Does being nice get you anywhere?

December 14, 2007 4:18pm CST
I'm curious to hear views regarding being nice, does it really get you anywhere? Personally for me these days, I think many people take things for granted and no longer respect polite people. I wouldn't say being nice gets you anywhere as it's very few who appreciate it, especially where I live. (could just be me) Example, being nice at work.. means being pushed and walked over, it gets you in positions where you don't like to say no because you want to be useful. Being nice for a stranger, such as opening a door. many don't have the curtersy have thanking you which is pretty rude. (although many don't ask, so that's a common excuse. Once I tested this, during an holiday vaction and I opened the door everytime someone was walking towards it. (out of 10 people) only two elderly people thanked me, 3 looked at me like i was about to attack them the others just ignored it... Does being nice get you anywhere? Well least being polite makes you feel a kinder person. ~Joey
13 people like this
29 responses
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
17 Dec 07
Great discussion. I do not be nice to get approval, I am nice because thats the way I am. But that being said I do not let people walk all over me either I am assertive not aggressive and there is a big difference. I was at one time passive and that is when you are really walked all over and even say sorry when someone steps on your foot. It took a lot of work for me to become the way I am now from an absolute people pleaser to pleasing myself, and in turn pleasing others. very difficult to explain,
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
15 Dec 07
If you are looking to get somewhere from being nice, your expectations may be too high. If you are being polite and expect nothing, you are acting as you are. When you act a certain way and expect others to do something in return (like acknowledge your act of kindness) you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Just do it because you want to act in a polite manner with no concern about what others say or do or don't do. Why be offended when someone does not act in a manner you might expect them to? I think many times people are lost in themselves and don't realize you many be offering some kind of assistance. Rude according to what? Are there some set of iron-clad rules enforced by society? You can feel as kind as you like and help out as much as you like, unless someone is clear about not wanting your help. This is how I see it.
1 person likes this
15 Dec 07
Interesting... Are you saying it's not rude if you you're not thanked for doing something? these are only examples. The way I see it, if "thanks" isn't said then they're not being polite and not being polite = rude. I don't open doors just to be thanked, I do it because sometimes people need that little bit of consideration. (such as disabled people)
1 person likes this
15 Dec 07
Ooo.. Expecting a thank, least to me isn't rude. expecting bigger things is, as expecting something such as a simple word for a bit of kindness isn't much ask or hard to say. (just before someone else goes at my message above) Not you sigma.. ~Joey
1 person likes this
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
15 Dec 07
I think it is fine to help others in ways you state. I do it myself. I just don't worry about being thanked or appreciated. I try not to judge anyone as being rude if they don't say thank you. It is the polite thing to do, for sure, but it is also soothing to your ego to be thanked. No matter if another thanks you or not, you are still the same person inside and the thanks you didn't receive from another changes nothing, unless you allow your feelings to be disrupted. Again, who wrote the book stating what society (or any individual) has to do in any certain situation?
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Dec 07
If this is the type of person you are. Yes it does get you some where. Not to go to prison or to the nut house. I know how you feel with the opening of the doors. People are just like that was your job. Excuse me your welcome.. and then they say thanks. I find this is more happening it the gutter area. I live in the ghetto and Know that for sure. People always say I don't belong in this neighborhood. And yes they are right. I go 40 minutes out my way to shop in other areas. And they are very polite and nice. They say please and thank you. Even some look at me like where is she going? But I have to say I love it so much. Dear your a sweetie and don't let rudeness bother you.
1 person likes this
14 Dec 07
Mmmmm... Sweets! :P Thanks for the response, I am used to it. I just don't really believe in accepting it but then again I'm sure sooner or later it'll become a thing of the past. I appreciate both your responses! I haven't been called sweetie for a long time :) ~Joey
1 person likes this
@kellys3ps (3731)
• United States
24 Dec 07
I think being nice does help!
1 person likes this
@Lydia1901 (16354)
• United States
22 Dec 07
Yeah, I am going to have to agree with you on that one. being nice and polite doesn't get me anywhere anymore. So, I just give up and forget about it sometimes.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Dec 07
I don't think "nice" and "polite" really have the same definition. Being polite usually will get you at least somewhere, but being nice just for the sake of being nice sometimes doesn't get you anywhere. My friend is a kind of a suck up to her teachers and she's really polite and jokey jokey "let me help you with that", and that gets her places. But generally, when I'm nice just because I want to be nice doesn't actually get me anywhere, at least not very fast. -___-
1 person likes this
@friendship (2085)
• Canada
14 Dec 07
Your opinion is somewhat true. We shouldn't be nice to all people. There are some people whom you couldn't be nice at all. Otherwise, they will push you around. It is often the case that some people have misinterpreted your nice behaviors. You have to see to whom you should be nice. But it doesn't mean that you should be rude. You just need to take a space among such people.
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
14 Dec 07
You are one of life's gentlemen my friend, sadly, nice gets you nowhere, nice is a mat that is contantly walked on, nice is being ignored, looked down upon and treated with disdain. But my dad always says keep to your own principles, don't stoop down to other people's levels, keep your integrity high and at the end of the day you rise above those that would spurn you or cast you aside. Your conscious is clear and you have the upper hand. Trouble is I am too nice and in some people's eyes that is a weakness! Unfortunately being nice is seen as being vulnerable and weak. Sad but so so true.
