I feel so out of place

United States
December 12, 2007 9:17pm CST
Maybe I'm just down on myself tonight, but I realized that I really don't fit in anywhere. The friends I used to have were my party friends....don't party anymore. the friends i have now don't have children...i have three. Where does a person like me fit in in this world. Even in my church, they are either to old or to young or the right age, but no kids...it's driving me crazy. My husband is away overseas and i feel so alone right now and so empty. i'm telling ya, if i didn't have three children i would stay in bed for days right now. that's how bad i feel. does anyone else ever get like this or am i just being stupid?
6 people like this
17 responses
@lattiee (64)
• United States
13 Dec 07
do your kids go to school ? I know what you mean of being all alone want friends with your interests . I have tried a playgroup and it increases but it wasn't like the past playgroup i was when because the playgroup i was in was so nice but the one i tried to attend was too snooty and left people out. So I try to set up my own but I get a friend and they moved on me
2 people like this
• United States
13 Dec 07
My two oldest go to school, but I have a 19 month old that I stay at home with...so, I don't get out of the house much. Sometimes it just feels like to much work to get all her stuff together to get out of the house. I haven't tried the playgroup thing, but I might look into that. I think, really, she is so demanding of my time and I have no time to just sit and think for myself and it gets to me sometimes. Thank you for your comments and encouragement. God bless
2 people like this
@dreamy1 (3815)
• United States
13 Dec 07
Everyone has felt alone at some time or another. There were times when I also felt out of place or didn't belong anywhere. This is a great time for you to work on what you want to do. Pursue your own hobbies or take up a new one. Take a class ,join a club, find a group, do something new. I'm sure you will meet new people you can connect with if you take a step outside of your comfort zone.
1 person likes this
@dreamy1 (3815)
• United States
13 Dec 07
Volunteering is another good way you can feel good about yourself and helping others at the same time.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Dec 07
Yeah, I'm thinking about taking a Phlebotomy course in January or February...something that i can do for me and only me. I think so much time is spent on my kids that I have no time for me anymore. Another reason I think is that the holidays are coming up and my husband will not be here to share that with me. He is truly my very best, if not only, friend that I have and he is thousands of miles away. Thank you so much for your encouragement and God bless you
1 person likes this
@dreamy1 (3815)
• United States
13 Dec 07
Definitely do something for yourself. Even the little thing will make a difference in your outlook. I hope your husband returns soon. I have a dear friend in Iraq and I think about him all the time.
1 person likes this
@scoles (65)
• Philippines
13 Dec 07
i think your just stressed on something, there's one thing you can do about it just think positively ok? and enjoy life... i've been to that when i was being kicked out of school because of the terrible i had done(i punched my teacher and he went to sleep foe 3 hours) everyone was turning around on me i felt alone, but i had overcome it... and the lesson i learned just be positive thinker.. i know you are going to overcome it...
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Dec 07
That must have been tough on you as well. I'm sorry to hear that. I know that in time i will overcome it. thank you for sharing your story and God bless
1 person likes this
@scoles (65)
• Philippines
13 Dec 07
yes it was, but don't worry about it i had overthroned it... so enjoy life to the fullest
1 person likes this
@Debs_place (10525)
• United States
13 Dec 07
Get your kids involved in activities, story hour at the library, play groups, soccer, hockey, swimming lessons. You will meet people with the kids that age of your kids and you will be surprised how easy it is to make friends that way, My son played on travel teams, we shared kids, cars, meals, holidays, events and parties. Made many friends that way.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Dec 07
My boys have actually just started b ball. A lot of the people are people that I go to church with, so we converse, but to actually have friends to hang out with is a totally different story. My kids take up so much of my time and i have no one to watch them to be able to get out with the people from church that don't have kids. I know this time will pass though. Everything is for a season. guess i just needed to get it off my chest or vent about it and the people here on mylot are so supportive and encouraging. you all have been such a blessing.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Dec 07
dear asgtswife...in new york they have a place you can go at a local college where you can send a video tape to your spouse or family member and they will send it to the warzones for you for free...perhaps you can look into a program like that where you live, and send your husband a video greeting for Christmas..don't dwell on feeling down around the holidays, and keep talking to your mylot friends, i myself have found them a great comfort in trying times i'm going through..take care..stanzi
• United States
14 Dec 07
I will definitely look into that here to see if they have some place like that. I know his last deployment, the news station actually did it and me and my two sons were able to send him a special video that he would have on Christmas morning, but I haven't heard anything about it this time. We now have a 19 month old and he is missing so much. I thought about doing a video and sending through a card for him to put in his computer, since he doesn't even have internet yet. That's another thing... him and 29 other people went in together to get internet service, since he's only an E5 and wasn't given the internet in his chew because of to low a rank, which i think is totally wrong. I will do something though. thanks so much for responding and God bless
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Dec 07
i hope that everything turns out well for you and your family at christmas time and that you heartache for your husband will get better...stanzi
• United States
28 Dec 07
Thank you again so much....although it was definitely difficult this year, i did enjoy watching my children open their gifts and seeing all the excitement in their eyes. Thank you and God bless
• United States
13 Dec 07
I'm living up in a small mountain town right now, in my brother's 'country' house. I have no friends here at all really, I mean the postmistress and I are very friendly, but we don't hang out together or anything. I have no one to 'have in for tea' or to talk to. My kids wonder how I can do it. First of all, I really enjoy my own company, and I've always got a hundred or so projects I'm working on... like I'm learning to play the fiddle with a teach yourself video, I make dolls and costumes for them and myself, I love painting and redecorating the rooms. I gathered walnuts and made some walnut stain for one of the wooden floors here - it's beautiful! Granted there are days that I sleep for 10 or 12 hours, and some times I don't feel like doing anything, not even washing the dishes, but it passes, and even then I can always find something I would rather do, especially since I'm always looking for any excuse to feel good. One day I couldn't think of anything to feel good about until I remembered how well the clover I planted was growing! And I absolutely never think of myself as stupid for any reason!
