How do you comfort a friend who just lost their online bf

United States
December 13, 2007 12:48am CST
Okay here is the thing...you know how people get online chat with someone and fall in love and they become online boyfriend and girlfriend. Well, she is a little heavy set and not on the attractive side...but neither is the guy...She had been talking to him for about three months going on four and he has not seen her picture. She told him constantly that she is heavy set and all that but he said he love her regardless of looks and appearances. They never showed each other their pictures because they wanted to keep it a mystery and wanted to love each other for them and not for the looks...Well, they met hang out for less than an hour and they parted...He never returns her calls nor emails...nothing........Now she is heartbroken...What would you say to her...many fishes in the sea thingy did not work...
5 people like this
15 responses
• India
13 Dec 07
enjoy life - life is beatiful
Oye thats really sad to hear!!! but what i practically want to tell her thats its was her mistake!! she should never love some one in internet without seeing or knowing the reality!! you know? internet is a matrix!!here if any element of matrix is missing,we may not be able to solve the equation for ever!!mathematical matrix is more easier!!you can do it by trail n error methods!!what i want say is that,no need to be sad as he was never been your or will never be yours,he is such a bulshit selfish man!only mean for something!!not love!!! just think you have been a deep dream and now your are awaken naturally dream goes out!! why should we be sad for such a dream! its not a real!! if you think!it will be alright!throw away everything related to him! it will be a real dream!! gud luck!! its for her hahaha!! i used you you you!!
• United States
13 Dec 07
That is find. I don't want to say that it is her mistake man she will cry even harder. It is sad though we do go online seeking for friendship, even here don't we do that? For some they do find true love online in cyberspace for some they don't. Hey lets face it there are a lot of looser guys on earth and let just say I too bump into a few in real life so needless to say she will bump into a few online as well...Life is hard but worth living and worth experiencing. Thank you for the advice and I will try to incorporate your idea as in telling her that to think of it as a dream but as in pointing fingers to say that it is her fault hmmmmmm no ah I won't do that...Thanks for your honest opinion....Take care...
1 person likes this
• India
13 Dec 07
ok no need to tell her its her mistake!! she may raining more n more hahhhaa!! but she should compromise herself!! life can be compromise to go ahead !!
• United States
17 Dec 07
Compromise? I think what you are saying is that she should forget about him and move on. And not to compromise her standards for a low down good for nothing self absorbing guy right?...
@karilyn (40)
• Philippines
13 Dec 07
I don't wanna read this topic but it's here now. this is so-so sad. am into bf/gf online. and infact he'll be comin next week. We meet almost 4 mos. but unlike the experienced of your friend she didn't see her bf online even in pictures. That is ridiculous. don't like it. I think it's her fault now because she's too rushed into that kind of thing. Wherein she didn't knew what the person looks like. All I can say to her is ....if she made it in the first place why try again to find one...until she'll find the right one for her. Her life doesn't just stopped on that person, besides she didn't see him in person. Let go!
• United States
14 Dec 07
Yeah, she should have exchanged pictures so that they would at least have an idea. But they both agree on not showing each other pictures so that they get to know the true person instead of what is on the surface....he lied that's all......
• Philippines
14 Dec 07
your friend do have a point in there too...you know sometimes people do look on outer looks. We got easily attracted by it. But I think there's no one to blame of ...coz they both agree on it.
• India
14 Dec 07
i any of my friend lost thier online bf/gf i would console her/him try to know how deep there relations were and what was the cause of the break up if it was just a time pass then i will tell them to chill out and its ok u'll find somebody else and tell them as you have not seen each other it may have been for good as he may not actaully be what he posses to be
• United States
17 Dec 07
Yeah that is about the only thing we can say is to let time take the pain away....time will wash out all the bad things we have recorded in our brain at least majority of them...
• Indonesia
14 Dec 07
Ow,,that's cruel, I'm sorry for your friend.,but she should know, a guy like that not worth to be cried over. Find a better one.
• United States
14 Dec 07
I don't believe she is crying because he is gone. I truly believe she is crying because she lost that love of hers that she found online....The real person she don't care too much about but the one online is the one she fell for and the one that she can't find......it's like someone kidnap your love one so to speak......
@kurtbiewald (2628)
• United States
13 Dec 07
she has other men on the side I think maybe I should list some names? hmmmmmmmmm better not, all the facts are not in yet
• United States
14 Dec 07
Hahaha you mean he has other women on the side....She only had him....true one man kind of girl....I don't think that was smart but that is who she is....