@lols189 (4798)
13 Feb 08
well in certain situations being nice can get you somewhere. it all depends really whether the person appreciates the nice side or not. i think it does help at times to be nice
• Canada
3 Jan 08
I understand where you are coming from and have seen similar patterns of behavior in different situations I've been in. It seems to me that some in mainstream society are becoming true ingrates and it is a little hard for me to accept at times as well. Having said that I was raised with a 'treat others the way you'd like to be treated' code of ethics and I refuse to give that up whether people think I am a pushover, 'softie' or whatever label they choose to use. In a larger spiritual context I know for sure that there is a 'what goes around...comes around' principle of reciprocity that is constantly in play...whether people 'get it' or not. Sooner or later things have a way of leveling off...and there are often ironic twists in life that reveal the larger implications of that truth. Anyway not to get too heavy here I honestly belief politeness, respect for others and treating others as we'd like to be treated enhance our sense of self and add to the quality of our inner life...even when others refuse to treat us the same way. I'd rather have a sense of ethics that are outwardly outworked by my moral compass and that works for me. I do my best to allow others to do what works for them whether I agree or not. Because they will anyway! (smile) Interesting topic...thanks for posting it. Raia
@vivasuzi (4126)
• United States
17 Dec 07
I think your last sentance says it all - it makes you feel like a kind person so it is worth it. I agree this world is going downhill and people aren't as nice as they used to be. I have bumped into people and said "oh i'm so sorry, excuse me" and gotten either no response or just an evil look. I make it a point to be extra nice to service people nowadays. I say Thank you with a smile when my waitress brings my food, when the cashier finishes my order, and anywhere else someone is helping me. I have noticed when people are in the service industry, they appreciate niceness more. I've seen customers being rude, crude and outright nasty to employees at stores even when the problem had nothing to do with the employee. So when that same employee sees someone like me being nice and saying "Thanks!", a lot of times I've seen a service person go from a blah mood to a happy mood because of it. Overall - it's worth it to be nice. Someone will be affected even if the 8 people you held the door for were not. Focus on the ones that said Thanks :)
@theprogamer (10543)
• United States
16 Dec 07
Well it does do something for some people and the person being nice. It can give a warm feeling to the person being nice and the people who recognize the act. Unfortunately there are other people who do not care, and there are those that expect it as if they were entitled. This is just the light answer dealing with common situations... when it comes to other relationships being nice can be a hinderance (others take it further and say its a deathknell). Its rather sad when looked at as a whole. Being nice is great, but there are still issues like this.
@whyaskq (7553)
• Singapore
16 Dec 07
Being nice certainly get you somewhere. Most people enjoy company and being with people who are nice over those who are nasty. At least being nice brings joy to others though sometimes it is at your own expense :P
@Polly1 (12650)
• United States
15 Dec 07
Of course being nice gets you somewhere. Look where its got you here.....your a 10 Joey and well liked here in Mylot. I do know what you mean about people saying thanks, unfortunatly there are people like that. I say thanks all the time. It bothers me too when people don't say thanks. I am me, and I am going to stay me and continue to do nice things whether I get thanks or not. What comes around goes around. I want my come around to be good. But mostly that is how I was raised, I like myself, I like who I am, and I am going to stay nice. Maybe someone will learn something by my example.
@SKLC_PT (1234)
15 Dec 07
eyes see - what I see, my eye
I tend to think that the people that are rude, arrogant get ahead, but to the expense of being horrible people, I sure couldn't be that way to get ahead, I would live with constant guilt of putting others down... I have had people cut ahead of me in lines and the person that works with the clients just turns a blind eye attending the rude person... and that is definitely not the only example. There's a lot of elderly people that also assume that being old they can do whatever they please, I think respect is a two way street. In buses I tend to let others sit like elderly, or people with a lot of shopping... I'll notice this person that clearly needs a seat and everyone ignores them playing the I don't see you therefore I don't need to get up act, once I got up for someone that was in clear difficulty and a young kid rushes and sits down... I think they get ahead in many thing but they loose out in others, guess it really depends from point of view to point of view and on every situation. But it seems that those that bark a lot and show their teeth get things faster...
• Philippines
15 Dec 07
i think it's just right to be nice, but when u do, do it sincerely. but i'd say aside from being nice, being enthusiastic with everything you do gets you somewhere. i'm saying this coz im like that... and what's so nice about being nice and enthusiastic is that u get your own favors without hassle. but let me just say, if you would be nice, be sincere about it. don't mind other people if you feel them just taking your being nice for granted. if you feel good about yourself, then be it. :)
@Erkki1 (14)
• Estonia
15 Dec 07
its good that you are nice and if someone is rude, then its their problem. Doesn't it make you feel good to be polite, and even if someone thanks you for this, it's gotta make you feel a little better. I think it gets you somewhere - being a better and happier person.
@hilary601 (106)
• China
15 Dec 07
i like polite person anyway. i think most people like communicate with gentleman,ha !~ it will be happy. there is may something happen to some people,ti made them feel strang or rude with some actions. but ,be yourself and go on to be a nice person,if one day i could meet you anywhere,i will say thanks to you,ha !~
@karilyn (40)
• Philippines
15 Dec 07
for me being nice really makes you mistreated sometimes. And they just take you for granted in which I don't like. That's why until now I still consider to go on with my attitude as strict. I don't care what they say towards me. Because there was a time I changed to be good but it's like that they just taken me for granted.
• United States
15 Dec 07
Oh I know what you mean.. I actually had someone sermonize me about being nice, asking me if I am trying to buy someone's friendship. Naturally I am a nice person ..I love to help people and would do anything for anyone in a heart beat.. But today's world seems to be afraid of kindness and if you are too nice..you are too nice:) I decided I would continue being me despite what others thought. I would continue giving out even if others would find it peculiar. I am of the belief there is only one opportunity to do good and that is now..each second is now.