• United States
13 Dec 07
PS: I guess I didn't make it clear that my grown kids are not living here with me, I'm here by myself.
• United States
14 Dec 07
Thanks for responding. i value you every single one of you here on my lot. you've all been such encouragers when i've been at my worst. this discussion has really helped me out a lot. i bet the town you live in is absolutely beautiful though, even if there isn't much to do there.
• United States
28 Dec 07
I have the opposite problem -- all my friends have kids. Therefore, they are never free to do anything anymore. Kids are always sick or they can't find a babysitter. So I've pretty much given up on them. I'm also not afraid to go out alone to go see a movie or eat dinner. I've done that and go to the zoo alone, went to a theme park alone and a lot more.
• United States
29 Dec 07
Oh, I don't mind going to the movies alone or going out to eat by myself. I see nothing wrong with that at all. I just have a problem with babysitters. My mother is the only one that has ever kept my daughter, who is 20 months old now, besides a friend of mine from church....but, she hasn't kept her in a while and they are still raising children of their own. I think I just get so caught up with being solely a mother and not thinking about myself that it really gets to me sometimes. I feel like I have absolutely no free time. Don't get me wrong, I love being a stay at home mother...i think it's very important the first few years of your children's lives, but I also know that it's important for me to get away from mothering sometimes so I don't loose my sanity or get down like I have been here lately. Thanks for responding and God bless
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
28 Dec 07
You aren't being stupid and you aren't sounding crazy. I would say that I hope you make close friends your age for real life. Even if you don't you still have people that you can depend on, you said so yourself. The alienation seems to be more mental than social. You can fit in and associate with the people you described in your latter example. You might also be able to find other people in some more civil public areas: parks, libraries, bookstores (probably sounded like a dork just now, but my examples are much better than some malls, bars, and other fool's circles). Even if things don't work out there, we are still here Sgtswife. Don't forget that. And there are plenty of people that fit in (either in age and in interests).
• United States
29 Dec 07
Thanks so much. I have really enjoyed getting to know you here on mylot. I have met a lot of great people on here and you have truly been such an encourager to me in every discussion that i have started. You are truly a blessing. it's great having people like you on here that you can talk to and feel connected with. God bless you and I do know that, if not any where else, I have you guys on here to always put a smile on my face or make me feel better when i'm at my worst. Thank you!
@bcote212 (1113)
• United States
14 Dec 07
You are not dumb for feeling this at all. In fact i think that it is something that is quite normal. Just keep in mind that you have all of your mylot friends. Which could be even better because we will never show up unexpectedly at your home when it looks like a tornado has blown through it. :)
• United States
14 Dec 07
LOL! This is true. I have met some great people here on mylot and yes, there are times that it looks like a tornado has come through my house due to having three kids who don't always like to pick there stuff up, so it is a good thing that people don't just show up. Actually, no one ever just shows up. Oh well, you mylotters have been a true blessing to me and i thank each and every one of you. God bless
• United States
13 Dec 07
Sorry to hear you feel so out of place. But i think that this happens to everyone at one time or another. Maybe you could look in some other places to find friends. There has to be somewhere people your age go. And just because your frends doesnt have kids doesnt mean you still cant be friends. Maybe you could find a babysitter one night and then go hang out with those friends. And no you are not being stupid. I have felt like this before and i know from experience that it is a very miserable feeling. Good luck and i hope it gets better for you.
