Shopping alone or with your mate or spouse

@suspenseful (40326)
Canada
December 13, 2007 8:36am CST
We only have one car, I cannot drive, I took lessons but my husbnad threw away my license, and I did not renew it because I did not make enough money to take driving lesosns, so we go shopping together. I find that my husband makes the main decision, "you are the only one who eats it," "butter is less healthy than margarine (meaning that I have to go to Shoppers Drug Mart and buy butter when on sale as an excuse for Christmas baking," "you burn off transfats." and such stuff. Now for those who shop with their spouse, or significant other, who influence the choice of what to buy? And would you, like me, wish you had a car and were able to drive?
13 people like this
30 responses
13 Dec 07
I adore doing the christmas shopping and like to be able to make the decisions about grocery shopping, but I don't drive and I've become too ill to walk around town or stores by myself - I usually need someone to push me in my wheelchair. It's depressing because I have such great memories of wandering around in the cold with all the lights up and my arms full of bags of presents. This year I've done 99% of my shopping online. I used eBay and Amazon and I've also used online grocery services so that I can still control what I want to buy. I miss going out and having the independence, but at least there are some ways around it. It's a shame that your husband won't just let you get on with your own baking. It's Christmas afterall! It's ok to treat yourself this time of year!
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
13 Dec 07
I hate it when he would not let me buy those Marischino cherries to decorate my shortbread. I do not have much of my own money. I remember a couple of years ago, I went down to the Bulk Store and to Safeway and I spent over $50 for nuts and Christmas cooking stuff. This year, I wanted to get a Christmas Cake, he said no, I wanted mincemeat to make a pie, he said no. I wanted to get pecans, he said no. The only time he lets me get almonds and walnuts is because he learned it is good for us. This is one time of year and because we are now on a pension, he is really restricting me.
@williamjisir (22909)
• China
14 Dec 07
Hello dear suspenseful friend. My wife usually go shopping together in the supermarket. Most of the time, we just choose what is needed in the house and my wife likes to get some snacks. I have no objection at all. She is free to choose whatever she likes because I know that my wife is not an expensive one. She knows how to make use of the money to the fullest. By the way, as the supermarket is close to our house, we always walk there for shopping. Thanks for your discussion, my dear friend.
3 people like this
@aaidjs (1149)
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
13 Dec 07
Hello Dear!In my family wife's always take care about money and shopping!!My hubby even don't know how much money we have!!Same is with my father,my mama have all in her hands!My grandmama was the Boss while she was with as,now I am sure she keep money for "HIM" in Haven!..lol...Did you ever watch movies about Mafia ,?Did you notice that mother always have the last word about all!!..lol..here we/women/ have all in our hands our best parts only think that they are the Bosses!!See you and Regards Silvana
2 people like this
@aaidjs (1149)
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
14 Dec 07
Hello Dear can you tell me for how many years you live in this conditions with no freedom at all!!I cant understand how you can do or prepare anything if your hubby always have a last word?Regards Silvana
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
14 Dec 07
I do not make that much money and we have been married over thirty years. Next year, I will get my Old Age Security and I will be able to spend more but right now I am trying to do with what I have.
1 person likes this
@aaidjs (1149)
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
14 Dec 07
Hello Dear ,Can I help you in any way!!Regards Silvana
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
13 Dec 07
well y other half is gone but I always did the shopping he hated to go. and real better is better for you than Margarine! I wish I could find the post on this . It was in here several months ago . but if they cooked margarine longer it would make plastic! am tring like heck to get my daughter off it but she dont like real butter. hehe but I put it in all I cook. As for shopping now I cant drive all that far yet so daughter does it all but I help with the menu and shopping list!. If ya live out in the country I would just go out and drive to learn then go back and get my drivers liceince! He shouldnt have thrown them away you must of past the test to get them so you must no something about driving! I started driving at age 13 on a farm driving the hay Truck with loader on the side so had to learn to make those turns with out taking the fence with me lol good luck
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
15 Dec 07
I have friends who used to live on a farm and they learned to drive early, but in the city, you have to pay for lessons.
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
15 Dec 07
sorry about that I was lucky but I know my sis and brother both had to take it in school before they got theirs!
