I have a delima

United States
December 14, 2007 2:46pm CST
A friend of mine has been working for me for over 10 years. She stated out cleaning my home, then helping me take care of mom. Now that I cannot drive she takes me on my errands and helps me with the big cleaning in my home. When I was making 38 dollars per hour I always paid her sick time. Now that I am on social security I am making less than 1/4 of that I still have paid her sick time, which is a few days her and their. The problem now lies is she has hurt her knee really bad. She is laid up and it could be for months. I pay her at the first of the month and I pay her a lump sum. She uses what I pay her for her mobil home space rent. She has no income if she does not work, she is a house keeper and home care aide who works for herself. No one else pays her if she does not work. On one hand I feel I should continue to pay her because I know she needs the money. On the other hand I have had to buy a bus pass and start calling for the local bus to come and pick me up. The bus is 2 dollars everytime I get on it or 20 dollars a month. It is cheap if you think about it but inconvient when I already am paying someone. My husband and I have to scrape by every month to make ends meet but I would not want my friend to lose her home. I am so confused and depressed because Friday is the day I go and be weighted in and then go out to luch with her and another friend. I will tell you I have been eating everything in the kitchen I can possibality find. I did get weighted in today because of over eating this week. I am an emotional eater. Please help with this delima.
2 people like this
5 responses
@irishmist (3820)
• United States
15 Dec 07
I feel really bad for your friend, and you seem to be in a hard postion. I want to say this tactfully. She is self employed and not on the books. There is no telling how long she will be laid up. You now also have the added expense of taking the bus. I at one point had clients I worked for in addition to my job. I didn't recieve sick pay, and if they cancelled their appointment with me. I didn't get paid, and belive me there was one woman who cancelled all the time. I also had a guy who ended up in the hospital for 3 months, he is now in a nursing home. I lost alot of money. Not to mention for those 3 months I would have to check his mail and pay his Rent A center bill. He would pay me once a month, but while he was in the hospital he did not pay me. And to be honest I felt bad about asking for my money. Perhaps your friend could apply at Social Sevices for emergency help. Being self employed makes it hard though. I imagine Social Services will want a statement from you verifying that she works for you, and how much she makes. I hope all works out for you and your friend.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Dec 07
I think we came up with a solution. I will lend her the money to help her get back on her feet. I will still pay her normal wage and she will pay me back so much a month when she gets back on her feet.
@irishmist (3820)
• United States
17 Dec 07
That sounds like a wonderful plan. You are a very kind and caring person to help your friend like this. There should be more people out there like you.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Dec 07
I decided to pay her regular wage because I am budgeted for it and I will also know she will not be homeless. I cannot stand to think of that.
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
14 Dec 07
If she is unable to work now, then she needs to collect some sort of SSI or disability benefits. You said that you paid her at the start of the month. It is not even the end of the moth and she is not working for you. I would say that since she has been loyal to you, maybe you can help her out where you are able to. But, I do not think that you should pay her a salary if she is not able to work. You are not responsible for her. I mean, you could if you chose to. If you are planning to have her come back on when she is better. But, like I said, she is not your responsibility.
• United States
14 Dec 07
You are right she is not my responsibility. She does not qualify because she is self employed. That is the problem I am dealing with she can apply for social security but that can take 6 months to get. I hate to see her lose her home. My problem has always been I want to take care of the world. I have learned that I cannot. This is why I am looking for help from my myLot community friends.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
15 Dec 07
You know what, I can not help you with this one. I have the same problem myself and I am learning not to put myself out for others also. Some people have even called me arrogant to think that I can solve everyones problems. There is a book called "Looking Out For #1." I read it and felt it was not right. But apparently there is some truth to it. How can we look out for others, if we do not first look out for ourselves. The Bible says, "Love thy neighbor as thy self." Not, love thy neighbor instead of yourself, you know? I am the type of person who always wants to do the right thing. Once I figure out what that is, it is all I want to do. I say that you pray about this and let the Lord lead you in what to do.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Dec 07
Thanks for your help. I have made a decision. I will continue to pay her. I is a loan and not just sick pay. When she gets back on her feet then she will pay me back so much a month. At least her and I know she will be not be homeless.
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
19 Dec 07
Well I am a bit late here to responding and I am sorry but I have to admit you are in a dilemma there and I really hope that you have managed to decide what you will do and how it is going to work out It is always terrible when it is a Friend as that makes it worse
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Dec 07
We came to a conclusion that I will pay her regular wage until she can pay me back 50 dollars a month. It is a loan and not a gift.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
19 Dec 07
I am so glad that you have come to an agreement there
1 person likes this
@Aussies2007 (5339)
• Australia
15 Dec 07
I can see that you are a very honest person... and that you want to do the right thing. But when people want to work for themselve... it is their role to assume the responsability of finding themselve out of work... not yours. I have been self-employed all my life... and nobody cares if I have some work or not. If I find myself out of work... I have to wait six months to claim unemployment benefits. That the way the system work. It is a crook system... but it is not your fault. She is not your responsability. She did choose to work for you... and her responsability is to work for you without taking any sick day. Read about the law... and find out about your responsabilities.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Dec 07
What you say is the truth. She is not my responsibility. It is because I have always paid sick time for her that I feel obligated. Here in the USA I do not think she can get unemplyement because she did not pay into the system. I am going to go to the office of EED Tuesday for her and pick up the forms. Maybe we can get some help for her.
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
15 Dec 07
It's been very kind-hearted that you would even think to be paying her "sick" pay when she can't work, but as you said, it was a different story when you were making $38 per hour, but now it is different and I think she should realize that and understand that trying to pay her sick pay when she's laid up now and your finances aren't great is only putting a burden on you. By paying her a sick pay now, it kind of negates the extra little income you are getting now from work. Can she get any kind of public assistance to help her out..how long will she be laid up with that bad knee...a long,long time, then can she get disability at least temporarily? I know, BELIEVE me I know, the red tape garbage one has to go through with disability, but even though she was in effect self-employed she should have some records of her earnings to prove she has been earning money. Can a legal aid (free) lawyer help speed things up to get disability? But as dire as the situation is, and I know you don't want her to possibly lose her mobile home space rent, you shouldn't be taking the burden on yourself.. Does she have family that can help her out too??
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Dec 07
Paywacket, What a great idea you had with using public aide lawyer for her social security. When she got divorced her husband made her sign a paper saying she would not go after his social security if he continued to pay health insurance on their son. She has a son who is chronically ill and has used millions of dollars in medical treatments. The son is stable now thank god. Her family cannot help her. Her son's two sons barley make any money. Both of them are in college and working as much as possible. Her sisters and brothers are not nice people so no help there. My friend is on her own. We have come to an understanding that I will continue to pay her so she does not get kicked out of her mobile home space. When she is back on her feet then she will slowly pay me off a certain amount each month. I am bugeted for the use of the money. I might as well continue to pay her. When we go out on Friday's we do lunch with another friend. I ususlly pay for there also. Now we are not eating out that money will pay for the bus pass.