Do You Believe Parents Deserve Respect No Matter What?
By fawcey
@fawcey (926)
Australia
December 14, 2007 9:22pm CST
Are you a person that believes a child must love and respect their parents and never say a bad word about them? Someone who has a go at everybody else who has bad words to say about their own parents or no longer chooses to see them? Or..
Do you believe that all people, no matter what need to earn and be respected and loved because they love and respect others?
So many people judge those who no longer see their parents or have chosen to cut themselves of from their parents without even stopping to think why the person has done this.
They straight away jump to the conclusion that the child no matter if they are 15 or 20+ must be a 'naughty' child for not loving and respecting the one that gave birth to them, that they are obviously in the wrong, I mean how dare they not love and respect their parents, right? WRONG
A PARENT DOES NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO EMOTIONALLY OR PHYSICALLY ABUSE A CHILD JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE THEIR PARENTS!!!
So before you jump to conclusions and bad mouth someone for speaking out about their parents, or not wanting anything to do with them, stop and think....why.
The reason is not always the same, but don't base someone elses experiances on your own childhood and memories and relationships that you have had with your parents.
Just a thought.
8 people like this
25 responses
@ybanezfamily (43)
•
15 Dec 07
For me..we must respect our parents.They are supposed to be our beacon of light that somehow guides us in this life.They have experience life much more longer tahn us and are definitely much more wiser than us concerning life,But somehow this burnig sense of respect that we must give to our parents is somewhat one sided.
I don't know about some of you out there.but i feel that parents seem to demand to respect from us youths but don't give us the same respect taht we deserve.I say this is the sense liie looking down on our self made decisions,or macking the path that we might have taken,or just plain out give us no what so ever respect that we are entitled to. How many times you heard the lines your's still young What do you know?
@leechamp (186)
• Philippines
16 Dec 07
You can't choose your parents, do you? But in cases where you are in a situation where your parents are very abusive, one can choose to leave the household if only to save his own life. Each family and each child has their own stories to tell, and no matter how bad the experiences are, there is one thing that we can be grateful abt our parents, that we can at least thank them that we are born, and that we are given some chance to make a life of our own, it may not be perfect but somehow we can make our lives become better than what we have from our original home. if we determined to makes changes in our lives.
1 person likes this
@fawcey (926)
• Australia
16 Dec 07
I can not choose my parents obviously as no one can, but as you have put in case where parents are abusive one has the choice and the right to leave. And yes leechamp we can at least be thankful we are hear and given the chance at life, even if it is away from where we started out and have had to cease contact with our parents for our best interests. Thanks for that outlook on it, it is a good one. We all have stories to tell but we can move on for the better. Thanks =)
@SEOGUY (906)
• United States
16 Dec 07
If a child talks bad of their parents, or disrespects a parent then the blame must fall on the parent. I say this becouse the parent has tought the child this. If the parent treats the child bad, critisizes him and does not show love then the child will percipitate. It is impossible for a child that has been loved and nurtured, and been given respect to turn from that love. The child may go thrugh a rebellious phase to learn independance from the parents, but not open hostility. Even if his "friends" do it to their parents a child brought up correct will say no to treating his parents this way. Do not think bringing a child up to fear you is the same as respecting you, fear grows into anomosity and resentment. Only if the love bond and trust has been broken by the parent will a child lose his love for them.
1 person likes this
@fawcey (926)
• Australia
16 Dec 07
I have to say thanks SEOGUY for a great way to look at this topic. That a child that is loved and treated with resepct is VERY unlikely to turn from that love. And yes kids may go through a rebillous phase but as you said if a parent is loving, caring, and gives the child their own space the child will come back. And I think too many people confuse respect with fear and I am glad you pointed out the differences and what happens to the child that grows up fearing the parent often grows to resent the parent. You have worded this in a great way and I thank you again for a response that will stop and make people think. =)
@fawcey (926)
• Australia
16 Dec 07
I do not expect my son to just resepct me because I am his mum, I do not demand respect from anyone. I agree obviously that without them we are not born into this world but this does not give them instant right to be respected if they are not people who deserve it. And we do not 'deserve' our childs resepct if we treat them badly and abuse them and hurt them, it is something one must earn and continue to earn. Thanks for your point of view oliverdt. =)
@fawcey (926)
• Australia
17 Dec 07
No need to apologise oliverdt, your reponse is okay for this discussion as everyone is allowed to have their own opinion and to say what they feel on the discussion.
