Would you stay with someone just because you have a child together?

@dayzz25 (552)
United States
December 13, 2007 5:10pm CST
I was just wondering what everyone's opinion is on this subject. I have a child with this man and we do not get along real well. Never in my life did I want a split home because I grew up in one so it's very hard for me to face this problem. I don't want my daughter to grow up with her father and I constantly arguing or being unhappy. I'm trying to be good with God by going to church and reading the bible and I kind of feel like I would be letting him down if I can't make this work. What do you think? What would you do if you were in this situation?
7 people like this
22 responses
@mcjeannie (704)
• Philippines
14 Dec 07
Staying together and struggling as a family for the sake of your child is a real sacrifice...But my querry is, are you the only one willing? You see, in order for a family to grow together in love and stay with a close knit, love and concern is very essential. I think if the reason is only the child and no love and respect among parents, in the end the relationship will not work. God doesn't want us to be unhappy and be quarrelsome to our partner.God's desire for a family life is peaceful and loving so that the child whom you shape on this earth would grow in the same virtue. It takes two for a relationship to work as the saying,"It takes two to TANGO".
3 people like this
14 Dec 07
I know it's hard to come to the right decision. But If I was married to someone and we constantly argued ,I don't think I could stay in that relationship. Grant it any relationship will have it's ups and downs but when it happens on a regular basis ; that is not any good. It's no good for you or your child. And it could become violent In a case like this I don't thank God would condemn you for breaking away. I would rather be happy and man less then to be with one and be so unhappy.
• United States
14 Dec 07
Absolutely not! My ex thought he could try to make me stay with him since I was pregnant. I stayed until the baby was 5 months old. He told me that since we had a baby together I couldn't leave. Ha! I wasn't about to live in misery just cause I had a child. Of course there were hard times after I left him but they were all well worth it, especially now that I've found a great guy that loves my daughter and I. I would have never been this happy with my ex and my happiness should be just as important as anyone elses. My daughter doesn't know her biological father and thats ok with me. She thinks her step-dad is her real dad and he loves her like she is his own. Its awesome!!
2 people like this
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
14 Dec 07
i have been in this situation,and after trying to make it work,i decided it was not a healthy environment for my children,even though they need their fathers,i think you are better of if the children have a happy life with one parent ,than having a miserable life with 2 parents who are constantly fighting.
@navtech (1776)
• India
14 Dec 07
Dear dayzz25, It is better to have divorce than that of continuing the life in an unahppy situation. My wife constantly fight with me without any just reason. I told her that I would leave her once for all. It has no effect on her. I am just waiting for my daughter to get married. Once my daughter's marriage is over I would defintely leave my wife. Since she is financially well off I do not have to worry about her. I am not going to marry but live separately.
@bluemars (952)
• Australia
14 Dec 07
Well you have to be happy too, that is the only way the children are happy too. Kids should not have to deal with adult issues either. If the problems between you and your partner can not be resolved then it is wiser to split especially if only one partner wants it work or is making the effort. Both parents have to make a effort and be willing to do the work. It can not be just the single one person doing all the work. So if he is working towards the greater good of the relationship and both of you know how to communicate well with each other, then perhaps it can work. However to answer you question I don't think a couple should stay together just for the child because the child will grow up wishing that you guys should have got a divorce. Kids would rather see that than see how unhappy both of you are.
2 people like this
@shak143 (1280)
• India
14 Dec 07
i will stay with him only because of my child if he is not doign any harm and he really loves baby then there is no question of gettign seperated from him.if he is a problem for both them seperation is best solution.
2 people like this
@musicman6 (2370)
• United States
14 Dec 07
This is a very difficult situation you are in dayzz, He needs to see, that he needs to contribute more to this relationship, for it to survive, and if he is the one that is looking for a way out, tell him he needs to make that decision,and not cause you the pain you are going through! He needs counseling, that is evident, or else he wouldn't make it so hard for you and your daughter! And if he doesn't agree, then he is the one that wants out! If he is willing to make these sacrifices, then it would be worth mending this relationship, but if he is not, you'll have to do the inevitable!
2 people like this
• United States
13 Dec 07
If your constantly fighting with her dad maybe its better that your not together. Its not good for your daughter to see her parents fighting all the time. Maybe you could sit down and figure out together what the problem is. And try to work it out. If you think it absolutely cannot be worked out then its probably for the best that you go your separate ways. I hope it all works out for the best.
2 people like this
@lilybug (21148)
• United States
13 Dec 07
Not a chance. I have 2 kids and I am not with either of their fathers. I think kids are better off living in a single family home than in a home with parents who fight all the time. I grew up wishing my parents would get a divorce. It would have been a lot more peaceful.
2 people like this
• United States
13 Dec 07
I would try my best, and as long as their was no abuse, he held a job and was a good provider i would stay for the benefit of the child. I grew up in single parent house and though my mother was one of the best moms ever, we went without just because she was alone. Not to mention kids really do need both parents if at all possible i really believe that.