1 person likes this
@palonghorn (5490)
• United States
13 Dec 07
First off, he wouldn't throw away my license, but from that and him making the decisions, I can assume he is very very controlling. Even though we both drive, and both have vehicles, and we both work full time, we still usually go grocery shopping together. As to who decides what to buy, first we usually make a shopping list of things we need, otherwise we would get everything but those items lol, but while at the store, neither one of us has the sole responsibility of deciding what we are going to buy. If I was like you, I'd go crazy lol not being able to drive. I had a cast on my right leg for 6 months, and I had to depend on others and my husband to drive me wherever, and that about drove me crazy.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
15 Dec 07
I make a shopping list, and I decided this time to put on maraschino cherries, and he said no. Well I fooled him, I found some dates and cut them up and put them on the shortbread cookies. I sure wish I had enough money to get a license but we have only one car. Next year I will get my Old Age Security, and it will be better.
@ssh123 (31104)
• India
14 Dec 07
Our home sweet home is situated amidst the commercial hub, surrounded by small, medium and big shops of all sorts. Even the vegetable market is walkable distance. There are a lot of shops if you telephone them they send the materials. Therefore shopping is not a waste of time or additional work. If something important and expensive things to be brought, it is my wife who goes out with my son. I just do not like to go for shopping. Because I have a wekness to buy a lot of things which may or may not be required.
2 people like this
@artemis432 (7396)
• United States
14 Dec 07
Suspensful this is a great topic. Especially for me. My husband took over shopping when I was pregnant because I got nauseated by all the smells and exhausted - I always get a little tired at some stores - overwhelmed - like sensory overload - especially Costco or Walmart. He seems to remember all of the things I like - but mostly the ones not good for me. He's like the food devil (I hope using that term doesn't offend you - he is far from a demon!). Food is one of the big ways he shows affection. So I'm trying to get back to pre-baby body but it difficult. I don't drive - never have - I have a mild dyspraxia - kind of like dyslexia - but words are fine - its certain physical things that are challenging - left and right - ziplock bags - etc- so this is really easier to have him shop. He actually likes shopping. I do wish I could drive so I could get to Trader Joe's. My neigbhors and landlords though are big on saving money and not adding to environmental stress, so now that we've moved here, we share rides to the co-op for fresh vegetables and once a month to the Trader Joes. When our shared garden is up in spring we'll have fresh veggies right here. And there are chickens too - so no more buying eggs. I really need more proetin though...I have to start cooking more. My husband gets home at 12 midnight and he eats out a lot and likes easily microwavable stuff. I figure though, if i start cooking yummy stuff... I guess I'm a bit off topic. I do wish I had a car, or did - or that I knew driving wouldn't be a challenge. But now that we're here, I can share rides. But it be nice to be able to take our baby to the Biologicial park (lotsov different kinds of gardens - and the adjoining zoo and aquarium. As you can tell from previous posts - in that religious thread I adore animals. Likely you think I'm naive or like a child from what I said and how I said it, but I'm very much interested in animals and have read a lot. Had we decided to transfer to the base in Penscecola after Christmas, I would likely have taken zoology courses. Just as a side note, the other reason I want to be in good shape is because I'm older with a baby and want to have lotsov energy for him - I seem to have it in spades but... and we have diabetes in the family. So I pretty much like to eat a rainbow as far as foods. A balance. However, when he brings me home my favourite ice cream - or pad thai, or chinese food, gyros - its hard to say no when its right there!
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
15 Dec 07
We go shopping together and diabetes runs in my family. I had to adopt but since I had a baby before I met my husband and gave her up for adoption, my weight stayed and I had difficulty losing it. I do wish we could have a garden, but my husband does not want one. Now that we go to Superstore, there is a better selection of salad stuff, and I have been able to add more spinach to my diet, but I find the Romaine Lettuce not as good as it was at Safeway. There is not that much environmental savings here, with the cold weather here in winter, you have to use more gas.
• United States
15 Dec 07
That's true. I feel like I can share going to the store with them because we can share gas. Of course gas in the house is less expensive - plus we have theraml curtains.