I think it is great that you have that kind of relationship with your parents, my aim here is not to make great parent/kid relationships seem unimortant but just to highlight that there is the other kind. Which I think is hard for people that come from a loving family to grasp.
I suppose I just want people that don't have loving families to be treated a with a bit more understanding and not put down,judged or critised for bad mouthing or ceasing contact with their parents.
Thanks =)
@amirev777 (4117)
• India
16 Dec 07
Hi!
parents surely deserve respect but then they shud also earn it!If you give love-you get love in return.A parent who is subjecting a child to abuse certainly does not deserve any respect.Here the parents have been revered traditionally.
1 person likes this
@coffeebreak (17798)
• United States
16 Dec 07
I don't think anyone deserves to receive respect unless they give respect out. Don't care who they are or what relation. If they aren't respectful, they don't deserve to be given any. I am currently having a similar problem with my son and husband. My son - a deputy sheriff - is not living his life on dad's door step and letting dad control his life so dad is mad and not speaking to him as he thinks he deserves more respect. Well, he hasn't given his son any, quite the opposite. He told my son he disowned him, and now refuses to talk to him unless he shows him some respect. Plus, father started this, son is just doing what father told him to do. Now he complains what a jerk his son is cause he doesn't bring his daughter over to visit. I keep telling him, you can't expect a parent to bring their child to someone that doesn't like the parent. I went through this with my MIL - she wanted to see my daughter (not my son, just daughter) and not me. She just wanted me to drop her off and go away andcome back later. I told her we are a package deal. You take us all or you don't get any. She choose to not get any! Go figure. I told my husband, it is your choice - you can choose to be mad at your son cause he isn't livieng his life as you deem he should and not have your son or grand daughter in your life, or you can get over it, grow up and let go of your demanding control, and have your son and grand daughter in your life. Which is it gong to be? Your pride or your kids? he has chosen his pride. Go figure!
1 person likes this
@fawcey (926)
• Australia
16 Dec 07
Hi coffeebreak I am sorry to hear you are going through this at the moment. It seems to be an all to common choice that people seem to bite of their noses to spite their face. It must be hard for you, loving both your husband and your son to be faced with this.
I agree with your commonts on respect, no matter who they are or relation, if they are not respectful then they should not expect others to treat them with resepct.
I wish you all the best and hope things get better or at least more bearable between your son and husband. It is hard for men to agree to disagree, in fact hard for everyone, male or female.
It is harder for the person stuck in the middle though like you are, as you can see both sides. =)
@lbinkley (1075)
• United States
19 Dec 07
I think that parents have earn respect, just like any other person would have to earn respect. Now... for parents who are doing what they are supposed to do, being loving to their children, providing, being a good rolemodel... you know... being honest to goodness good paretns, then YES I think children should have to respect their parents. There are exceptions to this.
Abusive parents don't deserve any respect. If someone causes physical or intense emotional harm to a child, they don't deserve respect from anyone. They deserve to be SHOT. So for all the parents out there who do harm their children, beat them, mess with their minds, sexually assault them, that's right, I think you should be shot!
I don't keep in touch with my father very much. We talk on occassion. I have a lot of good things to say about him, but I have a lot of bad things to say about him as well. I definitely don't respect him nearly as much as I do my mother who was the one who raised me. My husband doesn't have much good to say about his mother usually either. There are many personal reasons behind all of this that I will not discuss on here... but to answer the question, no, not all parents deserve respect.
@fawcey (926)
• Australia
20 Dec 07
Thanks for a great response libinkley, you have listed the same exeptions to the rule that I think applies. As good parents who love and care and give their kids respect will no doubt automatically recieve the same back, and not even have to think. 'my kids better respect me!' becuase it is just a natrual thing.
It is those you speak of who deserve to be 'SHOT' that I am talking about when I ask the question on respect, and I agree with you and many others that have commented, not all parents/people deserve respect it is something you earn, through the way you treat and act towards others. All the best.=)
@34momma (13882)
• United States
19 Dec 07
I think that you must respect your parents on some level always. even if the respect is cutting them off because of things they have done to you like abuse. when something like that happens of course you want to be done with them and that is fine.