• United States
14 Dec 07
Thank you...i'm sure it will pass, like everything else. Every thing is only for a season and I'm actually feeling a little better now. God bless
• United States
13 Dec 07
I used to feel down and out of place. I've been through the party friends crap. You get to see what real friends are and what real friends are for. The thing is that when I was growing up I had so many friends and I lived in Miami, Florida. So ever since I was 14, I would go clubbing because I could, and they have clubs for people under age. Then all my friends, I noticed they were back stabbers. I met my boyfriend and a week later they all disappeared. They stole from me, they talked crap about me, they set me up and tried to get me jumped. Nothing happened to me because my boyfriend was always there right by side whenever I went out to the clubs. He would end up giving some of them that one hitter quitter. So now I moved away from there. And I'm in a totally different country, My mother is here on a work transfer in CANADA! So I'm so far away from him. And I'm sad everyday but what I do is I keep myself occupied and even though I see so many guys around I have no doubts about my boyfriend and I don't mess up. So I'm home, online, taking some courses for French. I won't be able to go back to the states for about 3-4 more months! So might as well find something to do like kickboxing, go online on this site, listen to music, learn something, and let the time pass by as quickly as it can.
• United States
14 Dec 07
This is true. Find something that you really enjoy and stick with it until you can be home with your boyfriend again. I'm sorry to hear that you are having to be so far away from him. God bless
13 Dec 07
I can relate to this. My friends all went their own ways after school and since then I've just been a family person. I do have friends, just at times I'd rather be away from them due to verious reasons. Don't feel like your being stupid, everything will settle and you'll be able to see things better. Take care, ~Joey
• United States
14 Dec 07
Thank you for responding to me and God bless you. I totally understand how you could not want to be around friends at certain times. Been there done that to. I have been a family person since i was 18, although i went through the "gotta get out and live a little stage". wasn't so fun after a while anymore. now i just focus on my children. God bless
• India
13 Dec 07
No, I feel like this very often. I have no friends of my own to say, only family. OK family is a big support I know, but sometimes you do need to talk to your own group. But your situation is certainly worse than mine, coz my husband is here with me all the time. even then I believe you have pretty less time on your hands after managing three kids! Why don’t you take the kids to a weekend vacation? I am sure you can arrange thru some travel agent. You badly need a break from the monotony of family life.
• United States
14 Dec 07
This is so true. It's definitely hard dealing with three children and all by myself right now. I have my family to, but no real close friends. I also babysit two other boys through the week for a lady at church, so my days have really just all gone together. by the time my day is over, i feel like it's time to start it again. I'm just so worn out and with not having my husband here, it really makes it worse because he's my best friend and the one that i could go to for anything. Just sucks. God bless and i might actually look into going on a vacation. thanks for the suggestion on that one.
13 Dec 07
iut is the metter of fact that if u get good friends . caring parents,helping neighbours so u never feel so out of any place. even it is new for u. also be kind and poliet to every one so that u also get good response from everyone. and dont be so upset everything will be fine
• Pakistan
13 Dec 07
hey asgts relax,this happends to many its just a lonely feeling,God is great u will get friends soon with children,and besides consider me your friend on mylot,maybe others too on mylot will join me to be your friends,will remain in touch with u,tc
• United States
14 Dec 07
I have met some amazing people here on my lot. thanks for responding and the encouraging words. God is great and He will get me through this like He's gotten me through everything else. Every thing is for a season and I know that. I have some really good friends on here and thank you again. God bless
@tiffiny (872)
• United States
13 Dec 07
Hey all Army wive go threw this. I'm going to add you as a friend. But where are you stationed at? Have you went to ACS and volunteered? You can have alot of fun doing that and meet some great people. You can join PWOC and meet some really amazing spirtial women that I swear will get you threw everything! I highly recomend those things. And I'll most definately will be talking to you.
• United States
14 Dec 07
Hey Tiffiny...thanks so much for responding. It's nice to have a new friend that I can talk to. I'm not sure what PWOC is, but would love to know more about it. Just pm me or if you have yahoo messenger I am on there every night as well. I'll talk to you later and God bless you
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
13 Dec 07
Awww hon!! Consider yourself hugged!! I know exactly how you're feeling because my husband and I don't have any children because I couldn't have them. Not that we didn't try... boy did we!! But I couldn't get pregnant. However all of our friends had kids and still we had friends. We kept their kids (free) so they could have a night out but yet at times we still felt alone because there wasn't a person that didn't have kids. Don't get me wrong, we loved kids and we took a few under our arm but at times we wished we knew someone who was like us, childless but there just weren't any. So we thought in roughly 5 to 10 years we'd meet some couples that were childless like us and free to do what they wanted when they wanted like us and we have because of our ages their kids have all grown up and flew out their nests.
• United States
14 Dec 07
Thank you so much. You have always been there and been such an encouragement to me here on mylot. I'm so sorry that you are unable to have children. They are a joy, yet can be very time consuming and needy at times. That is great though that you are able to enjoy that time with your friends kids. I hate that you have felt alone and do understand. God bless you so much!