• United States
15 Dec 07
Diabetes runs in my family Our neighbor/friend Weston - my landlady's husband has diabettes. Since marrying her (his old childhood sweetheart he was separated from for many years by miles) he went from 235 to 190 - I think I mentioned that in another response to you. But we have potlucks alot and they eat yummy foods. Healthy though. I don't know, to me it sounds like you make a lot of healthy choices.
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
14 Dec 07
I'm in charce of transportation, and my wife is in charge of the household, so I drive the car, and push the trolly while my wife make the purchase decisions. I do give advice when required, and I can say if there is something I'd like.
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
15 Dec 07
My husband makes most of the decisions on what to buy. If I want something extra, I have to shove it into the cart when he is not looking and make sure he does not take it out and put it back on the shelf.
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
25 Dec 07
You spoil your husband, unless he cooks, cleans, and does other household chores. Merry Christmas.
@winky73 (1396)
• United States
13 Dec 07
He threw away your license????What the heck????Sorry....but that seems a bit harsh to me.I make the choices on what to buy most of the time.....but I get him what he likes....so that evens it out.It doesn't matter if we shop together or not.....we get the things we like(and can afford).I could not stay with someone that tries to tell me what I can have to eat or not....I would simply laugh in his face if he ever did that.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Dec 07
i totally agree with that.me and my hubby go shopping together all the time and he picks up what he wants and i pick up what i want or need.my hubby is worse than a female sometimes shopping he likes to buy everything lol.but it's great.pattie
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
15 Dec 07
That made me very angry since I did not have enough money to take more driving tests. I still do not have enough money now and I have other priorities and with one car, I cannot afford to buy another and the gas being so expensive. Well for shopping, my husband is a bit of a tight wad and some of the stuff I feel we need, he does not want me to get. It is hard having to buy that out of my own pension when I do not have enough.
@chrislotz (8207)
• Canada
13 Dec 07
I have a drivers license but we still go shopping together. My hubby is very good about shopping. He throws into the cart, what ever he wants and I put in whatever I want. There is never a problem or talk about it. We just both get what we want. I look at prices to shop frugally and my hubby doesn't even look at the prices. He says if he wants it he buys it no matter what it costs. Now, we are not wealthy by any means, but when it comes to food there is no scrimping.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Dec 07
Same here chris, we pretty much get what we need and what ever we want. And mine is like your's he doesn't even look at the price. lol
1 person likes this
@nkhanna (926)
• India
14 Dec 07
well i know driving and have a car of mine as well.however i alawys go with my partner for shopping so that we can buy things of our own chioce rather than later telling that i wanted something else and you got me something else.we normally go shopping on weekends and also have meals outside.we do our shopping mutually.i tell him my budget for everything and he choses the best in my budget.so a happy happy situation.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
15 Dec 07
He has most of the money. It was not when I was young. Then my father gave mother the money and she divided it up. It is hard when you have a different way of being brought up.
@carlaabt (3508)
• United States
14 Dec 07
I drive, but we still usually go shopping together. Especially now that we don't live on base, and the truck is having issues. I can't go anywhere while he's at work, since he takes the car. So after he gets off work, we go together. I make a grocery list before we go grocery shopping. We make sure we get everything on there. If there are other things that either one of us wants, we just go ahead and get them, as long as we can afford them. My husband would never tell me I couldn't get something from the grocery store, unless it was just too expensive. I do most of the cooking, and he's happy about that. He lets me get whatever I need for whatever I'm making.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
15 Dec 07
My husband thinks if both of us like it or if he likes it, it is okay, but if it is something I want, no. He is afraid that we will run out of money. He should have kept working instead of taking early retirement.
@nairjula (453)
• India
14 Dec 07
It depends on the situation. Certain times you need the help of the spouse for shopping. Certain times you woudl prefer to be alone while shopping. It is purely an indivdual decision and requirement dependant.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
15 Dec 07
Grocery shopping I want to do myself, but then since I do not drive, I would have to take a shopping cart and we do not live near a shopping center. It is at least three quarters of a mile away, and there is the traffic and the snow.