• Estonia
13 Dec 07
Oh no! I hear it again. I also have not quite the same, but a similar problem: girls looking for adventures find me via ICQ search engine, then make friends with me (normal friends you know, without any love stuff), since I am quite a friendly and easygoing person. After a year or two of chatting they start to behave in a weird way, like to call or to send SMSs up to 3-4 times a day (before we actually happen to meet in real life) and when it finally starts to piss me off, I begin to avoid such an overwhelming attention, and finally I receive the dramatic "you broke my heart". But...I did not mean to break anybody's heart, I just needed friendship, purely platonic relationship, nothing else. You may ask why...simply because I am realistic, I know that I cannot know everything about the girl out there, online, 300 miles away from me. I need to meet her and spend...lets say...a year or at least some months near her to figure out if she is a perfect match for a long-time love relations or not. This makes me think that some girls (and sometimes also boys) out there still do not understand that we are not living in paradise among angels, but on Earth, among human beings. not everything is perfect in here. Just stop dreaming about virtual love, leave a real life as it is. And if you happen to find an understanding person online, take him/her as a pen-friend (you must know this word if you went to school:)), not a boy/girlfriend, then meet a hundred times and then fall in REAL LOVE (not virtual one). Got the idea?-))
• United States
14 Dec 07
That is very true...for you do you inform the girls right off the bat that you are their for friendship and nothing more so that they don't think and hope for something else? You know females are very emotional beings, I should know I am one haha. We tend to get moved too easily with our heart instead of thinking with our head. When we get to know someone and start to build feelings up for that person we do it with so much engery and love that when we want to turn it off or stop it it not so easy....Life a waterfall...can you stop the water from flowing down the stream? No once it is set up it takes some time in getting something to block it ...a long building process ........
@lorelai (1558)
• Italy
13 Dec 07
I really feel sorry for your friend and I don't know what you think about this but honestly I think people shouldn't hope too much before sending photos. We live in a world that cares for the appearance and as much we would like not to care we do, all of us do. So I'd tell to her that she should try one of those sites or chats where one has to create her/his profile just to avoid this kind of scenes later.I don't think that she is sad only because of this guy but in general maybe that's just another rejection in her life. I think she'd be happier to create her profile and get a few messages from boys because than she'd know they know how she looks so there wouldn't be any surprises at the end. Unfortunately people can be superficial and we can't change the way the world functions but we can protect ourselves and one way of doing it is to put your cards on the table before you include your feelings.
• United States
14 Dec 07
Yeah in this day and age appearance is the most important thing on the top of their list...if not why do we look at the stars and try to be like them and look like them when we know for a fact that these stars are pump up and made up to look the way they do...some are like that because they work their tails off.......It is sad this world is compose of 65% superficial people who only cares about the way you look...just look around......
@tryxiness (4548)
• Philippines
13 Dec 07
Ok. Just comfort your friend. Tell her that there are other guys online who are dying to meet her. And tell her that sometimes relationships online can be quite virtual, thus she needs to really meet real people. :) Anyways, also tell her that probably right now her ex-bf is happy while she is crying. Tell her not to wallow. She can find other guys. :)
• United States
14 Dec 07
Yeah it's sad to know that he might have had other girls on the waiting list so to speak so it didn't matter to him that he was going to tear her heart out when he dumps her....this guy is a dog and he will get his someday...this world is not fair but God is.......
