of course, I always feel awful afterward! I guess maybe just taking a few moments alone to cool down might help to prevent some of it.
2 people like this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
9 Dec 07
Hi elisa, I think you have summed it up very well. Thank You. Blessings.
@marinarovi (1318)
• Argentina
9 Dec 07
It's so true, Pose. I don't know how we can change it, I think we shouls try and think twice before "exploding" and taking it out on the people we love. and if we did, and then realise that it was only because of external reasons, just learn to say I'm sorry. =)
2 people like this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
9 Dec 07
Hi marinarovi, Thank you for responding. I guess it is something that's been happening for generations. As you say we need to think twice before exploding. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
9 Dec 07
I agree this happens and it should not. My husband got really angry with me until it blew up in his face. I literally got sick. I got a bad case of shingles that lasted to weeks. So now he tries to get me to change in a nicer way and he also finds that now without the fear of shaking in my boots, and him being more polite, it is easier for me to change. So to not hurt someone, you first have to see if there are any negative results of you blowing up and think what would happen if that person wound up in hospital with cancer or like me, got rashes all over her body and then be nicer.
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
9 Dec 07
Hi suspenceful, Thanks for sharing your story, it may make some of us think twice before over reacting. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
10 Dec 07
Hi Pose123! To be honest with you, my family is my weakness. I love them so much and I have done everything I know I can for them. There are times that I get hurt with their stubborn ways and at the same time when I snapped at them for some reasons which i would not justify, I know I hurt them too. After a few minutes of my being a little crazy, I usually say sorry to them. I really don't get mad or stay mad at my family, I can only be happy when I see them smile that is why it hurts so much when one is lost or is sick or feeling sad.There are only few instances i snapped at the younger members of my family. I know I still have so much to do for them especially for my brother who is suffering physically and emotionally for a long time now. I can always say no to other people and it hurts me if i say no to my family. Believe it or not, but I am more polite and kind to my family than other people and at the same time I know I still do hurt and take my family for granted. Sigh! Confused? me too..hehe..All I can say is that I love them very much that I will do everything I can for them, even making sacrifices for them. But sometimes, I know it is not enough because I know that they still hurt and I can not do anything about it except to pray. Take care my friend and have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
11 Dec 07
Hi faith, I have a feeling that you are doing pretty well. Thank you for your thoughts. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
12 Dec 07
Hi Pose123! Thank you for the kind words. But I still have a lot to learn in terms of love, discipline and patience. Take care my friend and wishing you the best this christmas. Have a nice day! :)
• China
10 Dec 07
Yeah! Pose i am very agree with you! I am just the person like you said. i'd like to take my chagrin out on my sister and bf. so she/he always said why not treat us as your normal friend or even a stranger? To be honest, everytime i heard they said like this, i felt regretful, i didn't know why i save my darker side for them so often and felt in the nature of things. i want to change and try my best to do so, we know we love each other more the any body, and i believe it is not the quite way to express my feeling. Now i know i love them more and more, so i must treat my elder sister and bf just in the way they treat me.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
10 Dec 07
Hi angel, Don't feel too bad as many people are like that. Try to find a way to get over it, maybe you should walk away for a few moments, or take a few deep breathes. Another way might be to speak very low when you are angry. It's hard to remain angry if you are speaking in a whisper. Blessings.
• China
10 Dec 07
Thanks! I will try to do as you had mentioned! I hope my sister and bf get a fresh impression of me! Thank you again!
@whywiki (6070)
• Canada
10 Dec 07
Truer words could not be spoken. My hubby sees the worst in me and just lets it go by as he knows I am just venting. I in turn listen while he vents then we laugh and move on. I think without people that will listen to us we would go insane.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
11 Dec 07
Hi whywiki, You make a good point. Thanks.
9 Dec 07
well it is not like that we hurt somebody intentional. people who are close to us we expect more out of them so we assume some time about them and that prove to be wrong sometime so if we have some concern we should always share without assuming others prospective and if we do some mistake we should be always ready to apologize.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
10 Dec 07
Thanks neetipari, You have the right idea. Blessings.
@kurtbiewald (2628)
• United States
9 Dec 07
no I use Pinky for that I figured it out last night she is really a man AND is the devil too
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
9 Dec 07
Hi kurtbiewald, Thanks for responding. Blessings.
@alamode (3073)
• United States
9 Dec 07
Complaining to a loved one isn't hurtful... getting angry at them because you're angry about somthing else is, though. Hun and I agreed a lo-o-ong time ago to get mad at the problem, not each other... that way, we can fix it together. Its a method that has worked well these 44 years... we don't fight! EVER! Discuss, debate, slam a door, okay... but its over that quick. You know, you got me thinking...I try to treat everyone like family... I'm not sure I'm doing them any favors!LOL!
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
9 Dec 07
Hi alamode, You must to be doing it right, if it's worked for 44 years and you don't ever fight. Congratuations. Blessings.
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
10 Dec 07
Well, I think is because we are afraid to loose our friends if we act like jerks ,but we know that our family is always going to love us no matter what.
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
11 Dec 07
Hi Mirita, You are no doubt right. It's when we are with our family that we feel we can really vent. Too bad that we have to take everything out on our loved ones. Blessings.