@cefaz_21 (2597)
• Philippines
14 Dec 07
I've been shopping alone for 2 days now, hubby had to do other things and I can no longer delay our christmas shopping for the remaining gifts.In a way it's good to shop alone without my hubby :) No one is pushing me to make it faster but of course,quite sad too because I have no one to ask to if this or that is ok..:)
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
15 Dec 07
I have to get some Christmas presents for my two sons, my daughter-in=-law, and my granddaughter. I went to Zellers and wanted to get a DVD for my daughter-in-law but the selection there is so limited. I guess I should have shopped earlier. We went to their favorite store and my husband got something nice for them, but I could not afford anything. Well, there is five days for Christmas so that will help.
@youless (84977)
• Guangzhou, China
14 Dec 07
Of course I like go shopping with my husband. But it seems that men are not interested in spending time in shopping. But shopping is like an entertainment for women. So if I am alone, I just want to buy something necessary. If I am with my husband, I like walking every part of the department stores and don't want to miss anything in it:)
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
15 Dec 07
I like browsing the stores a lot, but my husband just wants to go down the main aisles and he misses quite a bit.
• United States
13 Dec 07
Is he afraid that you will overspend or what? Maybe you two can sit down and make out a budget and make sure you stick to that. And then you could try to find someone else to take you to do the grocery shopping. That way he wouldnt be nit picking at every little thing that you wanted to buy. My husband does the same thing to a certain extent. He said "you are the only want to eat it" also. Maybe you could also sit down and talk to your husband about how your feeling. Let him know that you would like to be able to make more decisions when it comes to the shopping. Good luck, i hope it all works out for you.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
15 Dec 07
We do have a list, but he decides what to buy on the list. So if I make a list and I put Christmas fruitcake on it, he says we do not need it, we cannot afford it, and then what happens I decided to go really low budget and decide that we do not need this or that even if we do.
@bowtieguy (5931)
• United States
13 Dec 07
I don't have many friends I can shop with, there is this guy at work but we have diffrent taste. my wife and i have split so I go it alone most of the time. I do like to take my sons shopping, well my oldest one especially he enjoys it more than the other one dose.I couldn't imagine having to rely on others to take me where I need to get to, since my oldest starting driving last year he goes out on his own a lot which leaves me to shop alone but I know he needs to get out every once in a while.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
15 Dec 07
I do not have a car, and that is the problem. If I had there would not be this deciding what to buy and what not. Now if I want something extra, I have to walk down to the Mall and with all this snow, it is not that easy to do.
@moneyandgc (3438)
• United States
13 Dec 07
We only have one car as well. I don't drive even though I know how. I refuse to drive in New Jersey. I hate the traffic here! I will drive anywhere when I am in Mississippi though. It also helps that I always know where I am going when I am there. I would get so lost here if I were alone! I recently let my license expire, I really need to renew it, but I don't drive here so I forget about it. When I go shopping with my husband for food, I make the decisions. If he says he wants something, he gets it. But he never questions my judgement on what I buy, never. If anything, he asks me what I want to get. I do wish I were not afraid to drive here though.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
15 Dec 07
It snows here and that is what keeps me from renewing the license plus those graduated licenses here. I do not want to slip into someone. With my luck, the whole neighborhood would be out with cameras and possibly a newsreporter like when I ran into that tree. My husband grew up Mennonite and I guess that what makes a difference and he feels if he makes most of the money. I think it is a cultural thing.
@blackbriar (9126)
• United States
13 Dec 07
I usually shop alone but sometimes hubby goes with just to make sure I buy some junk food. lol I normally don't buy the crap but he was brought up on alot of junk food so I've been having a hard time getting him to eat healthier. Pardon me, thou, but why did your hubby throw your license away? He had no right to do that. I would of belted my hubby if he were ever to do that. I have my own car and long as I can safely drive, I will.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
15 Dec 07
We only had one car. I had not been driving for so long, I had the bad experience of having a driving instructor who just wanted my money. Now I have to save not only for a car, but get a new license. My husband was brought up cheap, they did not have enough so he wants to buy basics and that is that.
• United States
13 Dec 07
I knw EXACTLY how you feel. I dont drive either, and my boyfriend goes with me to the store all the time, so he desides everything too. You arent alone!
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
15 Dec 07
I think my husband's most important words are "You don't need that." "