@Sissygrl (10915)
• Canada
13 Dec 07
I dont know what I would say to her! but that is really sad to hear. If she is someone you know in person maybe you could take her out to a bar or someplace where you both could get dressed up and help her make herself up nice, and maybe she will feel better about herself! and even if she doens't meet someone she will feel a little better because she got out of the house and made herself look SEXY :) it sounds silly but i bet it would help her a little. If she isnt' near you location wise, i dunno what to say! I geuss you could suggest she do the same thing with another friend, get all dressed up and go out somewhere nice, and maybe she will meet someone who will apprietiate her for who she is :)
• United States
14 Dec 07
Sorry I don't do bars dear. My hubby would kill me LOL...guys tends to hit on anything with two arms and legs and breathing LOL....But I can offer her my shoulder to cry on and ear to listen to her ranting....I can take her out to get a makeover if she wants hey that is something fun to do......night out with the girls hehe
@Sedlon (11)
• United States
13 Dec 07
Honestly, just tell her that if he couldn't love her for her personality alone, and looks were enough to turn him away, it just wasn't meant to be. He doesn't deserve her, and honestly I'm glad it didn't work out if that is the case. Guys like that don't deserve to be with anyone in my personal opinion. I actually met my current girlfriend(soon to be fiancee ^^) over an online game/chat. We got together in person and she stayed with me for 2 weeks, it was love at first sight. Almost like one of those perfect movies lol. So anyway, what I am trying to say is... It's not that online relations WON'T work, they are just a lot more stressful and harder to get going so to speak. Not to mention a lot more risky. I hope this has in someway helped, not sure if anyone else has given you this same general response (didn't read all of them) but none the less, best of wishes. ~Steve
• United States
14 Dec 07
Wonderful another cyber-romance story that came out ahead. Congratulations! May you two have a wonderful life together and good health be yours....enjoy life and it really doesn't matter where you meet the right person it's about trying and keep on trying out whatever and where ever it may be....
• India
13 Dec 07
thats really sad to hear but the many fishes thing is crap inspite of many fishes in the sea there will only be a few or some times only one fish thats truly interested.and finding that one fish is all about it.theres no need to worry about until you the moment you die and still have not found that fish so cheer her up for me also !!!!!
• United States
14 Dec 07
Yeah so many fishes so little time LOL....someone told me this I just had to say it. It was on my head. When you didn't catch the right one too little or big toss it back and try again...so many out in this cyber-ocean that she is bound to catch a few more...yet it is almost over 50% of the time that people will catch a real bad one before catching the good ones....
@palonghorn (5485)
• United States
13 Dec 07
Well, you know the mystery thing was okay, but they should have exchanged pictures from the start, then she would have known that obviously it did matter to him, and it wouldn't have gone on for 3 months. I met a wonderful man online, but about 30 minutes into chatting we were exchanging pics, of us, our kids, the dog, and we talked openly and honestly from the start. We have been together over 2 years now, and it's still going great.
• United States
14 Dec 07
Wow! Congratulation on the success of your cyber-romance story. Now that is the way to do it. You guys know right off the bat if you can have a relationship or not if not then no time or heart aches but if it works out grow the relationship....
@fanji008 (782)
• China
13 Dec 07
Hi,there! Well,I do think all the online love should have the day that the two come to see each other and really get along with each other.As what you mentioned in the discussion that the guy met your friend and then never contacted her again.So is that the apperance problem? If so,then he's not the guy worth your friend's love.If one love you only because you have a nice looking,then that's not the real love cause good looking will be gone with the time.Just tell your friends,the guy doesn't worth it.Three months time is not too short,but the love just was gone because of a date.Then you can imagine whether he's very serious.I wish your friend all the best.Have a nice day^_^
• United States
14 Dec 07
Thank you for your response. Yeah it is true they should have gotten to see each other first either by picture or webcam then that way they know and have an idea of what the person looks like. You really have to know if there is any chemistry not just the inside of the person but also outside too. If you are not attracted to the person know matter how beautiful he/she looks then there is no use to progress in that relationship...
@subha12 (18453)
• India
13 Dec 07
she ha sto accept the fact in reality.online realtionships do not mature most of the time. if they have parted as she is heavy, its the fault of that guy. why he assured her? this guy does not deserve her. make her understand.
• United States
14 Dec 07
I don't know I believe he thought that she was lying about her weight. Because she sounds cute on the phone and the way she carries herself online sounds like she is a real out going person ...guess he thought he could make it work but then when the shocker of meeting face to face got to him...Who knows he never responded back...hiding from her now...
@lattiee (64)
• United States
13 Dec 07
It pretty common for ppl to have infatuation online especially if you don't feel that attractive the first time a supposed guy listens and sweetens you up and continues to do that . I would say to her I'm sorry he wasn't the person that he was on the internet and say your lucky because internet is like blind dates some are bad and some are good -so in a way you had good luck because you find out that the guy you met is a liar and that he didn't play any games with you after you guys met a few of them do that just in hopes to get someone to dtd
• United States
14 Dec 07
Yeah I guess you can say she is lucky in that sense. But for her it's been very hard because this infatuation of hers took on too much of her energy and now she is not only emotionally drained but physically as well. She is in her bed majority of the day and only gets up to go to the toilet she has nothing but junk food to eat....