@dayzz25 (552)
• United States
18 Dec 07
Thank you for your response. I see now that people should try harder to replinish relationships. Especially when there's children involved. Have a great day.
• United States
13 Dec 07
NEVER! I went through this and so much worse with my ex husband. I would never stay with a man because of a child. I personally think this is a weak womans excuse. What child in their right mind wants to grow up in this home. They all want a mommie and a daddy thats life. I left when my daughter was 2 and she is very aware of the pain I went through. She is 13 and has no signs of needing that pain to survive. Mothers go through so much just having these babies. Then as most hate to admit it. Life is never the same. Mother begins the parenting and wife roles. It just the worse thing to do stay with a man for a child. I went to a shelter with no money in my pocket. You could never understand how happy I was going to bed that night.
1 person likes this
@dayzz25 (552)
• United States
17 Dec 07
Thanks for you response. I don't really think that it's always an excuse for a wek woman though. I'm not weak by no means. I've left several people in the past because they did not treat me the way I wanted to be treated. I don't need a man and I know that. I'm just trying to keep my family together and you never know what can happen if two people start trying again. I'm glad that life got better for you after you left your child's father. I know that children don't want to hear that parents fighting all the time also I'm just trying to have a postive attitude that things may get better. Have a great day and Happy Holidays.
@ozzie13 (177)
• Australia
15 Dec 07
I did for a while, and i can understand how people fall into the trap of thinking it is how it is meant to be when it really is far from the truth. I have recently split with my partner, i havn't found my life to be much harder as he was mever there, and never helped me pay for anything coa he is an ***! the point is i am happy then i ever was with him right now and i have things to look foward to my life is moving up.
@skinnychick (6907)
• United States
15 Dec 07
Easy question- no! If you are not in love leave. Your child will feel the negative vibes if you asy. If your husband is any kind of a man he will be a part of her life and take care of the baby. A lot of people say that marriage is work- I don't get it- most married couples say that their husband is their soulmate and true love- but yet they have to work at marriage. True love is so natural and pure that life just flows as best it can. You shouldn't have to force something to work- if your heart is not with your husband and it does seem that you are doubting your love for him then it is not going to work and he isn't right for you- move on.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Dec 07
I wouldn't have a kid anyway as I don't want any, but if I did, heck no I wouldn't stay together for the kids. It's not normal nor is it healthy for the child to live in a house where 2 parents are at each other's throat all the time or the tension is so high anyone can feel it. It's always better to go different ways and have joint custody of the child(ren) involved. It's healthier for them and the parents.
1 person likes this
@Sillychick (3279)
• United States
14 Dec 07
If everything else is wrong in a relationship, I would not stay just because of a child. It is worse that way, for the child to see you constantly fighting. She may end up thinking that that is what relationships are about. Being unhappy, and it could make it hard for her to have healthy relationships later. I would do everything possible to make it work, a temporary split, if that could help, counseling, anything possible. But if it is not helping and I was still unhappy, then I would have to end it. It is harder at the time it happens, but in the long run it is for the best.
1 person likes this
• Canada
14 Dec 07
It's never easy being from a broken home but it's even harder if your not happy in a relationship and your child would be better off seeing you happy. Your child(ren) will pick up on the unhappiness and will suffer in the end. If your not happy and you don't take car eof yourself how can you expect to be able to take care of your child(ren). I left the father of my daughter before my girl was born and it has proven to be better for me. Good luck Hugs
1 person likes this
@jovimom (1576)
• United States
14 Dec 07
I think if you're not happy, then your children aren't happy. They see mom and dad not getting along and I don't think it's good for them. Though I stayed with my ex longer than I should have because of my son, I finally got the courage when my son was 5 to leave him. Quaintly, the day after Thanksgiving no less, but I had to go while I was convinced I should. I had to wait on my parents to pick me up because he took my car keys! He sat there pouting like a baby on the couch the whole time! He still hasn't grown up any to this day and I have been happily re-married now for 4 years. Sometimes, leaving is the best decision you can ever make...
1 person likes this
@bcote212 (1113)
• United States
14 Dec 07
I have heard of this happening and i have to say that i am completly against it. It really does no good for anyone. The parents are unhappy with eachother, and the poor child is at home each night when the fighting start. The child would be much better off knowing that they are loved very much by both parents, and that the parents did love eachother and will always be connected, but it was not something that lasted forever.
1 person likes this
@angemac23 (2005)
• Canada
14 Dec 07
If after trying to patch things up and make things right, it still doesn't work, I would not stay with someone just for the child. The negative feelings you have towards the other person will reflect on the child and he will pick up on the way the two people act. An atmosphere of hate, fighting and bickering is not a good environment for a child.
1 person likes this