Yet, if you have not gone through that kind of childhood, then yes you have to respect your parents. always. I know that with my own children who I have never abused know they have to respect me, my word, and my home at all times
@fawcey (926)
• Australia
20 Dec 07
I have to say 34momma it is true that there can be different types of respect, and that showing respect can mean in some cases walking away rather than saying hurtful things and seeking some kind of retribution. It is respecting yourself too in many ways, as you are not sinking to the same level, yet are taking yourself out if harms way. =)
@CraftyCorner (5600)
• United States
17 Dec 07
I wish I could say "Yes, a child must respect and love their parents no matter what because they are that child's parents." however I cannot do this.
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The reason why I cannot do this is because there are a very large number of parents that do not have any business being parents and have done irreparable harm to the person who is the child. These parents are unbearably toxic to the child, and in order for the child to survive, ties must be cut.
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By the same token, the reverse can be true. There are children who are toxic to parents. These relationships are harmful, and it is best for them to be cut.
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When these toxic relationships are not cut, harm can be created up to and including homicide.
@CraftyCorner (5600)
• United States
17 Dec 07
It is unfortionate, but the people with these toxic situations often feel guilty when they hear people say that parents should be obeyed or respected no matter what. Blanket statements can cause harm and should be avoided whenever possible because there are always square pegs that do not fit in round holes. I do understand the temptation to make such statements though, especially if your parents are gems.
@fawcey (926)
• Australia
17 Dec 07
Thanks CraftyCorner, 'toxic' is a word my husband and I use all the time to describe my family as does my therapist! I agree totally with you that it is best in both those cases that ties are cut as you stated, because the chances of self harm, and homicide are greatly increased the longer they stay connected.
I also totally agree with your comment that there is a very large number of parents who have no business being parents, it is sad but true.
All the best. =)
1 person likes this
@positiveminded1977 (7072)
• India
15 Dec 07
I am not against venting. Many of us don't really have the 'perfect' parents, but they did their best according to their intelligence. Venting is ok, it helps us cleanse ourselves emotionally. I am against taking revenge. A kid doesn't have to give his/her parents the same treatment that he/she received from them. That is taking revenge, and thats not good. It is awful when a person physically abuses his old sick father/mother just coz the father/mother has physically abused him/her when he/she was a kid.
@fawcey (926)
• Australia
16 Dec 07
I agree positiveminded1977 that no one has 'perfect' parents, but I disagree with that 'all' parents did or do their best according to their intelligence. As some very clever and highly respected children have been found to be sexually or emotionally and physically abusing their children.
I do again agree though that revenge is no the right way to handle things. One bad turn does not deserve another but the child has the right to distance and leave the parent, and if need be let them be punished acourding to the laws, which most times let them down anyway, but taking things into their own hands is not the right way, I agree. Thanks =)
@4mymak (1793)
• Malaysia
17 Dec 07
hi fawcey,
IDEALLY, i do want every child to love and respect their parents - just like i love and respect my parents, and just like i want all my children to love and respect my husband and me.
BUT, parents are human - humans are not perfect - some are good parents, some are not... AND, love and respect - you nuture in people, in your children..
you can force them to love you.
my own experience - my own cousin - she was so upset with her mom, and decided to stay away - wayyy in Holland, for many-many years.. i havent met since 1992. all this while her mom 'gave us the impression' that my cousin was 'being difficult, stubborn'... well, i managed to 'find her in the internet' recently, and we have been writing to each other - and she finally get to tell her side of the story... and a sad one it was...
i am glad i didnt 'blindly' listen to my aunt about my cousin,... i am glad i had kept an open mind about my cousing,... and i am glad i 'kept looking' for my cousin all these years,...
true - we normally make judgement on people based on our own experience, but i do keep in mind - many are not as lucky as i am...
peace !!
@fawcey (926)
• Australia
17 Dec 07
Thanks for sharing your story 4mymak, it is a great example that all to often people label the child as 'difficult' and feel sorry for the parent, not knowing that there is sometimes a very sad reason to why the child is being difficult. I am glad that you have made contact again with your cousin, it is good that you kept an open mind for all those years.
I am glad that you have respect and love for your parents and vica versa. Peace to you to.=)
@Sillychick (3275)
• United States
17 Dec 07
I think that all people, including parents, need to earn respect. There is no situation, in my opinion, that a person should command respect simply because of the title they hold. They should earn it by their actions and the way they treat other people. So, parents who talk down to their children, abuse them physically, verbally or otherwise, and treat their children disrespectfully do not deserve respect from their children.
I do not, however, condone children going around badmouthing their parents, or anyone else for that matter, simply because they disagree with their parents' rules or decisions. I see that happening a lot. Children need to be taught what it means to be respectful, largely by example. But they also need to be made to understand the difference between disrespect and disgreement. I can disagree with someone and still respect them.
@fawcey (926)
• Australia
20 Dec 07
Thanks Sillychick, I totally agree with you that no one should command respect simplu because of a 'title' they hold.
And I also agree that one does not need to bad mouth their parents in front of others simply because they have no love or respect for them, but telling it how it is should not be taken as bad mouthing, but there is a fine line on the two.
I also can respect someone even if I disagree with them, it is more than just disagreement that causes me to lose respect for somone.
@bbsr13 (4196)
• India
15 Dec 07
Hello, fawcey!yes,parents deserve respect,no matter what they are.they gave birth to you,they fed you, they love you, they gave you the education according to their might,they gave you the best treatment when you were sick.what more would you expect from them.you will find in religion books that the children must give respect to the parents what so ever they are.no parents abuse their children.it is unbelievable.some times the parents control the children and when they commit blunders they scold badly.but it does not mean that they don't love the children.it is not wise to say any thing harsh to the parents.we must learn to respect our parents,what so ever they may be.thank you.good day.
@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
15 Dec 07
No one automatically deserves respect, every human being must earn respect, although children do owe their parents a little to start off with, if parents love their children but also let their children have their own mind and show them a good way to live their lives they will have their respect, but respect can not be demanded.
@fawcey (926)
• Australia
16 Dec 07
I agree with you lilaclady children owe their parents respect to start with but if the trust and love is not returned by the parents then of course the children will lose the respect they had for them. Respect is definitly not something that people can demanded, it is a choice and I imagine if a child has loving,caring parents then they would love and respect them without even thinking about it.
Thanks for you comments lilaclady, All the best =)
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
15 Dec 07
NO! parents do NOT deserve respect or love for that matter "no matter what"..not at all..There is NO WAY IN HELL I'll ever love my mothers ex husband OR respect him (technically he is my adoptive father) and for that matter I have no respect for my mother (also my adoptive parent) either..They DON'T deserve it...They were abusive (mother still is every chance she gets), cruel and horrid..Why should I give them even an ounce of love or respect ya know...
@fawcey (926)
• Australia
16 Dec 07
You shouldn't and no one should expect you to Ravenladyj. A cruel horrid person who is abusive deserves NO resepct even if they are ones so called parents adoptive or otherwise.
Sorry to hear you had a rough time Ravenladyj, thanks for sharing your feelings on this. =)
@girlgonefishing (2174)
• United States
15 Dec 07
You tell em fawcey! I get that all the time when discussions ask about parents. I respect my parents from afar! Way,way,way afar. And only respect meaning I've never cursed them out or anything. I don't respect them as human beings because they are not human beings. They are abusive rats.
@fawcey (926)
• Australia
16 Dec 07
Thanks girlgonefishing, it is hard I know for people who have nice parents to see where those like you and me who don't are coming from, but if they could just at least fathom that all parents aren't great maybe it is a start.
I guess respect can be not treating them in the bad ways they treated us, so in a way we do still resepct them or maybe we just respect ourselves enough not to sink to there level.
Thanks for sharing girlgonefishing, all the best. =)
@fawcey (926)
• Australia
16 Dec 07
I have no problem respecting someone or being grateful for giving him/her their life, but where do you draw the line? Abuse is alway a no respect in my books, even if they did give birth to you. Thanks for your response Erkki1, my reason for starting this was to make people stop and look at the way 'some' parents treat there kids, it is something a lot of people don't like to think about. =)
